Once dinner was over, I expected him to leave, but he took Rose’s hand and led her into a room that I hadn’t been in before. It looked half under the stairs and couldn’t be very big at all. I assumed it was a closet. What was going on? “Where are they going? What’s in there?” I asked, looking at the closed door.
Poppy lowered her head and bit her lip. “That’s the room where he…” she whispered. Her eyes filled with tears.
“What? Where he does what…” I trailed off, realizing what she was trying to say. My blood froze inside my veins. The room where he rapes us. He and Rose were in there now. She went so willingly, no hesitation, no sign of horror in her eyes. “I need to go home,” I whispered to myself more than to them.
“You need to stop this, Lily. There is no going home. The sooner you accept that the easier it will be. Trust me. Please?” Poppy said.
All I could hear was the sound of my frantic pulse smashing in my ears. Shit. “No. ” I sat down and tried to absorb everything. Rose was being raped in a room just feet from me. But was she? Did she want to now? Surely she couldn’t be that brainwashed that she wanted him. I gulped and felt a tear trickle down my cheek.
“Lily?” Poppy put her hand on my shoulder making me jump. “Sorry. Are you okay?” I shook my head and stared ahead at nothing. I felt empty. There would be a time when he would want me to go into that room. Could I survive that? I would rather die than have him near me. If I did die, though, I would never see Lewis or my family again. It was an impossible choice. Either stay alive in the hope of being reunited with my family but be raped, or die never having said good-bye to the people I love but die free of him.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat as still as a statue while they were in that room, but it didn’t seem that long. The door opened, and I quickly curled myself up in a ball, wiping my tears from my face.
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“Good night, Flowers. ”
“Night, Clover,” Poppy and Violet said from beside me. I couldn’t talk to him; I couldn’t even look at him. Disgusting, sick bastard!
Rose sat down and flicked the TV on as if nothing had happened. There were no tears, no acknowledgment of what he just did to her. I didn’t dare say anything. Pressing my side into the arm of the sofa, I turned my head so my hair fell in my face, hiding the fresh tears that fell for Rose.
After the movie, it was finally late enough to go to bed. I wanted sleep. I needed the escape. “Lily, do you want to shower first?” Rose asked, and I nodded. Actually, I didn’t. I didn’t want to shower at all. “Okay. ”
Without hanging around to talk, I grabbed the pajamas from my bed and went in the bathroom. Why was I even doing this? My second shower of the day lasted longer. I let the hot water cascade over my body and wash away what felt like inches of dried-on dirt. Would I ever feel clean again?
Yawning, I switched the shower off and quickly dried myself. Even though it wasn’t really late—only ten at night—I was exhausted. My mind had been working overtime and desperately needed a break. It was strange to think I was looking forward to sleeping here. I would actually like to sleep the entire time I would be down here.
As I walked between the bathroom and bedroom, I glanced back at the stairs leading to the door. How the hell am I ever going to get out of here? I didn’t believe it was impossible, like they did, but I knew it wasn’t something I could just do impulsively. I had to play it safe because if anything went wrong, he would kill me without thinking twice.
I got into bed and pulled the quilt over my head so I was completely hidden. The bedroom would look quite pretty if it wasn’t in the middle of hell. Closing my eyes, I stupidly tried to contact Lewis. I prayed that by some odd miracle he would hear me. But of course, he wouldn’t be able to. Please come, I begged Lewis in my head and started crying silently.
***
A loud bang followed by a high-pitched scream woke me up. The color drained from my face and my heart skipped a beat. What was that? I threw the cover off myself and sprinted to the door. I slammed into Poppy, who grabbed my arm and shoved me farther back into the room.
“What’s that?” I hissed.
“Just stay in here. He’ll want to see someone,” Poppy said and followed Rose and Violet out, closing the door behind them. I was alone. The soft light from the lamp didn’t do much to lighten the room. I wanted to turn them all on to make it as bright as possible, but I was too scared to move.
“No, no, no,” a new voice I didn’t recognize screamed, and a haze of fear engulfed me. Who was that?
“Shut up,” Clover bellowed. His voice ripped through the room with such force my heart leaped into my throat. I’d seen him shout before, but this was different; this sounded violent and angry.
What was he doing, and who was he shouting at? Everything went silent. I turned my head, angling my ear toward the door, wanting to hear more but not daring to move. My heart pounded in my chest. Was she going to stay down here too? Was she trying to fight back?
I licked my dry lips as I waited for something to happen. I couldn’t hear Poppy, Violet, or Rose talking, so I didn’t know what they were doing. A very small part of me wanted to be out there, so I would know what was going on.
A sudden crash caused me to jump and I scrambled back on my bed, pulling the cover up and pressing my face into the pillow. I felt like I did when I was home alone and heard a noise, only now the noise wasn’t in my head.
“Shut up,” Clover shouted again. His voice exploded, and he sounded so mad I pictured him with wide eyes and a red, rage-filled face.
The freshly washed bedcovers smelled of lavender—just like my gran’s. I pictured myself as a little child, lying in the middle of the king-size bed, puffy, feather-filled quilt up to my chin, breathing in the comforting smell as I fell asleep to her reading me a bedtime story. In my head I could pretend, but another piercing, guttural scream reminded me where I was.
He wasn’t hurting her; he couldn’t, not with Rose, Violet, and Poppy in the same room witnessing it. She had to be struggling to escape. He wanted her to stay down here and she was resisting. It would all be okay once he left and she was alone with us down here.
The annoying, nagging voice in the back of my mind was telling me if he wanted her to stay down here, he’d have a bed for her too. Everything was in fours. There was no place for her. But maybe he was going to make a place.
Like a few seconds ago, everything went quiet again. I couldn’t stand it. I hated not knowing what was going on, what he was doing, and, more important, where he was. I didn’t want him to come in here and see me.
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Just leave her here and go. He left me as soon as he’d thrown me down the stairs and told Rose to explain what was going on. Why wasn’t he going? I lay perfectly still as I waited to hear something. My breathing was ragged and heavy, and I fought to control it so I wouldn’t miss any noise from outside.
I pressed my face into the pillow harder as the tension was threatening to consume me. My heart raced painfully fast and my hands started to shake.
A dull thud that sounded exactly like the time Henry leaned back too far on his chair and fell over. We all rushed upstairs thinking he’d fainted or something. Was that what I’d heard? A person falling? I gulped, whimpering as my mind tried to force me to see the things I didn’t want to see. Everyone was fine. Something was dropped. In a minute, I would hear the cellar door open and close and then the girls would come back in the room with whoever else was out there.
My chest rose and fell heavily with every deep breath I took. Just as I’d thought, the cellar door opened and closed, squeaking slightly. Soon they would be back. Someone was going to have to share with the new girl because there wasn’t a bed for her yet.
The bedroom door opened, and I leaped up, spinning around and pressing my back into the headboard. Violet, it was just Violet. She smiled, but it didn’t
reach her eyes. “You okay?” she asked.
“No. You?”
She gulped and her eyes left me. Where were Rose, Poppy, and the new girl? “Lily, you’re not like Rose and Poppy. They’ve given up and you haven’t. I haven’t. ”
I frowned. Where was this going and what was happening out there? I heard taps running and cupboards being opened. “What?” I asked, only half paying attention as I tried to figure out what was going on in the main room.
“I can’t do this anymore,” she said and climbed into her bed, turning away from me and pulling the cover over her head.
I wanted to ask her what she meant and see if she was okay, but I heard something slosh around in water and something else being sprayed vigorously. Seconds later an overpowering scent of that lemon cleaner hit me, tickling my nose and making my eyes water.
“Violet, what’re they doing?” I whispered, wide-eyed, clutching the quilt. She didn’t answer; instead, she pulled the cover up higher and I saw her body curl up beneath the quilt. I took a deep breath and looked at the door. What are they doing?
7
SUMMER
Wednesday, July 28th (Present)
Four days. I had been down here for four days and every single one of them had been the same. In the mornings we would shower and make breakfast. The days were spent cleaning, watching movies, and reading. I’d heard nothing more of the dressmaking and I didn’t want to bring it up in case one of them became suspicious. The weekdays were best—and best was a stretch, nothing down here was good—because we only saw him twice a day.
On Sundays he would take Rose into that room, Tuesdays it was Poppy, and apparently Wednesday—today—was Violet. I knew the time would come when I would have a day, and I still wasn’t sure if I should do something to get myself killed first. Was it already set? They probably knew which day was Lily’s but I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to know any of it. Perhaps I could switch off enough to survive until I was found? I couldn’t believe that was something I now had to worry about.
So far he hadn’t expressed any interest in me other than a few polite, friendly exchanges. I hoped with every single part of my being that it would stay like that.
Poppy said he didn’t like things being “messy. ” He liked even numbers, things that lined up. No one had mentioned what happened four days ago. I didn’t dare bring it up. All I knew was that there were still only four of us.
Yesterday Violet mentioned wanting to get out. She came into the bedroom while I was getting ready for bed, and while Rose and Poppy were doing a final wipe down of the counters—that were already sparkling clean—and said she couldn’t do it anymore. The same words she said to me the night something happened. This time when I asked her what she meant, though, she told me she “needs” to get out. Needs, not wants.
I’ve been trying to speak with her alone since, but it’s hard with Rose and Poppy always hanging around. Violet whispered that we could speak when they were doing lunch today as we passed each other outside the bathroom this morning.
I sat on the sofa, watching Rose and Poppy pull out pans and ingredients from the fridge as they planned to make something for lunch. Violet was in the bedroom, and I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to go in to her or if she was going to come and get me. Which would look less suspicious?
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My heart raced in anticipation. I wanted to hear what she was going to say; I hoped she’d have a good plan, but I was also scared that we’d be overheard and that would ruin everything. We literally had one chance at this; if he knew what we were doing, he’d make it impossible for us to try again. We couldn’t risk him upping the security any more; I still had one last hope of him leaving the door unlocked by mistake.
Rose and Poppy moved around the kitchen, sprinkling cheese on slices of bread and heating a pan on the stove. We were having grilled cheese sandwiches? The bedroom door opened and Violet stuck her head out. “Can someone help with my hair, please?” she asked, pulling at the long black strands.
That was my cue. I stood. “I will,” I said, giving Rose and Poppy a quick, innocent smile, willing them to believe I was just trying to fit in and be helpful.
Neither of them said a word, they went back to cooking. My body relaxed; they weren’t suspicious. I closed the door behind me as I walked into the bedroom and leaned against it. Violet pulled her hair into a neat ponytail.
“Tonight,” she said. “We’re getting out tonight. ”
My eyes widened in shock. I knew she wanted to escape, but I thought it’d be a well-planned-out escape attempt, not a “let’s just run for it. ” “What? Tonight?”
She gulped, her eyes glazed over. “I can’t do it anymore, Lily,” she whispered, repeating the words she’d said to me a few times before. Her voice cracked with a dark, painful emotion that sent chills down my spine. “I can’t shut it off like they can,” she said, nodding her head toward Poppy and Rose in the kitchen next door. “They’re stronger than me; they’ve done this for longer. Poppy keeps telling me I’ll get through it and learn to live down here but it’ll never be living. ‘Be Violet’ is what she says; everything that happens, happens to Violet and not Jennifer. I can’t do it, though I can’t switch me off. Tonight, I have to leave. ” Was that why they kept telling me to accept I was Lily? Were they training me to let go of Summer so I could survive what was coming? I bet that was why they never called each other by their real names. “Tonight,” she said.
Tonight before he raped her again. “How many times has he taken you in that room?”
Her eyes flicked to the floor and she blinked rapidly. When she’d composed herself, she looked up. “Three. I won’t let there be a fourth. ”
“How long have you been here?” She was the only one that I hadn’t spoken to about her life outside here, but she never volunteered any information.
“A little over six months. ” So I had about six months. “I met him outside Top Shop. Apparently he’d met a couple others there too, so Rose said. It’s a homeless favorite spot because of the shelter. ”
I played with my fingers, biting my lip. She was opening up, finally. “How did he…get you here?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t close up.
“He offered to buy me a coffee from a late-night café in the city. We never reached the café. ” Shit, not only did he kidnap people, but also he pretended to help them to get them down here. He just grabbed me.
“I’m sorry. ”
“I used to think living on the streets, scared, cold, and alone was the worst thing in the world. ” She laughed humorlessly. “How wrong was I?” I wanted to ask how she ended up on the streets, but her eyes filled with tears and she clenched her fists; she looked like she was going to crumble.
“How do you want to escape?”
Her posture changed instantly; she stood taller, businesslike. “We need the key. He keeps it in his left pocket; I’ve watched him put it in there a few times while he’s walked down the stairs. I’m going to smash him over the head with a vase,” she said, laughing wickedly at something I didn’t understand. Either that or she was starting to lose it. “I have these in case things go wrong. ” She pulled out a pair of scissors from her pocket. They were much smaller than I’d imagined; the blade was only as long as my thumb. Too small to cut material but he probably didn’t want to give us anything too big and sharp, and we didn’t have anything else.
“Okay,” I whispered. It all felt very wrong, Violet was leading with emotion, but I hadn’t been raped, so I wasn’t going to judge or try to stop her.
“You move by the bottom of the stairs when he’s in the room. I’ll hit him, hard, and grab the key. The second he falls you run as fast as you can to the top of the stairs. I will be right behind you. This has to work. I can’t go through it anymore, and I don’t want you to either. ” She shook her head. “It’s only supposed to be lost women down here, not children. ” I frowned. I
didn’t think of myself as a child, but clearly she did. She said it as if he was breaking another law as well as kidnap, rape, and whatever it’s called for locking someone up in your cellar. I was the age that made me a child in the eyes of the law, but over the age that would make him sign a register. Age didn’t matter to me down here; it was all wrong.
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I took a deep breath. “All right, I’ll run for the door. ”
She smiled so briefly I almost missed it. “Good girl. We’re all set then. ” Are we? I didn’t feel all set. I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was the thing my dad told me to listen to when making a decision. It’s what made me go back and change a question on my test and not fail it. There was more at stake than passing a class here.
“Let’s get back out there. They’ll be finished soon and wonder what’s taking us so long. ” She left the room and I wanted to pull her back. Surely we should go through it more than that? Shouldn’t we discuss what could go wrong and what we could do about it? We needed to think through more scenarios, like Rose and Poppy trying to stop us.
Violet left the door open and I watched her walk confidently over to the kitchen and cut the sandwiches that Rose put on the chopping board from the pan. She was doing a better job of pretending than she thought.
***
I felt sick as I watched him walk down the stairs. If Violet was right, the key would be in his left pocket right now. The means to my escape was feet away from me, but it was in the pocket of a psycho. Violet’s eyes flicked to me, and she gave me a quick nod. She hadn’t given me much to do—she was hitting him over the head and grabbing the key; all I had to do was, the second he fell down, run to the top of the stairs.
There should’ve been more for me to do, but she knew him better. I used to think I would be able to protect myself, but I was naïve, so I was taking my lead from her and doing whatever she said. The butterflies in my stomach felt like bats. I was terrified that something would go wrong and we’d never get the chance to get the key again.
He stepped beside the table, the end farthest away from the stairs, greeting us and smiling like this was all normal. I had no problem moving away from him. He made me feel sick and I wanted to be as far away from him as I could possibly get.