“There was a little blood on the sheets too,” Swanny said quietly. “And I cleaned some off you and me. I hate the idea of having hurt you. I would have done anything to spare you that pain.”
“You didn’t hurt me,” she denied. “It was a little uncomfortable at first, but as big as you are I think I would have felt that slight discomfort even if I hadn’t been a virgin. You did everything right. Perfect. You were so slow and patient and so very gentle. I couldn’t have possibly asked for a better first time. I mean that truly.”
“I’m glad,” he said gruffly. “I’m still just blown away by it all. It will take me a long time to come to terms with the gift you gave me, that you trusted and wanted me. It’s hard to take it all in.”
She slid deeper into the water, letting it lap to her neck, and sighed in pleasure at the hot water she soaked in. He was right. She was tender in her vaginal area, but the hot water was doing wonders to alleviate that discomfort.
“One day you’ll see yourself the way I see you, Swanny. If it’s the last thing I do, you’ll see a loyal, fierce warrior, a survivor, not to mention a gentle man with a heart of gold and not an ounce of meanness in his body. At least not toward me. I know enough about your job to know you handle some sticky, hard situations, but with me? You’re nothing like you present to the world. I see the real you, the man behind the scars, and I like what I see a lot.”
“You have to stop,” he said gruffly. “Because I’m an inch from hauling you back into the bedroom and making love to you all over again, and that’s not what you need right now. You need time to heal and to feel better.”
“But you can still take me to bed and hold me,” she said wistfully. “I’m done soaking. What I really want are your arms around me and for me to sleep against your body.”
“Now that I can do,” he said as he moved forward to help her from the tub.
He took out one of the huge fluffy hotel towels and wrapped it around her body, wiping every inch of moisture from her skin until her flesh was pink and glowing. Then he dried the small amount of water that had gotten her hair wet and then guided her back into the bedroom, where he gestured for her to climb into bed.
As soon as she was settled, he slid in next to her and she immediately burrowed into his chest, seeking his warmth. She twined her legs with his and wrapped one arm around his waist, anchoring him to her.
He kissed her forehead and stroked away the strands of hair in her face.
“Good night, honey. Sleep well and dream of me.”
CHAPTER 20
SWANNY awoke slowly, gradually climbing from the deep sleep he’d fallen into once Eden had tucked herself into his body. He was usually a morning person and never wasted time lying in bed once he awakened. At home or even on a mission there was always too much to do just to lie around and be lazy, but this morning?
He was sated and utterly content with Eden sleeping nestled in the crook of his arm, her head pillowed on his shoulder. He could spend all day just lying with her, holding her. He knew she needed time to heal before they made love again, but he was just as content to enjoy the intimacy that cloaked them.
He listened to her soft breathing and ran his fingers lightly through her blond hair, just wanting to touch her in some way. He checked the bedside clock and nearly groaned. He’d have to get her up in just a few minutes so she’d have plenty of time to get ready for her shoot. And all he wanted was to continue holding her in his arms, allowing the memory of their lovemaking to flash in his mind over and over.
Never had he experienced such a strong connection to another woman. Or even another person. His team and KGI were his family now, but nothing compared to the way Eden made him feel. Like he mattered. That he wasn’t just a man on a standard mission, in and out without any kind of emotional bond. He wasn’t just a hired hand, he was a part of a team, but while he had a strong bond with his teammates, what was between him and Eden far surpassed what he felt for KGI—his family.
KGI—and his team—would always have his loyalty, and until now he would have said that nothing would ever be stronger than his commitment to his team. But Eden had changed all of that for him. He supposed this was what had happened to Rio and Steele, the leaders of the other two teams. They’d given KGI their absolute loyalty and the team came first, but after meeting their women, now their wives, he could understand why KGI now came second to their own families and to the women they loved.
It had happened to the Kelly brothers as well. Donovan had just met and married his wife and he was taking a more administrative role, as were Sam and Garrett since they had new babies. More and more the three brothers who’d founded KGI were giving more responsibility to the teams led by Rio, Steele, and then Nathan and Joe, the two men Swanny served under with Skylar and Edge.
And he did consider them family. They’d taken him in and offered him acceptance. He’d never forget that or take it for granted, just what all they’d done for him. They’d given him purpose again when he was at loose ends and had no direction after coming off that last tour that took him out of active duty.
But now he had Eden, and he wasn’t at all sure where this would take them, but he knew without a doubt that she was a complete game changer for him. Already his priorities were shifting. He’d basically taken over her protection, although Nathan and Joe were technically in charge. But they seemed to realize that there was something between him and Eden, and they’d let him take the lead without argument—and thank God for that, because for the first time ever he would have openly defied their command when it came to Eden. He wanted this done his way. He wanted to be the one in charge of Eden’s safety, and it wasn’t that he didn’t trust his team, but they didn’t have the personal stake in this job that Swanny had. He wanted to be the one who shielded her, kept her safe. With him at all times. Such possessiveness was completely alien to him.
It wasn’t that he was ever an asshole to the women he’d been with, but neither had he felt an overwhelming sense of possessiveness. The urge to keep her with him at all times. Not to let her go.
It hit him with startling clarity that in his mind she was his. She belonged to him. Not that a woman was some thing or chattel to “own,” but his reaction to her was staggering. He also realized that this shoot was only a few days, and that might be all the time he had with her.
Panic surged because he hadn’t given thought to the longevity of their relationship, and it occurred to him now that he wanted more. He didn’t want to be a fling, her first lover, and then have her move on to someone else.
Their careers would take them to opposite corners of the world and he had no idea how they could possibly work that out. But damn it, there had to be a way. He didn’t want to let her go.
If this was what being in love was all about, then he knew he’d already fallen hard for her. But the big question mark was how did she feel about him? He knew she cared for him. Hell, she’d gone out of her way to assure him that his scars and appearance didn’t bother her. And she’d wanted him to be her first lover, so that had to mean something. But what?
All he knew was that he was already dreading the end of the shoot when she no longer needed KGI’s services. Although the threat to her, according to her father, was still out there, so if that threat wasn’t eliminated by the time the shoot was over, he might well want to keep them on.
He wanted any threat to her to be eliminated no matter how it was done. He wanted nothing to ever touch her or hurt her, but at the same time, as soon as the threat was eliminated she’d no longer need him or KGI, and he wasn’t looking forward to the end of what they were sharing.
Eden stirred softly beside him, and he forwent his thoughts and turned to face her. She smiled sleepily up at him.
“Good morning,” she said sweetly.
“Morning, honey. How do you feel this morning?”
Her cheeks pinkened as color rose up her neck and into her face.
“I’m fine, I think. I haven’t really moved arou
nd much, but you took such good care of me last night I can’t imagine that I’ll suffer any discomfort today.”
“As much as I’d love to stay in bed with you all morning, unfortunately we’ve got to get up and get moving if we’re going to be on time for your shoot.”
She grimaced, showing the same regret he felt.
“At least we have lunch together to go shopping,” she said brightly.
Though it wasn’t something he was looking forward to, being pushed into some posh, stuffy tux that he was not accustomed to wearing, the thought of getting to spend time—any time—with her quickly dissolved his misgivings over having to gussy himself up.
“It’s a date,” he said, kissing her lips. “Now why don’t you hit the bathroom and do your thing. I’ll use the other bathroom and take a quick shower and then we can hit the road. I’ll call the others and make sure they’re set and ready to go and have the cars ready and waiting in the back.”
She sighed but pushed aside the bedcovers, baring her nude body to him. His dick hardened to the point of pain, but he kept a sheet over it until she disappeared into the bathroom. He was going to have to take care of the matter of his erection in the shower because there was no way in hell he could endure this kind of pain all damn morning. And for the most part, other than the very few women he’d had sex with, his hand had been the only regular release for his dick. Just imagining Eden and remembering their lovemaking the night before would finish him off in a minute flat as soon as he hit the shower.
Twenty minutes later and feeling only slight relief in his aching balls, he went in search of her to find her collecting up clothing and a host of other feminine stuff of whose uses he had no idea.
“Ready?” Eden asked, a broad smile curving her pretty features.
“Yep. No workout today, huh?”
She grimaced. “I try to do it every other day. I probably should do a daily regimen, and for a while I did when David and Micah took over my workouts. We worked out, ran and worked on self-defense. But after I got into better shape and more toned and lean, we cut back to three days a week. Sometimes more if I just need to work out my frustrations, but who wants to put themselves through that kind of torture every day?”
Swanny laughed. “Hate to say this, honey, but you’re talking to a man who has a very strict training and workout schedule. When I’m not on a mission, that is.”
“Of course,” Eden grumbled. “People just aren’t naturally blessed with the kind of body you have.”
God, but he loved the way she didn’t even seem to notice the extreme scarring and seemed to really like his body. The entire package. No one had ever made him feel this comfortable. Even with the Kellys and their family he was still reserved, and most of the time he averted the scarred side of his face even though he knew his scars didn’t matter to them.
“I could say the same for you, the world’s most beautiful woman,” he said dryly. “And you’re all natural. No enhancements. Your kind of beauty just doesn’t happen to most women.”
“No, I don’t have enhancements, though I’ve had a few complaints that my breasts are too big,” she said in a shy voice.
“What the fuck?”
Swanny stared at her in utter bewilderment. Too big? They were fucking perfect. Plump, perfectly rounded with nipples that were a delectable shade of pink. And they filled the palms of his hands perfectly, as if she were made especially for him.
She flushed again. “Most top models are tall, very slender with not much cleavage. I have the tall and slender part down, but it’s not like I could do a lot about my breast size and I refused to have a reduction.”
Swanny looked at her in horror. “Breast reduction?” he croaked. “Who the hell suggested that to you? That’s the dumbest-ass thing I’ve ever heard of. You’re fucking perfect just the way you are.”
Her eyes glowed in response to his heartfelt explosion. “Most of my gigs are cool with it. Occasionally when I’m doing a runway show they’ve sized a dress to fit the ‘average’ model and so they bitch about having to alter all the clothing I’m modeling. One guy was a raging asshole and told me that not only were my breasts obscenely large but my ass was also too big.”
“Jesus,” Swanny bit out. “I’d love five minutes with the bastard. You can be damn sure if I did, he’d never make the mistake of criticizing you again. I’d ask him how he felt about a dick reduction.”
Eden burst into laughter, and she impulsively hugged Swanny to her. “I’m so happy around you. You just make me happy. I feel like I can be myself with you and not hide behind a facade or some fake pose for one of my photo sessions. I can’t tell you how freeing that is. Till now, I’ve only been able to say that about my father and brothers. They certainly keep me grounded, and if I ever did get too big for my britches they wouldn’t hesitate to have a come-to-Jesus session with me.”
“You make me happy too, Eden,” he said in a serious tone. “I know I sound like a broken record, but I have no idea why you chose me but I’m damn sure glad you did. What we had was not sex. We made love and until last night I really didn’t know the difference between the two.”
With anyone else he wouldn’t feel comfortable baring his soul. He was the quiet, reserved one on his team. Edge was too, but perhaps not to the degree Swanny was. Except for now. When it came to Eden. He wasn’t afraid to speak up and be vocal about how things needed to be. His teammates were probably thinking he’d gone off the deep end and, well, they wouldn’t really be wrong.
But with Eden, he felt completely at ease with sharing his thoughts, his emotions, and he was not abashed to put it out there how he felt about her. He wanted her to know that last night was every bit as special to him as it had been for her. He’d never imagined making love could be so all-consuming. A melding of souls, hearts and minds.
He felt as though he were as much a newbie at the act of making love as Eden had been herself. Two people finding each other together. Figuring out what pleased the other. He found it immensely satisfying that though Eden had been a virgin, she hadn’t shown any inhibitions, even before they’d consummated their relationship.
She’d been up front and honest with him from the start. She’d left no question as to what she wanted and that he was who she wanted. It was like Christmas, Valentine’s Day and his birthday all wrapped up together. Hell, he felt like a kid at Christmas, full of wonder and excitement over something fresh and new and so intimate.
He knew he needed to be as blunt and as straightforward as she’d been with him, and he also realized that he needed to ask her some very direct questions about what was between them and what she saw in the future and if he was going to play any part of that future.
But now wasn’t the time. He wanted no distractions for her shoot today, and he didn’t want her pondering his questions when she needed absolute focus for the day ahead.
Tonight. Tonight when they went to bed, he’d lay it out to her, provided he didn’t chicken out between now and then. But as he’d already reminded himself, she’d been nothing but straightforward with him and he owed her the same.
So when they were alone again, he would tell her what was on his mind and in his heart and just hope and pray that she was on the same wavelength.
CHAPTER 21
THE shoot was a lot more relaxed this morning. Either the director had taken his meds or perhaps he’d gotten laid the night before, but at any rate he wasn’t the barking asshole he’d been the day before. He was even complimentary to Eden, praising her poses, the sultry looks she turned on like a switch being flipped, but as time wore on Swanny realized that she was focusing on him.
That he was the recipient of those sexy, seductive looks, and the director was eating them up with a spoon.
“Loving it, Eden!” the director called. “And Aria is going to love it too. You’re the perfect face for their new product. They’re going to make millions.”
“She’ll make millions as well,” her agent muttered. “A model
at Eden’s level can afford to pick and choose her assignments. She’s in such demand that her schedule is insane. I keep telling her she needs to slow down, but she’s determined to work as long as her stock is on the rise and in a way she’s right. Strike while the iron is hot. There’s always new competition coming up the ranks, so it’s smart of her to bank what she’s making now so when she does retire she won’t have to worry about money the rest of her life.”
“You think she’s too old to be modeling?” Swanny asked in bewilderment. In his opinion she was the most fucking beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on, and she didn’t look a day older than a woman in her younger twenties. And that was considered old?
Her agent shrugged. “Models have short career spans. Not all, but most do. Some of the more popular supermodels continue to be famous and in demand well into their late twenties and even early thirties, but for the most part it’s a younger woman’s field, and Eden’s breasts are larger than most, which is a strike against her. They like tall and lean. And, well, a year ago she gained a few pounds, so it became necessary for her to hire personal trainers to keep her fit. In her career, even one pound can make the difference in landing a contract or not.”
Swanny growled low in his throat and her agent took a hasty step backward.
“There is not a fucking thing wrong with any part of her,” he snapped. “She was forced to hire personal trainers because God forbid she gained a few pounds? And her breasts are definitely not too big, and I can’t believe some jerk once told her she should consider a reduction. If I’d been there I’d have ripped his goddamn nuts off and shoved them down his throat.”
“She told you about that?” her agent asked in surprise.
It didn’t take much perception on Swanny’s part to realize that Eden was apparently a very private person, especially given the fact that she was rarely in the news, so he’d likely just given away his relationship with Eden.
“Yeah, she did. I haven’t gotten over that one yet, and then you hit me with forcing her into an exhausting workout regimen on top of an already grueling modeling schedule. Are you people even human? Because you sure as hell don’t treat her like a human. More like some trained animal forced to obey your every whim. I’ve sure as hell been around her enough to know she’s not some spoiled diva and doesn’t expect everyone to obey her every desire. What gives you the right to do that to her? Do you forget that she’s the boss and you work for her? That she signs your paycheck?”
Skylar, who’d walked to Swanny’s side the moment it became obvious heated words were being exchanged, frowned, her lips tightening as her eyes narrowed. Then she scowled openly at Nigel.
“Seems to me that Eden does a hell of a lot of the work without reaping many of the benefits. She’s directly and indirectly the source of income for a hell of a lot of people. You said yourself that she’s your most important client. And if this Aria deal is so fucking important and they want Eden, then one would think they would have their noses up her ass on a regular basis. Not allow her to be treated like some fucking lapdog to be patted on the head, say ‘good girl’ and then toss a treat her way.”
“I hardly think millions of dollars would be considered a mere dog treat,” Nigel snapped.
“You’re her agent,” Swanny said in a pissed-off tone. “Isn’t it your goddamn job to protect her from the kind of shit that went down yesterday?”
“I protect her best interests,” Nigel said icily. “And this shoot definitely qualifies as being in her best interests even if it means dealing with a moody, temperamental director, who if you notice is a completely different person today.”
“And they accuse women of having PMS. Let me tell you what PMS really stands for,” she said with heavy sarcasm. “Putting up with Men’s Shit. That’s what PMS means. And while we women are afflicted once a month, guys have their own brand of PMS every fucking day. They’re moody and difficult and act as though they’re bipolar. One minute they’re all smiles and the world is good. The next moment? They’re pissed at the world and start snapping at everyone around them.”
Swanny had to choke back his laughter, while Nigel didn’t look at all pleased with Skylar’s assessment. But he couldn’t really argue with Skylar. He was honest enough and didn’t have a big enough ego not to recognize the truth in her statement.
“I’d love to give him a permanent attitude adjustment,” Skylar muttered.
“Who you threatening, Sky?” Edge rumbled out as he walked up to where Swanny and Skylar stood next to Nigel. Joe and Nathan were just behind him, bored expressions on their faces.
“Him,” Skylar said, jerking her thumb over her shoulder in the direction of the director.
Edge shrugged. “Maybe he’s back on his meds today.”
The rest of the team chuckled, and Nigel, either disgusted or scared shitless by being surrounded by the entirety of Eden’s security team, hurried away, quickly finding something to do that made him “look” busy. He pulled his phone to his ear, but Swanny could swear there was no active call taking place.
“This is boring,” Joe mumbled. “I never thought I’d say that about my job, but right now I feel like a glorified babysitting service.”
Skylar nudged Joe’s ribs hard with her elbow, but Swanny caught her swift effort to make Joe shut it down. Swanny glared at Joe in clear reprimand.
“I don’t consider the safety of a woman completely vulnerable to some asshole seeking revenge to be something as minor as a babysitting job,” he said in an icy tone.
“I don’t believe I said it wasn’t important,” Joe said mildly. “Just that it’s definitely a change of pace and well, boring. I’m more used to being able to blow up shit.”
Nathan chuckled.
Edge shrugged. “I’ve never been to Paris. Pretty cool to get to see the city, even as little as what we are seeing.”
“Isn’t Paris supposed to be the city of loooove?” Nathan asked innocently. “Because it appears to me that the bug has definitely bit one of us, and it ain’t me.”
Swanny shot Nathan a withering look.
“I think it would be amazing to fall in love in Paris,” Skylar said wistfully. “So romantic. Think of the stories you could tell your children and grandchildren about how you met.”
“Can someone explain to me why the fuck we’re talking about falling in love when we’re supposed to be focusing on a job here?” Swanny snapped.
“Chill man,” Nathan said. “It’s obvious there’s some serious chemistry between you and Eden. I’m happy for you. We’re just giving you shit. She’s a beautiful woman, not to mention being genuinely nice and not fake in the least.”
Swanny scowled. He didn’t want his relationship bandied in conversation with his teammates, especially when he himself hadn’t gotten to the heart of the matter with Eden. For all he knew there was nothing to talk about. They’d had sex. He was her first. Maybe that was all she wanted. His pessimism when it came to women reared its ugly head, and the insecurity that he loathed crowded into his chest.
“Okay, that’s a wrap!” the director called. “I’m granting a two-hour lunch