Cold.
Alone...
“Jenna, wake up.”
I knew that voice. It wasn't him, it was someone else.
“Come back to me, love.”
Love.
I wasn't alone.
This was a dream.
Wake up. Wake up!
I sucked in air as my eyes opened and delivered me from the nightmare that felt as real as it had been years ago.
“It's okay,” a deep voice murmured. “I've got you. It was just a nightmare.”
Rylan.
I let myself sag against his embrace and he pulled me onto his lap, cradling me against his chest. In the past, I may have been embarrassed at appearing so weak, but not with him.
“You're shaking,” he said softly as he reached down and pulled the blankets up around us both, cocooning me in the warmth of cloth and his arms.
I nodded, not trusting myself to open my mouth. I was pretty sure my teeth would be chattering. I didn't close my eyes, but not because of Rylan. I was afraid I'd find myself there again. Instead, I focused on the dim outline of Rylan's face above me, on the steady rhythm of his heart, the heat from his body and the strength all around me.
As I slowly began to relax, our positions shifted until we were stretched out again, lying on our sides. My back was against his chest, his arms firmly around me.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. “You don't have to, but if it will help...”
I wasn't sure if talking would help, exactly, but it wouldn't hurt either.
“From the time I was nine until I was eleven, there was this man who used to buy an entire day every few months. He'd have my mom find abandoned houses and warehouses, give me a head start and then hunt me.”
I felt Rylan's body tighten and knew he was refraining from saying exactly what he thought of that man.
I continued, “He had this whole twisted fantasy scenario, but that doesn't matter. The nightmare was about one of the times he hunted me when I was ten.” I shivered and Rylan curled his body more snuggly around me. “He never wanted it to be easy. He liked the fear that came with never knowing when I'd be caught. That day, I couldn't find anywhere to hide. It wasn't a very big house and I knew he'd find me quickly and it was always worse when he did. I knew he was going to catch me too fast and that's when I thought of a place to hide where, if he never found me, it might not have been a bad thing.”
I paused for a moment, taking a slow breath. I could still taste the terror in the back of my throat.
“You're safe now.” Rylan kissed my temple.
“In the kitchen,” I said. “There was an old refrigerator. I was a smart kid. I knew that it was airtight and I knew what it would mean if he didn't think to look in it. Part of me almost hoped he wouldn't.”
I still felt the desperation I'd been feeling when I'd opened the door and climbed inside. That voice inside me that whispered it might not be so bad to fall asleep and not wake up.
“I'm not really sure what happened. Only that I was in there for what felt like hours and I couldn't breathe. It was dark and cold and I was suffocating.”
Rylan swore softly.
“I don't remember the door opening. I assume I was unconscious. The next thing I remember is pain.” My voice caught. “He had the handle of his knife...”
“Mother fucking bastard!” Rylan didn't raise his voice, but he didn't have to. The anger in those three words told me everything I needed to know.
If he ever got near the huntsman or any of those other men, he'd kill them.
“You woke me up before it got to that part of the nightmare,” I said. “Thank you.”
“I wish I could do more.” His whisper was fierce. “I hate that I couldn't protect you.”
“You didn't even know me then.” I rolled over to face him. “But it means a lot to me that you wish you could.”
He was silent for a moment and then brushed some hair back from my face, letting his fingers linger on my cheek for a moment. “When I was a kid, I had a recurring nightmare. Nothing like that, of course, and it was from something stupid, but it scared the shit out of me. When I was like eight or nine, Zeke dared me to watch this horror movie.”
Of course he had.
“I must've woken up screaming three nights in a row before my mom got out of me what had happened,” he continued. “The next day, she grounded me from spending time with Zeke for a month and made me promise not to watch anything like that without talking to her first. But that night, she didn't lecture me or anything. She just wrapped her arms around me and told me to go back to sleep. When I told her that I was too scared to go back to sleep, she told me that if I found myself in that nightmare again, I should think about her and how she was holding me. I should remind myself that nothing bad could get me because she had me. She was my anchor.”
I felt more than saw him smile.
“She's far from a perfect mother, but no matter how angry I've gotten with her over the years, I always remember that night.” He hooked his finger under my chin and tilted my head back so I was looking at him. “Let me be your anchor, Jenna. If you find yourself in a dark place again, remember that I have you and I'm not going to let you go. You’ll never be alone like that again.”
Tears pricked at my eyes and I nodded, knowing I couldn't begin to explain what that meant to me.
He kissed my forehead. “Now, go back to sleep. We have a whole new year to look forward to and I intend to start it off with us having the best New Year's Day possible.” His voice softened. “I'll stay awake until you fall asleep. I'm not going anywhere.”
I wrapped one arm around his waist and put my head on his shoulder. The fear was still there when I closed my eyes, but I reminded myself of his words. I didn't have to be afraid. I wasn't alone in the dark. Rylan was with me and he would keep me safe. Not in a damsel-in-distress kind of way, but the way an anchor keeps a ship from drifting out to sea. He was holding me and no matter what memories might try to resurface, he would be there to give me the strength to fight them off. I didn't have to do this alone.
Clinging firmly to that thought, I let myself fall asleep again and, this time, the nightmares stayed away.
Chapter 17
The first thing I realized as I slowly made my way towards wakefulness was that I still had a faint ache in my muscles from my exertions on the ski slopes, but I was sure it'd work out with a bit of movement. All of this processed in a few seconds and then I was awake enough to understand the second thing I'd felt, the thing that had drawn me out of the dark. Someone was watching me.
A finger brushed my cheek and I tensed, then remembered.
Rylan.
I smiled as I opened my eyes. His face was mere inches from mine, his expression strangely serious. His finger traced along my cheekbone and down to my lips.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I should be asking you that,” he said. “That was quite a nightmare.”
I shrugged and pushed myself up into a seated position. I pulled Rylan's shirt more tightly around me, focusing on the soft cotton and the comforting scent of him. “I've had worse.”
He sat up as well, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned into him. It was true, I'd had worse nightmares over the years, and that one had sometimes been one of them, going past the point where I'd woken last night, into the memories of what had followed. I'd hinted at it when I'd told Rylan about the nightmare, but the reality of it had been beyond what mere words could describe.
“I hate when you have nightmares.” His hand moved up and down my arm. “I feel so helpless, knowing there's nothing I can do.”
“You were there,” I said. “My anchor, remember?”
He kissed the top of my head. “Always.”
My stomach clenched at the word. I'd never let myself look to the future in anything but business, and even then, not very far ahead. Rylan was the first man I'd ever had a relationship with and every time he said something that indicated he saw
a future for the two of us beyond a couple months, I felt something I'd always tried to avoid. Hope.
“By the way, Happy New Year,” he said, completely unaware of what I was thinking. “Any thoughts on how we should spend it?” He grinned at me.
Warmth flooded me, pushing away everything else. I smiled back, and dropped my hand. His thigh was firm and warm beneath my hand. “I have some ideas.” I slid my hand further up, feeling Rylan's body tense. He caught his breath as I moved, cupping his cock through his pants. His arms tightened around me as I slowly rubbed my hand over the hardening shaft.
“Love,” he breathed. “If you keep doing that, I'm going to embarrass myself.”
I shifted, giving me the opportunity to grip him more firmly. He moaned, then hissed as I turned my head to flick my tongue against his nipple.
“I want you to come,” I said, looking up at him. “I want to feel you come from just my hand.”
His eyes met mine, the heat in them making my heart flip. I kept our gazes locked as I stroked him, the fabric between our skin rough against my palm. I could only imagine what it felt like for him. Based on the sounds he made, he didn't dislike it.
“Come for me.” I pressed my lips against his chest without looking away from him.
I wasn't entirely sure why this was suddenly so important to me, only that I wanted to see him come apart. I wanted to feel his cock pulse in my hand, feel his pants wet with his cum. I wanted every bit of him focused on his pleasure alone.
“Fuck!” His hips jerked and I knew he was close.
“Let go.” My fingers tightened around him.
He swore again, his eyes squeezing shut, hands fisting the sheets, as he came. I kept working him, coaxing every last drop out of him as I watched his face. He was one of those men who were usually described with words like gorgeous, or even pretty, but when he came, he was beautiful. His face showed everything he was feeling, all the love and the ecstasy. And I'd made him feel that. My chest tightened with the intensity of the emotions flooding through me.
“Jenna, love.” His eyes opened and he smiled at me. The words were a bit breathless. “What was that all about?”
I grinned at him as I gave his overly sensitive cock a gentle squeeze. He sucked in a breath. “You asked if I had any ideas about how to spend the first day of the new year.”
He raised an eyebrow. His hand rested on my knee, then burned a path up my thigh and under the shirt I was wearing. I moaned as his fingers brushed against my pussy. He hadn't put any panties on me last night and, as I parted my legs, there was nothing between his hand and me.
“My turn.” He pressed his fingers against my clit, rubbing hard and fast.
“Fuck!” I swore as the friction sent pain and pleasure racing along my nerves. It was almost too rough, his touch bordering on too much. I arched up against his hand, unsure if I wanted more or less. Conflicting sensations warred within me, each one battling for dominance. As his other hand slid under my shirt to grasp my breast, I rode the line between what I wanted and what I feared.
“Come, love.” His teeth nipped at my earlobe. His voice took on that low tone that he used when he gave an order. An order I had to obey, wanted to obey. “Come. Now.”
His fingers pinched my nipple and the jolt that went through me pushed me over the edge. I came with a shudder and a shout. His arms held me as my orgasm washed over me, the embrace secure but not too tight.
Starting the new year with pleasure and safety seemed like a very good way to begin. Isolated as we were in the cabin, the snow outside still deep enough to ensure we wouldn't be disturbed. Not that it was likely, but after our surprise Christmas visitor, I was glad for the reassurance.
Our early morning activities had left both of us in need of showers, so when we met in the kitchen sometime later, we were both freshly scrubbed and hungry. Fortunately, a breakfast of fresh fruit was easy enough to fix.
“Do you and your family have any New Year's traditions?” I asked as I poured us both cups of coffee. I didn't drink it often, but I'd discovered that I liked this particular flavor.
He thought about my question for a moment, and then shook his head. “Since most of the time we were all off doing our own things on New Year's Eve, we usually spent the rest of the holiday recovering.” He gave me a grin, his hair falling across his forehead in that boyish way that made my heart flip.
“So...” I picked up a juicy looking strawberry and bit into it. “Does that mean we get to start our own traditions?” I winked at him.
His eyebrows went up. “Did you have something specific in mind?” His tone was casual, but there was undisguised desire in his eyes.
I slowly licked the strawberry juice from my lips, loving the way his gaze flicked down to my mouth. “I was thinking maybe we should start a tradition of decadence for the new year.”
Apparently, my word choice was cause for an extreme reaction because Rylan suddenly inhaled and then began coughing. His face turned red, his eyes tearing up as he caught his breath.
“Are you okay?” I couldn't stop myself from laughing. He nodded and held up a finger.
“Did you just say 'a tradition of decadence'?” His voice was choked.
I nodded as I stood up. I'd chosen my clothes carefully this morning with this in mind. I grabbed the zipper on my hoodie and pulled it down slowly, enjoying the way his eyes widened when he saw what I wore underneath.
I shrugged the hoodie off and made short work of my pants. Within just a few seconds, I was wearing only a pair of barely-there blue silk panties and bra – and the necklace he'd bought me for Christmas. I tucked my hair behind my ears, showing the matching earrings. I hadn't been sure if bringing something so expensive on a trip like this was smart, but the look on his face was worth it.
“Shit,” he breathed the word. The slice of apple in his hand dropped onto the counter. “Tradition of decadence it is.”
He took me up against the wall the first time, panties pulled aside, his pants around his knees. We moved next into the living room where he went down on me until I came so many times I had to beg him for a break. I took my turn then, teasing him with my mouth until he exploded across my tongue and I'd swallowed down every last drop. We recuperated while watching the parade – the satellite signal was great despite the weather – enjoying the floats and the bands.
“You know,” he said as he curled his naked body around mine. “When I'd pictured you wearing these.” His fingers brushed across an earring and then the necklace. “I'd been thinking along the lines of a complimentary gown as we went to some high society function.” He kissed that space below my ear that made me shiver. “But I like your way much better.”
I chuckled, snuggling back against him. “I got that impression.”
“So, we've started off the day with a bang...or two,” he continued. “Where do we go next?”
“Well,” I said. “I was thinking the hot tub might be nice.”
“I love the way you think.” He gently sucked on the side of my neck. He stopped suddenly and I turned my head to look up at him.
“Something wrong?” I asked.
He shook his head, a familiar expression on his face. He wanted to ask me something. I waited, knowing he'd speak when he was ready.
“There's something I want to do.” He ran his finger down the side of my neck.
“Okay.” I was starting to get the feeling that our hot tub encounter wasn't what he was talking about.
“I want to mark you.” His fingers ran down across my collarbone to my breast. “And not only on the inside of your thigh. I want your breasts, your throat.” He pressed his lips against my ear. “I want people to know you're mine.”
Growing up, my mother had always charged more for people who wanted to leave marks on me. Most people didn't bother, but there were always a couple men who liked to bite or leave hickeys. I supposed it had made them feel like a man. I'd hated seeing them, but they hadn't been any worse than the bruises, and they
'd always faded. They'd never meant anything to me. These, however, would.
“I am yours,” I said. I reached up and ran my thumb along his bottom lip. “And you can do whatever you want.”
“It's not a trigger?” he asked, the question laced with concern.
I shook my head.
“Hmm.” His teeth scraped my earlobe. “I think I'm ready for the hot tub now.”
My stomach growled and he sighed.
“Food first?”
I nodded. “Lunch, then hot tub.”
After we ate, I removed the necklace and earrings – the last two things I was wearing – and headed for the room with the hot tub. Rylan had already turned it on, so we were only chilled for the few seconds it took to walk through the room and slide into the tub.
I sighed as the water caressed my skin. The sigh turned to a moan as Rylan's hand skimmed across my thigh.
“Come here.”
My stomach clenched at his Dom voice. Damn, I loved when he sounded like that. I slid closer. My pussy was throbbing, my nipples hard and aching. It didn't matter how many times we were together. I wanted him. I always wanted him.
This time, when he entered me, his mouth stayed at my neck, pulling and worrying at the skin until I knew he'd left a bruise on my pale skin. The water swirled around us, the liquid heat adding to our pleasure. The first time I came, Rylan held me to him, driving up into me until it was almost too much. Finally, he stilled, his cock hard inside me, muscles straining to maintain control.
I pressed my face against the crook of his neck, taking deep, shuddering breaths. He kept one hand at the small of my back while the other made soothing circles across my shoulder blades. When I finally stopped trembling, he spoke.
“I'm close.”
I nodded, unable to form any semblance of a coherent word.
“Mark me,” he said.
Damn.
He began to move, slowly at first, and I knew he was testing to make sure I was okay. It didn't matter if he was the Dominant in the relationship and I was the Sub. He always thought of me first. I sucked in a breath as the base of his cock rubbed against my overly sensitive clit. If he didn't come soon, it would start to hurt, and not in a good way.