I'd seen the way he pushed himself at work, striving to be the best not only out of some level of competition, but because he also genuinely cared about the product he was creating. I knew that he'd force himself to do things he wasn't comfortable with rather than shirk his duty. He was generous, but not irresponsible with his money, both professionally and personally. He also didn't ask for recognition for what he did. While researching Archer Enterprises, I'd stumbled across a story about how a charity had recently given him an award for all of the time and money he'd donated, but no one had realized he'd been involved until that story had come out.
I'd seen in my own life how caring and understanding he was, how much he loathed injustice and hated those who hurt other people. He was loyal and forgiving. The fact that he was still friends with Lara said as much. But he wasn't a pushover either. He did what he felt was right, no matter the consequences.
I was still thinking about all of the different characteristics that made up the man I loved when I headed back into the guest room to freshen up. He'd been gone for over two hours and I wanted to surprise him whenever he came back. I dumped the bag of lingerie on the bed and set about the difficult task of deciding what to wear.
Finally, I chose one, thinking it would go perfectly with the jewelry he'd gotten me if he decided he wanted me to wear it. It was a sheer teddy with lace woven through the fabric to cover my nipples and then down to other essentials. It hugged my curves but didn't squeeze my breasts into the kind of cleavage I shouldn't have. Leaving my shoulders and back bare, my angel wings were completely visible, but it did disguise the scar on my side. Not that I felt I needed to hide my scars from him.
I looked in the mirror and gingerly touched my cheek. The cut that Christophe had inflicted on me was healing nicely and didn't hurt unless firm pressure was applied directly to it, and even then, it wasn't much pain, for which I was grateful. I had a high pain tolerance and liked a bit of kink in my sex, but I didn't enjoy pain for pain's sake.
I considered putting on some make-up but decided against it. The deep blue of the teddy and the complementary blue of my hair made my eyes stand out already. They looked even more pale than usual, more like the gray of an overcast winter sky.
I considered stockings, but decided against them. I would be walking around barefoot and didn't want to risk ruining them. I hadn't brought heels and didn't want to ruin the effect with my more standard shoes. I did, however, need to wear something over my gown. The house was warm enough for me to be in my bare feet, but not quite at a temperature where being nearly nude was comfortable.
Hanging on the back of the bathroom door was a thick, fluffy robe. I pulled it on, loving the feel of the soft cotton against my skin. I'd go back to the living room, I decided, and stretch out on the couch, maybe read for a bit. Then, when Rylan got back, I'd surprise him and we could pick up where things had left off.
At some point while I was reading, I must've dozed off because the sound of a door closing woke me. A thrill went through me and I quickly got to my feet. I smoothed down my hair, checked my robe and then hurried out towards the front door to show Rylan how much I'd missed him.
I made it halfway there when I saw him. My heart did a flip. It wasn't Rylan after all. It was Zeke. And he looked pissed.
Chapter 11
“What the hell are you doing here?” he blurted out the question before I could ask the same thing of him.
“I told you that I was spending Christmas with Rylan.” I tried to keep the edge from my voice, but wasn't sure I managed. “He's not here right now. He went to see his family.” I really hoped that would get Zeke going. He wasn't here to see me and obviously didn't want to spend time with me, so if he knew Rylan wasn't home, maybe he'd leave.
“When's he coming back?”
I crossed my arms and was hit with the realization that I wasn't exactly wearing the most decent of clothing. I lifted my chin to show that I didn't care. “I don't know.”
That was the truth, but I didn't add how long he'd been gone or that he'd said he'd be back in just a few hours. I didn't want Zeke getting the idea to hang around in the hopes of Rylan showing up any time soon.
He took a step towards me. “How did your night go?” He sneered at me. “You fuck an expensive gift out of him?”
I clenched my jaw and refused to answer. He was trying to bait me, I knew. He wanted me to either confess what he believed to be true about me or get me so angry that I did something stupid. Either way, it wasn't going to happen.
He took another step and I resisted the urge to put more distance between us. He wasn't in my personal space yet, but he was close enough to touch and I didn't like that. Still, my stubborn streak won out.
“I just can't believe he sold me out for some Christmas Eve pussy.” He raked his eyes over me, as if he could see what I was wearing under the robe. “Or was it your suggestion? Spending Christmas Eve together.”
“He asked me,” I said. My voice was stiff and I fought the desire to go off.
“Did he tell you what he usually did Christmas Eve?”
“We talked about some of his traditions growing up.” I was thoroughly confused now, but still angry enough not to ask Zeke what he was talking about.
“I don't mean those stupid little kid things.” He waved a dismissive hand in the air. “I mean what he's been doing on Christmas Eve ever since he moved out on his own.”
I didn't answer because I didn't know and a flash of triumph crossed Zeke's face.
“He didn't tell you, did he? Probably knew you'd gloat about it.”
I began to internally debate the pros and cons of slapping that grin off of Zeke's face.
“For the past eight years, Rylan and I have spent Christmas Eve together. Sometimes there'd be other friends, but it was always me and him. It was our holiday time together. His parents didn't even expect him to give it up.”
My heart sank. No wonder Zeke was so angry. I'd ruined one of his Christmas traditions. It didn't excuse his behavior, but it certainly explained it.
“Then what happens? He meets you and everything goes to hell.”
Zeke closed the distance between us and this time I did take a step back, regretting it the second I did. A pleased expression crossed his face. I wasn't petite, but Zeke was tall and muscular. He towered over me in a way that Rylan never did, trying to use his height to intimidate.
“You're ruining everything,” he hissed. “You monopolize his time and when he's not with you, he's talking about you. Then he blows off an eight-year tradition because he wants to fuck his new toy on Christmas Eve.”
“That's enough.” My voice was quiet, shaking with fury. I was sure Zeke would think it was fear, but I was struggling for control.
“No,” he snapped. “I'm not done yet.” He crowded me, moving me back until I was against the wall. He glared down at me, barely an inch between us. “I finally have you alone and I'm going to say all he things I can't say in front of Rylan, not without him taking your side.”
“You need to back up.” I put as much force into the words as I could. My chest started to tighten and I knew I wasn't far from a panic attack. I didn't even want to think about what would happen if I passed out in front of Zeke.
“Or what?”
I looked up at him, narrowing my eyes. It was hard to sound tough when I couldn't get enough air and was worried I'd pass out at any moment, but I managed. “Or I'm going to knee you in the balls so hard you won't be able to get it up for a week.”
“Bitch!” He practically spat the word in my face as he slammed his hand against the wall next to my head.
I felt the tension between us reach its tipping point. I wouldn't instigate, but I would react to whatever move he made next, regardless of consequences.
Before either of us could say or do anything else, however, the front door opened again. Zeke immediately pulled back and fixed his usual smile on his face. He moved until I was behind him and started to walk forward.
r /> “Rylan! Merry Christmas!”
As the pair hugged, I pulled myself together. I wasn't going to accuse Zeke of anything right now. I'd let Rylan deal with him and then, when the opportunity presented itself, I'd share what had happened and let Rylan know that I didn't expect him to choose, but that I didn't want to be around Zeke until something changed.
“What are you doing here?”
To my annoyance, Rylan sounded pleasantly surprised rather than annoyed. I reminded myself that he had no clue what had just happened and therefore no reason to be anything but happy to see his friend.
“I just wanted to stop by and give you your present.”
“That's great,” Rylan said. “Let's go in the living room so I can give you yours.”
I hurried back towards the living room, figuring I could find a quiet, out of the way seat, and wait for it to be over. No such luck.
“Hey, Jenna.” Rylan came up behind me and grabbed my hand. “Don't I get a greeting?”
“I didn't want to interrupt.” I gave him what I hoped was a fairly convincing fake smile.
“Nonsense,” he said, pulling me against his side. He kept his voice low as Zeke followed us into the living room. “I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.”
“Me too,” I replied automatically. It was true, up until Zeke had shown up. I leaned against Rylan's shoulder for a moment, then pulled away when he headed for the tree.
“Do either of you want anything to drink?” I asked. “I can get it while you guys exchange your gifts.”
“A beer would be great,” Zeke said cheerfully, as if he hadn't been threatening me just a few moments ago.
“I can get it,” Rylan said.
“It's fine,” I said and forced another smile. “You two wait here.” I didn't wait for him to try to protest again. I was a great actress, but lying to Rylan wasn't as easy as lying to other people.
I walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, closing my eyes and taking several slow, deep breaths to try to calm myself. I never should have let myself get so worked up. I knew better than to react to jackasses like Zeke. I knew what the problem was though. Because Rylan cared about him, I couldn't bring myself to completely think of Zeke as a horrible person. I didn't think Rylan could be friends with someone who was completely awful.
I walked over to the fridge and pulled out two bottles of beer, thought about it, and grabbed a third for myself. If I had to pretend to like Zeke for the next half hour or so, a beer would help take the edge off.
Except it wasn't a half hour. When I handed the guys their beer, they were both laughing over some shared memory and it was very clear I wasn't any part of it. Rylan smiled and gestured for me to join in. Zeke had taken the couch, so I sat in the chair opposite Rylan and sipped at my beer, trying not to feel upset that Rylan didn't take the hint that I had other things in mind for our night. I wasn't even sure he'd registered the fact I was in a robe, or if he was too caught up in swapping stories of Christmas past.
When they both finished their beers, I used it as an excuse to get them each another one and then to stay standing. They had their gifts for each other sitting on the table, but didn't look in any hurry to exchange them. I felt the resentment building and tried hard to fight it back. I had Rylan all to myself last night – the usual time Zeke spent with him. How could I begrudge the two of them a few hours? Besides, having Rylan want me to spend the holiday with him, it was more than I'd ever had before, more than I'd ever dreamed possible. It was more than I'd expected from someone I'd only been seeing for a short while. Even as inexperienced as I was when it came to dating, I knew spending holidays together was a big deal.
But as an hour turned into two and then three, it was harder and harder to hold in my feelings. There I was, dressed in sexy lingerie I bought especially for today, only a have robe on over it, holding on to the promise we'd made about picking up where we'd left off, and Rylan barely spared a glance for me. All of his attention was on his friend, and every so often, I'd see Zeke shoot a smug look my way, an unspoken reminder that he had history with Rylan, history that I'd never have.
Finally, I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep smiling and pretending like it didn't hurt that Rylan had become so absorbed with Zeke that he hadn’t made an attempt to include me. Without a word, I slipped out of the room and headed upstairs. I wrapped my arms around my waist, trying to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal, that I didn't want to be the kind of woman who was jealous of her boyfriend's friends. I hated feeling this way, but I couldn't seem to stop it.
I hesitated in the hallway between the two doors. If I turned to the right, I'd go into Rylan's room. Left, I'd be in the guest room. Part of me wanted to go to the left, leaving no doubt in Rylan's mind when he came up and saw I wasn't in his bed that I was angry. I wanted him to know what it felt like to be ignored.
Sighing, I entered his room and picked up my bag. I wasn't going to be petty but I wasn’t going to sleep in the teddy. I needed the comfort of something else. I pulled out a camisole and pair of matching flannel pants. I changed my clothes and crawled into Rylan’s bed. If my bag hadn't been in here, I wasn't sure I would've made the same choice, but I hoped I would have.
It was hard, staying here, my body tense, ears straining to hear him come up the stairs. My mind raced. What would I say? Should I tell him how I felt? Would it just sound like I was being a bitch? I didn't want him to think that about me. But I couldn't exactly say that I didn't feel that way about myself at the moment. I was torn. I didn't know how this was supposed to go and I didn't have anyone to talk to about it. But if I didn't say anything, how would he know that it bothered me? We'd promised to be honest with each other, and he hadn't been happy when I hadn't told him how I'd felt about Lara, but I didn't know if it'd be different with Zeke. Exes seemed like they'd be a different story than a best friend.
I didn't know how long I laid there, but I didn't even come close to falling asleep. My brain couldn't stop thinking, couldn't stop chasing itself in circles. And with each pass, the knot inside my chest tightened even more. I stared into the darkness, my eyes burning.
Then I heard it. Footsteps. I'd left the door open a crack so I wasn't in the pitch black, and now more light flooded the room. I had a moment to decide what I would do, and I closed my eyes. I couldn't do it. I couldn't ruin Rylan's Christmas by letting him know for certain that I was upset. Better to let him think I'd gone to bed because I was tired. I'd figure things out in the morning.
“Jenna?” His voice was soft. “You still awake?”
I didn't move, focusing on keeping my breathing even. I'd had a lot of practice pretending to sleep. I was good at it. Yet another wonderful thing my childhood had taught me. I heard him walk around the bed and it took all of my concentration to keep my face relaxed. One of the biggest things amateurs did was turn away so their face couldn't be seen. I was sure there were times when such coincidences did happen, but I always found those actions more suspicious than anything.
I heard the shower turn on and used that opportunity to shift into a better position to keep my face from being exposed. I wasn't sure how long I'd have to keep up the ruse, but I doubted Rylan would stay awake long. He probably didn't have much on his mind, no worries to keep him from immediately relaxing. I just hoped that, at some point, I'd actually manage to fall asleep. I could function on only a couple hours, but I wanted to be well-rested enough that, if I had to, I could have a conversation with Rylan about tonight without my emotions coming to the surface. We hadn't had a fight yet and I didn't want to be the cause of our first one, not on Christmas.
The shower turned off and, a few minutes later, the bed dipped. I could smell the soap and shampoo he'd used and I wanted nothing more than to snuggle close to him and let him hold me, but I stayed where I was. He moved closer and his hand brushed over my hair. I didn't react, not even when his fingers brushed across my back. He traced my tattoo and I felt goosebumps break out across
my skin. That was enough of an involuntary reaction that I knew it wouldn't give me away. I wanted to lean into the touch, but again, I denied what I wanted. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last.
After a time, his hand stopped moving and his breathing slowed. I relaxed a bit. He was asleep. Now, if I could only follow. Despite my hope, it was several hours before I could do just that.
Chapter 12
I woke up late, which was nice since it meant I'd gotten at least a few hours sleep. It also meant that Rylan's side of the bed was empty. I reached out and touched the sheets. They were cool, so he'd been up a while. I wasn't sure if his decision to not wake me up was sweet because he wanted to let me sleep, or something I should worry about since he'd woken me in such a memorable way the day before.
My stomach clenched as I remembered the feel of his mouth on me, then how I climaxed the rest of the day. I flopped back on the pillows and put my hands over my face. “Fuck,” I muttered. I needed to clear my head before I saw him again.
I took my time in the shower and dressed slowly. I still had no idea what I would say or do, but I did know that I couldn't just let it go. I'd promised I'd be honest with him. There were still parts of my life I hadn't told him about, specific things I'd done, but they were the kinds of things that were shared when the time was right. They weren't the sorts of things that would fester in a relationship. As little as I knew about dating, I did know that trying to act like everything was okay would just make things worse.
I picked some casual clothes, sweatpants and a hoodie, needing to feel comfortable more than sexy at the moment. One of the good things that had come out of how our relationship began was that he'd already seen me at my best, my worst and dressed like this. I didn't have to worry about looking perfect for him.
I was halfway down the stairs when I smelled cinnamon. I followed my nose into the kitchen where Rylan was standing at the stove. His back was to me as he bent down to pull a pan from the oven. I let myself admire the way his jeans hugged his ass and how even a baggy sweatshirt couldn't disguise his muscular build. Then my stomach growled and I focused on what he was setting on the counter.