SnowAngel:
but athens’ll be fun too … and i do need a break from the whole school scene. did i tell you my secret plan to show maddie such a good time that she decides to go to UGA after all?
zoegirl:
omg, i will be sooo jealous if you two end up at the same school.
SnowAngel:
well we can’t all go to princeton, ya big stud. *winks*
zoegirl:
all day long, people have been congratulating me. it’s so weird. ms. aiken pulled me over during french and told me how pleased she was for me, and then she goes, “but don’t let it define you, zoe. we all like positive strokes, but what’s important is who we are inside.”
SnowAngel:
that’s random
zoegirl:
random, but true. sometimes, even if i work really hard for something, i don’t feel good about it unless i get praised for it. that’s stupid, isn’t it?
SnowAngel:
praised, like getting good grades?
zoegirl:
and having people be impressed that i got into princeton. having my parents be so proud. like that.
SnowAngel:
that’s a pretty high-class problem, as aunt sadie would say.
SnowAngel:
let’s talk about something juicier, like your big night with doug. while the rest of the seniors are warming their bods by the campfire, you’ll be warming yours in a cozy hotel room. are you ready???
zoegirl:
i’m excited, but antsy. and no, i’m not ready. how *could* i be??
zoegirl:
what i hope is that i get swept away by the moment. i want to be … seduced, if that makes sense. that would be the greatest thing, just to be carried away by the passion so that i don’t have to THINK about anything.
SnowAngel:
just relax and enjoy it—and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. OR doug. this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. you don’t wanna screw it up.
zoegirl:
angela!!! “relax and enjoy it—but don’t screw up because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing”?!!
SnowAngel:
oops—guess that’s not so helpful?
SnowAngel:
anyway, it’s not like i have a clue what i’m talking about! i’m the perpetual virgin, and apparently will be for the rest of my life.
zoegirl:
about that. you know how you said logan seems totally fine with y’all’s break-up? i think he’s less fine than you think. it’s like he’s trying to be all frat-boy-tough and punch-’em-in-the-shoulder, but at lunch, even when he was joking around with his buds, there was something that made it seem like an act.
SnowAngel:
that actually makes me feel better—isn’t that sick?
SnowAngel:
when you really think about it, he’s being WONDERFUL. i mean, he could be being super-snotty, you know?
zoegirl:
he’s a good guy. just not the guy for you.
SnowAngel:
you think i should call him? just to tell him i appreciate how cool he’s being?
zoegirl:
no!
zoegirl:
you should *not* call him. NO.
SnowAngel:
i think i will … and i’ll tell him i’m not planning on going to the bonfire. that way he won’t feel strange about going, if it’s true what you said and he’s just trying to be strong whenever he’s around me.
zoegirl:
angela, you’re just gonna make it harder for him. don’t do it!
SnowAngel:
he’s still an important person in my life. i don’t wanna NOT call him when i feel like calling him, cuz then i’m like, validating the weirdness. anyway, he deserves a nice fun night. bye!
Thu, Mar 30, 8:49 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
zoe, i called logan … AND JANA PICKED UP!!!
SnowAngel:
zoe? plz be there. PLZ be there.
SnowAngel:
are you not? nooooo!
SnowAngel:
omg, i’m hyperventilating. JANA is at logan’s house. JANA picked up the phone. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!
SnowAngel:
all she said when she picked up was, “yeah?” i didn’t recognize her voice, so i said, “uh, is logan there?” and she started LAUGHING. well, first she said, “is this angela?” THEN she started laughing, cuz that is evidently the theme with her these days, to laugh her butt off about anything concerning me.
SnowAngel:
and then she goes, “sorry, we’re a little busy right now.” and hangs up!
SnowAngel:
oh screw it. i’m calling maddie!!!!!!!
Fri, Mar 31, 9:58 AM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
hiyas, a. you’ve been hiding out in the media center all morning. you surviving in there?
SnowAngel:
i’m hiding cuz i keep worrying that i’m gonna run into jana. ever since last night i’ve been feeling very insecure, even more than when she spread that rumor about me hitting on doug!
mad maddie:
you know this is what she wants, right? you’ve got to fight it.
SnowAngel:
do you think she’s fooling around with logan? for real?
mad maddie:
as i said before, that’s what she WANTS you to think.
SnowAngel:
i’m having serious flashbacks to that time in 10th grade when i caught rob tyler kissing tonnie wyndham. remember?
SnowAngel:
what is WRONG with me? why am i the girl who everyone screws around on?!!
mad maddie:
point 1: logan is not rob tyler. point 2: dude, sweetie, YOU broke up with HIM. he’s hardly screwing around on you if yr not going out. and point 3: we don’t know that he’s screwing around at all!
mad maddie:
why would he even WANNA mess around with jana??? is he that desperate?
SnowAngel:
she’s pretty, even if she’s a bitch. she’s never had any trouble finding guys to mess around with before.
mad maddie:
obnoxious guys. skurvy guys.
SnowAngel:
i can’t believe i called him to tell him how wonderful he was being, and that’s how i caught him with jana!
mad maddie:
you didn’t CATCH him with jana, you just …
mad maddie:
ack. could we talk about something else?
mad maddie:
like this: our very own zoe is gonna have her cherry popped tonight!!!
SnowAngel:
don’t say “cherry.” that reminds me of the jeep, which reminds me of logan. *stomps around feeling like a weenie*
mad maddie:
ok, forget zoe. let’s discuss our lurvely trip to athens. when do you want me to pick you up?
SnowAngel:
you and ian go on without me. i’m gonna make a surprise appearance at the senior campout and spy on logan and jana. *makes slitty eyes to show she means business*
mad maddie:
oh, man, angela. not a good idea.
SnowAngel:
tough, i don’t care
mad maddie:
all right, it’s your grave. call me when you need me to pick up the pieces!
Fri, Mar 31, 7:25 PM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
has the cherry popping commenced?
zoegirl:
maddie! no, but we’re at the hotel.
mad maddie:
which one? ian and i will come visit.
zoegirl:
as if!
mad maddie:
in that case, off to athens. have big fun!
Sat, Apr 1, 11:01 AM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
i have been extraordinarily patient, zoe, and i have NOT called for over 12 hours, even tho i wanted to many times.
mad maddie:
SO?!!!
zoegirl:
r />
omigosh, still processing. but i’ll tell you everything once i’m home, you and angela both. can’t text now—in car and about to drive.
mad maddie:
well, drive quickly, then. i’m giving you 10 minutes or i’m calling the nat’l guard! and, ok, i don’t know what the nat’l guard will DO, exactly … but i’ll tell ya this: u don’t wanna find out!
Sat, Apr 1, 11:18 AM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
hey, girls
mad maddie:
hey, zo. guess what? angela has news too … only she’s not gonna tell us till after you.
zoegirl:
you have news, angela? about what?
mad maddie:
she wldn’t tell me over the phone, but i assume it’s about logan and the j-word. she blew off our athens trip and went to spy on them at the senior campout.
zoegirl:
what?!
zoegirl:
omg, tell us!
SnowAngel:
NO *glares at maddie*
SnowAngel:
after you, zo. cuz mine is bad.
zoegirl:
then you should go 1st!
SnowAngel:
i’m not going 1st. will you plz just tell us?
mad maddie:
yeah, you non-virgin, we’re DYING for details!!!
zoegirl:
well, it was a *wonderful* night. wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
zoegirl:
but actually … i’m still a virgin.
mad maddie:
pardon?
zoegirl:
we didn’t … make it to completion. well, *he* did, but it was before he … you know.
mad maddie:
squeezed it in you?
zoegirl:
maddie!
zoegirl:
afterward, he was all, “ah, crap. zo, i’m sorry!”
mad maddie:
well, yeah! nice way to blow your wad, doug!
zoegirl:
i didn’t care. afterward we just held each other. it was nice.
mad maddie:
did he at least finish you off? return the favor, as it were?
zoegirl:
he offered, but i just wanted to cuddle. we watched HBO and snuggled and made each other laugh. it was perfect.
zoegirl:
i felt good that i made *him* feel so good. that’s all that mattered.
mad maddie:
but it’s supposed to be MUTUAL, little miss fifties housewife.
zoegirl:
i’m not allowed to want to please doug?
mad maddie:
oh good lord. angela? a little help here!
zoegirl:
yeah, you’ve been awfully quiet. i’ve told y’all enough about my night. tell us what’s going on with you, angela.
SnowAngel:
i say, so what if doug couldn’t go the distance? at least he really loves you, zo, and at least he wasn’t humping the 1st available female just to get his cheap thrills. at least he’s not a total asshole fuckwad.
mad maddie:
whoaaaaa. what r you saying here, a?
SnowAngel:
i’m sorry. i’m such a loser. but i DID wait, you have to give me credit!
zoegirl:
sweetie, what’s going on?
SnowAngel:
i’m just a little wrecked right now, that’s all. i’m trying to hold it together, but … but …
mad maddie:
angela, i think you better explain what happened at the senior campout.
SnowAngel:
i don’t know if i can! it’s too horrible!
mad maddie:
we’re right here. we’re not going to let anything bad happen.
zoegirl:
unless the bad thing already *did* happen. were logan and jana … together?
SnowAngel:
they were sitting in the parking lot by the bonfire, and logan had his arm around her!!! i was so shocked, i just stood there looking like an idiot. and then logan’s friend dan came up and was like, “dude, i’ve gotta give you props. most girls would be flipping.”
zoegirl:
what did you say?
SnowAngel:
i was in a fog. i said something like, “why? he’s allowed to go out with other girls if he wants.”
mad maddie:
other whore-sluts, you mean
SnowAngel:
dan made this expression like i was being too nice for my own good, so i said, “dan, logan and i broke up. didn’t you hear?”
SnowAngel:
and he goes, “sure, but wasn’t that AFTER spring break?”
zoegirl:
uh oh
SnowAngel:
i said, “yeah, so?” and he said, “dude—they hooked up when you were out of town. i thought you knew.”
mad maddie:
NO!
SnowAngel:
i felt like i was having a panic attack, i swear to god. so dan pulled me over to the curb and sat me down, and i made him tell me everything.
zoegirl:
which was …?
SnowAngel:
well, dan says that jana and logan “happened” to run into each other at a party the first weekend of break, and jana flirted with logan all night. like basically threw herself at him, that’s what dan said. apparently they talked about ME, about that night at ethan’s when i was such a jerk.
mad maddie:
and lemme guess: jana was a VERY sympathetic listener.
SnowAngel:
uh huh, so sympathetic that she led him to an empty bedroom so they could be alone. AND THEY SLEPT TOGETHER!!! as maddie would say, he squeezed it in her, and who knows how many times they’ve had sex since then. now do you understand why i’m such a mess?!!
mad maddie:
that lying scheming skanky bitch!
zoegirl:
oh, angela, i am sooooo sorry!
SnowAngel:
and YES, i wasn’t in love with him, and YES, i wanted to break up with him, but that is so not the point. he fucking screwed me over for JANA!
zoegirl:
how could he do something like that? how could she?!!
SnowAngel:
it hurts so bad. i feel so STUPID. i told you jana’s been laughing at me!
mad maddie:
the two of them won’t last, angela. you know they won’t.
SnowAngel:
no, i don’t know that, cuz i don’t know anything anymore.
SnowAngel:
all i know is that jana fucking won. that’s what it comes down to, doesn’t it?
zoegirl:
what do you mean?
SnowAngel:
don’t you get it? i called jana a slut in that stupid health center letter, so she was like, “fine, i’ll show you a slut.”
SnowAngel:
jana. fucking. won.
mad maddie:
we’re coming to get you, angela. right, zo?
zoegirl:
we’re on our way!!!
Sun, Apr 2, 11:01 AM E.D.T.
mad maddie:
man, angela’s really shattered, isn’t she?
zoegirl:
it kills me that she’s going to end her senior year feeling like our archenemy stomped all over us. it’s just wrong!
mad maddie:
so what are we gonna do about it?
zoegirl:
i don’t know. i just don’t know.
zoegirl:
what i *do* know is that it puts things in perspective. on friday night—when doug and i went to the hotel? there’s a little more to the story than i told you guys, because of the angela stuff.
mad maddie:
that’s funny—because there’s more to my athens story too. but the timing wasn’t right to tell it once angela shared her news.
mad maddie:
you wanna go first, or should i?
zoegirl:
i will
, because i need to get it out. it’s making me feel icky.
mad maddie:
???
mad maddie:
i thought you said the nite was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
zoegirl:
it was! but then … oh god.
mad maddie:
what?
zoegirl:
it was *so* wonderful that as i was lying there on doug’s chest, i found myself thinking, “how am i going to live without him? seriously, how am i gonna survive next year when we’re not together?” and then i had the thought that i’d rather die than be without him, which i know is ridiculous. but it wasn’t like i CHOSE to think it. it just crept in!