pulled out his smartphone and sent off a text to Sloane, letting him know about Hector Ruiz and his threat to Calvin that day. If Hector was responsible for this, the THIRDS needed to pick him up before he disappeared, if he hadn’t gone into hiding already. The guy had opened fire on a room full of law enforcement. It also meant Hector hadn’t been alone. Ethan put away his phone, noticing how Calvin’s knuckles were tight over the steering wheel.
“This isn’t your fault,” Ethan said firmly. It was written all over Calvin’s face. “You were doing your job. If it was Hector who did this, then he’ll have to face the consequences of his actions, along with anyone else who was with him.”
“What if Hudson—”
“Stop,” Ethan ordered gently. “Hudson’s going to be okay.” He held his hand out, relieved when Calvin took it and gave it a gentle squeeze. They’d get through this, the same way they did everything else. Together.
Chapter Ten
HERE THEY were again.
Ethan and Calvin joined Seb, Nina, and Rafe in the emergency room at NYC Presbyterian Hospital. At least when they walked into a waiting room Rafe and Seb weren’t fighting. Rafe was holding Nina’s hand and comforting her while Seb stood at the far end of the room by the doors, staring off into the distance like he was lost. His eyes were red, and Ethan could all but feel his brother’s heart breaking. Ethan walked over and gently put a hand on Seb’s shoulder, making him flinch. He hadn’t even realized Ethan was there. His brother let out a heart-wrenching sigh.
“Hey, little brother. He’s still in surgery.”
Seb shook his head, and Ethan could see his brother fighting to keep his emotions at bay. Ethan brought Seb into his embrace and held him.
“What if I lose him for good this time? Having him away from me was hard, but it was better than this. Anything is better than this.” Seb pulled back and wiped at his eyes. “I can’t believe he did that.”
Ethan put his hand to Seb’s chest over his heart. He loves you.
“Yeah.” Seb gave him a small smile when the rest of the team showed up. Sloane and Dex came over, their expressions filled with concern.
“How is he?” Dex asked worriedly. “Any news?”
“He’s in surgery,” Seb replied. “It’s too soon to tell, but the outlook is promising.”
Sloane nodded. He looked around the waiting room. “We’ve been seeing the inside of this place a little too often lately.”
“Tell me about it,” Dex huffed. He patted Seb’s shoulder. “How about we bring you some coffee?”
“Thanks. That would be great.”
Dex and Sloane headed off toward the café. Cael and Ash were huddled together talking quietly, while Rosa and Letty joined Nina. Ethan’s mom wasn’t able to come, but she called Seb every few minutes to check up on him and Hudson. Darla was putting an overnight bag together for Seb and would be there soon. Hudson was still considered family to them, even if he’d distanced himself some time ago. Ethan’s mom refused to abandon Hudson the way his own family had. Seb had tried to get through to Hudson’s parents in England, but they ignored his calls. When he tried calling from a hospital line, they hung up on him. Ethan had no idea why Hudson had been cast out of his wolf Therian family, but it was heartbreaking knowing his family didn’t care that their son was fighting for his life.
Years ago Ethan’s mom declared her family and Darla to be Hudson’s new pack and refused to have it any other way. Ethan knew his mom missed Hudson. He’d been like one of her boys, a quieter, calmer son. Whenever he could, he’d have tea with her, bring her celebrity gossip magazines so they could chat about the latest Hollywood scandal. They’d watch soap operas together and he’d been there to help with Ethan’s dad when Seb and Rafe were on call.
The waiting room was quiet at this time of night but still plenty busy. Ethan agreed with Sloane. Wasn’t it time someone cut them a break? The job was dangerous, no doubt about that, but the last year had been unlike any other. Ethan was getting tired of ending up in the hospital, no matter which side of the doors he was on.
Seb refused to sit, so Ethan took a seat in the chair closest to his brother, Calvin at his side. He held Ethan’s hand, and Ethan placed it to his lips for a kiss with a small smile. Having Calvin at his side helped put him at ease. He caught Rafe’s surprised expression. His brother’s eyes dropped to Ethan’s hand in Calvin’s before he shook his head and stood. He started to pace, something obviously weighing on his mind. Ethan had an idea what that something might be. Rafe was headed in their direction when the doors opened, and a wolf Therian doctor emerged.
“Agent Hobbs?”
All three brothers approached.
“Oh.” The doctor checked his tablet. “Sebastian Hobbs.”
“That’s me,” Seb said, holding a hand up.
“Agent Hobbs, you’re listed as Dr. Colbourn’s next of kin.”
Seb nodded. “Yes, that’s right.”
Hudson still had Seb down as his next of kin? Why hadn’t he changed it? Not that Ethan was opposed to Hudson’s decision, but if Hudson truly wanted to sever ties with Seb, he’d have changed his records. If anything, having Seb listed as his THIRDS next of kin kept Seb in his life and in a decision-making capacity. From the looks of it, his brother knew it hadn’t been changed.
“Dr. Colbourn is out of surgery and being transferred from ICU to a private recovery room. We were able to retrieve the bullet from his back with minimal tissue damage. Thankfully, it remained intact, so there were no fragments. He’ll be closely observed for the next forty-eight hours. Once he wakes up, we’ll assess the situation and determine how long we’ll be keeping him in recovery. We can decide on a timescale for his recuperation by then.”
“Thank you,” Seb said, shaking the doctor’s hand. “When can I see him?”
“You can go in now, but he won’t be awake for a few hours, and then he’ll need plenty of rest.”
Seb was still talking to the doctor and signing some forms when Dex and Sloane returned with coffee for everyone, and presumably a hot chocolate for Cael. Calvin updated them on Hudson’s condition while they drank down a much-needed hit of caffeine. Everyone was relieved to know Hudson would be all right. While Seb finished up with the doctor, Sloane brought them all in close.
“I checked in with Maddock. Recon’s picked up Hector’s crew, but Hector’s on the run. Unit Alpha has three teams out looking for him. In the meantime, Recon’s trying to get his cohorts to talk. Sarge will let me know when he hears anything.”
As soon as the doctor gave them the all clear, they followed Seb and one of the Therian nurses. They made sure to use plenty of sanitizer before going in. Ethan stopped by the door, a lump forming in his throat at the sight of Hudson hooked up to the various pieces of monitoring equipment. It hadn’t been so long ago that Ethan had been in a similar position. Seeing how hard this was for his brother made Ethan realize what it must have been like for Calvin, to see him lying there, hurt, trying not to think about how much worse it could have been. They stood quietly as Seb pulled up a chair beside Hudson’s bed and took hold of his hand. He spoke quietly to Hudson, his thumb stroking Hudson’s hand.
Ethan turned to Calvin and pulled him into his arms. He let his head rest against the side of Calvin’s, whispering in his ear.
“I’m so sorry for what I’ve put you through.”
Calvin squeezed him tight. He pulled back and put a hand to Ethan’s cheek when Rafe appeared beside them, a deep frown on his face.
“So when were you two going to tell me?”
“It’s not like we announced it,” Calvin replied quietly. “It’s complicated.”
“Yeah, I’ll bet.” Rafe turned to Sloane, his eyes narrowed. “What kind of team are you leading here, Brodie? Is there anyone on Destructive Delta who isn’t sleeping with a teammate?”
“You’re one to talk,” Ash scoffed.
“Nina and I aren’t on the same team. It’s not against the rules,” Rafe growled.
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Sloane’s jaw clenched. “Now’s not the time for this, Rafe.”
“Oh? When’s the right time?” Rafe thrust a hand toward Hudson. “When someone ends up dead? Is there anyone on your team who hasn’t ended up in this hospital? Is there anyone you know how to keep safe?”
“That’s enough,” Sloane warned.
Rafe shook his head in pity before moving his gaze to Dex. “I feel sorry for you, man. With his track record, you’ll be lucky if he doesn’t get you killed.”
“You son of a bitch.”
Sloane charged Rafe, and it took Ethan, Cael, and Ash to hold him back. Seb stood and rounded on Rafe.
“What the fuck is the matter with you? Haven’t you caused enough pain? Now you have to attack my friends too?”
“If he’s such a fucking good friend, why do people keep getting hurt on his watch, huh?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Because no one’s ever gotten hurt on your watch, right?” Seb spat out. “Oh, I forgot, you’re fucking perfect.”
Rafe turned his attention back to Sloane. “I don’t know why Sparks has let this team—has let you—get away with the shit it has. When Gabe died, your ass should have been benched. You haven’t been fit for duty since.”
Ethan, Ash, and Cael grabbed Sloane when they should have been keeping an eye on Dex. None of them saw it coming, least of all Rafe, who reeled back after Dex managed to punch him square across the jaw with a jump and punch move Ethan had never seen him do before. Where the hell had he learned that?
“Jesus, Daley.” Ash stared at Dex. “Where the fuck did that come from?”
“Training,” Dex replied, his eyes narrowed at Rafe. He positioned himself between Sloane and Rafe. “I’ve had enough of your attitude. You wanna go at it? Let’s step outside.”
“You little shit.” Rafe took a step toward Dex, when he let out sharp cry and fell to his knees.
“Rafe!”
Nina ran to his side, and Ethan joined her. He tried to help his brother, but Rafe pushed him away.
“Don’t touch me. I’m fine,” Rafe growled.
Jesus, really? Ethan threw his arms up in frustration and put some distance between him and his brother before he ended up following Dex’s lead. Like they weren’t already going through enough. He was surprised they hadn’t gotten themselves kicked out.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong? Should we call someone?” Letty asked.
“I said I’m fine.”
Rafe was on his knees, his brow beaded with sweat. Whatever he was, he wasn’t fine. Why wouldn’t he let them help?
“Tell them.” Nina cupped Rafe’s face, her deep brown eyes pleading.
“Nina,” Rafe warned.
Nina shook her head. “No. I’m sick and tired of everyone treating you like shit.”
“Here’s an idea,” Dex said. “Stop acting like an asshole all the time and maybe people wouldn’t think you were such a dick.”
“Fuck you, Daley. I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks.”
Rafe winced, and Ethan knew something was wrong. He wanted to go to his brother, but Rafe would push him away.
“That much I gathered,” Dex muttered.
“Rafe, it’s not right.”
Nina ran a hand over his head, her expression filled with concern, but Rafe shook his head. He pushed himself to his feet, the pain caused by the movement evident on his face. He limped toward the door, head held high.
“I’m going for some coffee. You do what you want.”
He walked out the door, and Seb went back to his chair beside Hudson. He closed his eyes and sighed.
Dex turned his attention to Nina. “How can you go out with that guy?”
“How can you be so judgmental?”
“Judgmental? He goes out of his way to be a certifiable prick to everyone, even his own brothers!”
“Because he’s hurt and angry and scared. His life is crashing down around him, and no one gives a fuck. They’re too busy talking shit about him behind his back about what an asshole he is.”
Dex looked affronted. “Hey, I’ve never said squat about him behind his back. Anything I’ve got to say to him, I say to his face. I’m sorry he’s going through whatever he’s going through, but maybe if he actually talked to someone about it rather than pissing on any and every effort someone makes to get along with him, then he wouldn’t be going through it alone.”
“He’s not going through it alone,” Nina replied angrily. “He has me. I’m the one who wakes up in the middle of the night to him screaming in pain. I’m the one who holds him when it gets so bad he passes out. When he wakes up and he’s shaking so bad he can’t hold his own glass of water, I’m the one who helps him. All you see is the asshole. You don’t see the guy who dropped out of high school and took night classes while working two jobs so his family could put food on the table, so his dad and little brother had the medicine they needed.”
Ethan stood stunned. He wasn’t sure which part of Nina’s outburst left him the most hurt and confused. Just what the hell was going on with his brother, and why hadn’t Rafe said anything?
Nina turned to Ethan, tears in her eyes. “You and Seb have always been so angry with him for never being there, but did you stop to think about why? Everything he did, he did for his family, without complaint and without even bringing it up, because he didn’t want anyone feeling guilty. When Seb applied to the THIRDS, who do you think put in a referral for him to get hired? When you applied, who fought tooth and nail so you’d get hired? The THIRDS is inclusive, but they were unsure if you could perform out in the field as a specialist with your mutism. They wanted to give you a desk job, Ethan. Rafe fought for you to receive equal treatment. He told them they’d be losing out if they didn’t put you out there.” She turned to Seb, her expression softening. “After the shootout, when everyone was out for your blood, demanding you be let go, who do you think went to the very top to fight for you? Rafe gave everything he had, put his own reputation on the line so they would give you a second chance.” Her resolve strengthened, and she wiped a tear away from her cheek.
“Rafe’s health has been deteriorating for some time, and he’s been trying everything to prevent….” She took a deep breath and released it slowly. “He has two years left out in the field. Three at most. The doctors have already confirmed it. Rafe’s going to end up in a wheelchair. Permanently. Like your father. He inherited your dad’s Therian Acheron Syndrome.”
Ethan’s heart dropped. He shook his head. No. That can’t be right.
“That’s why he’s so angry all the time. He’s been hiding it for years. The symptoms started appearing back in college, but they weren’t so bad, so he tried to ignore it. Then three years ago… the pain got too bad to ignore. It hit him hard.”
Ethan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His heart squeezed in his chest. Seb stood, but Ethan shook his head. He turned and left, grateful when Calvin stayed behind. He needed to see Rafe alone, needed to know if it was true. Ethan tried not to think about Rafe going through what his dad went through. The doctors said it was what had set off Ethan’s mutism. The trauma of seeing and hearing his father in so much pain, watching how it contorted his body. Worst of all was the flash of resignation in his father’s green eyes. That slip of a moment where it had been evident that he wanted nothing more than to end his own suffering. It didn’t last long before his father’s determination set in, but it was enough to haunt Ethan for the rest of his life.
Ethan rounded the corner and found his brother leaning against the corridor wall that led to the café. Rafe cut him off and held a hand up.
“I don’t need your pity parade. I can take care of my own shit. Always have.”
Rafe tried to limp off, and Ethan grabbed his arm. Please don’t go.
“Fuck off, Ethan. Don’t pretend like you give a shit. You and Seb made it pretty clear ages ago that I’m not part of your little club. Just because I’m going to end up a spaz like you and Dad doesn’t c
hange anything.”
Ethan flinched at Rafe’s callous words. They hurt, but he knew his brother was hurting worse. Stepping up to Rafe, Ethan wrapped his arms around him and hugged him close, refusing to let go when Rafe tried to push him away. His brother wasn’t really trying. He could have pushed harder. Ethan leaned his head against Rafe’s and whispered in his ear.
“I’m sorry.”
Rafe stiffened. It was the first time Ethan had spoken to him. Ever. Rafe wrapped his arms around Ethan, giving him a squeeze before burying his head against Ethan’s shoulder. Seeing Rafe so vulnerable was difficult. Rafe had never been anything but fearless and stoic. He made it a point never to show any weakness, or rather what he deemed weakness, in front of anyone. It was difficult for Ethan to hear Rafe’s quiet sobs.
When Rafe was ready, he pulled back and wiped at his eyes. The tears were gone, and his somber expression returned, but his eyes gave away the despair he was feeling. He cleared his throat and smoothed out his shirt.
“I always resented the fact you spoke to Seb and not me. I know I’m not fun like Seb, and that I’ve never been there for you, but you have to know it’s not because I didn’t want to be. I didn’t know what to do to help you, and that frustrated me. I’m not so good with feeling helpless. Seb always knew what to do when you got upset or scared. I made things worse.”
“That didn’t mean I didn’t need you,” Ethan said softly.
Rafe gave him a nod. “Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
“Is it true? You have what Dad has?”
Rafe inhaled deeply and nodded. He motioned over to the large fountain and the tiled seating around it. They walked over, and Ethan took a seat beside his brother.
“I was diagnosed years ago, but I was in denial. Seeing Dad struggling with his meds, confined to his wheelchair, how hard it was for Mom, for everyone, and knowing there was nothing I could do to prevent it… I couldn’t handle it. It made me furious, and I know it was wrong to take that out on you and Seb, but I was so angry. I was the oldest. It was my job to look after everyone, to provide for our family. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“Do Mom and Dad know?”
Rafe shook his head, his lips pressed together. “I don’t know how to tell Mom. It’ll be like Dad all over again, and that almost killed her. And now with this….” He motioned toward the corridor they’d come from and ICU.
“He saved Seb’s life.”
“I know. And I know it wasn’t his fault. It would make me so angry seeing Seb hurting like that.” Rafe let out a humorless laugh. “Anger seems to be the only thing I can feel these days. It was easy to hate Hudson for what he did. For breaking Seb’s heart, for leaving him when he was at his lowest, after Seb had risked his life and his career for him. I couldn’t understand it. Why the hell would Seb do something so stupid? Now I understand.”
“Nina.”
A smile came onto Rafe’s face, and it warmed Ethan all over. His brother didn’t smile nearly enough, if ever. It made him look like a different person. Someone not so angry at the world.
“It took me a while to realize she wasn’t going to go anywhere. I figured once she found out, she’d leave me. The first time I woke up screaming, I told myself she was out the door. Instead, she was focused and helped me through it. She wouldn’t put up with any of my shit. I tried to break it off, and she refused.” Rafe chuckled at the memory. “She actually refused. Just said ‘Nope, not happening,’ and then she made me soup.” He narrowed his eyes. “There was a fish head in it, but it was surprisingly good.”
Ethan laughed. He knew how much his brother hated eating things with eyes still attached. Rafe took a deep breath, and Ethan could have sworn his cheeks were flushed.
“You love her,” Ethan said as it dawned on him.
Rafe gave Ethan a sideways glance before his lips curled into a smile. “Yeah, I think I do.”
Ethan threw an arm around his big brother and hugged him. “I’m happy for you. Really.”
“Wow, you making up for not talking to me all your life?”
“I’m sorry.” And he meant it. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. I couldn’t.”
“I know.” Rafe stared off at nothing in particular. “I read up on it, you know. On your selective mutism and social anxiety. I wanted to understand. And I did. I couldn’t get past the fact that you could talk to Seb and not me.”
“I don’t get to choose,” Ethan murmured quietly. “I either can or can’t. I wish I could talk to Mom. I know how much it would mean to her. To Dad. I’ve tried so many times. But I can’t. I open my mouth and my throat closes up. I start to panic. Then I think about how disappointed she must feel, and it makes things worse. I passed out once.” He’d tried so hard. His mom had so many worries, so much going on with their dad. Even at a young age he knew how happy it would make her if he talked to her, but no matter how much he pushed himself, he couldn’t. He’d tried so hard one day he’d blacked out.
“I remember,” Rafe said gently. “I was the one who found you.”
Ethan stared at him. “But I was in Seb’s room when I woke up.”
“I put you there. Figured you’d feel better if Seb was there when you woke up.”
Ethan couldn’t help feeling guilty. How many times had his brother placed Ethan’s needs before his own and simply kept it to himself? “Seb told me I didn’t have to talk. If one day I did it would be great, but not to force myself. Things got a little better after that.”
“See, I would have fucked it all up.” Rafe frowned down at his fingers. “Speaking of fucking up, I’m sorry about Thanksgiving. I had a bad episode that morning and said ‘fuck you’ to the world. I didn’t mean for you to get hurt or