The AllFather scanned harder, digging deeper and more brutally than he ever had before, but Xairn was unmoved. At last there was a savage curse and he felt the corpse-cold fingers withdraw from his brain.
“Why?” The AllFather glared at him. “You ssshould be brimming over with pain—ssshould be filled with agony. But I find nothing to feed upon, nothing to sssate my appetite.”
“There is nothing left,” Xairn replied, and knew it to be true. He was hollow inside now, a shell. The part of him that had been capable of love, of pity, of pain, was gone. It had died the moment the spark in Sanja’s eyes had gone out. “You should be glad, Father,” he said, looking into the AllFather’s crimson eyes, so hatefully like his own. “Finally you have a son in your own image. One who feels as much—and as little—as you.”
Chapter Thirty-eight
“So are you and Sylvan going to wait awhile before you tie the knot?” Liv asked. It had been over three weeks since Sophie’s return to the Mother ship and the three of them were sitting on the floor in Kat’s suite having a girl’s night in. Due to Liv’s cravings, the menu consisted mainly of ice cream, ice cream, and more ice cream. “Well?” Liv asked again and took another spoonful of Chunky Monkey from the carton the three of them were sharing. She licked it slowly, clearly savoring its rich flavor. “Mmmm. So good,” she moaned.
Sophie shook her head and laughed. “You’re too funny, Liv. The way you act, anyone would think you’d never tasted ice cream before.”
“I haven’t—not like this,” Olivia protested. “I’m serious, you guys. You have no idea how good food can taste when you’re pregnant. It’s like everything I eat is the best thing I’ve ever eaten.”
“Except for spaghetti and meatballs, right?” Sophie asked. There had been an incident just the other night with the now infamous Italian staple—one she was sure would never be repeated. Especially by poor Baird, who had been doing the cooking at the time. Liv had taken one look at the plate he’d placed proudly in front of her and promptly lost all the ice cream she’d had earlier for lunch.
Olivia shivered. “Ugh, don’t even talk about that! Don’t even say it. Just the idea of…of S and M makes me feel like I’m going to hurl.”
“Oh yeah? I thought you said Baird was uh, into S and M now.” Sophie nudged her sister and grinned at Kat, who gave her a weak smile in return.
“Ha-ha, very funny,” Olivia said dryly, taking another spoonful of ice cream. “I never should have told you about that. I should have let you find out about the Law of Conduct on your own.”
“Oh I’m not worried about Sylvan spanking me.” Sophie grinned. “He’s too busy biting me for that.”
Liv shook her head. “How you got over your fear of needles enough to be into that I’ll never know. And if he’s biting you all the time, how we can’t see any marks on your skin?”
“He heals me too,” Sophie answered promptly. “He just licks me and the little holes disappear. It’s amazing what he can do with his tongue.”
“I’ll bet,” Liv said dryly.
Sophie blushed. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know what you meant. Anyway, back to your wedding—when are you having it?”
Sophie licked her own spoon of ice cream thoughtfully. “I want to wait until Nadiah comes of age so she can be part of it. Of course her parents think I’m crazy, so they don’t want her to have anything to do with me. But she swears she’ll be here the minute she can legally come.”
“Sounds like you bonded pretty quickly out there on Tranq Prime,” Olivia remarked.
“Well, yeah. She was the only person there besides Sylvan that wasn’t absolutely horrible.” Sophie shivered. “I mean, don’t get me wrong—I’ll give the place another shot if I have to—especially now that MM2 is behaving itself.” She stroked the green tharp, which she was wearing as a shawl at the moment. “But I really don’t want to.”
Liv made a face. “I just can’t believe you came back with one of those creepy live blankets and you actually made a pet out of it.”
“So what?” Sophie said a little defensively. “MM2 is actually really sweet—you just have to know how to talk to it. Isn’t that right, MM2?” she cooed, stroking the tharp.
Olivia just shook her head. “So how does Sylvan feel about you two ‘living in sin’ until Nadiah can be part of the bonding ceremony?” she wanted to know. “I mean, you do know that’s what Grandma and Grandpa Jakes would have called it, right?” Their mother’s parents had been notoriously strict about anyone living together without being legally wed.
“Yes, I know.” Sophie sighed. “But they’re dead so it’s not like I can invite them to the wedding.”
“I wouldn’t think you’d want to even if they were alive,” Olivia said. “That’s the reason they kicked mom’s sister, out of the family, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know,” Sophie admitted. “Mom would never talk much about Aunt Abby to me but I always got the idea that they were really close—almost as close as the three of us.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s the reason they got rid of her.” Liv took another bite of the ice cream which was almost gone. “I got the story out of Dad once. He said Aunt Abby got pregnant ‘out of wedlock’ and they kicked her out of the house when she started to show. Mom wanted to go be with her when she had the baby but Grandma and Grandpa forbid it. And then Aunt Abby died having the baby. It was a little girl and she was going to name it after Mom, only the…the little baby g-girl didn’t make it either.” She sniffed and her eyes began to water. “Dad said Mom never forgave herself for not being with her sister when…when she d-died. Oh God, I’m sorry.” She wiped her eyes on a stray napkin. “Stupid pregnancy hormones.”
“It’s all right.” Sophie put a hand comfortingly on her twin’s shoulder. “It is a really sad story. But to get back to your question, Sylvan doesn’t care how long we wait. I think the Kindred really do these ceremonies more for our benefit than for theirs—in his mind, we’re already married.”
“I think Baird felt the same way once we were bonded,” Liv said thoughtfully. She blew her nose on a paper napkin and then nudged Kat playfully. “What about the Twin Kindred, Kat? How do they feel about ‘living in sin?’”
“I wouldn’t know, since I’m not talking to any of them at the moment.” Kat tried to smile but it turned into kind of a grimace instead.
“Kat, are you all right?” Olivia leaned toward her anxiously.
Kat made a shooing motion with one hand. “Fine, I’m fine.” But her voice was barely there and her usually rosy cheeks were as pale as paper. Worse, the circles under her deep blue eyes were almost as dark as bruises.
“No, you’re not,” Liv said firmly. “You’ve been quiet for weeks. Sophie and I were hoping you’d open up in your own time but we can’t wait anymore. You have to talk, Kat—tell us what’s going on. You’ve hardly said a word all night.”
“And you haven’t eaten a bite,” Sophie pointed out. “I figured you and Liv would do battle once I pulled out the Ben and Jerry’s but you haven’t even had a single spoonful.”
“Yeah, Kat woman, if you keep on like this you won’t be one of the ‘elite’ for long.” Liv’s tone was joking but it was clear she was really worried about their friend.
“Sorry girls but for the first time ever, I’m just not hungry.” Kat put a hand to her head. “I’ll tell you, messing around with the Twin Kindred is a great diet plan.”
“Really?” Liv asked.
Kat nodded. “Seriously, Weight Watchers had better watch their ass. If word gets out they’ll lose half their membership and the HKR building will be packed with plus sized ladies looking for love in all the wrong places.” She tried to laugh but it turned into a groan.
Sophie felt horribly guilty. “It’s because you had to join with Deep and Lock again to find me, isn’t it? Are you still feeling all their emotions?”
Kat nodded. “They’re not fading like they did last time. And this headache…
” She shook her head and then winced, as though she regretted the movement. “It just won’t quit.”
“Oh God, Kat, I’m so sorry!” Sophie put an arm around her and pulled her into a hug. “I feel terrible. If you hadn’t been trying to find me you would never have put yourself through that again.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Kat hugged her back tightly before letting go. “I’d do it again if I had to, Sophie. Even if it does mean having two of the most annoying males in the history of the universe stuck in my skull. Well, Lock isn’t so bad—he’s really sweet, actually. But Deep…” She shook her head and winced again. “Damn—gotta stop doing that. Anyway, Deep is a piece of work. And he feels the same way about me that I do about him.”
“Which is?” Olivia raised an eyebrow at her.
“Let’s just say our mutual feelings aren’t all sunshine and rainbows,” Kat said dryly. “And we’re both feeling them just as hard as we can 24/7. Or however you measure a day on this stupid ship.”
“Well it faded last time after awhile,” Sophie said hopefully. “Maybe it’s just taking a little longer this time because you had to look so far away to find me.”
“It was an intense joining,” Kat admitted in a low voice, running one hand through her long auburn hair. “But I just—”
“Just what?” Sophia had turned her attention to the empty ice cream carton again, which Olivia was scraping to get the last spoonful. She looked back over at Kat just in time to see her eyes roll up before she collapsed in a heap on the floor. “Omigod—Liv!” she gasped.
Olivia threw down the ice cream carton and spoon and went into action at once. “She’s having a syncopal episode. Get her feet higher than her head and call Sylvan—now!”
“A what episode?” Sophie grabbed her friend’s feet and began piling cushions from the couch under her knees.
“She fainted,” Liv clarified, helping with the cushions. “Is Sylvan on the way?”
“Sylvan come quick! Kat fainted!” Sophie sent.
“On my way. Where are you?” she heard him send back through their new link.
“Kat’s suite. Hurry, Sylvan! I’m scared!”
“Is she breathing?”
“Is she breathing?” Sophie asked, repeating his question to Liv.
“Breathing is shallow and her pulse is thready.” Liv had two fingers pressed to the side of Kat’s neck. “I hope Sylvan’s bringing his med kit.”
“I’ve got it right here.” Sylvan burst into the room, a grim look on his face. After checking Kat’s breathing and heartbeat, he lifted her eyelids carefully and examined her eyes.
“Well?” Sophie and Olivia spoke together.
“I was afraid of this.” Sylvan shook his head grimly.
“Afraid of what, Sylvan?” Liv demanded. “Just tell us what’s wrong and if she’ll be okay.”
“I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “I don’t know the answer to either question. “She came to me a little while ago complaining about severe headaches and spells of dizziness. I did several scans but everything came out negative.”
“Then what’s wrong?” Sophie was crying, she couldn’t help it. “I mean if all her scans are clear?”
“I don’t know but I think it has something to do with the joining she had with Deep and Lock.” He touched her shoulder gently. “I’m sorry, Talana. I should have told you earlier but Kat wanted to keep it from you. She was afraid you’d feel guilty.”
“If it has something to do with their joining, then maybe Deep and Lock have an idea of what’s going on,” Liv said practically. “Sophie, run get them now. Sylvan and I will stay with Kat.”
“Don’t bother.” Sylvan shook his head. “Get me a Think-me—I’ll bespeak Lock.”
“Of course.” Liv snapped her fingers. “I brought mine with me—now where did I put it?”
“Here it is!” Sophie snatched it from the end table and jammed it on Sylvan’s temples. “Hurry!”
Sylvan concentrated for a moment and then looked up. “He and Deep are on the way. They’re just down the—”
“Where is she?” Deep burst into the room, a wild look on his dark face. “What happened?”
“She just collapsed.” Sophie was still crying as she looked at the still form of her friend. Oh God, Kat…Kat, please be okay. Please!
“We were just coming to see her.” Lock came in behind his twin. “To tell her our ship was ready to leave for Twin Moons. We…we were going to try and convince her to go with us.”
“She never would have,” Liv objected fiercely. “You know that—you know how she feels.”
“Yes, Olivia, we are intimately acquainted with the way Kat feels,” Deep snarled sarcastically. “Both day and night.” He tapped his temple. “We can’t get away from her feelings, no matter how much we might want to.”
“You’ll have to excuse Deep,” Lock told Liv apologetically. “Kat, uh, doesn’t like him very much.”
“So she was just telling us.” Olivia gave Deep a challenging stare and he glared back in return.
“Enough!” Sylvan’s deep voice rumbled with authority. “Kat’s been complaining of severe headaches and dizziness for weeks and her symptoms weren’t getting any better. Deep, Lock, what can you tell me? Does it have anything to do with the joining the three of you shared?”
“It’s possible.” Lock knelt on the floor beside her and cupped Kat’s pale cheek gently. “It might have to do with the fact that we used her as a focus to find Sophia, even though she’s female and we’re male. Or—”
“Look! Look at her,” Olivia interrupted excitedly. For some of Kat’s color had returned and her breathing seemed more even—at least to Sophie, who was still watching from behind Sylvan’s broad shoulder.
“Is she getting better?” Lock withdrew his hand and sat back, watching Kat hopefully.
But the moment he withdrew his hand, the color faded from her cheeks.
“Oh no!” Liv moaned. “Her pulse was getting so much better but now it’s weak again. Sylvan, can’t you give her some kind of stimulant?”
Sylvan had been watching the situation, his ice blue eyes taking in everything with his typical cool, logical precision. “She doesn’t need a stimulant—not a chemical one, anyway.” He turned to look at Lock. “Touch her again. Put your hand on her bare skin and keep it there.”
Lock followed orders at once, holding one of Kat’s limp hands. Sophie was relieved to see the color return once again to her friend’s cheeks.
“Now you.” Sylvan nodded at Deep. “Come over here—take her other hand.”
Deep looked like he wanted to protest but Lock gave him a pleading glance.
“Please, Brother,” he murmured. “Our Kat needs you.”
Deep didn’t answer but he did act. Scowling, he knelt beside Kat and took her hand with infinite gentleness, as though he was afraid he might break her somehow.
The effect was immediate. Color rushed to Kat’s face and her eyelids fluttered rapidly. “No!” she moaned, writhing on the floor. “Too much…too much!”
Deep dropped her hand as though he’d been stung and she subsided at once.
“She’s stabilized again,” Liv reported, relief in her voice. “For a minute there I thought she was going into cardiac arrest but she’s all right now.”
“It looks like you were wrong, Brother,” Deep sneered, rising to his feet. “Our Kat doesn’t need me at all. She only needs you.”
“Deep—” Lock began but his brother had already stalked away, making room, presumably, between himself and the scene around Kat.
“She’s doing better now but she can’t stay here,” Sylvan said decisively.
“Of course not,” Olivia agreed. “She’ll have to be moved to the med station. I’ll call for a stretcher.”
“No, Olivia.” Sylvan shook his head. “I ran a full battery of tests on her a week ago and I reran them again yesterday. Every one was negative. There’s nothing more I can do for her here on the Mother ship.” r />
Sophie was aghast. “But then where are you saying Kat should go? If you can’t help her, who can?”
“Someone on Twin Moons, I hope.” Sylvan looked at Lock. “Your people are the only ones that know anything about how the seeker/finder/focus relationship works. Is there anyone on your home planet that might be able to help Kat?”
“There is a very ancient healer—Mother L’rin,” Lock said slowly. “She knows more about seeking and finding than anyone else on the planet. She might be able to help Kat.”
“What?” Olivia demanded. “You want to just send her off to a strange planet with two men she can’t stand, with the hope that some old witch woman who probably has no formal medical training might be able to help her? No, Sylvan. No!”
Sylvan faced her squarely. “Then she’ll die. Look at her, Olivia—she’s been steadily deteriorating for days. This is the best she’s looked since I saw her at your joining ceremony, but Lock can’t spend the rest of his life holding her hand.”
“I can try.” Lock had been staring down at Kat but now he looked up at Olivia, his heart in his eyes. “I’ll do whatever I can to heal the lady Kat,” he said softly. “I care for her and so does Deep—he just doesn’t know how to express it.”
“I’d say he expresses his emotions just fine,” Liv said sourly. “But that’s not the point. Who even is this Mother L’rin person? What are her qualifications? Where did she do her residency?”
“Olivia…” Sylvan put a steadying hand on his sister-in-law’s shoulder. “Please. You’ve trusted me in the past. I wouldn’t be recommending this course of treatment if I thought there was any other way to save Kat.”
Liv looked at him, her mouth open to say something…and then she seemed to deflate. Her eyes filled with tears and she shook her head. “I’m sorry, Sylvan. But Kat…”