Chapter 2: The self-god. Continued.
“Is she pregnant?”
“S’wat she claimin, I can’t have no bitch holdin me down, all I know, she could’ve, f**k.” He paused to catch his breath “She aint getting my money. She doin this 'cause she know I'm releasing in seven months, f**kin bitch.”
Rikki looked to his manager, Jared, who had been silent throughout the meeting, unusually silent. He looked neither at Rikki nor at the secretary but kept rubbing the scruff beneath his chin with his right hand with the elbow anchored on his thigh. Rikki sensed his unusual disposition and decided to wait for a moment when he could bring him into the conversation.
“Exactly. Rikki, a child with a woman like that. Not now at the height of your career. You’re an idol, you don’t need just a woman, you need the woman. Dammit Rikki, she even goes round talking about that Jehovah’s Witness thing. Think what she could do to your career,” the secretary said and turned her head to look at Jared.
Jared sighed, and Rikki took this as an opportunity to find out what was wrong.
“What's eating you J?,” he asked with feigned concern.
“Nothing’s wrong with me, it's you I’m worried about...”
Rikki thought about the times he had heard Jared say those exact words to him. Before, he had always listened to Jared and had always lowered down to his reproaches. But as his music career sloped up, these words were becoming more annoying, as if Jared was trying to control him.
“You are acting like a child Rik,” Jared finished, using few words only with his gentle voice as usual. These quiet reprimands were what were especially annoying to Rikki.
“You're annoying me,” Rikki said with assertiveness and anger his voice. “I think you getting old is what’s eatin’ you. You losin’ your style, them bitches don't like you no more and you makin’ money using me, yeah, remember that, I'm da one making you money. Talkin’ about how I'm childish, you don’t even know or have a way to get your self paid.” Since his career had sky-rocketed, he had always wanted to say this.
Jared sighed and remembered how he had actually been the one, during those old days, searching for record labels which would even consider taking Rikki's mixtapes as a point of politeness even if they were just going to throw them away the moment he left. But, no, he did not want to mention that to Rikki. Rikki chose to forget those old days, in fact he chose to forget those who helped him, even Chantel. They just became liabilities to him.
“Okay Rikki. I didn't know you were...” he stopped. This is not about me, he said to himself. “Rikki,” he continued, “Chantel. That girl's been nothing but good to you, hell, if she wants all your money it’s because she deserve it. Remem-”
“She deserves nothin’!” Rikki interjected him standing up from the couch furiously and walking around it to the large window overlooking traffic and buildings. “I knew you and that bitch is scheming,” he added. Jared kept quiet in disbelief.
He is lost, he said to himself.
“I don't care about your money Rikki. You really think they givin’ you advice because they care about you?” Jared said and cast a short glance towards the secretary. She puckered her lips and looked down.
“Well, here's the truth. They don’t!”
“They know how to get me rich and that’s all that matters. Money, Pussy. We are just animals Jared. You tryin’ to think otherwise is you just- What's that word?” he asked his secretary. She replied.
“Yeah it's just you inhibiting yourself.”
“I have the decency to do so. I'm no angel Rik, I never been, but there's pushin’ the limits and if something inside you doesn't tell you, then you're dead, and all that’s left is for your heart to stop beating.”
Rikki sighed. He did not want to consider what Jared was saying - to him he was wrong - no matter how sensible he was. Jared was wrong no matter what!
“Jared, if you ain’t gonna catch my drift, then we too different. I can't have my manager going in the opposite direction. I can't have a manager going against.” He closed his eyes and lowered his head at an attempt of sorrow. “Jared,” he continued “I can't. You pullin’ me back,” he said with as doleful a voice as he could act out.
The secretary tried to hide her pleasure but with the pouting of her lips and a cough it escaped.
In front of her, Jared thought, No, Rikki, you’re not sorrowful, it's a mask. Not even the decency to send her out.
“Abigail, see to it about his money and the record label and,” he stopped and looked at Jared, the fake sorrow gone from his face, “we'll tell 'em that you resigned, that you are tired- we'll think of something.” It was shocking to Jared how relieved Rikki actually seemed about dismissing him and so he decided not to argue or to correct but simply to let go and he stood, not looking at Rikki or the secretary and walked to the door and opened it. He stood in the open doorway with his back to Rikki. This was the climax of something that had been building up since Rikki achieved fame.
“Best of luck to your album. You won't see me again. And if I see you, I won’t know you,” Jared said, his disappointment audible in his throat. He walked out and closed the door behind him.
It was the last time Rikki saw him.
After an interval of silence, Abigail, with an exulting sigh, stood and went to the window and stood next to Rikki.
“At last. Thought he wouldn't leave us.”
“Strip down and go lay on the bed,” Rikki commanded her.
“Yes sir,” she replied seductively and went to the bedroom.