What if I’d learned these stories as a child? Would I have ever wanted to be Good?
Doesn’t matter, Sophie thought, breaking from her trance. “An inspired bit of redecorating, Rafal. But it still doesn’t make any of it true.”
“Says who?” he called back.
Sophie frowned at the murals. “Says the storybooks, obviously. I can paint an ending where I bask on a tropical island, serviced by well-muscled slaves. But it’s just a fantasy. All of these are fantasies. They don’t mean anything. The real endings already happened.”
Rafal turned. “And what about your kiss with Agatha? Or Agatha’s kiss with Tedros? Weren’t those real endings too? And yet here we are, back in your story, as if those endings never happened. Endings can change, my queen.”
He gazed out a window at the School for Old. “And change they must.”
Sophie could have sworn she heard a roar from deep within the Old castle, like a monster breaking out of its cage.
“The Deans are eager to meet you,” he said, heading towards the rear staircase. “They’ll take you to your class.”
Sophie didn’t move, hands on hips. “You said it yourself. Agatha and Tedros are on their way to kill you. I can’t be in class! I have to protect you . . . I’ll fight with you—”
“And who do you think will be your army against Agatha and Tedros, if not your class?” he said, not looking back.
“What? No one at this school even likes me—they’ll never listen to me—”
“On the contrary, they have to listen to you,” Rafal said, fading up the stairs.
Standing alone in the hallway, Sophie watched his shadow spiral up the banister. She groaned, glancing quickly at her schedule.
Session
Faculty
1: ADVANCED UGLIFICATION
Prof. Bilious Manley
2: ADVANCED HENCHMAN TRAINING
Castor
3: ADVANCED CURSES & DEATH TRAPS
Queen Sophie
4: ADVANCED HISTORY OF VILLAINY
School Master
5: LUNCH
6: ADVANCED SPECIAL TALENTS
Prof. Sheeba Sheeks
7: WOODS TRAINING
Lord Aric
Sophie snorted, confused. “There’s a mistake on here—has my name for—”
“Your class.”
Your class.
No.
Not possible.
Sophie dropped the schedule like a stone.
“I’m a teacher?”
8
When Good Rescues Go Bad
The path through webbed trees was so narrow and dark that the three Evers had to travel one behind the other, like ducks out of a pond. While Tedros fixed his gold fingerglow on Princess Uma ahead, he kept peeking back at Agatha, whose gold fingerglow was pinned on him.
“Stop checking on me,” Agatha finally snapped.
“Oh, no, it’s just . . . I didn’t remember our glows matching so much,” Tedros fumbled and quickly turned around.
Agatha didn’t answer. For one thing, she was sick of his worried glances and sugar-sweet conversation, as if she was about to have a nervous breakdown or drown herself in the nearest pond. For another, she didn’t feel like talking to anyone (least of all about inane color symmetries), anxious the conversation might drift back to her mother. But most of all, she was preoccupied with wresting Sophie away from the School Master, rehearsing again and again what she’d say to her best friend when they finally made it to school.
Tell her how much you miss her . . . or should I apologize first? . . . How do you apologize for ruining someone’s life? “Sorry I tried to banish you forever” . . . “Sorry I thought you were a witch” . . . “Sorry I never asked your mother’s name and I’m a crap friend . . .”
Agatha gulped. Oh, why drudge up the past? Just get her to destroy the ring and then focus on the future. The three of us at Camelot—a clean slate—
Agatha smiled, trying to be confident . . . and slowly deflated.
Apologize first.
Agatha tensed again. But suppose she won’t destroy the ring? she thought, remembering how handsome the young School Master was. She thinks he’s her true love, Uma had said, and Agatha knew from experience that Sophie wasn’t one to give up on love once she thought she’d found it. What if she’s happy without me? What if she doesn’t want me anymore?
“I’ll rescue Sophie when we find her,” Tedros broke in, as if he’d decoded her silence. “Not sure she’ll want you there, to be honest. Let me talk to her alone.”
Agatha looked up, aghast.
“For one thing, you’ve been through enough already, my love,” her prince added, hopping over a log. “Second, you tend to faint at crucial moments. And third, Sophie and I have our own special bond.”
Agatha followed him, stumbling over the log. “First of all, I’m fine. Second, I fainted once—”
“Twice: waltz class and by the lake—”
“And third, she’s my best friend—I’ll rescue her—”
“Look, it’s best if I do it,” Tedros said, walking faster. “You two seem to have serious communication issues.”
“And you two don’t?” Agatha said, chasing him.
“All you and Sophie ever do is fight—”
“Because it always involves you!”
“Well, without you, she and I get along just swell,” puffed Tedros.
“When have you two even had a conversation?” said Agatha.
“We were roommates last year—”
“When she was a boy!”
“What does that have to do with anything—”
“A boy you tried to kiss!”
Tedros whirled, beet red. “So? You’re allowed to kiss her and I’m not?”
“Not when she’s a boy!” Agatha barked.
“You kissed her when she was a girl!” roared Tedros—
“I like you two better when you’re quiet,” Princess Uma hissed, glaring from the path.
Tedros mumbled something about “females” and “hypocrites” and stamped ahead, no longer checking back on his princess.
For the next three hours, Uma, Tedros, and Agatha slogged and shivered single file through the Endless Woods, stopping only when Agatha collided with a tree (often) or Tedros needed to pee (even more often). (“What’s wrong with you?!” Agatha growled. “It’s cold!” Tedros yelled.) Agatha tried to ask her teacher about her mother’s past—had Callis been in a storybook? How did she end up in Gavaldon?—but Uma said there’d be time for questions once they made it to League Headquarters.
“League Headquarters?” frowned Tedros. “I thought we were going to school—”
“And who do you think will get you into school?” said Uma. “The School Master has turned the castles into a fortress of Evil. Try and enter alone and you will be dead before you breach the gates. Your mother knew the League of Thirteen is your only hope to get to Sophie alive.” Uma glanced worriedly at the sun. “Besides, you’ll be safe at Headquarters tonight. Won’t last a minute in the Woods after dark on your own.”
“Have you seen any other undead villains? Besides the wolf and giant?” Agatha said, trying to keep their teacher talking.
“Not yet.” Uma looked back at her. “Another reason to be quiet.”
Dawn blossomed to a crisp, windy morning, and the students no longer needed their fingerglows to see. As Agatha and Tedros moved deeper into the Woods, huddled in their cloaks, Agatha noticed an eerie green haze thicken the air, sour smelling and cold. It reminded her of the jellied mildew on her front porch, where Reaper collected his headless birds. Her stomach turned, thinking of her bald little cat, all alone in her house. She wrenched her focus back to the present, to the tree branches passing over her head, spindly and jointed . . . like a skeleton’s hands . . . ticking on her mother’s clock . . .
Agatha’s gut twisted deeper.
“When will it w-w-warm up?” Tedros asked, teeth chattering. “Sun’s acting like it??
?s half asleep.”
Indeed, Agatha had been waiting for the sun to brighten too, but with each hour, it stayed sickly pale, even as it rose higher in the sky. She began to notice cankered tree trunks and fragile ferns, a skeletal chipmunk quailed in mulch, and the corpses of a few malnourished crows. Agatha fingered a single flowering plum, quivering on a bare tree; it withered under her fingers and rotted to black.
“Agatha, look,” Tedros said.
She followed his eyes to a titanic wreckage of vines, trees, and glass thirty yards off the path, glittering in sun mist like an imploded greenhouse. Tedros deviated off the trail to get a closer look, Agatha tailing behind him. As she neared the colossal ruins, at least fifteen feet high, she glimpsed petals and leaves flaking off the tree trunks, catching the light like new blossoms in spring. But drawing closer, Agatha saw all these petals and leaves were dead, sprinkling the dirt between decaying blue frogs. Agatha ran her hands along one of the fallen trunks, her fingers tracing letters etched into the wood: HIBISCUS LINE.
“It’s a Flowerground train,” said Tedros, inspecting a dead vine. “Whole Forest seems to be dying. Maybe the sun’s too weak to keep any of the plants alive?”
Agatha didn’t answer, still riled up from their earlier spat.
“But why would the sun be any weaker than before?” Tedros prodded.
Silence hung awkwardly.
They both mumbled about getting on and spun from each other, as if to follow Princess Uma, but she was far ahead on the path, a miniature shadow, and they had to run after her when they realized she wasn’t going to stop.
They followed her through Willow Walk, Thicket Tumble, and Pumpkin Point, as rickety wooden signs named these parts, which all mirrored portions of the Blue Forest back at school, only bigger and drearier. Occasionally Uma stopped to let them eat a few sludgy meerworms from her pockets (Uma herself abstained, saying it’d be rude to eat her “friends”) or to ask a sparrow or chipmunk to guide them to the nearest pond, where they’d inhale palmfuls of brackish water. Still, for all the menace of the Woods, they didn’t come across anything that resembled a human being, let alone a zombie villain, and Agatha started to wonder if she’d imagined everything that had happened on Necro Ridge.
As if reflecting her easing mind, the tangled forest opened up the farther they went, with more air between trees and the thorny brush turning into a green carpet of grass, though Agatha could see slivers of yellow starting to creep in. When they passed a gilded plaque that said FOXWOOD, Uma’s shoulders noticeably relaxed, and soon the dirt path widened so that they could all walk together, breathing in clearer air and a tangibly safe feeling, as if they’d entered a protected realm.
“The oldest Ever kingdom,” Uma said, finally at ease.
Over the trees to the west, Agatha could see the thin spires of a golden castle shimmering like organ pipes, but her teacher was already steering them to the east, down denser paths.
“We’ll avoid the thoroughfares and go through the glens. Best to avoid you meeting any Evers for the time being.”
“Why’s that?” Agatha asked, but Uma was too busy gibbering to a passing bee.
By the late afternoon, they came upon a large stone well, its wooden roof draped in browning white roses, while a dove pecked at the dry bucket. Agatha brushed away the roses to read white words painted on the roof:
“League Headquarters is only an hour’s walk from here, so we’ll easily make it by sunset,” said Princess Uma, slipping a meerworm in front of the dove. The dove perked up at the sight of Uma and chirped back brightly. “He says that with the School Master’s return, Evers have been keeping out of the Woods. But he knew I’d still come to check on my friends.”
The dove peered at Agatha and Tedros and let out a few inquisitive tweets.
“Yes, sweetie, they’re the ones,” nodded Uma, stroking the dove, and the bird gave the young couple nervous glances, adding a few whispered peeps. “He hears you’re the Evers destined to vanquish the School Master.” Uma held in a grin. “And he thinks your children will look very . . . interesting.”
Tedros laughed. Agatha didn’t.
“Might as well show you Snow’s house along the way,” Uma said, forging up the trail. “Princes occupied it after the Boy Eviction, until the School Master returned and the girls begged all the boys to come back and help protect the kingdoms. Turns out all it takes to bring enemies to peace is a bigger enemy. Probably hasn’t been anyone here in weeks, then. I used to have sooo many friends at Cottage White, you know—sheep, pigs, even horses! Always wanted to bring my classes here to talk to them, but Clarissa said the animals in the Blue Forest were perfectly adequate for lessons. She’s never liked field trips. Thinks the students spend all their time kissing behind trees.” Uma fluttered ahead. “A bit true, I suppose.”
As Agatha watched her go, Tedros slid next to his princess. “Just hear me out. I don’t mean to say you’re not as good friends with Sophie as I am—”
“You barely know her,” Agatha fired.
“Can you listen for two seconds without trying to eat me?” Tedros shot back.
Agatha fumed quietly.
“Look, both of us know you’re her best friend. That you’re the one who’s spent the most time with her,” said Tedros. “But you don’t understand why Sophie took his ring in the first place. Sophie just wants to be loved, okay? She’s willing to embrace the darkest Evil, all so that she doesn’t end up alone. I know how much pain is inside her, because she told me. Pain she would never confess to you, because she doesn’t want you to see it.”
“You think Sophie’s more honest with you than with me?” asked Agatha.
“It’s more complicated than that. Sophie thought I loved her once, Agatha. She thought I was her prince. You told me yourself: all Sophie ever wanted was a happy ending that looked just like ours. If you talk to her, she’ll never destroy that ring. She’ll compare herself to you and all those feelings will come up. She’ll feel like a third wheel to you and me. She’ll feel alone.”
“And let me guess: only you can make her destroy his ring,” Agatha needled.
“Yes,” Tedros said fervently. “Because I can make her see that if she comes with us, she’ll still have a chance at true love one day, even if it isn’t with him. I can make her see how beautiful and vibrant and alive she is . . . how soft and clever and fun and . . .” He smiled, lost in his memory of her. “I can make her feel loved in a way you can’t.”
Agatha took in her prince’s glazed smile as he stared off in space. He used to look at her the same way once. Now he was talking about another girl with that very same look.
Tedros blinked out of his trance and saw Agatha burning pink.
“I rescue her alone. Got it?” she said, shoving past him and trundling up the path, before she stopped and glowered back. “And if you ever dare faint anywhere near me, I’m not catching you!”
Tedros snorted. “Princes don’t faint!”
Agatha gritted her teeth and stormed ahead, until she caught up with her teacher.
Princess Uma gave her a look and glanced at Tedros, muttering to himself a ways behind. “Ever Afters always look so easy in storybooks, don’t they?”
“Sometimes I feel like he needs a real princess,” murmured Agatha.
“Have you been a ghost all this time and I haven’t known it?”
“You know what I mean. I feel like deep down, he wants someone pretty and bubbly and who treats him like a prince.” Agatha peeked up at her teacher. “Someone whose kids won’t look so interesting.”
“I had a prince with shiny hair and a small nose like me and who I always put first,” Uma replied. “Ever After wasn’t any easier.”
“You had a prince?”
“Kaveen, Prince of Shazabah. Aladdin’s great-grandson. Saved me from a hive of bloodsucking bees during the Trial by Tale my first year. The bees nearly killed him and Kaveen lost his chance to win Captain . . . but in the end, he’d won me. Clarissa used
to catch us hiding in the library after curfew. That tortoise was always asleep and there’s this cushy little nook behind the Love Spells shelf. Our initials are still carved into the wood.” She smiled, reminiscing. “After we were married, I was kidnapped by a warlock from Netherwood, intent on ransoming me back to my prince. Part of me knew I should wait for Kaveen to come and rescue me. But I couldn’t risk my prince’s life! Suppose Kaveen got hurt? Suppose the warlock killed him?” Uma’s caramel eyes glistened. “A white stag from the Woods answered my call for help. He ripped the warlock through his heart with his horns and battled his henchmen while I escaped. By the time Kaveen arrived, I was already free.”
“I remember seeing it in a painting,” Agatha said, for Uma had presented her storybook the first day of school. “It was your happy ending.”
“Looks like it on a page, doesn’t it?” her teacher said softly. “The Storian wrote the triumph of Princess Uma for all to hear—only my prince wasn’t a part of it. I became legendary for my deep friendship with the animals, while Kaveen was endlessly taunted for arriving to save his princess too late. A princess famous for all time and her prince, a failure. No one sees that in a storybook, do they?” She paused. “He never said he blamed me, of course. But the stress slowly takes its toll, day after day, until one day you realize you’re always fighting or ignoring each other and you can’t go back to the way it was before. Your happy ending no longer feels happy at all.”
A hot rash rose on Agatha’s neck. “What happens then?”
“Then you’re both better off with someone else, aren’t you? Or even alone . . .” Uma’s voice cracked. “Like me.” A tear slipped down her cheek. “Once happiness is gone between two people, I don’t think it ever comes back.”