“Yes, please.” Amy stood very still as Kendra unhooked the necklace and then fastened it around Amy’s neck. Kendra smiled at her, even though her eyes were wet. “Do you like it?”
“It’s perfect.” Amy looked at the open heart, and the small picture of her mommy, and slowly she closed the locket and pressed it soft against her chest. “Thank you, Kendra.
“Can I . . . can I feel your heart?” She had been afraid to ask, afraid Kendra would say no. But she had to at least try.
Kendra looked like she wasn’t sure. But then she did a little smile. “Of course.” She took Amy’s hand gently in her own and pressed it against her chest. And all of a sudden Amy could feel her mother’s heartbeat. The way she had felt it when she was little and her mommy held her, or when she was scared at night and her mom would sit with her on the edge of her bed. Or when she’d sit on her mommy’s lap and listen to a story.
Or when she’d cuddle with her mommy on Christmas morning.
Amy went to Kendra then and hugged her. For a long time. And as she did she could feel her mommy’s heartbeat again. “Thank you.”
“Of course, honey.” Kendra held her again.
As Amy held on, she pretended just for a minute that her mommy was here. That she was safe in her arms and that she didn’t have to miss her ever again. But then she blinked a few times and looked at Kendra. This wasn’t her mother. Kendra was just a nice lady with her mommy’s heart.
No, her mommy was never coming back. No one could take her place. But she knew her mommy was still alive because she was in heaven. And one day they would all be together again. Her whole family. Until then, her mommy had left a piece of herself behind to help Kendra live. But that wasn’t all. She had left a piece of her heart inside Amy, too.
The heart around her neck would remind her of that.
Now and forever.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Dessert was being prepared in the kitchen, but Maddie wasn’t hungry. She was too overwhelmed by all that had happened that night with Kendra and Amy. And so, while everyone else was eating, she found a quiet spot by the Christmas tree. The ornaments on Aunt Ashley’s tree were nearly all photos, memories of Christmases past.
Until she came to Christmas Eve dinner, Maddie still hadn’t felt quite right about God or her life, really. Yes, she was happy for Hayley. God had answered her prayer about a miracle for her sister, no question. No matter what happened with Patrick, she sensed God wanted her to know Hayley wouldn’t be alone. She was happy and loving and capable of so much more than Maddie had imagined.
Despite what the drowning had taken.
Then there was the miracle of Uncle Luke and Aunt Reagan and their family getting here safely. Whatever had happened with the snowplow, there was no question God had given them a miracle. But even then Maddie still wondered about her own life.
Especially where Connor Flanigan was concerned.
She kept thinking about how she had pushed him away, and shut down all communication. So rude. He was probably glad to be done with her. No surprise he wasn’t making an effort to see her now. He probably couldn’t wait to get back to Liberty and spend time with people who cared about him.
Girls who would actually talk to him.
The whole situation with Connor had taken some of the shine off Christmas.
Right up until the moment they had just witnessed.
Maddie hadn’t given much thought to the fact that the woman had her Aunt Erin’s heart. Having someone’s heart didn’t mean that person took the place of the one who died. Not at all. Maddie’s parents were both doctors—she knew a heart transplant was more of a medical procedure.
But when Kendra gave Amy the locket, when she told her that they each would forever have a part of Amy’s mommy’s heart . . . something lifted in Maddie’s soul. And all at once the shine of Christmas came back. In Amy’s eyes, Maddie could see hope and healing again.
And if that wasn’t a Christmas miracle, nothing was.
Peace settled over Maddie and she leaned her head against the back of the sofa. God, you’re so amazing. To let little Amy have a better understanding of her losses, a better picture of how her mother’s life made a difference even in death. Meeting Kendra today was another miracle. One that Amy needed.
And maybe all of us, too.
She stared at the tree, at a picture of the Baxter cousins long ago. Before the drowning. And suddenly a thought hit her. If Kendra had felt guilty about having the new heart, the gift would’ve been wasted. Aunt Erin wouldn’t want the woman to go around feeling badly about what had happened.
And Hayley wouldn’t want her to feel bad either.
Yes, she had the gift of a healthy life while Hayley had struggled ever since her accident. But Maddie’s guilt didn’t make things better for Hayley. It was like wasting the gift of life. And if Kendra wasn’t going to waste her gift of a new heart, what right did Maddie have to punish herself by not living?
She took her phone from the pocket of her dark jeans. Whatever Connor was doing today, he hadn’t been in touch. She wanted to text him and apologize again, tell him that the distance between them was all her fault. But she didn’t want to appear desperate.
Besides, she didn’t believe in chasing after a guy. That was a boy’s job, to work hard to get a girl to like him. The problem was Connor had done that. But with every effort he made, Maddie had pushed him away.
She may have lost her chance with Connor, but she knew now she hadn’t lost her chance with God. She lifted her eyes to the photo ornament of all the cousins again. You’re with us, God. I believe that now. You’ve made Your presence known in every situation this Christmas.
And as for Connor . . . what happened was my own fault.
At least I learned from it.
That much was true. If she ever had the chance, she would share her story with Connor. And if not Connor, then she would share it with whomever God brought into her life. Friends or . . . someday . . . that special guy God had planned for her.
She was finished hiding her feelings. In fact, sometime in the next few days she would tell her parents everything, about the guilt she’d been carrying all these years.
Her way of thinking about Hayley had been wrong. God wouldn’t want her to carry around guilt the rest of her life. She knew that now. And He wouldn’t want her to push away His blessings out of some self-directed thought that she didn’t deserve them.
Of course she didn’t deserve God’s blessings. None of them did. But that didn’t give her the right to cut off His goodness, to push away the plans and people He brought into her life. God had good plans for Hayley. And He had good plans for her.
She called up Jeremiah 29:11 on her phone’s Bible app. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Maddie exhaled and again the peace of God surrounded her.
His plans might not be clear yet. But one day they would be. And she would never again reject happiness because of guilt over Hayley. Instead she would believe God’s best for both of them. Because God was real. She knew that now.
As real as Christmas itself.
The Flanigan family dinner took longer than usual. Bailey was not even three months pregnant, and still not feeling well. Which meant that Connor and his brothers took over much of the preparation and all of the cleaning.
Connor didn’t mind.
Working in the kitchen took his thoughts off Maddie West. She had wanted to talk after the show the other night, but Connor had been busy ever since. Maybe after Christmas. Or maybe he wasn’t as ready to talk with her now, anyway. If she could change so quickly, maybe Maddie West simply wasn’t the girl for him.
Connor wasn’t sure. He still thought about her all the time, but he was hesitant now. Either way, the day had been fun. Both sets of grandparents had joined them for Christmas Eve service and then prime rib dinner at the Flanigan house. Around the table they played the question game
—one of Connor’s favorites. Bailey’s question had been the best.
If you could ask God one question, what would it be?
Some of his brothers’ answers were funny—as always. Shawn said he’d ask God why the giraffe has such a long neck, and Justin would ask why animals had tails. But a few of them had really profound questions they would ask God. BJ said he’d ask God why he and Justin and Shawn had the chance to be adopted into the Flanigan family when so many millions of kids never had that kind of opportunity.
Bailey said she’d ask God when exactly He had first dreamed up Brandon Paul for her. Which made everyone around the table smile.
Connor said he would ask God why they couldn’t each have a window to their future. “So we would know for sure that everything works out. That we would find the right girl and have the right job. All those important details.”
His question had been personal—especially in light of Maddie. Of course, he knew why God didn’t allow such a thing. With the Lord, the journey was the destination. Every morning, every night, every step in between was a walk of faith. Otherwise there would be no need for a relationship with Jesus.
The dishes were just about finished, and already their grandparents had gone home for the night. Connor’s mom came up beside him and grabbed a fresh towel. “I’ll help dry. The Baxters are expecting us.”
“We haven’t been there in a while.” Connor remembered visiting the Baxter family every year or so. Often his family had joined them for their annual Fourth of July picnic at Lake Monroe. But not for a few years.
“We haven’t gotten together since the accident, the one that took Erin and Sam Hogan and three of their daughters.”
Connor remembered the accident, and how the whole town of Bloomington had grieved the loss of the family. A truck driver had fallen asleep and rear-ended them. There were five white crosses at the side of the interstate where the accident happened. Connor drove by them each time he left town on his way back to Liberty University.
“Did they just not want a lot of friends over since then?” Connor washed the last casserole dish and handed it to his mother.
“I think it worked both ways. We wanted to give them space, a chance to be together as a family. Time to heal.” She took the clean dish from Connor and dried it. “This Christmas they asked us to come for dessert and Pictionary. It takes time to be able to laugh again.”
“I get that.” Connor thought for a minute. “They have a bunch of kids, right?”
“Lots.” His mom smiled. “They’re not always all there. But I got a text from Ashley half an hour ago. Everyone’s there tonight.”
“That’ll be fun.” Connor dried his hands on the towel.
Connor’s dad walked into the kitchen. “The boys and I got the trash out. Everyone ready?”
A smile lifted Connor’s heart. He loved being home. Loved the everydayness of the Flanigan family together, how they helped each other. And tonight both families would make for a celebration they’d all remember.
Connor had no doubt.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
They were about to serve dessert, and Kendra had only one disappointment. The night was flying by too fast. She was in the kitchen whipping a batch of fresh cream when she caught a glimpse of Amy in the next room, talking to Ashley.
The two had their heads together, as Amy showed off the photo of her mother in the locket. Kendra smiled to herself. The gift had been the perfect way to find a connection with the child. Holding her for those few seconds had awakened a longing in Kendra that hadn’t been there since the surgery.
A longing for a child of her own.
Moe was still at the dining room table talking with John and Elaine, and now in the kitchen, some of the Baxter sisters were slicing pie and making coffee. Kendra felt more alive just being here, as if the presence of this family and their faith were air to her lungs.
Ashley came up and handed her a crystal bowl. “For the cream.” She smiled. “Whenever you’re done.”
“That’ll do it.” Kendra turned off the beaters. The cream looked perfect. “Hey, Ashley. Thank you. For letting me and Moe come tonight.”
“It all worked out. Your gift for Amy was very kind.” Erin’s sister leaned against the counter, the air between them much more relaxed than earlier when they first met.
“I had to find some way to connect with her.”
“The locket was exactly what she needed.” Ashley’s voice was kind. “Proof that God wanted the two of you to meet.”
“Maybe so.” Kendra thought about Ashley’s words, how easily she talked about God. As if He were right here in the room with them.
Ashley found a spoon for the cream. “So . . . you and Moe? My dad told me he wasn’t going to come tonight.”
“He wasn’t. Not until yesterday.” Kendra wasn’t sure how much to say. “We . . . neither of us have ever believed in God.”
Ashley listened. If she already knew this information, she didn’t let on.
“Anyway . . . Moe and I, we weren’t doing very well. Not since the transplant. We even talked about getting a divorce.” She gave Ashley a wary look. “In the next month or so.”
“Mmmm.” Ashley looked genuinely troubled by this. “I’m sorry. Marriage is so important.”
“Yes, it is.” Kendra wasn’t sure why she was telling Ashley this. They were strangers, after all. But somehow Kendra no longer felt that way. “Eventually I decided to challenge God—if there was a God. To see if He was real or just part of the imaginations of very nice people.” She looked at Ashley. “Is that terrible?”
“Not at all.” Ashley’s smile held a knowing. “One day I’ll have to tell you my story. How I went through a phase of not believing in God. I asked Him to show Himself, to prove He was real.” Her quiet laugh seemed to suggest she was still amazed at what happened next. “Let’s just say God has no trouble proving Himself.”
“Right.” Kendra dished the cream into the crystal bowl. “So I prayed for Moe. I asked God—if He was really there—to change Moe’s attitude. So that our marriage would have a chance.” She looked out at Moe still talking with John Baxter at the table. “Since then, we’ve been doing better than ever. Which isn’t even possible based on how things were just a few weeks ago.” She looked at Ashley. “So if God is real—and it seems like He must be—I guess Moe and I have to decide what to do next.”
Ashley smiled and nodded. “He’ll show you that, too.” She took the bowl of whipped cream. “Nice talking to you, Kendra. I mean it about telling you my story someday.”
“I’d love to hear it.”
As Ashley left to put the bowl with the other desserts, Moe found Kendra in the kitchen. He put his arms around her waist. “What an amazing night.”
“I know.” She looked straight into his eyes, at the warmth and kindness that hadn’t been there before. “The Baxters are very special people.”
“That’s what I was going to tell you.” He looked out into the room where the others were caught up in half a dozen conversations. “I can feel it, Kendra. The love here.”
“It’s in the air. A sort of love that fills my soul.” She laid her head on his chest for a long moment. Then she looked at him again. “Don’t you think, Moe . . . it could be something more?”
He searched her eyes. “Like God, you mean?”
“Maybe.” She kissed him.
“And something else.” His smile told her that he wasn’t angry at her mentioning God. He was possibly even open to the idea. “Watching you with Amy . . .”
A soft gasp filled her throat. “You felt that, too?”
“Your doctor said you could have a baby, Kendra. Once everything was fine with your heart.”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking when Amy hugged me. I tried to imagine how I would feel having a little girl of my own. How special that would be.”
For a long time Moe didn’t say anything. He only looked into her eyes, straight through to her heart. Then he kissed h
er and smiled. “I think we have a lot to talk about when we get home.” He paused. “Maybe we can join my sister at her church. Because . . . if God is real, it’s about time we get to know Him.”
“Really?”
Moe brushed his fingers against her cheek. “I love you, Kendra. I’m sorry . . . about everything.”
“Me, too. I love you.” She hadn’t felt this much love for her husband since they were first married. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas.”
From the other room, John called for Moe. “Come tell Luke about that new tax law. He’s a lawyer. The two of you probably speak the same language.”
Moe smiled at Kendra. “We’ll talk more later.”
“Okay.” She watched him go, watched him join the men at the table. Then she slipped into her coat and boots and stepped out onto the porch. The snow had let up and overhead the sky was clear. Stars dispelled the darkness, much as they must’ve that first Christmas night.
When Mary and Joseph welcomed the Savior of the world. The One who was God, in the flesh. The One still real and alive today. Kendra was suddenly sure about Him.
This night was all the proof she needed.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Maddie was still sitting by the tree, still talking to God and thanking Him for changing her heart, when the doorbell rang. She watched her Aunt Ashley hurry through the front room. “The Flanigans are here!”
The Flanigans? What? Maddie felt her eyes grow wide. The room seemed to tilt hard to one side. The Flanigans? In a rush of flashbacks, she remembered the name. The Flanigan family. Friends of her Aunt Ashley’s. She hadn’t seen them in years, but . . .
Was it possible?
Maddie stood, her back to the tree. It couldn’t be possible. This family had young kids, and some of them were . . . some of them were adopted from Haiti.
Like Connor’s brothers.
She held her breath as Aunt Ashley opened the door and welcomed the family inside. A blond boy was the first to enter. He introduced himself as Ricky. And then came three more boys—all of them teens. All of them black. Shawn, Justin, and BJ.