Not long after, John Baxter called and connected with Kendra and Moe, saying he hoped they could all meet someday. He talked about Erin and the Baxter family and every other line was something about his family’s faith or how he was sure his daughter was in heaven. That’s when Moe became adamant about not meeting them. He wanted nothing to do with their faith. Plus, he thought getting together would be too much for everyone. Kendra disagreed. She thought there could be great meaning in getting to know Erin’s family.
In recent weeks, whatever progress they’d made in their marriage had long since eroded. Kendra was alone much of the time.
The way she was alone tonight.
A different song filled the room now—“O Holy Night.”
Kendra used a stepladder and wove a string of white lights through the branches of the tree. O Holy Night . . . the stars are brightly shining. This is the night of our dear Savior’s birth.
The lights shone on their pretty tree tonight. But the birth of a Savior? Kendra pondered the possibility. Two thoughts had consumed her lately. First, the idea of meeting Erin’s family and thanking them. She could picture looking into their eyes and letting them know that Erin’s death was not in vain.
And second, the idea that there just might be a God, after all.
A God who came to earth as a baby that first Christmas morning.
The music kept Kendra company as she opened the box of ornaments. These were the antiques, the ornaments from her mother’s tree. For a long time she studied them, staring at them and letting them take her back in time. Kendra never knew her father, and her mother had died in a skiing accident when Kendra was nineteen. Ten years ago. These ornaments, a box of photos, and a handwritten journal were all Kendra had left of the woman.
Slowly, with reverence, Kendra began hanging the ornaments on the tree. Her mother would want her to meet Erin’s family. Leave nothing unsaid. That was her motto. And Kendra’s mother had lived it out. Every bit of love and wisdom she’d had for Kendra was written in the pages of a journal Kendra had known nothing about. Until she found it in her mother’s nightstand the week after her death.
Kendra had read it cover to cover several times since then. Apparently her mother had found faith in Jesus weeks before her death. Kendra and her mother had been planning to have coffee and talk about life that week—just after her skiing trip.
Instead Kendra had spent the week planning her mother’s funeral.
“My mother believed in God at the end,” she told Moe when they met. “She wanted us to believe, too.”
But Moe only smiled the way he might smile at a silly child. “Believe in a God who took your mother away from you? What sense is there in that?”
Moe was alive and real and his argument made sense. That is, until recently.
The difference was John Baxter.
Kendra had been talking to the man on the phone lately. Every week or so. John was kind and intelligent and thoughtful. Whenever he and Kendra talked he always shared something about God. Including the last time, when John asked if Kendra and Moe would like to join the Baxter family for Christmas Eve dinner.
Moe was completely opposed to the idea. But the more Kendra thought about it, the more intrigued she became. Christmas Eve dinner would give her the chance to thank everyone in Erin’s family. But even more it would let Kendra see the Baxter family’s faith firsthand. Was it really possible? That an entire family really believed in God and His ways?
The song was wrapping up. O night divine. O night. O night divine.
Kendra hung the last ornament from the box of her mother’s antiques. Every day the idea became more something Kendra wanted to do. And every day Moe found another reason why they should stay home. Mind their own business.
But who cared what Moe thought? He was constantly at work. The way he was tonight.
Kendra took a deep breath, picked up her cell phone, and dialed John Baxter’s number. He answered on the third ring.
“Kendra. Hello!”
“Hi, John.” She hesitated. Her new heart suddenly pounded in her chest. “I’ve been thinking about your offer. Christmas Eve dinner.”
“Yes. I’ve been praying about that, too.”
There he goes again. Praying about their possible dinner. Is that why I can’t get the idea out of my mind? She squeezed her eyes shut. “I want to come. If you’re still willing.” Another pause. “It’ll be just me. Moe . . . he’s staying here.”
“Okay.” John didn’t hesitate. “Please tell him he’s welcome.” John seemed to think for a moment. “You’re okay with the drive here? By yourself?”
“It’s three hours from Lexington. That’s not a problem.” Kendra opened her eyes and stared at her hands. Her fingers were trembling. “You’re sure it’s all right with your family?”
John’s hesitation wasn’t long. “Most of them. The others will come around.”
She didn’t like the sound of that. “But you’ll tell me. If they decide it’s better for me not to come?”
“I will.” John paused. “What about Moe? Do you think he might change his mind and join you?”
Kendra appreciated this about John Baxter. In some ways John was like the father she never had. “He really doesn’t want to. But maybe . . . if you pray about that, he’ll change his mind.” She glanced at her phone. Moe should be home within the hour. “I’ll keep asking. But either way . . . I want to be there.”
The call ended a few minutes later. She would bring the trip up to Moe again. But she doubted any amount of prayer would make a difference. Kendra found another box of ornaments and worked until the tree was complete. She stood back and admired it. Perfect, really.
She sat down and studied the branches. She loved Christmastime. And this year—like last year—Kendra still worked only part-time at the hospital. More days to ponder life’s biggest questions. Why was she here? Was it possible for love to last forever? And why did Erin Baxter Hogan die, but Kendra got to live? And of course, the biggest question of all: Were her mother and John Baxter right?
Long ago on a silent, holy night . . . did the story of Christmas actually happen?
CHAPTER FOUR
Maddie loved the day before Thanksgiving almost as much as Thanksgiving itself. Everyone who could help out went to Ashley and Landon’s for what the Baxter family had come to call Pre-Thanksgiving.
It was midafternoon and in an hour everyone would be at the house except Dayne, Katy, and their kids. They wouldn’t fly in from California until tomorrow.
“Maddie, can you help me?” Her fifteen-year-old sister, Hayley, was standing at the sink next to a bag of potatoes. She had a single potato in her hand and she was trying with everything in her to peel it.
But the move was too much for her.
“Of course. Hold on.” Maddie had been polishing their grandmother’s silver. She set down the fork she was working on and hurried to Hayley. She washed her hands and then gently took the peeler and the potato. “Here. Like this.” Maddie easily shed the peeling into the sink.
“I can’t make it do that.” Her sister smiled at her, forever innocent in her approach to life. “You’re smarter than me.”
“No, Hayley.” She slipped her arm around her sister’s shoulders. “That’s not true.”
“It is.” Hayley smiled again. “That’s okay. I know it.”
Maddie handed her the next potato and together they worked to peel it. The process was painstaking and awkward. But when they were finished, Hayley lit up. “I did it! You helped me, Maddie! Thank you!”
For the next several potatoes, Maddie stayed at her sister’s side. By the time they’d completed eight of them, Hayley was brimming with confidence. “I really helped this year, right?”
“Definitely.” Maddie smoothed her sister’s blond hair off her face and kissed her cheek. “You’re an amazing help, Hayley. No one cares more than you do.”
Hayley giggled. “I believe you’re right, Sister.”
With that
, Hayley yawned and stretched. “I’m going to go lay down. I want to help with the pies later on.”
Maddie watched her make her way to the front room. She still went to therapy three times a week and these days, though she still moved slowly, she walked with barely a limp. Her studies were going well—as long as she had a tutor. But no matter how she improved, Hayley would never be exactly normal.
And here was the reason Maddie had asked God for a Christmas miracle. Not for herself, but for Hayley. A miracle that would prove to Maddie that God was there. That He cared about Hayley’s future. That He hadn’t given up on her little sister.
Because this was the secret she’d never told anyone. The fact that she alone was to blame for all of Hayley’s struggles and special needs and handicaps. All of it was Maddie’s fault.
And though she never talked about that, she felt it deeply. On the inside she had carried the reality of that every day for the last thirteen years. Each day at her lowest moments she could still hear her daddy’s voice. “Maddie, keep an eye on your sister. Don’t take your eyes off her. Don’t let her go near the pool.” She could hear her father’s desperate cry as he looked for Hayley that afternoon at the birthday party. Still hear him shouting from the depths of his being. “No! Hayley, no!”
She could see him diving to the bottom of the deep end and swooping Hayley’s limp body back to the surface.
Maddie felt her breath catch in her throat. She couldn’t do this. Not here, the day before Thanksgiving. With practiced skill she stuffed her guilt and regret to the bottom of her heart.
“Maddie?” Her mother walked up, studying her. “You okay?”
A half a heartbeat and Maddie recovered. “I’m fine. Are Aunt Kari and Uncle Ryan coming today?” Their daughter Jessie was sixteen and one of Maddie’s favorite cousins.
“I think so.” Her mom kissed the top of her head and walked to her sister. “Hey, Ashley, have you heard from Kari?”
Maddie’s Aunt Ashley was pulling her china down from a cabinet at the far end of the kitchen. “She’ll be here any minute.”
That was close. Maddie left the sink and returned to the silver. She picked up a spoon and rubbed it with polish. Her cousin Jessie usually helped her with this job. Once Jessie got here everything would be okay. Seeing Hayley struggle was always so hard. Maddie played tennis for the high school team and usually won every meet, while Hayley couldn’t catch a tennis ball if her life depended on it. In the winter, Maddie would take to the ice rink and figure-skate with her friends. Hayley couldn’t lace up a pair of skates. Even brushing her teeth was difficult for Hayley.
It wasn’t fair, and all of it was because of Maddie.
But still she had never told anyone. Not even her mom and dad. As if by admitting her guilt to any of them, it might be too much. Too true. And then Maddie would suffocate from the shame and heartache.
Maddie’s phone buzzed. She wiped her hands on a clean rag, and pulled her cell from her pocket. The text was from her cousin Jessie. Hey girl, sorry I’m late. Annie wasn’t feeling good, so my dad’s staying home with her and RJ. We’ll be there in a few minutes.
A smile lifted Maddie’s spirits. Jessie would help take her mind off Hayley. That’s how it worked for her. The more distractions the better. Like the distraction of Connor Flanigan the other day.
After the callback audition, and after they worked with Bailey to choose a cast for the Christmas show, Connor had asked her out for coffee. At first the idea had made her dizzy in the very best way. The chemistry between them was incredible. But then Maddie reminded herself of Hayley. She could be friends with Connor. Nothing more. And so she had given herself permission to go—as friends.
Their time together came back to her, filling her mind and giving her a reprieve from her guilt over Hayley. They had taken a booth near the front window, and Connor had bought her a vanilla latte. Everything about the next few hours felt like a dream.
He was tall and handsome and funny. When he talked he seemed more honest than other boys their age. Like he had nothing to hide. And he listened to her. Really listened. That day she hadn’t felt like any other senior girl at Greenbriar Academy. Connor Flanigan had made her feel like a princess.
One of the things she liked most about him was his love for Jesus. Connor had talked about God like He was a best friend. And something else. Connor wanted to be a prayer leader at Liberty next year. Maddie had loved it when Connor talked about that. He had also told her he wanted to work in film production after he graduated. “There’s a lot of ways to be a light in this world,” Connor had told her. “Making movies that help people see the truth about God—that’s what I feel called to do.”
She had told him about her parents being doctors and how their family ran a crisis pregnancy center in honor of her cousin who only lived a few hours and how after college she wanted to teach elementary school children.
Then he’d said something she would always remember. “I’m sure you’ll be a great teacher, Maddie.” He’d leaned closer, his eyes bright. “But if that doesn’t work out, you can star in one of my movies. I couldn’t find a prettier leading lady.”
“Well . . . I’ll have to keep that in mind.” Maddie had grinned. She no longer felt her feet touching the floor. She had never liked any boy the way she liked him. “Just in case the teaching thing doesn’t work out.”
He’d told her about his family, too. How he had four brothers—three of them adopted from Haiti. And that his father was a football coach with the Indianapolis Colts.
“My aunt and uncle know a family with kids from Haiti. They came to a few of our family parties when I was younger.” Maddie loved how he made her feel. Like she was the only person in the coffee shop.
“My parents probably know them.” Connor grinned. “Seems like we meet more and more people who have kids from Haiti.”
“Was it hard? Bringing in brothers from another country?” Maddie could only imagine the way Connor’s family must’ve come together with the addition of the three boys. “Did they even speak English?”
“Not at first. We had a lot of funny moments in the beginning.” Connor had laughed, as if he could see those days playing out again in his mind. “They were best friends, all three of them about six years old when they came home. They only knew Creole. It took about a week before my parents realized they needed to separate the boys at the dinner table. Otherwise they’d just talk to each other.”
Maddie had listened, amazed. “I so admire your family. Y’all gave those boys a whole new life.”
“In Haiti they used to eat dirt cakes just so they wouldn’t be hungry. About six months after they came home, when they could speak English, they told us what their lives used to be like. It’s a miracle they survived at all. God had a plan for them.”
Now if only God had a plan for my sister, Hayley. Maddie had kept those thoughts to herself. They’d talked another half hour, but she didn’t tell him the two things that might scare him off. The fact that she could never have a boyfriend. And the truth about Hayley, about why she had health issues.
She had wanted to hear more from Connor, but their coffees were gone and they both had places to be. “Someday you’ll have to tell me about the funny moments, how things were in the beginning.”
“I’d like that.” Connor had walked her to her car again, and this time his hug had lasted a little longer. “I head back to Liberty on Sunday. After Thanksgiving.” Their eyes had met and held. “I’d love to see you again before I go.”
Panic had gripped Maddie. She hadn’t meant to give Connor the wrong impression. This coffee, it was wrong, she’d told herself. She’d have to be more careful in the future. She had struggled with her response. “Uh, well . . . That weekend’s pretty busy.”
“Okay.” Connor had looked confused. “Maybe we can just wait till then. In case you have time.”
He’d asked for her number and again she had hesitated. Caught off guard, she had ultimately given it to him. But
the truth was Maddie could never actually date him. She wouldn’t let herself—that was a promise she’d made years ago. If Hayley couldn’t do something, she couldn’t either.
But even so her time with Connor had been breathtaking. She’d thought about him constantly ever since, replaying their time together, the way he looked at her. The way he made her feel.
He’d texted her at least once each day. Something that equally troubled and thrilled Maddie. No matter how much she liked Connor Flanigan, she would not date him. Not unless God opened that possibility for Hayley someday. Maddie hadn’t dated or been to dances. She always found a reason. Too busy or not interested in high school events.
But the truth was something she didn’t tell anyone. Not even her parents.
The fact that she alone had ruined Hayley’s life. Her sister would be perfectly healthy if it wasn’t for her.
Besides, if she was ever honest about what she’d done, how she was to blame for Hayley’s accident, no guy would ever want her. Especially not someone as wonderful as Connor Flanigan.
Maddie was halfway through the silver when Jessie arrived. She hurried to Maddie and took hold of both her hands. “Tell me about this Connor! What’s he like?”
“Shhh.” Maddie looked around. “I don’t want Cole to hear.” She glanced at her other cousin, sharpening the carving knife across the kitchen. “He’ll tell everyone.”
“True.” Jessie lowered her voice. “Cole means well. You know that.”
“He does.” Maddie kept her voice low. “But Connor and I are just friends. That’s all it’ll end up being, I’m sure. So no need to tell anyone.”
“I get it.” Jessie grabbed a spoon and began polishing. “Just friends?” Her look said she doubted the idea.
“Yes.” Maddie allowed a smile. “But you should’ve seen him, Jess. He’s so cute.”