got to look into a mirror
to see the clone of the original Jonathan. You are the clone.
Jonathan
Explain please.
[Cool but with obvious simmering rage].
Leafhead
The interesting thing about my technique of cloning is that
it is a veritable splitting of the mind. The clone does not exist
in its own separate mental state, but rather the original subject will
feel themselves existing within both bodies at the same. It is an
extremely disagreeable way of trying to live, therefore it is never
ideal to have both the clone and the original subject alive at the
same time. However should the original subject die, the clone
can be unfrozen and the brain will pick up exactly where it left
off upon dying as if nothing had happened. As I proved in your case,
it is entirely possible for someone to go through the rest of their life
ignorant of the fact they are living in a replacement body. If one
remembers to always have a clone on hand as well as a person
to entrust with the knowledge of thawing such clone, then my
cloning techniques are in their own right a form of immortality.
Anyway, that time you ate the turducken from Obscurity
Sandwich you were in fact poisoned beyond repair. I know that I
said I knocked you out and put you through the De-Toxifier, but I
actually just shot you in the head and unfroze your clone. I had the
original-you cremated and scattered in the forest.
The Last Bit of Part One
I reeled from this strange revelation. I wanted to say a hundred different things. I said nothing, because suddenly there was a series of very big explosions from the front lawn.
"It's happening," said Leafhead, jumping up from his seat.
"What's happening?" I asked.
"They're raiding the house. That sound is the hover-mines exploding against their air-crafts."
"So we're safe, then?"
"I think not. There are only so many mines. Once a few helicopters are sacrificed, the path is clear. I know... regenerative hover-mines should have been a higher priority on my list," he added. Whenever Leafhead presumed to know my unvoiced thoughts (a frequent occurrence) he always said something that couldn't have been any farther removed from my mind and its particular mode of thinking.
I quickly shut the tape-recorder off and put it in my pocket.
"Listen to me," jabbed Leafhead. I'd never seen him so dead-real serious. He had transformed into a being of almost terrifying power. "Remember the Matter-Rearranger I asked you to bring when you first arrived?"
"What about it?"
"I need you to run to the StorageCentre and get it. Then race around the house as fast as you can and transform as many of the most interesting, dangerous or valuable machines/experiments as you can."
"Transform them into what?"
"Stuff that is boring and of no value. Ordinary items you'd see in the background. The machine will know what to do, anyway. Hurry up!"
I remembered it was locked inside the safe beside the mold colony. Combination 30-20-10. I hadn't been inside the walk-in safe since that second day when I initially put the Matter-Rearranger away, yet Leafhead trusted I still knew the easy number. Going by the dust on the Matter-Rearranger it had yet to be used at all. It was acquired for this sole purpose. In the rush and panic I still had time to marvel over the fact that even the most air-tight room in the house was not at all exempt from the dusty mess leftover from the time Leafhead opened up a portal into a perpetually wind-stricken dust-world. This was a house that could breathe through steel.
All of the hospital equipment was the first to be transformed. Out of my control, the Matter-Rearranger zapped the De-Toxifier. I watched in awe as it was instantaneously transformed into a potted fern. Afterwards I saw the Stitcher, Re-Organator, Limb-Replicator, Hearing-Laser, X-Ray Umbrella and Brain-Surgeon Bot respectively morph into a kitchen sink, still-life painting, Commodore-64 computer, gerbil cage, broken surfboard and finally a textbook about potted ferns and how to morph them into chaotically violent reptiles.
I ran down the Prime Hallway transforming the doors to the most interesting rooms into walls with boring paintings. I noticed the barricaded entrance to the South-West wing and thought it was something that for sure needed hiding.
"Don't bother with the South-West wing!" shouted Leafhead. His image suddenly appeared on the rooftop television monitors. "It can take care of itself. Hit up the LabCentre then meet me at the foyer," he added before vanishing.
When I arrived at the foyer I immediately saw the tall fires burning outside. Several helicopters had crashed on the lawn. The supply of hover-mines had been depleted thanks to the sacrificial aircraft, for we could now see a sickening number of helicopters successfully touching down. Black-clad minions emerged from everywhere like a swarm of ants. Scar-Face maniacally directed the hordes to the front door.
"We can't fight all of them off," stated Leafhead gravely.
"What do you mean?" I said alarmingly. "Of course you can."
"No. The time to flee is upon us. We must abandon the house."
"I thought the house could protect itself!"
"It can. But it can't protect us. The house is lost to us."
"How will we get out of here?"
"With a teleportal, of course," said Leafhead, pressing the button on his lapel.
Nothing happened. He pressed it again.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"The teleportal activation isn't working. This has never happened before."
Leafhead suddenly looked out the window at the ever-closer hordes. He knew the teleportal signal was being blocked by some recently acquired power of Scar-Face.
"I never really expected the teleportals to not work," said Leafhead. "Never really planned any other methods of escape."
"What about Mars?!" I asked frantically.
"I guess that's an option. However we will be stuck there and will surely die within a week. So it might be preferable to actually just stick around."
Because it is the style of this story to have a hopeless situation solved by something random and outside the actions and ideas of the two main characters (and because Melvin learned to be better prepared than Leafhead) a life-saving message began to automatically broadcast itself over the TV screens.
"Holy shit, it's Melvin," said Leafhead. I had never seen him so surprised.
"Hello, this is Melvin," said the talking head on the television. "I have recorded this video and programmed it directly into the cerebral centre of the house functions. It is set to play only in the most dire situation, so if you are watching this then it must mean things have gotten pretty grim. For whatever reason I am probably dead, but if the video is playing then I imagine the house is about to be lost and that you have to flee immediately. I also imagine that you are for whatever reason unable to flee the house. Do not worry. There is another way out, unknown even to you Dr. Leafhead. Remember Chukwu Partha? I think he was an intern here in the 70s. Anyway, I have designed his grave-site to be an un-blockable teleportal to Baffin Island. The teleportal only goes one-way, and it will only work once. Whatever foe will be unable to follow your trail. This has been Melvin saving your life...signing out."
"You heard that brilliant, dead man!" shouted Leafhead. "To the cemetery!"
We opened the front door. I wished I had one last minute to look through the Universe-Interpreter, but the minions were mere feet away from tackling us to the ground. Thankfully we could sprint much faster than them, being unburdened by machine guns and swat armour.
"How does it work?!" I shouted at Leafhead as we approached the grave of Chukwu Partha.
"Just fall t
hrough the ground," said Leafhead as I watched him do just that. He amazingly vanished right before it looked as if he was going to make a painful face-plant on the dirt. I followed afterwards, then the portal closed. On the other side the midday sun glinted off the snow, blinding us. Baffin Island. Chateau Leafhead was lost to the enemy, but we were still alive.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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