* * *
As my foot slipped off the edge of the rocky cliff, I screamed in sheer terror. Before I fell to my death, I felt the rope jerk me back to the side of the cliff. I pulled myself back up onto the rock and turned to get off the mountain as fast as my shaky legs would carry me. Mandy, where are you going? Dana caught up to me as I made my way back to my car.
“I can’t do this Dana, I’m so scared I’ll fall again!”
“Why didn’t you just let the rope hold you up, Mandy? You wouldn’t have gone anywhere as long as you were clipped to the harness.”
“I don’t know. I guess I got scared when the rope jerked me back toward the rock.” I tried to blink back the tears stinging my eyes.
“You can’t just stay off the rocks Mandy girl, you’ve got to go climbing again. We need to plan a climbing expedition up Adventure Mountain.”
“Mandy, look out!” All of a sudden, Julie jerked me out of my reverie as a truck came barreling toward me. I slammed on the brakes and swerved to miss the drunk driver who’d somehow wandered into my lane. Before I knew what happened, I lost control of my SUV and we ended up in a ditch. “Mandy honey, let me drive.” Julie clambered out of the back seat and switched places with me.
As Julie backed out of the ditch and eased my truck back onto the highway, I felt the sting of unshed tears. “I don’t understand! I’m already scared to go climbing again, and now this. Why do these things always have to happen to me?” My sister handed me a tissue from the box I always kept in the glove compartment. I buried my face in it as the tears began to fall in earnest.
“Honey, these things just happen. It has nothing to do with you necessarily, you just had a bad break, that’s all.” Dana reached back and patted me on the knee. “You know what? We’re gonna make it up that big rock. God’s got our backs, and we got this thing. Remember what I said last summer? I told you we’d take a trip up Adventure Mountain, and I intend to help you get up to the top of that big rock.”
“Okay, if you’re sure Dana, because I don’t feel so confident at the moment.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll see what I mean once we get started.” Dana turned to look out the window as I blew my nose and wiped my eyes.
“Dry your eyes Amanda Gene Simmons, because you know as well as I do that daddy wouldn’t let you blubber like that if he were here to see you. He’d tell you to stand up straight and tall, and climb that mountain with the best of them.” Julie knew how to make me laugh.
“Yeah Sis, I know, but it ain’t always easy to keep a stiff upper lip.”
As Julie parked near the foot of the mountain, my gaze fell on the wide expanse of rock that loomed ahead of me. A frisson of fear crept down my spine as my stomach sank to my knees. “Can I really do this?” We unloaded the packs and gear out of the back of the truck.
“You’ll be fine Mandy, I’ll be just ahead of you. You can do this!” Dana gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder.
“Good luck girls!” Julie sat down at the foot of the mountain with her radio and a book.
After getting ourselves geared up, Dana and I began our long ascent to the top of the mountain. “I’ll guide you through the roughest parts of the climb and control the ropes when you need to use them to climb up the steep slopes.”
“Good idea.” I stood at the foot of the mountain for a few minutes to give Dana a head start and try to work up the nerve to take my first steps out onto the rock. I took a deep breath to calm my pounding heart. I began to relax as I made my way to the summit. I hummed a merry little tune under my breath as I hiked, but I stopped in my tracks when Dana called, “Steep grade ahead!”
“How in the world am I supposed to get up to the top of that rock, Dana?” A wave of nausea threatened to bring me to my knees as my palms began to sweat. “I don’t think I can do this!”
“Follow me, I’ll show you.”
I watched in horror as Dana placed her hands and feet into the crevices of the rock. No! I can’t do this, I can’t climb up this way! I don’t know how! I think I’m going to be sick! A voice screamed inside my head as I started to gag.
Now, Amanda Gene Simmons, you wanted to do this, so now’s your chance! Are you going to blow it and chicken out or push your way up to the top? It’s now or never! I swallowed the urge to throw up and clipped the fixed rope to my harness, before climbing with all my might. When I reached the top of the grade, I paused to take a drink from my canteen. Thank God that’s over. I trudged up a section of rock that felt almost flat.
“Mandy!” I stopped short at the sound of Dana’s voice. “The slope gets steeper up here, it’s a sixty degree climb, so don’t unclip yourself from the rope. Just climb to the end. If you need it, I have some extra rope here.” Dana waved the length of rope she carried over her shoulder.
“Oh no, not again! Thanks, Dana.” I gritted my teeth as I began the long dangerous ascent up the steep expanse of rock.
As I took my first step onto the steep grade, the nausea returned with a vengeance and my knees buckled, sending me crashing down on all fours at the foot of the slope. “Oh God, help me! I can’t do this Dana.” Tears began streaming down my face as Dana clambered back down the slope where I knelt.
“Mandy, are you okay?” Dana sat beside me on the rock.
“I don’t think I can do this. I made it up the first slope, but now that rock looks so steep and I’m afraid I’m gonna fall again!” I buried my face in my hands and sobbed in fear and frustration.
“It’s okay to be scared. You had a bad fall off that rock over by the waterfall, but you can’t let that stop you now. Take a minute to catch your breath and we’ll climb this grade together. Okay?”
“Okay.” When we reached the top of the slope marking the halfway point, my radio squawked to life.
“Is everything all right up there?”
I dug my radio from the outer pocket of my bag. “Yeah, I’m okay, Sis! We’re halfway to the top.”
“You go girl! You can do it!”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Sis. I’m biting the bullet here, but I’m okay.” I signed off and followed Dana up the mountain. The steep grade curved into a gentle slope and I was able to unclip the rope from my harness. I sauntered up the rocky path. “If I don’t look down, I can make it to the top!” I muttered under my breath as I reached the top of the grade.
“Steep grade up ahead, eighty degree slope.”
I laughed at the image of Dana calling out the different scoring positions at a football game as I clipped the rope to my harness and heaved myself up the steep slope. I stood still for a moment and took a deep breath of the cool crisp mountain air. “I’ve made it this far, and you know what Dana? I feel so free up here! I’d better not look down, or the climb thus far will be a wasted effort.” I glanced up at the sky and imagined myself jumping up into the air, touching the clouds with my fingertips, before landing on the mountain top.
“I know it makes you feel like you could fly up here, but you’d better be careful! There’s a narrow ledge just ahead. Stay clipped to the rope and climb up here where I am.” Dana tossed me her rope. I unclipped the fixed line from my harness, attached the two lengths of rope together and clipped the whole thing back in place. I carefully placed one foot at a time on the ledge, pulling myself up over the rocks with the rope. I slipped off the ledge and shrieked as I dangled in midair. “No! I can’t...” I relaxed my body and let myself float free. ‘Fall.’
I dangled like this for several moments, thinking back to my first fall off the rock by the waterfall. If I had allowed the rope to carry me safely back to the side of the cliff, like I’m doing now, would I have turned away from climbing last year, like I did? I began to ponder that point. Why had I run from the rock that day? Had I been too afraid of the rope, or the rock to trust Dana to help me back on my feet? “What have I missed?” I asked myself as I floated there in the breeze.
“Mandy, what in the world are you doing? Are you okay down there?”
/> “Oh! Uh, yeah. As a matter of fact, I am. I fell off the ledge, and I wanted to see how it feels to dangle on the rope for a moment.” I pulled myself up onto the rock and jammed up the wall. When I reached the top, I unclipped the ropes from my harness and handed the longer one back to Dana.
“Wow girl! I’d never thought of climbing that rock wall like that. How in the world did you get up here?”
“There’s a crack just big enough to put your feet into and I pulled myself up with the rope.”
“How did dangling on the rope feel?”
“To be honest, I thought I’d be afraid of falling to my death, but when I relaxed and let the rope hold me up, I felt like I was floating in midair. Hey Dana, you know something? The longer I dangled on that rope, the more I realized that being so scared of falling off that rock was so stupid of me. I could have made it up to the top if I wanted too. I guess I was just too scared to trust this harness. I think I’m gonna run up to the top of that wall and back before we leave today.”
“Well Mandy, I told you that there was nothing to be afraid of. If you’d just let the rope catch you, you wouldn’t have gone anywhere.”
“You’re so right.” I kicked that thought around a little, as Dana and I walked the rest of the way up the mountain together.