“I’ve never been like this with anyone. Maybe my ex, when we first got together, but we were horny teenagers and the secrecy of it was what got me off more than anything else. But this? No, I’ve never been with someone like this and I love it.”
There it was again.
“I’ve never been with anyone like this either. I keep waiting for it not to work, or for us not to click. But it hasn’t happened yet.”
“And if I have anything to do with it, it won’t.” We didn’t talk about commitment or being a couple.
“Agreed,” I said, yawning. Declan put on his boxers and then we got into bed and spooned. I liked the fact that I was the little spoon in this situation. That didn’t happen much. I closed my eyes and went to sleep in Declan’s bed, surrounded by his scent, with his arms around me and his shirt against my skin.
“Wake up!” A voice shrieked, and my eyes flew open.
“Drake! What have I told you about coming into Daddy’s room in the morning?” Declan said. Drake was sitting on top of his Dad and staring down at us. Thank God I hadn’t slept naked.
“I did knock, Daddy,” Drake said.
“And what are you supposed to do after you knock?” Declan rubbed his eyes and gave me an “I’m so sorry” look.
Drake thought about that for a minute.
“Wait.”
“That’s right. Did you wait?” Drake shook his head and then started jumping on the bed. Why hadn’t scientists figured out how to bottle a toddler’s energy? It could solve a lot of problems.
“Drake!” I’d never heard Declan speak sharply to his son. Drake stopped, mid-bounce.
“Yes, Daddy,” he said and climbed off the bed.
“Can you go to your room and wait for me to come get you? I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Declan said and Drake bounded from the room. It only then occurred to me that Drake hadn’t even commented on the fact that I’d been in his daddy’s bed.
“Oh, fuck,” Declan said, covering his eyes. “I am so sorry about that. I should have warned you. I’ve gone over and over the rules with him, but he’s three and they don’t always stick.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” I said, covering a huge yawn. I’d slept well, but I wasn’t used to getting up this early. “I need to learn how to get up at a decent hour anyway. I’ve been slacking since I got done at the library. This means Raine and I can get started earlier. I’m sure she’s been up all night working. I feel so bad for abandoning her, but she made me come.”
“Good thing you put my shirt on,” Declan said, getting up. I snorted because he had a bad case of morning wood.
“And good thing I can take care of that for you. Real quick,” I said hopping out of bed and getting down on my knees in front of him. He backed away.
“What if Drake comes back? I don’t fancy explaining that to him at this point. He’s a wee bit young.” Okay, so he had a point.
“So what are you going to do? Just rub one out quick?”
Declan gave me a look.
“I can do that too. Come on.” I led him into the bathroom and grabbed the bag I’d brought with me that had my overnight things in it. I’d packed a few emergency items, including a small tube of lube. Never knew when you were going to need it.
“Blair,” Declan said, but his protests were getting weaker as I reached into his boxers and pulled him out, starting a slow rhythm with my hand, up and down.
His protests were drowned out by repressed moans. I moved faster and I could feel when he was ready, so I grabbed a tissue. The whole thing was short and sweet and barely took any time.
“There. Problem solved. Now that wasn’t too bad, was it?” I said, tossing the tissue and washing the lube off my hand.
“Better than a cup of tea,” he said, his face a little flushed. “I have to go get Drake. Take your time getting ready and you can join us downstairs.” He gave me a peck on the cheek and went to go take care of Drake.
I pulled off his shirt and hopped in the shower, making it a quick one. I put on a t-shirt and jeans and put my hair up in a bun. I could dry it later.
The clatter in the kitchen was only drowned out by the sound of Drake singing. That kid actually had a good ear. Hopefully when he got older he could explore that more.
“Morning Blair!” Drake said, running to give me a hug.
“Good morning, Drake. How are you?”
“You have sleepover with Daddy,” he said.
“We were just talking about why you were in my bed this morning. Because we were having a sleepover like grown-ups do,” Declan said. I quickly got the gist and nodded.
“Yes, adults do have sleepovers. I just wanted to, um, have fun with Daddy.” I could feel my face getting totally red. “So, what are we having for breakfast?” That changed the subject effectively and Declan showed me his electric griddle with pancakes on it and bacon sizzling in a pan on the stove.
“Coffee?” I said in a hopeful voice.
“Yes, I have coffee,” he said, pointing to a Keurig machine. “I don’t drink it, but Ada does.”
“I keep telling Raine we need to get one of these, but we haven’t yet.” I pulled out one of the little pods and put it in the machine. In only moments, I had a steaming cup of coffee. I waited for it to cool and then sipped.
“Yeah, I think we’re going to have to get one. Or I’ll have to get one. Guess I can afford it now.” I didn’t think Keurigs cost more than three hundred thousand dollars.
“I want coffee!” Drake said, coming over and reaching for my cup.
“You’re not going to like it,” Declan said. “It’s for grown-ups.” But that only made Drake want it more. I could have told him that.
“I’ll give him a sip. You know he’s not going to like it,” I said, leaning down and holding the cup for Drake. It was cool enough that I didn’t think it would burn his mouth.
I tipped it just a little bit and he got a sip. His reaction was immediate as the dark liquid his tongue.
“Ew!” To his credit, he didn’t spit it out, but he definitely didn’t want any more.
“See? What did I tell you?” Declan said.
“That’s what my parents used to say,” I said, giving him a look. “All that did was make me want to do whatever it was more. But I think you actually like your child so it’ll probably turn out better for you.” Yes, my parents loved me, but I didn’t think they liked me very much. Or at least they didn’t understand me, or make the effort to.
Making breakfast went more smoothly than dinner had, mostly because I occupied Drake and kept him away from any of the cooking implements.
It was early, and I wasn’t used to being up like this, but there was something about being up at this time. The sun was just barely up and the dew was still visible on the grass outside. Birds sang and chittered and the summer heat hadn’t set in yet. It was a little slice of perfect before the chaos of the day started. I should get up at this time more often. I’d probably change my mind when I had to take a nap later in order to stay up to work on the book.
We all ate our pancakes and chatted. Declan had another ritual for breakfast.
“Drake, what are three things you’re looking forward to today?” Drake had to think about that for a long time.
“Watching Daniel Tiger, eating pudding and playing trucks.” Sounded like a busy day. “Now you, Daddy!” Declan listed going to work and helping people, driving me home and getting to see Drake when he got back from work.
“Blair!”
“I’m looking forward to working on my book with Raine, taking a nap and maybe reading a new book.” Declan had given me enough of them to keep me occupied.
We finished breakfast and I quickly braided my hair. It would be cool when I took it out later.
“So, um, when does Ada usually get here?” I asked as I handed Declan the dishes. He’d sent Drake to his room to get dressed.
“Bugger. She’ll be here in about twenty minutes. Shit, bugger, bollocks. I’m going to need to de
al with her,” he said, leaning against the counter.
“Oh, don’t make it bigger than it was, really. If you fire her, she’s going to know that I told you.”
He sighed.
“Drake’s not happy with her anyway. I was only keeping her on out of obligation and if she’s going to pull shite like that, she’s done. I don’t care if I’m supposed to be doing her a favor. She’s done.” He slammed a plate in the dishwasher so hard it nearly broke.
“I’m sorry.” He stood up and hugged me.
“It’s not your fault. It’s mine for keeping her on for this long. I just didn’t know if I could find someone better, or someone I’d trust. She might be jealous and think she’s in love with me, but I do trust her with Drake. She’d never let anything happen to him.” I hugged him back and he rocked me from side to side. He kissed my earlobe and I had an idea.
“What I if I watched him? I mean, I can’t until we get edits done, but after that, I could. I mean, if it’s just for a few weeks.” Declan looked at me as if I’d suggested we build a house on the moon together. And then Drake barreled into my legs. That kid only seemed to know how to run.
“I’s dressed!” Declan and I separated and looked down at Drake. He had quite the outfit on. A superman shirt with a little silk vest buttoned wrong over it plus a pair of what looked like swim trunks. With mismatched socks and no shoes.
“Wow,” I said, looking at Declan. I could tell he was trying to keep a straight face.
“Good job, Drake. You’re a big boy for getting ready all by yourself.” Drake beamed and hopped up and down. Something told me Ada wouldn’t have approved of the outfit or think it was sweet that Drake had dressed himself.
“Can I help you with the buttons, buddy?” I asked, bending down. Drake looked down at the vest.
I undid the buttons and redid them. There wasn’t much I could do about the rest, but if he wanted to wear it, then I was going to support that. Let kids be kids.
“There. Now you’re perfect. But you need shoes. Want me to come help you?” I said and he shook his head.
“No! I do it.” He dashed off again.
“See? I can handle him.”
“No, Blair, I can’t ask you to do that. What would happen if we . . . if this ended? I wouldn’t want it to change our relationship. I like things the way they are.” He did have a point there. And I’d be terrified that something would happen to Drake on my watch. That would be the worst.
“Well, it was an idea. I wish I could watch him for you today, but I have this deadline.” Stupid book. Ruining everything.
“No, it’s fine. I can leave him with our neighbor. She runs a small daycare out of her house and I’ve considered sending Drake there, but I liked him being home and being able to come and see me at the office whenever I wanted. Guess I’m a selfish father.” Nothing selfish about that. Nothing at all.
“Okay, well, if you need me, please let me know. I’d be more than happy to watch him for a few hours if you needed.” I could babysit. I’d dealt with enough kids at the library and Drake was adorable. We’d have fun together, that was for sure.
“I have to get to work,” Declan said, looking at the clock on the oven. Yeah, I needed to get back to Raine. And probably call my parents at some point today to see how they were doing. The obituary was coming out this week, so they were probably going to be inundated with calls and people dropping by and making casseroles and so forth. Or at least I assumed that was what happened. I’d never really been through this before.
Declan put his arms around me again.
“I don’t want to go to work or class today. Come up with a good excuse for me?” he said. “I just want to spend the day with you.” Same here.
“Well, you can always go with the old standby of being sick, usually a 24-hour stomach bug is good. Food poisoning. If you don’t want to use that, then you can go with car trouble, kid emergency, fire, flood, act of God.”
“Hm.” He thought about that for a moment. “Not sure. My father knows when I’m lying.”
I put my hands on his glorious ass and squeezed. “Okay, then just tell him that you’re being held prisoner and that I won’t let you go until you’ve satisfied me sexually.”
“That might work. I’d gladly be your prisoner.”
But we couldn’t play prisoner. We had to be adults. Lame.
I called Raine to pick me up so I didn’t have to see Ada. Declan offered to drive me home on his way to drop Drake off, but I said it was no problem, and Raine sounded like she was still hopped up on coffee from last night.
“No, it would be good for me to get out of the house. It’s totally cool. Besides, we’re out of coffee and Oreos.” Wow, she was talking fast.
I hung up with her and Drake came to sit on my lap while waited for her to arrive.
“Will you come back, Blair? I’s miss you.” He put his little arms around my neck and held on tight. So. Damn. Sweet.
“Of course I’ll come back. I’d miss you too.” In the short period of time I’d had this kid in my life, I’d fallen for him just as hard as I’d fallen for his Dad. They’d both stolen my heart.
Yes, I was in love with Declan. And Drake. And their life, and I wanted to be a part of it. Forever. I wanted Drake to bounce on the bed to wake me up. I wanted to make pancakes with Declan and dance in the kitchen and do the dishes and so many other silly domestic things. I wanted this life, now that I’d gotten a taste of it.
But I wasn’t going to say anything to Declan. We’d agreed this would be a casual thing. He’d already been burned by one relationship and I wasn’t going to ask him to go through that again. Because what if I said yes, I did want this, and then something happened? More than I wanted to be with him, I wanted him not to get his heart broken again.
My thoughts were interrupted by Raine arriving and texting me that she was in the driveway. I got up and peered out the window and saw her waving. I knew she’d want to come in and see the house, but she was respecting the boundaries. About time.
“Raine’s here,” I said to Declan as he came downstairs, fully-dressed and looking perfect.
“Oh, well. I guess I’ll talk to you later?” We’d spent so many intimate hours together and now they were just . . . ending.
“Yeah, I’ll call you and let you know when I’ll have some free time.” I hoped I could see him before Sunday. I definitely wanted to see him before Sunday.
“Good. I want to see you as soon as possible. I know you’re busy and I’m busy, but I’ll do just about anything to see you,” he said, giving me a kiss. Drake just hopped around us in glee.
“Kiss me!” I gave him a kiss and grabbed my bag and headed out the door, waving goodbye to Drake in his Superman shirt and mismatched socks.
“Hey, how you doing? I thought it would be weird if I came in, so here I am,” Raine said as I got in the car.
“I’m in love with him.” I couldn’t hold it in. I had to tell someone.
Raine smiled at me in satisfaction.
“Yeah, you are. It’s written all over your face. So, what are you going to do about it?” I looked back at the house and saw Drake with his face pressed against the window and his little hands waving. I waved back as Raine drove away.
“God, I don’t know. This wasn’t supposed to happen. We were just supposed to have sex and fool around and go on a few dates. It was just supposed to be casual.” I put my head in my hands.
“That’s when you know it’s right. When everything is telling you that it’s wrong, except you know. You can feel it. It’s undeniable.” I looked up and she was staring out the windshield and I knew she was talking from experience. But her heart had been broken and hadn’t mended. I wasn’t sure if it ever would.
“I want it. I want a life with him. I want to be Drake’s stepmother. I love him too.” That little boy had squirmed his way into my heart.
“You need to tell him.” That reminded me of the night before and what I’d told Declan and what he?
??d told me.
“I told him about the dossier, and about using him and everything. But not until after he told me he cheated on his wife. So I guess we’re even now? It’s complicated.”
“What?! Why did you tell me that while I was driving?” Raine said, gripping the steering wheel.
“Sorry. So yeah. That happened last night. Among other things.”
Raine shook her head back and forth.
“This is crazy.”
“Yeah, you’re telling me. And I’m the one living it,” I said. “Hey, do you mind if we stop at Starbucks? I need an extra boost.” Or five. It was going to be a rough day.
“My God, yes. I was going to stop anyway. Okay, so start from when he told you about the cheating and why in hell you told him about the dossier. Did you tell him I was the one who found all the information?”
“No, I kept you out of it.”
She breathed a sigh of relief and I launched into my story, but I had to backtrack and start with the Ada situation.
A lot had happened in twenty-four hours.
I filled Raine in on everything in the car and at Starbucks and on the way home. A lot of the talk was me telling her how I’d fallen in love with Declan.
“I don’t know how it happened. He’s just so damn irresistible. I never should have gone out with him. I should have known I’d fall for him, but I thought I had better control,” I said, stuffing my face with a croissant as I typed with the other hand. Raine had made a good start with the edits and I was adding my own ideas to hers. We’d go over them together later tonight. It was a good thing I knew how to multitask and could put different things in different parts of my brain.
“It’s the British thing. I seriously think they should study those accents. They do something to us,” Raine agreed, popping an Oreo in her mouth.
“Probably. And the hair, and the way he talks and the way he is and every single damn thing about him. You ready to hear something insane? I’m even glad he told me about cheating on his ex-wife. Because now it means he’s not perfect. He’s human. And I can love him even more now that I know he’s real.” Fucked. Up.