THE DARKNESS IN my room felt smothering when I woke up. I still felt feverish and disconnected and knew something must be wrong. The clock on my bedside table announced it was 3:16 in glowing green numbers. My entire body ached, like my bones had grown too large for their sockets. My heart raced, and I couldn’t seem to breathe.
I stood and the sheets clung to my sweat-slicked body. My pajamas were drenched, so I replaced them with dry ones and headed to the bathroom to put cool water on my face. Without bothering to turn on a light, I repeatedly wet a washcloth and blotted my face. No matter how much cold water I used it didn’t seem to have any effect. The stairs seemed a nearly insurmountable obstacle, but I somehow made it down them to the kitchen. Each step felt awkward and shaky as my legs responded oddly to my brain’s commands. I downed three glasses of water and was working on a fourth when even worse pain wracked my body. My muscles spasmed, and I dropped the glass, which shattered on the stone tiles. I cried out and fell to the floor, curling up and wishing I could die.
I felt my mother’s hand on my face, smoothing my damp hair back. Unnatural warmth emanated from her hand and the pain receded a little. She helped me to my feet and placed my arm around her neck, leading me towards the back door.
“I thought we’d have until spring at least. I’m so sorry I didn’t prepare you for this, baby, but it really is out of its time. ”
We slowly made our way down the steps and into the yard. I struggled to stay upright, but every muscle contracted making it nearly impossible. Mom took me to the garden she’d recently tilled and set me on the soil. More pain came over me in waves and my body tightened. Gritting my teeth, I looked at her putting all my fear and misery into that single look. I knelt in the dirt, leaning on hands fisted in pain. I thought I might be dying.
“Pull strength from the Earth, Lia. Your body knows how. Let her feed you.”
I unclenched one hand and thrust it into the loose soil. Instantly, the pain began to lessen. I reached out to the freshly turned dirt with a part of myself I’d never used before. I collapsed onto my belly as my mind and body seemed to disconnect. Suddenly it occurred to me how ridiculous I must look, rolling around in the dirt in a pair of Marvin Martian shorts and a matching tank top. My hair clung to my head, wet with sweat and dotted with leaves and dandelion fluff. My cheeks colored, and I tried to pull my hand free,but a strange tearing sensation made me stop as the pain slammed back into my bones. I looked down to where my fingers were pressed into the soil. Strange glowing tendrils connected me to someplace deep beneath the surface. I noticed the same root-like light all over my body—anywhere my bare skin touched the soil. Panic welled in my chest, and I cried out trying to pull myself free from the bizarre energy binding me in place. When I tried to pull away, the pain came back worse than before. I knew I was close to hyperventilating, and I couldn’t cry out or beg my mother for help. Instead, all I could do was yield to the burning desire to roll onto my back, to allow myself to fully connect with the earth. Tears rolled from my eyes as I wondered if I would ever get back up.
“Don’t fight it Lia, it’s ok. Let it happen. You’re going to be all right.” My mother placed her hand on my cheek and gave me a watery smile. I realized she’d been crying, and I didn’t understand why. Now she seemed completely calm, the grey wells of her eyes assuring and comforting as always. She slowly began scooping dirt over me and with each handful came reassurance. Warmth was spreading through me, a comfort I usually associated with my mother. The rational part of my mind screamed at me, but I chose to ignore it. My mother was burying me in our backyard, and strangely, I was okay with that.
I felt myself drifting, like I was floating on my back in warm water. My skin felt like it was moving, and I could feel my body changing, but it was no concern. An eerie calm washed over me, strength flowing into me from the dirt. The process wasn’t completely painless, but the calm never left me. I only felt the pain at a distance, like it was happening to someone else. Strangely, it felt like I was coming home. A voice whispered in alarm in the back of my mind, but I ignored it. It didn’t seem that important.
Time had no meaning as I lay there. Warmth and contentment filled me, and nothing else mattered. I became aware of a strange connection with everything around me. The grass drank nutrients from the soil, the sap in the trees moved ever so slowly. A squirrel gathered acorns near the oak in the yard, and a bunny snuggled in its nest near the back fence. The earth absorbed the sun’s warmth. I could tell the moment the sun began to set, the creatures either settling or stirring for the night. When the stars came out it was a glorious sensation. Even the rotation the planet as it made its way around the sun, the movement of the moon making her way across the sky were as plain to me as the dirt under my back. I drifted away again and more time passed.
I came back to myself suddenly in the dark, stiff and confused. My entire body ached, and my skin felt hot and flushed, yet I was cold. I couldn’t move, and my eyes seemed welded shut. My mind was fully alert, but my body lay beyond my control. No matter how hard I tried to make my vocal cords work, I couldn’t scream. The eerie calm was gone, and in its place was a terror I'd never known before. It overwhelmed me, and I let out a mental scream of anguish. The effort did nothing to ease my fears, so I firmly reined them in, knowing I would accomplish nothing unless I was calm.
Once rational thought returned, I began to concentrate on moving. Progress was slow, but soon I could move my feet and hands. I circled them and worked the muscles as the movement spread. Finally, I was able to sit up, the thin layer of soil falling away. At least a day had passed while I slept in the yard, but I wasn’t certain if it was only one. I slowly got to my feet feeling as wobbly as a newborn giraffe—probably looked about like one too. I briefly imagined myself as Rip Van Winkle emerging after twenty years to find the world changed. Only for me, the world was the same, and I was different. My pajamas seemed to fit oddly, and I glanced down. My eyes widened in shock at the ample cleavage stretching the thin cotton to its limit. My hips were curvier, and my flat butt had rounded until I had what could only be described as a J-Lo booty. My legs seemed longer and willowy, rather than gangly, my body round and supple where it had been flat and straight before.
Slightly dazed, I climbed up the porch steps praying the door wasn’t locked. I snapped on the light and stood in the kitchen indecisively. Delaying making any decisions, I took a glass out of the cupboard and got some water, marveling at how I had never noticed the chemicals that clung bitterly to my tongue now. I drained the glass and filled another before carrying it over to the fridge and rummaging inside, suddenly ravenous. Inside the fridge, I found a plate on the shelf and silently thanked my mother. I kicked the door shut and threw the plate in the microwave, staring impatiently at the revolving chicken, mashed potatoes and broccoli. As soon as it dinged, I had the food out and practically shoveled it into my mouth, washing it down with a glass of milk. Placing my dishes in the sink, I climbed the steps and went straight into the bathroom.
I stripped off the too small pajamas and stepped into a steamy shower. Clumps of dirt fell off me; the hot water turned dingy grey as it circled the drain. I ran my hand down my hair and registered how long it was, falling to my waist. It had gotten much thicker and felt very heavy as it slowly absorbed the water coming from the showerhead. My hands wandered lower, weighing my new, impressive boobs with a smirk. I stood in the hot spray long after I had lathered and conditioned my hair, scrubbed my skin and even shaved the new hair on my legs and under arms. Evelyn and I had started “shaving” when we were eleven. For me, it had been a pointless ritual, as there wasn’t really any hair to shave, and I’d quickly given it up. All my new curves felt unfamiliar like I was in a stranger’s body. It was obvious to me now that my body had fully matured while I slept.
Once I’d showered, I wandered to my room wrapped in a towel. A small pile of new clothes sat on the bed, along with a new hairbrush and large ponytail holders. The corners of my mouth pulled up
in a smile as I realized how much thought my mom must have put into preparing for this day. I quickly dressed in a tee shirt and drawstring yoga pants and sat at my vanity. All the changes in my body should have prepared me for what I saw in the mirror, yet it had not. I turned my head this way and that examining the planes and angles of the unfamiliar face staring back at me. The only familiar thing about it was my wide grey-blue eyes, though they were now framed by thick, dark lashes. The child was gone; a woman looked back at me. I saw a lot of my mom in my features. I had to admit, despite the insecurities that plagued me my entire life, it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of.
I wasn’t at all tired. Of course, I had just spent a day or two sleeping, so what did I expect. After a long moment of mental debate about what I should do, I pulled out my laptop. Hard as it was to believe, I realized all these changes happened in a single day. Checking my email didn’t occupy me for as long as I’d hoped. After deleting the junk mail, I set my laptop aside and tried to read my book, but it didn’t hold my attention either. I gave up and went downstairs to watch television. Flicking through channels trying to find something other than Law and Order or an infomercial, I waited for my family to wake up. Something told me there would be a lot to talk about tomorrow.