CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: SECOND HOME
Later that week, Vince finished his first full Bible study and flipped through the old hardbound family copy of the King James Version, looking at his notes and realizing just how much he’d soaked in. A little proud of himself for focusing on one productive thing for an hour a day the last ten days, he decided a reward was in order. He didn’t go crazy, though. He just let himself out into the chilly but unseasonably bright outdoors. Making a trip to Jenna’s without Charlie around was on his list of things to do, anyway.
She seemed pleased to see him. “Have you and Charlie been having fun this week?” she asked as they took a seat in her living room.
Vince smiled, his eyes brightening. “Yeah, it’s been great. Lots of trips to the park, playing video games with him…playing with all the Legos I’ve always told him he couldn’t take out because I hate stepping on them…”
“Been playing a little Uno too?” Jenna asked, her eyebrows pointed in curiosity.
“Yes, and Uno. That’s…actually what I came here to talk to you about.”
“Uno? Or Angela?”
Vince almost did a double take. “Angela. We’re involved.”
Jenna didn’t look disappointed, but she didn’t look thrilled either. Perhaps it was because she didn’t look surprised. “I kind of figured when Charlie told me how often she comes over and how she stays past his bedtime.”
“Do you think he knows?”
“I don’t think so. I mean, he understands you and Angela are good friends, I think, but he hasn’t mentioned you liking her in a special way or vice versa. And you know Charlie. If he’s thinking it, he says it,” Jenna said with a fond smile.
“True.”
“He really likes her. Really likes her, Vince,” Jenna added, looking worried.
“I know he does.”
“Do you…think there’s a chance it won’t work out between you two?”
Vince lifted an eyebrow. “I’m dying. How could it work out?” he said directly.
“You know what I mean.”
“I do. Doesn’t change the fact that it was a weird question.”
“Were you two involved before your diagnosis?” Jenna asked. Vince shook his head. “Okay, then I guess she’s probably pretty serious if she knowingly got involved with a dying man. Just…I worry about Charlie, that’s all. Even if she doesn’t leave before you pass, what about afterwards? If she’s around a lot right now, and then suddenly she’s not…” She trailed off and shrugged her shoulders helplessly, appearing to feel guilty. “I’m glad that he likes her. But he’s already lost his mom, and now he’s losing you. Is Angela willing to keep visiting him after you go? How is that going to work out? What if she even moves in with you at some point to help take care of you? Have you talked about living arrangements? Because you know you’re welcome to stay here.”
“Okay, hang on. I’m not discussing living arrangements with her yet. That’s something I’m not going to bring up so soon. It’s too much pressure. I’ve decided against shacking up and it’s a little too soon for a trip down the aisle.” Vince heaved a slow, deep sigh. “As for Charlie, I haven’t talked with her about the matter directly, but I know she cares about him. She’s really good with him.”
“Well, that much I can tell from how he raved about her. But does that necessarily mean she’ll want to stick around after this is over? I would have absolutely no problem with that, by the way—with her coming to visit him. But I just don’t think many girlfriends would make that kind of commitment.”
Vince wanted to be irritated with Jenna but he knew he couldn’t. She was raising a valid point, one that had crossed his mind repeatedly over the last few days as he watched Charlie and Angela grow more and more comfortable with each other. “I understand why you’re worried, I do. But can you trust me when I say things will be okay?”
“I hardly know this woman, Vince. I trust you, but I don’t know Angela well enough to make that judgment call about her.”
“I do, though,” Vince said, getting on the defensive. “I’d trust her with my life and with Charlie’s. If at any point I feel like this is too much of a commitment for her, like it’s a burden I don’t think she’d be willing to take on, then I’ll lessen the time she spends around Charlie so he doesn’t get too attached, or I’ll…end it if I have to. But I honestly don’t think it’ll be a problem in the end.”
Jenna shook her head dubiously. “That’s so far off in the future. How do you know?”
“Jen, he is my son, remember that. My number one concern for the rest of my life will be to make sure I only do things that are in his best interests. One of those interests is love and support. He needs as much as he can get. I absolutely trust that Angela isn’t going anywhere before or after I die.”
“You’ve been dating her for how long, exactly?”
“Jen, don’t—”
“How can you know so much about her after a week?”
“Because I’ve known her for years. All I’m asking of you is to trust that I’ll make sure this is taken care of. Charlie is my number one priority.”
“I know that,” Jenna said, her hands twisted up in her lap. “I hope you don’t think I don’t want you to be happy. I’m glad you are.”
“I know,” Vince said with a sigh. “Actually, there is one more thing I’d like to ask of you.”
“After going off on me, you’re going to ask if I can babysit for Valentine’s Day?” Jenna asked good-naturedly.
Vince tilted his head slightly in awe. “How did you…”
“Simple. I was pretty sure you two had a thing going on, and I’m a woman, so I know when Valentine’s Day is coming up.”
“Ah. It’s kind of presumptuous of me to think you’re free, I’m sorry. Are you?”
“Of course I am,” Jenna said flippantly. “I haven’t been on a date in two years, please.”
“I’d offer to set you up, but your only choices are someone much older than I am who wouldn’t get married for all the money in the world, and a guy who lives at the gym and thinks your name is Jenny.”
Jenna giggled. “I’m pretty accepting of the role of cat lady without the cats. Besides, Charlie’s the only boy I need in my life. And with all the stuff I see on TV and read about, I don’t think I could ever have a man around the house that isn’t his dad. I just hear so many horror stories…”
“You can’t live your life in fear like that. I hope you find someone who can make you look past that. And someone who’s good to Charlie, of course.”
“Don’t worry about my love life, Vince. Soaps and chick flicks will always be around.”
“Well…I’m glad you're okay with this. I hope you know your opinion wouldn’t have changed my mind, though.”
“If my opinion would’ve changed your mind, then I would’ve told you that you didn’t deserve to have a girlfriend,” Jenna said frankly. “I have no interest in controlling any aspect of your life. But just so I know, do you think you’ll tell Charlie?”
“We still haven’t decided.”
“Can I give you just a little food for thought?”
Vince knew better than to think he would be leaving Jenna’s house without more opinions. “Sure.”
“If this relationship is serious, and you’re sure that Angela will still be around for Charlie after the fact, then what’s wrong with him knowing that she’s more than just a friend? He doesn’t really understand it now, but when he gets older and he remembers that somebody cared about you enough to be with you even though she knew she’d lose you sooner rather than later—and when he remembers what it was like to see his dad love somebody—that will give him so much strength. He’s been through so much, Vince, and it’s only going to get worse. There’s…not a whole lot you can do for him once you’re gone, but you can make sure that while you’re here, you instill the values in him that you want him to have growing up. He’s not going to pick that stuff up from a photo album or a letter or anything you can leave beh
ind for him. He’s a little boy and he learns by seeing.”
“I’ve got to admit, I’m surprised you’re so adamant about him knowing about me and Angela when you’re so against the relationship in the first place,” Vince said.
“I’m not against the relationship. I don’t think she’d get involved with you if she wasn’t serious or insane, and I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say serious. It’s about how much she’s willing to do for Charlie. Because like it or not, he wants a mom.”
“Did he tell you that?” Vince asked, swallowing.
“It was on his Christmas list he made at school. I asked him what he meant, and he said he wanted a real mommy, not just an auntie, and it stung, but I completely understood where he was coming from. He already knows me as his aunt, so he knows he can’t call me his mom. If Angela’s around, and she’s as caring as you say she is, he’s probably going to get attached to her in that way, even if he never calls her his mom. But you said I need to trust you with that, and I will. So I’ll stop going on about that end of things. You might want to go before I think of something else to say,” she joked.
“Probably wise.” Vince knew Jenna had to get back to work anyway. He got ready to leave. “Mitch is coming next week, by the way.”
“Oh, hooray.”
“He wants to be a part of Charlie’s life again. He knows you’ll be taking him, but he does want me to make sure he’ll be able to visit,” Vince said, unperturbed.
“Of course. We can work something out.”
“I figured you’d say that.” The oven beeped. “What’s cooking?”
“Comfort food. Mac and cheese. Want some?”
“I’d get in trouble.”
Jenna raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Angela’s been trying to get me to eat the food pyramid three times a day minus the ‘eat sparingly’ stuff.”
“Has she been cooking for you?” Jenna asked playfully.
“Trying. It’s a work in progress.”
“At least tell me her food’s good enough to eat and you’re not going to bed hungry.”
“I may or may not have had a bowl of ice cream after she left last night,” Vince confessed. “For the most part, though, it’s great. Jen, she’s…she’s great, really. I’d like you to meet her. I think she’s coming to church with us this Sunday. And you’ll see her Tuesday—wait—when you said you were free—”
“Did I mean I would babysit?” Jenna cut him off, smiling. “Yes, I’ll babysit.”
“Do you think you could do it at my place? Our reservations aren’t until eight-thirty.”
“Why so late?”
“I don’t want to spend time away from Charlie if I can help it.”
Jenna gave him a twisted smile. “No one would fault you for going out with your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day while your son is still awake.”
“I would.”
—
That night, after convincing Charlie that the oven clock and cable box clock were not fast and that it was indeed well past his bedtime, Vince tucked him in. He found Angela sitting on the couch with a stack of files in her lap and chewing on the end of a pen
“Work?” he asked, stopping in the kitchen for some decaf he’d just brewed.
“Mm-hmm…” She was so involved in her work already that she didn’t notice Vince set down a cup of coffee beside her, too.
“What is it?” Vince asked, moving Angela’s hair over her shoulder and out of the way.
“Stuff from the case earlier this week. I keep meaning to do it at the office but other stuff keeps coming up. It needs to be done by Monday.”
Vince took the bottom half of the pile from Angela’s lap and looked through it. “Got an extra pen?”
“Not for you.”
“Come on, let me help. I actually miss the paperwork.”
“You’re sick and twisted,” Angela said, reaching into her briefcase and handing Vince a pen. “No forgery, okay?” She finally noticed her coffee, thanked him, and took a sip.
“I wouldn’t have to try very hard. All it is is a mess,” Vince teased, pointing at Angela’s signature. This got a smirk out of Angela, who had her pen in her mouth again. Vince found himself staring at her without realizing it.
“Can I help you?” Angela asked, not taking her eyes off her work.
“Sorry, back to work,” Vince said diligently.
“No, what is it?”
“You’ll laugh.”
“So? I like laughing.”
“Fair enough. I was just going to say you look…incredibly beautiful when you’re thinking,” Vince said timidly, peeking over at Angela.
She took the pen out of her mouth and gave him an engaging stare. “That’s sweet, thank you…”
“Thank you,” Vince said.
“For what?”
“For not asking me if I don’t always find you beautiful. Which I do, by the way.”
Angela laughed and looked back to her files. She was done with her stack in twenty more minutes. Vince wasn’t even halfway through his stack yet, as he didn’t have the case details memorized like Angela and kept having to look things up. “Here, I’ll finish them up.” Angela held out a hand and Vince gave up the files. “Sorry to be boring and bring work with me, but I’d rather be able to eat dinner with you and do this on the couch than get stuck at the office doing it. Speaking of dinner…did it actually taste good tonight?”
“It was amazing,” Vince reassured her sincerely. “But really, I can still stand up at a stove. And I feel strange watching you cook after coming home from a long day at work while I’ve been doing nothing. I’d rather cook something ahead of time so you can eat when you get home.”
“Home?” Angela asked, giving Vince another look.
Vince shrugged. “You know what I mean. Second home?”
Angela smiled. “If I didn’t pay so much rent at my own place, it would be demoted to second home. I definitely spend more time here, and happily. As for dinner, I think this is a good chance for me to learn how to cook better. I’ve never been too helpful in the kitchen, and I might as well learn while you’ve got the energy to help me out should I need it.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I never had any idea you were such a novice cook. What do you usually make for yourself?” Vince asked, quite curious.
“A phone call, usually, or I put a frozen brick of some sort into my microwave, and voilà, out comes food,” Angela quipped.
“Not many people are blessed with the genes to eat like that. How’s your blood pressure?”
“Ha. Awful, I’m sure,” Angela said. “Haven’t been to the gym since before Thanksgiving. Okay, if you give me a few more minutes, I can actually finish this.”
“Take all the time you need. I’ll be quiet.”
“There,” Angela said after ten minutes that Vince spent merely enjoying having someone to sit next to. “All done. Sorry again.”
“Hey, you have a job, I understand. Besides, you’re still splitting home and work better than I ever did.”
“There’s a reason for that. I’m not ASAC. And there’s a reason for that, too.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Vince asked with a half-smile.
“I don’t like being the bad guy.”
“I was the bad guy?”
“No comment.” Angela leaned over and stuffed all the files back into her briefcase; Vince took the throw off the back of the couch and draped it over the two of them.
“I still wish I had a fireplace,” Vince said as Angela made herself comfortable against his side.
“Get one of those portable ones or something.”
“Not much winter left.”
“Groundhog saw his shadow. Six more weeks of winter,” Angela pointed out. “Well, five, now. Groundhog’s Day was a week ago or so, right?”
“True,” Vince admitted. He melted into the couch cushions, taking Angela with him and sighing contentedly. “My toes are kind of cold…”
>
“And even once it warms up during the day, we’ll still have chilly nights for a while. We spend enough time sitting on the couch to justify it. I think you should go for it.”
“Maybe I will.”
They relaxed in silence for quite a while, which hadn’t been uncommon over the past few nights. “I talked to Jenna today,” Vince finally said, unsure of how he wanted to broach this subject with Angela, but knowing he had to.
“Oh, yeah, how’d that go?” Angela asked.
“It was interesting…”
“How so?”
“Well, she kind of had the relationship part figured out. I think she was just waiting for me to come to her about it, and I’m sure she would’ve eventually asked if I hadn’t said anything.”
“Was she upset about it?”
“About the relationship? No.”
“Okay, well, that’s good. Is she upset about something else?”
“Not so much upset as concerned. This is something I’ve been meaning to bring up with you, but I was naïve in thinking it could wait. It really can’t.”
Angela separated from Vince just enough to look up at him, her cheeks losing their color. “What?”
Vince hadn’t meant to scare her, so he softened his already rather peaceful expression. “It’s nothing bad. It’s about Charlie. I need to know how much a part of his life you plan on being once this is over, once I’m gone.” He met her still rounded eyes and waited for an answer while her lips remained parted in mild shock. “I’m sorry to spring this on you, put you on the spot, but I know you care about him at least on some level, and I know it’s something that’s crossed your mind, even though we haven’t talked about it.”
Angela nodded slowly and put even more distance between them, but not enough to remove the intimacy from the situation. “Charlie is a sweetheart,” she said to the television. “I have been thinking about this, and it’s…complicated.”
“Everything about this is complicated. Not having an easy answer to anything is one of the most frustrating parts of this whole…situation, for lack of a better word,” Vince said. “Just talk to me. And please don’t sugarcoat anything. Just tell me exactly what you’re thinking.”
“I want to be everything that I can for him,” Angela said after a considerable amount of time. “I just don’t know exactly what it is that he’ll need from me. I mean, he’ll have Jenna…It’s not that I won’t want to be there for him, but I just don’t know whether he’ll need me or in what capacity. I guess that’s where I’m confused. How deep do you think this is going to get for him?”
“I think he’ll start looking to you as a mother figure eventually, even if we don’t tell him about us. Especially with you coming over and helping so much. You’re already…unbelievably generous with your time, and knowing you, as I get worse, you’ll eventually be running this household whether I like it or not. Anyway, Charlie really likes you, that much is obvious. But I think it’s going to get deeper than that as time goes by.”
“Then what will he need from me? Would it be enough if I visited as often as I could?”
“I don’t know. How often is that?”
“Well, I’ve been here with you two almost every night I’ve been in town so far. I don’t see why it would have to be any different,” Angela said with a shrug. “I’m already attached to him, so I’m sure if I didn’t at least come visit every day I could, I’d miss him, and I’d feel terrible. I don’t want him to lose anyone else. And you’re right, he probably will get more and more attached the more I’m here, even if I don’t establish myself as any sort of authority figure, and even if he never knows we’re together.”
“So, what exactly are you saying?”
Angela flashed Vince a smile. “That I would love to see him every day that I can.”
“It’s not out of obligation?” Vince wondered aloud.
“Even if you never asked me about it, I think that’s what I would do. Like I said, I already feel attached, and I’m sure that feeling will grow stronger no matter how we handle this.”
“How can you be saying all these things?” Vince asked in quiet awe of Angela.
Not sure that she could spit out that she loved him without planning it, Angela simply said, “Because I said I was in this for good. And to me, that doesn’t end with your death, or your funeral. This is…probably the closest thing to my own family I’ll ever have,” she continued shakily. “And like I said, that connection’s only going to get stronger.”
Even though Vince knew it was pointless, he wanted to apologize for them not having the chance to be a family together for more than a few more months. He found himself looking in the rear view mirror again, wondering why on earth he’d walked by her so many times without giving true consideration to a relationship with her.
He was in the same overly analytical boat as Angela when it came to when and how he could fully express how he felt, thinking that some frame of time needed to go by before it was appropriate to say that four-letter word, so he said it with the most appreciative smile he knew, as well as a palm against her cheek. “I could never ask this of you…”
“You don’t have to. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
“This is so much more of a commitment than five to seven months…I mean…what if you meet someone who doesn’t live here, or who wants to move away? What if you get a job somewhere else? You know that could easily happen.”
“Vince,” Angela said, forcing him to pay her every bit of his attention, to forget what was pressing on his mind. “If the thought of being there for Charlie was scary for me, I could leave right now. If I thought I couldn’t commit to him, I’d leave. If any of this scared me enough—seeing you get sicker and sicker, saying goodbye to you—then I’d be gone. I don’t make promises I don’t want to keep. This is what I want. It might not be…exactly how I want it, but it’s what I want.”
“I’m not allowed to ask you if you’re sure, right?”
Angela rolled her own eyes and laughed. “If you do, I’ll kick you in the shin.” They shared a brief kiss that seemed to reassure Vince a bit.
“I think we should tell Charlie,” he said out of nowhere.
“Any particular reason, or just a gut feeling?”
“I think—actually, Jenna thinks, and I happen to agree,” Vince admitted, “that it would be good for Charlie to see me in a relationship at this point in my life, even if he might not understand how powerful this commitment is until he’s older and understands this sort of thing a little better.”
“I think that makes sense. I think that’s a good reason to tell him. And I guess it’s better that he finds out from us instead of catching us or doing the math on his own, right?”
“Exactly.”
“One thing, though,” Angela said.
“What’s that?”
“Can we wait until after everyone leaves tomorrow night before we tell him? Everyone is coming, right?” she asked of the little get-together they had planned for the entire team.
“As of Wednesday when I called around, yeah.”
“Okay, I’m just not ready for them to know. I guess it would be stupid of me to think I can keep it a secret forever, but right now I’m really enjoying this as it is. It’s just for us, not for anyone else. I don’t want people’s opinions and I know I’ll get them.”
“It’s okay. Relax.” He rubbed her upper back and pressed his lips to her forehead. “We’ll tell him later. I know he’s got a big mouth.”