Chapter Four
Regret
3 months have passed, Corbin was still ignoring me, he was mostly talking to Tony Van Dyke, he was a handsome guy about 6 inches shorter than Corbin with short blonde hair, he was nice, Jane seemed to like him.
At lunch I was walking pass Corbin, he was staring at me. Every time I see him I would cry, and he would watch me like he was sorry but couldn’t help it. Therefore, I thought the best thing for me to do was ignore him, just let him come to me when he was ready.
I sat down at my normal table with Jane and few other people that I made friends with, there was Pauline, who was kind of chubby but very nice, she had dark curly hair with auburn highlights, she had a screechy voice, not quite like nails across the chalkboard but a close. Second, there’s was Carter, he was tall with coffee brown hair with eyes to match, he wasn’t as pale as everyone else. Then there is Anna, she’s pretty, thin with blonde hair and blue eyes, and Ted, he was the class clown, he always knew how to cheer you up, he was quarterback second string, he was husky, well built, with golden buzzed hair and green eyes, he constantly wore his letterman jacket, then at last was Phillip or Phil, he was dark with light butterscotch eyes, he was the odd man out, he would do any dare you told him too, which wasn’t always a good thing.
I sat my tray down next to Pauline who was cleaning the mouthpiece on her clarinet,
She looked at me, “Nora are you ok? You seem so down for the last coupla’ months, are you ok?” I gave her a smile, trying to make it seem genuine, she bought it.
Noah and the other five in his group walked in, Noah stared at me and winked, Anna looked at me,
“Oh my gosh, Nora, Noah just smiled at you, he don’t smile at no one.” I shrugged my shoulders, and finished eating my sandwich.
In walked, a tall blonde chick, with several tattoos and a few piercing, slams her fist down on the table, “Listen here Miss. Tampa bitch, you look at Noah again, I promise you they won’t find all the pieces, so bitch, stay the fuck away from him, or you will regret it.” She smacked Carters can of coke and it went flying across the room, Carter stood up,
“Hey that was mine.” she ignored him. I handed him my soda,
“Here Carter, you can have mine, I’m not very hungry anymore.” I glanced over to Corbin who was running out the door, Tony ran over to me,
“Geez did you see what Corbin did? He is pissed, Nora go talk to him.” I looked at Tony and decided that I would, I ran after him,
“Corbin, hey wait up!” he went alittle faster
“GO back Nora! I don’t want you to see me like this.” I ran faster,
“I am getting tired of you running from me, please just tell me what's going on with you, please,” I stopped, “Please I love you” he stopped dead in his tracks. “I don’t know what's going on with you and I don’t care I just want to be with you, please.” my voice cracked, he didn’t move,
“Nora, I love you too, but this is something I can’t change, I can’t control, and it’s my fate, I- I don’t think I can face you for how I treated you.” I heard regret in his voice.
“Everyone makes mistakes, everyone, I cant change how I feel, and I don’t care what happened in your past, I just want you apart of my future, Please, give me a chance to show you.” I was begging.
“Nora please, you are making this very hard for me, I don’t like hearing the hurt in your voice, I don’t like seeing you cry, I don’t like how they treat you, and I cant do anything about it yet, Please understand, I do love you, we cant be together, not the way we want.” his voice was soft and calm,
“I don’t want anything except to be in your arms.” I walked towards him,
“Nora go back, the bell rang.” I stopped, fighting tears back, “Nora please, go back.” how he said it, it hurt, way more than I thought it would. I turned and ran back towards the school feeling the tears welling up in my eyes, by the time I reached the school, I was in a full down pour of tears.
I didn’t know what to do, I knew I loved him more than anything but he didn’t want me around and the knowing that he wasn’t going to be there to hold me or to be able to hold him. To feel his warm touch was more than I could stand. I missed him but he wasn’t gone. He was around every corner, our eyes would meet with every passing glance.
The separation was killing me, I no longer cared if he loved me or wanted to be with me, I just needed him, like I need air or like a fish needs water, my heart beats for him.
I sat in class, thinking, and then I decided to write him a letter, pour my heart out to him.
I pulled out a blank piece of paper, took my favorite blue pen out of my backpack, and began to write.
Corbin,
I cant do this anymore, please talk to me I love you so much how am I suppose to keep this up when I see you, I know when your around your like my sun I orbit around you. Don‘t you understand your killing me. Talk to me please
Love,
Nora
I folded it up and dropped in on his desk behind me. I heard it thump on his desktop. I heard him reach over and pick it up then unfolding it, several seconds later I heard him write something and he slid it down my shoulder his finger slid around the side of neck sending chills down my spin, I caught it and opened it.
Nora,
You don’t understand, this is hard for me too but understand this, it’s for your own protection, I love you more than life itself,
Love you for eternity, Corbin
I didn’t know what to say; I felt a tear roll down my cheek. This is it, I thought, this is how this was going to end, we were just going to call it over with because of some secret. It was over before it started.
I was hurt and felt alone what am I going to do. Pauline who sat next to me asked if I was ok, and when I turned my head a tear ran down my cheek and I knew he saw it cause the look on his face.
The bell rang and I grabbed my backpack, I waited for Corbin to leave the classroom cause looking at him made me more depressed. I watched him walk out and then I made my way out.
I stopped by my locker to get my math book, I heard someone say hi to me and I looked it was Carter. I waved and smiled, he was such a nice guy, but I didn’t want to think about anyone other guy other than Corbin. I knew I was hurting myself but at that moment I didn’t care.
I unzipped my backpack and my favorite blue pen fell out and rolled across the aisle towards Corbin, I went after it when a big foot stopped it, I looked up and it was Matt,
“Ahh Thanks Matt.” I said, stunned at how friggin huge he was, He bent down and picked it up,
“You shouldn’t let pens run away from you.” He had a smirk on his face. I smiled and took it from his hand. Corbin was staring at me in shocked. I don’t know what it was about Matt but I felt so good around him, so at peace, it was weird cause I barely knew him, but he always seems to be there and when I looked into his big blue eyes, I was lost and it took a lot of force to look away from them. I glanced back at Corbin crossed the hall, I shut my locker.
As I was walking toward the front doors, I heard my name,
“Nora hey wait up.” I turned and look, it was Carter.
“Hey Carter, what's up?” I pushed my hair back away from my face,
“I was wondering if you want to go with me to the Drive in tomorrow, they are playing The Blob, it will be my treat.” I was getting ready to turn him down when I seen Corbin walking past, the look was of jealousy and anger; I turned and looked at Carter,
“Yeah I’ll go with you tomorrow, at what time?” Carters mouth dropped in shock, “you ok?” I asked.
“AH yeah, around… around 8.” He stuttered, “Is that ok?” he asked I shook my head yes and we said bye. I finally got to leave the school.
I headed to my car, I wanted to drive I wanted to just leave and go anywhere besides there. I couldn’t see Corbin’s face anymore, because it hurt so damn bad to know, he was no longer going to be mine.
&n
bsp; After leaving the school I drove down some back roads through town, I wasn’t sure if I was lost or just being my normal dumb self.
The trees were blowing in the gentle breeze, the birds sang as if they had no worries in the world. I thought to myself, I wish I could just have him with me right now. Then loneliness washed over me and so did the tears, they fell heavy, I realized I was sobbing.
After a while, I noticed it getting dark out, I wiped my face and decided to head back to the house before grandpa sent out a search party.
I pulled into the driveway grandpa was there. I checked myself in the mirror to make sure I didn’t look like I wasn’t crying.
I walked into the house and grandpa was sitting at the table reading his newspaper,
“Alittle late, Nora.” He didn’t peek out from behind the sports page.
“Yeah, I was hanging out with a bunch of friends; I am sorry grandpa, but its not easy being new.” I lied
“I suppose your right, so did you have fun?” He finally sitting the paper down,
“Umm yeah, there are some crazy kids at that school.” I tried to sound normal it was hard; he raised his slightly gray eyebrows,
“Nikki called, she didn’t say what she wanted but she said that it was important.” He handed me a piece of paper with a number on it. I looked at it; I folded it up and shoved into the front pocket of my jeans.
I ate dinner even though my stomach was already felt sick; grandpa looked at me from across the table,
“Nora, are you ok? You look alittle peaked.” I just shook my head and picked at my meatloaf, “maybe you should go lay down.” I got up out off the chair and headed upstairs. After I showered and brushed my teeth, I climbed in bed, doing nothing but staring out into the night, watching, hoping and praying that soon Corbin would give me another chance.
I walked over to my jeans and pulled Nikki’s number out, I debated in my head if it was a good idea. but I gave into my curiosity.
I dialed the number, and waited for it to start ringing. After three rings, I heard a click,
“Hello?” It was Nikki; I took a deep breath,
“Hey, Nikki, what's up?” I tried to sound casual.
“Nora, have you had a chance to talk to Corbin?” She sounded worried,
“No why?” Now I began to worry, if Nikki bothered to call me it must be bad.
“Well,” I could hear Kyle in the background, “he just seems so depressed lately like someone ran over his dog or that he lost his best friend.” Kyle was saying something but I couldn’t hear him,
“No, he don’t talk to me anymore, he decided that it was best if I stayed out of his life, so that’s what I been doing.” I heard Nikki repeat what I just said to Kyle,
“Nora, this is Kyle, he never gave you a reason why he didn’t want to talk to you anymore.” I thought,
“No he said he loved me more than life itself, but he just don’t want to have anything to do with me.” the thought started to sting, and my voice cracked alittle.
“That’s weird after ramping and raving about you the last couple of months; I figured you two would be in-seperatable.” He was shock, I could hear it in his voice, “well, I guess I will talk to you later, if you find anything about Corbin, please let us know, we are worried.” I said I would and hung up.
I laid in bed that night, thinking of what Corbin told me, that he didn’t want me, he didn’t want to be with me, and my heart was shattered. I finally found someone I loved and who loved me back but didn’t want to be with me. I laid in there lost and confused.
The next morning I awoke, feeling more tired then I did before I fell asleep, I didn’t want to go to school, I didn’t want to leave the bed,
“Nora, you better get a move on it or you will be late for school!” My grandpa yelled upstairs, Grrr I though, why cant I just sleep, then I thought, OH NO today is Friday, and that means a date with Carter, I slap my forehead just alittle too hard, OW! I laughed at myself.
I rubbed my forehead as I headed to my dresser. I managed to pull out a decent outfit. I did my usual routine.
I pulled up into the front of the school, the bell didn’t ring yet so I wasn’t going to be late, but that means I would have a more of a chance to see Corbin in the hall.
I walked down the crowded hall towards my locker, passing Noah and his thugs, Matt took a glance at me but the others didn’t even seem to notice me. His look shot a cold chill up my spine. Then I seen him, he was leaning up against his locker talking to Tony, of course there was Jane right next to Tony, I guessed they were an item now, Jane seen me and made her way to me.
“Hey Nora.” She greeted happily.
“Hey Jane.” I said with not as much as enthusiasm as she did,
“Today is the big exam in class, did you study?” she made a concern look, she got really close to me.
“Ah, no.” she leaned towards me more,
“Nora.” She was whispering really lightly, “I’m not suppose to say anything but Corbin misses you so much, he wanted me to ask if you’re really going to go through with the date with Carter.” Her eyes got big, I realized, Corbin was jealous.
“Yeah, I am really excited about going too.” I lied I didn’t want to go.
“Oh, do you still like him.” I looked over at him,
“Who?” I asked, crying not to think of his name.
“Corbin?“ she asked,
“Oh, yes, I guess but I am doing what he wanted me to do and that is to let him go, so that’s what I am doing.“ I answered her. Jane gave me an odd look and ran back across the hall, the bell rang. I grabbed my books, slammed my locker shut and headed to class. I was glad that I didn’t run into Corbin or had to talk to him. Not sure if my heart could take him ignoring me like he has been.
I walked into class thank God that I didn’t have first hour with him, but I did have class with Tony, who wasn’t bad, he didn’t talk much and usually kept to himself.
I sat at my desk, trying to avoid eye contact of everyone, because everyone has been looking at me funny, like they were sympathizing with me at some kind of family tragedy that I had no idea had happen.
Class started, the teacher came in to the class with some papers, “Ok class pop quiz.” I could hear every student in the class give a disappointed moan, you know the one, oh man or ugh, and I thought it was funny.
The teacher passed out the tests, I began right away, and it was stuff I already knew. I finished the test and sat there and waited for the time to be up, I looked over at Tony who was staring at me with an odd expression on his face, he noticed me looking at him, he jerked his head around like nothing happened.
“Times up! Pass the test to the front of the class.” I waited for the people behind me to hand me their tests up and then I handed all five to the girl in front of me. The bell rang, I grabbed my bag and headed out into the crowded hall, I bumped into something big, I looked up and it was Matt,
“Sorry Matt.” He looked down at me and smiled,
“No problem Nora, just watch them big feet of yours.” He said smiling; I looked down at my feet, which were six sizes smaller than his enormous feet were. I tapped his arm with my bag, “Hey, I may sue.” I ignored him and hurried to class, oh, I dreaded going there, I had Corbin, Noah, Matt, Tony, Carter and Jane where all in that class with me, I hated the class I never understood anything.
I was sitting at my desk when I felt something hit my head, I turned and looked directly at Corbin, our eyes met and locked, then I heard a Psst, I looked it was Jane, “What!” I mouthed, she pointed to the piece of paper at my feet, and I reached down and picked it up, unfolded it and read the words in Jane’s handwriting,