"Because I like to fuck the way I want to fuck. I don't like being told what to do or moved around like a chess piece in bed. Part of the high of sex for a man is the chase. There's no chase in porn. And before you get mad, I'm not trying to push your buttons with that wording. I'm just being honest. I don't find it enjoyable. I mean beyond–"
"Right," I interrupted, "sex is like pizza and all that." I studied him for a minute. "How'd you get into it?" I finally asked.
He sighed. "Well, like I said, I kinda grew up in the business. My mom used to bring me on set with her. Not that I watched. I stayed in the dressing room, but I knew what she was doing out there and it sucked. Pun intended." He grinned, but I didn't. I just felt sad.
He stared at me for a minute, his eyes narrowing briefly. I thought he might not continue, but then he began speaking again, "Anyway, my mom had always had a little bit of a drug problem and when I was fourteen, it got pretty bad. I went to live with my grandma in Massachusetts until my mom got clean, and then I came back to Los Angeles."
"That's where you're from?"
"Yeah. The City of Angels." He raised his eyebrows, looking away thoughtfully for a second before continuing. "Once I turned eighteen, several of the producers I knew started asking me to make a film. They said it'd get big-time attention. The son of one of the biggest stars of porn, now doing films himself. I said no for a while. I wasn't interested. When my granny died, she left me a little bit of money. Not a lot, but enough to travel around Europe for a couple years. When I came back, I worked at some menial jobs for a while–doing nothing, partying. Finally, six months ago, I was contacted by one of those same producers who now worked for a company that's a little more 'soft core.' I figured, why the fuck not? What was the big difference between that and what I was doing with women I didn't know on the weekends?"
I flinched. It all sounded so… empty. When I looked up at him, he had his head resting against the back of the elevator and he was studying me. "You a virgin, Buttercup?"
I laughed. I was just about to tell him it was none of his business, but I realized that he had just offered up intimate details of his life. It would be like me slapping him in the face to say something like that now. Truthfully, it wasn't any of his business. But what he had just shared with me wasn't my business either, and yet he had given it to me regardless. I stopped laughing and sighed. "No. I've been with one person. My college boyfriend. I plan on being with one more before I get married."
"You plan on being with one more before… okay, what?"
"Well, wait, it makes sense and I'll tell you why. I still have to finish law school. And then I have to get hired by a top law firm and work for at least a year. I don't plan on getting married until I'm twenty-eight and no one wants to marry a twenty-eight year old virgin. He'd wonder what was wrong with me. So I figure, I should be with two men before I meet my husband. One to take my virginity, check, and one to teach me enough to be a good wife in bed." I smiled, impressed with my own reasoning.
He stared at me for a beat and then burst out laughing. "Shit, that might be even less romantic than my story. And that's a feat."
I frowned. "What's not romantic about that? I'm setting things up perfectly for the man that I'll spend forever with. I'm already thinking of him, and we haven't even met yet."
"What about the poor schmuck who you pick out to be sex partner number two? Destined to be kicked to the curb before you've even met him."
I scoffed. "Please. Like guys aren't okay with a couple months of sex before they're set free to move on to the next one?"
He smiled. "Well, true. Still, what happens if you end up falling for him? What happens to your plan then?"
"Falling for him? Well, no. That won't happen because it's not part of my plan. Certainly there will have to be an attraction, but–"
"I might have the perfect candidate, Buttercup." He raised an eyebrow and then shot me that devastating grin.
I laughed. "You?" I shook my head. "That's impossible, Carson. First of all, we don't even live in the same city. And listen, how would I ever tell my future husband that I had been with a porn star? No offense. Really. But that–"
"Why would you have to give him any details? Men don't want details about their women's past sexual experience."
"I guess not. But still… wait! Are we seriously discussing this? That guy is still years away in the plan. I can't forget everything he teaches me before I meet The One. Sorry. Timing doesn't work." I grinned at him. I figured he was messing with me anyway. But it was true enough.
"So you don't plan on having any more sex for the next, what? Four years or so? How old are you?"
"Twenty-three. So yes, he's about four years away in the plan." I tilted my head and smiled.
"You're going to wait four years to have sex again because of some stupid plan?"
"It's not a stupid plan! I've always had it. It keeps me focused." I frowned. Now that I had explained my entire plan out loud, it was beginning to sound less rational than it always had in my mind. "Anyway," I went on, " it's going to help me achieve my dreams."
He raised an eyebrow. "Your dreams? You sure about that?"
I snorted. "Now who's pretending to be Dr. Phil?"
He watched me. "Okay, fair enough. Let's get back to the sex then. You're planning, purposefully on a four-year dry spell? Didn't you like it the first time?"
I felt my cheeks heat as I looked down. "Sure, it was fine."
"Fine? Uh oh. Any man who gets a 'fine' from a woman on any topic is in serious trouble."
I took a deep breath. "Listen. It was fine, okay? Not spectacular. Not terrible. Just fine." I shrugged.
He studied me for a minute. "So he didn't make you come, Buttercup?"
"Jesus! I can't believe we're discussing this. No, he didn't make me come, okay? For all I know, I can't come with another person in the room. All right? Why don't you give me your email and I'll let you know in four years if things have changed!" I banged the back of my head on the elevator wall behind me. I felt embarrassed by this line of conversation, especially considering whom I was talking to. Actually, I was feeling kind of stripped down in a lot of ways. And he was making me question things I never questioned. How had this happened exactly? With this person? I started laughing and shaking my head.
"What?" he asked.
I groaned. "I don't know. This whole situation is just… funny."
He nodded like he knew exactly what I meant. "Yeah, I guess it kinda is. All the same though, my offer stands. We could make a weekend of it, at least. I think your future husband might be really happy you said yes to me." He winked.
I studied him. "You're serious, aren't you? Why? What's in it for you exactly?"
He just raised his eyebrows, remaining silent.
I laughed softly. "I mean, don't you get enough random sex as it is?"
"Listen, consider it a challenge for me, okay? I think I could give you something no one has before and that's a hell of a turn on for me. See, we'd both get something out of it and then part ways as Buttercup and Schmuck Number Two."
I opened my mouth to answer and was interrupted by the shrill ringing of the elevator phone. Saved by the bell once again.
**********
Carson
The phone rang a second time and I realized that I had been holding my breath waiting for her answer. I was lying to her about my reason for asking to be Schmuck Number Two. Not about thinking I could make her come. I was pretty sure I'd be successful at that. And that was a turn on. The thought of seeing an expression of pleasure wash over her beautiful face had me swelling in my jeans. But the real reason I was holding my breath for her answer was because I hadn't wanted anything in a really long time, longer than I could remember and I wanted her. Not just her body, but her. I wanted to see her reaction to my touch. I wanted to hear some more funny shit come out of her pretty mouth. I wanted to hear her try to justify her stupid plan. I liked her. And fuck me, I hadn't liked a woman in a really lon
g time. It felt good to want something. And that shocked the hell out of me. I couldn't have her in any real sense, and it's not like I wanted that anyway. But a day or two of Grace Hamilton in a hotel room? Yeah, I wanted that. I wanted that a lot.
I got up and picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Hey, it's Rich in maintenance, just wanted to update you and make sure you're okay. We got the part we were waiting for and now it just needs to be installed. Shouldn't be longer than an hour."
"Okay, man. Yeah, we're fine. Thanks for the update." I hung up and turned to Grace.
"Seems you're stuck with me for at least another hour."
"At least?"
"Yeah, at least. Longer if you agree to spend the weekend together." I hoped she couldn't tell that this meant something to me. If she turned me down, it was going to sting.
Her eyes widened slightly and her mouth opened as if to answer, but then she closed it again, looking confused. That's when my stomach growled. Loudly.
Grace grinned and tilted her head. "Hungry?" Before I could answer, she reached for her bag and dug around in it for a couple seconds and pulled out a granola bar. "Dinner, sir? Hold on. I think I have something here to wash it down with too." She dug around for another second and then pulled out a bottle of water."
I sat down on the floor next to her. "You're a goddess. Hand that over." I had just realized that I hadn't eaten lunch and it was just about dinnertime. I was starving. She handed me the granola bar, and I tore it open with my teeth and then broke the bar in half and handed her one piece. But she shook her head.
"You have it. I'm not really hungry. Plus, you're a growing boy." She winked at me.
"Only when I look at you, baby." I winked back and she laughed, smacking me lightly on the shoulder. I tossed the granola bar back and when she handed me the water after taking a large drink herself, I took a long sip.
"We better finish the water in this bottle. If nature calls, this bottle is what we're going to have to use."
She laughed. "I think I'll be okay for an hour. I stopped in the ladies room right after I left the bar."
I nodded. "I think I'll last too."
After a minute, I said, "Okay, another game–this one's called Quick Draw Favorites. I ask a question and you answer it with the first thing that comes to mind. Then you can do the same to me."
She looked at me suspiciously. "Is this another trick game that's going to have us kissing in the middle of the elevator again?"
"God, I hope so." I laughed. "But, no, just for fun to pass the time. You in?"
She nodded. "Okay."
"Okay. Favorite movie."
"Titanic."
"No. Pick again."
She choked on a laugh. "No? Um, I thought these were my answers."
"They are, but I can't let you pick a movie as craptastic as Titanic without intervening."
She turned fully toward me. "How is Titanic craptastic? It's an epic love story! It's beautiful! What problem do you have with Titanic?"
I sighed. "Grace, there was plenty of room on that floating door at the end of the movie. Are you going to tell me you weren't pissed off after they went through everything they did to survive and then they couldn't try harder to get them both up on that piece of wood, a piece of wood that was plenty big for both of them if they had just tried a little harder?"
She burst out laughing. "Wait, this is brilliant. You actually don't like Titanic because it isn't romantic enough for you. That's sweet." She batted her eyelashes at me.
My brows snapped down. "No, I don't believe that's what I said. What I said was that I like some realism in my movies. That was a cop-out because the writer thought Jack Dawson should sink to the bottom of the ocean."
She burst out laughing again.
"Are you done?"
She made a poor attempt to wipe the smirk off her face. "Yes. Next question."
"Favorite color."
"Robin's egg blue."
I screwed up my face and glanced to the side, and then back at her. "I'm going to let that one slide. Favorite season."
"Fall."
"Favorite dessert."
"Crème brûlée."
"Favorite sex position."
She paused and a pink color crept up her cheeks. "Um, missionary?"
I stared at her for a minute. "So, not only did that college boyfriend not make you come, but he didn't try any other positions with you, did he? What kind of jackass did you hook up with anyway?"
"Stop! He was a nice guy. Very, um, sweet and uh, considerate."
I snorted. "I bet. Okay, you're depressing me. Your turn."
"You're such an asshole." But she said it with a small smile on her face. "Favorite movie."
"Fight Club."
"Never saw it."
"You never saw Fight Club? That's a crime."
She laughed softly. "Favorite color."
"Blue."
"What shade of blue?"
"Just fucking blue."
"That's not a shade."
"Yeah it is."
She laughed. "Okay. Favorite season."
"Fall."
"We do have something in common! It's a miracle!"
I laughed. "Who would have guessed?"
"Not me. Favorite dessert."
"Bananas Foster–my granny used to make it for me."
She smiled and then looked straight ahead. "Well, that was fun."
"Wait, you didn't ask me the last one."
"No, I didn't. I don't want to know. Really. I'm sure it's something I've never even heard of before. You can keep that one to yourself."
I laughed. "Chicken."
She grinned over at me and I was momentarily taken off balance by the beauty of her smile. I loved her teeth. I loved everything about her mouth. I wanted to taste it again. I stretched my legs out. My pants suddenly felt a little too tight.
We were both quiet for a minute. I was thinking about how things had seemed to shift between Grace and me. There was almost a… comfort level between us as we sat there listening to the quiet elevator music and sipping on her bottle of water. I was also thinking about how I had told her things about my history that I had never told anyone else before. There were people that knew because they were there. But I had never willingly shared my upbringing with anyone who didn't already know for one reason or another. But the fact of it was, no other woman had ever asked me to talk. And maybe it was as simple as that. I couldn't recall another woman who had wanted to hang out with me for my scintillating conversational skills. Maybe it was because I didn't have any. Or maybe it was because no one had ever been interested in finding out whether I did or whether I didn't.
We were both sitting there together, comfortable and at ease, but it definitely hadn't started that way.
"Tell me why you had a panic attack when you first realized we were trapped, Grace," I said softly, glancing over at her.
Her eyes flew to mine. She took another drink of water, clearly stalling and deciding whether she was going to answer me. After a minute she said softly, "My brother got diagnosed when he was eight. I was a year older than him. He fought for two years but when the doctors finally told my parents he was terminal, my mom kind of lost it, and my dad took on the burden of planning his funeral without her. She was literally emotionally incapable." She paused for a long time and I wondered if she'd continue, but finally she did, "My dad had to bring us girls to the funeral home with him a couple times because my mom couldn't even watch us. One time me and my sisters wandered off while my dad was talking to the funeral home director, and I don't even know why, but I climbed into one of the caskets while my sisters were looking at something else. I shut the lid and it latched into place and I couldn't open it. I panicked and started hyperventilating. I kept thinking something was touching my leg–a ghoul or the undead." She laughed a small laugh, shaking her head. But her face went serious very quickly. "But the place was so damn quiet, I was afraid to scream and make the noise it would have taken to
get someone to open it for me. I didn't want to embarrass my dad. He was already barely holding on… And so I stayed in there until someone finally opened it on their own, looking for me."
"God, Grace. That must have been terrifying," I said quietly.
She looked up at me. "Honestly, I hadn't thought about it in years. But, I don't know, the thought of being stuck in a small space… I guess it just triggered that same feeling."
"Makes sense." I studied her pretty, serious face for a minute and then I smiled. "Plus, this time you had the added horror of knowing for sure that you were trapped with a demonic ghoul." I widened my eyes and did my best crazed-killer grimace.
She burst out laughing and I grinned at her, happy to see that faraway look of pain clear out of her expression.
After a minute, she raised her eyebrows. "I do believe you just got another secret out of me without having to sink a basket."
I smiled. "True. Okay, fair is fair–you get a freebie now too."
"Why do you call me Buttercup?" she asked.
I turned my head and when she turned her head to look at me, our faces were only inches apart.
I shrugged, looking into her eyes. I had told her a lot of personal stuff about myself, but for some reason, I felt like I needed to hold back now. "Maybe it's your hair," I said, glancing up at her blonde-ness. "Will you take it down for me?"
"My hair?" she whispered. "You want me to take it down for you?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
She hesitated for a minute but then her hand slid up to the back of her head and before I knew it, a mass of silky sunshine was cascading over her shoulders.
"Jesus, Buttercup. You're like an angel." I took a lock between my fingers. It felt as soft as it looked.
She smiled. "I…" Her voice trailed off as I leaned toward her. Her eyes widened, but she didn't move away, and just as our lips were about to touch, the elevator jolted and began to rise. We both pulled away from each other, her gasping in surprise. It was fixed. We were about to be set free. The only thing I could feel was disappointment.
CHAPTER 4