* * *
"Normally we would have one more lesson, but because it's Christmas Eve, I thought we would spend the last hour celebrating. So while you pick up from class, the other teachers and I will bring out the party," Philip said to loud cheering.
"Sara, will you help me with these mats?" Kayin asked.
"Sure." It was Christmas Eve. When did this happen?
We each grabbed an end and folded the large gym mats and dragged them to the side of the room.
"How are you doing today?" Kayin asked as we grabbed another mat.
"I'm okay, and you?"
Kayin shrugged. "I'm fine. My life isn't as exciting as yours is right now."
"Yes, it's thrilling," I said, rolling my eyes.
Kayin tugged on my shirtsleeve. "Come on, Little Sister, let's go get something to eat before it's all gone."
Looking over at the table surrounded by kids, I chose not to move. "Yeah, I'll wait until it clears up a bit."
"I'll brave the crowd and get you something to eat," Kayin said, taking my hand.
"My Big Brother, the brave hunter." I fluttered my eyelashes.
"Not quite the hunting I was brought up to do, but I should be able to handle it." He grinned and walked into the crowd.
Sliding up to the table, he quickly returned with two glasses.
"Do you like this?" Kayin handed me a glass of thick eggnog.
Taking the glass I smiled. "Yes, I love eggnog. I have to have it at Christmas."
"I'm going back in for food," Kayin said, puffing out his chest.
"I'll hold your cup, you might need both hands to survive." I laughed as Kayin stalked the crowed before sliding in.
I could feel Gavin coming closer. All day his crazy emotions shifted between excitement, sadness, joy, and confusion. It drove me nuts. In my next dream with Aya and Shamash, I’d ask for help blocking other people's emotions.
Taking a sip of eggnog, I was surprised at how familiar it tasted. It was different than any other eggnog I'd ever drunk, and yet I’d tasted it before. Taking another sip, I saw images flash through my mind. Me sitting on a man's lap, his gold eyes warm as he held a cup for me to drink from. A huge tree being decorated by a woman with creamy copper skin and long black curls, and a young man with flame red hair throwing tinsel at her.
"Sara, are you okay?" Gavin asked.
"Yes, thanks. I just, um, . . . it's really good eggnog," I managed to mumble, as Gavin stared at me with concern.
"Oh thank you, it's an old family tradition, there's a secret ingredient," Gavin whispered loudly.
"I guess I shouldn't ask for the recipe, then."
We both froze in painful, obvious silence. I needed to learn to keep my mouth shut! I now knew without a doubt that a single second could go on forever.
"It was hard, and I wasn't sure I would make it out alive, but I got you strawberries and cookies." Kayin handed me a plate filled with treats.
"Thank you," I said taking the plate and giving Kayin back his cup.
"Do you kids mind if we old, boring teachers join you?" Anali asked, slipping her arm around Gavin's waist.
“Hey, I'm not boring or old," Gavin said, trying to joke after the uncomfortable silence.
"Of course you can join us. We're going to sit over there by the window," Kayin said, tilting his chin to the corner on the other side of the room.
"We'll be just a minute." Anali tugged Gavin towards the table of goodies.
As Kayin and I settled ourselves in the corner I couldn't help but wonder how awkward this was going to be. Sighing, I leaned against the stack of mats and watched people walk past the window, holding bright umbrellas to keep them dry. Picking up a strawberry, I hummed along with Deck the Halls.
"What are you doing for Christmas?" Kayin asked, taking a bite from a Santa cookie.
"Tonight I'll make cookies with the little girls, and tomorrow I'm going with Melanie to her family's house," I said, hoping I didn't have pieces of strawberry between my teeth.
"Who's Melanie?" Anali sat down gracefully, not spilling her full plate or cup. Gavin was not so lucky, shockingly his packed plate only lost two cookies as he sat down.
"She's my houseparent." And now for the barrage of questions.
"What's a houseparent?" Kayin asked.
"I live in a group home, and Melanie is in charge of taking care of me." I didn't look up from my plate as I explained.
"Is she nice? I mean she seemed nice the other day when I dropped you off," Gavin asked his voice barely above a whisper.
I looked up, surprised by the question. This time Gavin was the one looking down.
"Melanie's great, she’s the best person I've ever lived with."
"How many people have you lived with?" Anali asked.
"I've lived in five different placements, three group homes and two foster homes," I said, picking out a Mexican wedding cookie, and stuffing it in my mouth.
"Why so many?" Kayin's brow wrinkled into a frown.
"Oh, that's nothing. I have always been a good kid, no real behavior problems. There are kids that easily go through five placements within a year. Oh, these are good," I said, after biting into a cookie with pieces of candied ginger.
"I made those," Anali said with a pleased smile. Yes, topic change.
Kayin looked at his plate and pouted. "I don't have one."
Rolling my eyes, I held out the rest of my cookie. Kayin leaned over and took a bite. "Ouch, you bit my finger."
Kayin grinned. "That is a good cookie. I like the spiciness."
"You're such a brat. What are you doing for Christmas?" I asked, hoping to keep the attention off of me.
"Philip invited all of us to a big dinner he has with a bunch of friends every year. I'm not sure what else is going to happen, it's the first year I've celebrated Christmas in America," Kayin said.
"Don't worry I've only celebrated with Gavin since we got married three years ago. We'll stick together, and get through it," Anali said, patting Kayin's arm.
"We're going to have a great time. Merry Christmas," Philip said, passing out shirts.
Printed in fancy letter on one side of the soft white cotton tee shirt were the words, San Francisco Center of the Circus Arts. Next to that a man in green with what looked like thorns on his costume. He held a woman above his head; she wore a red frilly outfit curled up tightly. Together they looked like a rose.
"Thank you, it's beautiful. Is that Shin?" I asked, pointing to the man in green.
Philip beamed. "Yep, I think it turned out well."
"It's perfect." Anali smoothed her hand over the picture.
"I should get going," I said, looking up at the clock.
"I'll drive you home," Gavin said, jumping up so fast he almost fell over.
His sudden excitement hit me like a wave of prickling heat. "You don't have to."
"I know, but Melanie gave me permission, and I want to. You shouldn't have to walk home in the rain."
Blushing, I nodded. "Okay, let me get my stuff."
"I'll meet you at the back door." Gavin beamed and took off leaping up the stairs to the apartment.
Anali patted my shoulder, and followed her husband up the stairs. I hoped that meant she would talk to him.
"Ready, Sara," Gavin said, as he tucked a light blue fuzzy scarf into his brown leather bomber jacket.
I followed him out into the drizzling rain. The cold wind went right through my jacket. I was very grateful that I wouldn't have to take the bus home.
"I hope it's all right but I, um, we got you a little something." Gavin pulled an envelope out from inside his jacket, my name written across the front.
If my fingers trembled when I opened the envelope, it’s because of the cold I lied to myself. Inside was a gift certificate for up to three classes a session for as long as I wanted to take classes at the San Francisco Center for Circus Arts, and passes for tonight’s show. "Thanks, this is great."
"I know it's not much." Gavin's fing
ers gripped the steering wheel, the plastic creaking under the pressure. Prickly hot excitement quickly changed to something cold and bitter. I needed to get Gavin calmed down. His mood swings were making me queasy.
"No, really, it's great, it can be hard to get money for classes. I can use this, thank you," I said, hoping he would believe me. "And the show sounds like a lot of fun. We didn't have big plans anyway."
"You're welcome, I'm glad you like it. I know it's not much. I'm sure you have a Christmas list as long as your arm." Gavin gave me a shy grin.
I rolled my eyes. "I don't need anything. All I asked for was an mp3 player. I'll also get two outfits and a pair of pajamas."
"I thought teenagers loved to get lots of stuff?" Gavin sounded as if I told him gravity wasn't real.
"I guess I'm weird that way. Anyway I don't have room for a lot of stuff."
Gavin sighed as he pulled in front of my house.
Down another level in the awkward pit. "Sorry to be such a downer. I do like the gift certificate. I know as long as I keep my grades up, Melanie will let me take three classes a session. There wouldn't have been any other way for me to take classes, so I do appreciate it."
"You're very welcome. Come on, let's get you upstairs." Gavin tried to act cheerful, but failed.
"You don't have to, it's raining hard." I twisted the thread I picked loose from my sweater.
"A gentleman always walks a lady to the door." His voice firm as he opened the door and stepped out into the cold winter rain.
I reached for the door handle when Gavin opened it for me. His eyes crinkled with mischief as he bowed low and held out his hand to help me out of the car. I giggled, I couldn't help it.
"Thanks," I said, rushing towards the door.
"Be careful." Gavin followed close behind me, his arms out for balance as we ran over the slippery rock walkway.
I made it over the rocks, up the stairs, and through the door before slipping.
"Whoa." Gavin reached out, his strong hands grabbing my arms, steadying me as I got my feet back under me.
"Thanks, that was close!"
"Maybe we should walk slowly up the stairs." Gavin smiled, holding onto my arm until I steadied myself.
I looked up the polished wooden staircase then down at my dripping sneakers. Reaching down I pulled off my shoes and walked up the stairs in my dry socks.
"Good thinking. I like your socks."
"Thanks." I wiggled my toes, making the bright tree frogs on my socks move.
With each step the tensions rose between us. I wanted to run up the stairs to get away from the emotional chaos radiating from Gavin. I mean, I had enough crazy of my own right now without sharing his. Instead, I took slow steady breaths, and the scents of Christmas filled my nose.
"When are we going to pick mom up?" Rhonda asked as she came down the stairs.
"Tomorrow. She only gets a six-hour pass right now," said a woman, following behind her holding a small suitcase.
"What time tomorrow? Oh, hey, Sara, we'll see you Sunday," Myra said, hoping down the steps.
"Bye, have a good time," I said as we passed each other.
"Are you the only one staying behind?" Gavin asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"No, Caitlin doesn't get picked up ‘til tomorrow morning, and Shante is going to stay here for Christmas, too."
The front door flew open, Crystal's face morphing from a bright smile to a scowl in seconds. "Oh, it's just you."
Gavin looked shocked as Crystal stormed away.
"She's waiting for her grandmother to pick her up. And she hates me," I said with a smirk.
Gavin grinned. "You don't seem heartbroken over that fact."
"Not even close. Anyway, she's going to run away soon."
Gavin opened his mouth to answer, but Melanie interrupted him. "Sara, are you going to stand in the hallway all afternoon?"
"I just got here. Look what Gavin gave me for Christmas." I held out the gift certificate.
"This is a very nice gift. Thank you, Gavin," Melanie said after reading it.
"Isn't it great? I know I'll have to keep up my grades, and I can take the bus so it won't cause any schedule problems," I assured her. I could feel Gavin's happiness bubbling in the air.
"I'm sure you will. Do you know what you want to take?" Melanie asked.
"No, not yet, but the class schedule is in the envelope. When do I have to sign up by?" I turned to Gavin.
"At least a week before classes begin, but the earlier the better in case they fill up."
"Okay, I can do that."
Melanie snorted. "Please. You'll have it all sorted out by Monday morning. Sara is a very quick decision maker, she knows exactly what she wants."
Gavin smiled. "I'm sure she does. Monday is fine. Give Philip your list and he'll get you all signed up."
"And," I said dragging out the word and waving the passes in front of her. "We got tickets to their circus performance tonight. It starts at five."
Melanie snatched the tickets from me with a grin. "This is very generous. Thank you so much."
"I hope you can come. We weren't sure if you had plans," Gavin said.
Melanie shook her head. "Nope. The girls were going to make cookies, but we can make them later, and Crystal should get picked up soon, so we can go."
"We're going to the circus?" Shante asked.
"Yes," Melanie said.
"Caitlin, we're going to the circus," Shante screamed, running back into the house. "We should wear our best dresses."
Gavin chuckled. "I should go and get ready for tonight."
"Thank you. Have a Merry Christmas, Gavin."
"Merry Christmas, Sara," Gavin said, his shoulders hunched as he walked away.
"I'll see you tonight at the show right?" I said.
Gavin smiled. "Yep."
I watched him go, and for a second I wanted to tell him I knew who he was. Tell him I wanted to get to know him better. Instead, I turned and went inside.
Chapter Ten
"Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability."