* * *
Gavin and Anali were already in the conference room when Five led Melanie and me into the room for the CFT.
"Sara," Gavin said, jumping up. He wore khaki slacks and a white button-down shirt. His earrings were gone. "Your hair is down. It looks great."
Blushing, I tucked my hair behind my ear and breathed through the intensity of Gavin's emotions.
"Thank you."
"Hello, Sara," Anali smiled at me, at ease in her long, flowing tunic and pants. Pale blue beads decorated the hems. Her bindi looked freshly painted on, and a small silver stud pieced her nose. I guess both of them were trying to look respectable. Obviously, they had never seen CPS workers before.
"Did the doctor ever get back to you with the results of her blood work?" Five asked Melanie, as he set down several thick folders on the cheap conference table. Five looked very young today. His round face, big blue eyes, and wild brown curls made him look even younger with the faded blue jeans and Captain America shirt he wore.
"He said Sara was healthy. All of the tests came back within normal range," Melanie said.
"It's so weird how much you have changed," Five said, looking me over. "And you feel okay?"
I nodded trying to avoid Gavin's inspection. I stared at the ugly blue and gray office carpet. "Yeah, I feel fine, and I've stopped jumping every time I look into a mirror."
"I'm glad you're all right," Five said. Then he turned to Gavin and Anali. "I'm David Holden, Sara's caseworker." They all shook hands and introduced themselves.
I moved to sit at the end of the table so I wouldn't get stuck in between any adults. Melanie sat next to me. It wasn't long before the facilitator and Gavin's lawyer joined us, and the meeting began.
"Good afternoon, everyone. I think we have all introduced ourselves, but just in case, I'm Patricia Pinter, and I'll facilitate the meeting today. Please sign in on this pad I'm passing around, with your name and phone number so we can all contact each other later if needed. Now first, David, do you have the results from the tests?" Patricia sounded professional, but looked like she belonged at circus camp. The edges of tribal tattoos peeked above the collar of her fifties style white and yellow flowered dress. Silver gauges expanded her earlobes, and a silver tongue ring glittered in her mouth as she spoke.
Five opened a thick orange file. "Yes, the DNA test shows Mr. Marsh is Sara's uncle. The handwriting on the letters Mr. Thompson gave us matches the handwriting on the letter left with Sara when she walked into the police station."
"Sara, how do you feel about all this?" Patricia asked. "This is a lot of change."
All the adults turned towards me, the intensity of their eyes making me uncomfortable. I could feel curiosity from Patricia and Nathan, Gavin's hope, Anali's worry, Melanie's support and sadness, and Five felt completely blank. Why didn't I feel anything from him? I looked at him and he winked at me. Weird.
Thank goodness Aya and Shamash were teaching me how to block people's emotions. It was difficult, and I wasn't that good at it yet, but I could now tell what someone felt without their emotions invading me. Some of the time, anyway, if I focused hard.
"I'm not sure," I answered honestly. "I never thought I'd leave the system until I was out of independent living."
"That's what we talked about last time, right?" Patricia asked going over her notes. "You said you wanted to stay at Hope House until you were old enough to go into independent living, finish high school, and then go to college."
"What are you hoping for, Gavin?" Patricia asked, refocusing the conversation.
"I have a large house in New York. Anali and I can take Sara home with us as soon as she's packed." Wow, he didn't have high expectations did he?
"Mr. Marsh . . . " Five began.
"Please call me Gavin."
Five nodded, "Okay, Gavin. Sara doesn't know you. We don't know you. Even though you are family, we can't release her into your custody. There are steps we need to go through to make sure placing Sara with you is in everyone's best interest."
"I'm her uncle!" Gavin started to stand up until Nathan placed a large hand on Gavin's shoulder and restrained him.
"Let's calm down," Patricia said firmly. "Anali is your wife, correct?"
"Yes," Gavin answered, trying to rein in his emotions.
"Sara, do you know Anali?" Patricia asked me.
"Yes, she teaches at the Circus school. She's nice." I sent Anali a small smile across the table. She smiled back and linked her hand with Gavin's, calming him down.
Patricia turned to the white board, marker poised to write. "David, what steps need to be taken?"
"Well, we need to know Gavin and Anali's physical and mental health. We need to establish a relationship between Gavin, Anali, and Sara. We need to know what kind of life Gavin and Anali will provide, that Sara will be safe and taken care of, and Sara has to agree to go with them." David said, looking over his list.
"I have copies of Gavin and Anali's last physical exams, which were six months ago, a financial statement, copies of their drivers’ licenses, and their fingerprint ID cards." Nathan handed over a folder. "Sara's birth certificate is also in there."
"This birth certificate is for Sapphire Aya Rayner," Five said, as he read it over. "Born to Gabriella Aya Marsh Rayner and Keagan Michael Rayner. We'll have to run a search on them both and any possible family."
Nathan pulled out another folder. "These are the death certificates for both parents, and, both sets of grandparents. Gavin is Sara's only living relative."
Five looked through the new folder, nodding to himself and making notes. "How did you get all of these?"
"I started searching for Gabriella and Keagan as soon as I realized they were missing," Gavin said. "I knew Keagan's family and attended both his parents' funerals. He didn't have any siblings or close family, so Keagan inherited his parents' estate. I was the executor of Keagan and Gabriella's estate."
Gavin ran a hand through his hair. "Gabriella sent me a letter about six months after they went missing, saying that 'they' killed Keagan and were now after her. Every few months I would get a letter from another place. They were always cryptic.
"Two years after they disappeared, Gabriella began making references to keeping her Jewel safe. A year later she ended her letter with, 'don't worry, the baby and I are fine. I think we lost them.'" Gavin rubbed his eyes. "That was the last letter I got."
That’s what happened? It sounds like my mom was crazy or running from a drug dealer or something. I kept my eyes down and my face blank. What Gavin said didn't feel right, and it didn't match my mom's letter.
"Due to the letters, private investigators' reports, and lack of contact, Gabriella and Keagan were declared dead." Nathan explained. "Once Gavin saw Sara and found out her birth date, he asked me to check through the letters Gabriella sent. There was one post marked the day after Sara was born. It didn't take long for a private investigator to find her birth certificate."
"Let's take a moment here," Patricia said. I could feel her looking at me. The next thing out of her mouth would be some caring phrase from her training. "Sara, this is a lot of information, and whatever you're feeling is fine. This is a safe place."
Guh, how predictable. Unfortunately it wasn't over.
"Sara, how do you feel about all of this?" All the adults went silent. Oh yeah, this sure felt like a "safe place."
I kept my eyes down and my voice soft. With adults, timid always works better than angry. "I'm not sure. I'm sorry all these people have died, but I didn't know them."
Patricia and Five both hummed and nodded in understanding.
"I'm not sure what to think about my mom running from people. And my name—, I'm used to Sara. I don't know that I want to be called Sapphire." Sapphire’s the Jewel, Gavin's niece, the girl with a powerful destiny. Sara’s a group-home kid trying to make a future for herself. I didn't feel like Sapphire, I don't even know who she is. But Sara felt like an illusion my mom created to keep me safe. Sara
faded with each new change and truth I discovered, with Sapphire waiting under the illusion.
"Thank you for sharing, Sara," Patricia said when she realized I wasn't going to say anything else.
I zoned out as the adults began to go over everything. Questions were asked and answered. Papers switched hands and information exchanged. Patricia would recap the meeting at the end and say what was going to happen next. I wouldn't miss anything important. Two weeks ago the swirling chaos of my thoughts would have upset me, now it felt normal.
Patricia, Five, and Nathan stayed professional and focused, determined to get what they each needed and wanted. As Gavin became more and more excited, Anali tried to soothe him, while grinning excitedly herself. Only Melanie and I sat back calmly. Melanie was there for me and in case anyone asked questions about my home life.
"Okay, we're close to the end. Let's recap what needs to get done," Patricia said. See, I knew it. I sat up and focused on the meeting.
"I will need Gavin and Anali to have a psychological evaluation with one of our psychologists," Five said, looking over his notes. "Due to Gavin's being family, and all of the information he has already provided us, and as long as Sara is comfortable, I'll ask my supervisor to approve unrestricted phone access and one six hour visit on the weekends to start with. Do you want Saturdays or Sundays?"
"Saturdays," Gavin said.
"Saturdays are fine," I said with a shrug. It wasn't like I had a busy social life.
"Great, let me go and run this by my supervisor, I'll be back in a minute."
"Wait, can she take classes at the Circus Center again?" Anali asked. Oh, good point. The winter/spring session started Monday, and I had the gift certificate Gavin gave me.
Five smiled. "Yes, that’s fine."
When I got into the car with Melanie I was exhausted. All the emotions and changes had overwhelmed me.
"Gavin and Anali seem very nice, and it's obvious how much they want you in their lives."
"I know, but it's so different from what I planned." I sighed and leaned back. "I finally thought I would have a little control over my life, and now this. I can't even imagine what living with them will look like."
Melanie patted my leg as she made a sharp left turn. "Don't even try, just be open to them. Find out what they're like, and how they live, without throwing in a bunch of what ifs and worries."
"Thanks," I whispered, trying to believe her. I knew this was what my mom wanted for me, yet I wasn't convinced that I wanted it.
"Someday you will find a family, it may be one of your own creation, and I dearly hope it includes those I have loved and cherished. I don't know how long it will take, or what will happen before you have a family again, but know this is what I want for you. To have people you can turn to, to love, to take care of you. Families can drive you mad, and make you want to run away, but they will always be there for you, and they will accept you no matter what. Please, my dearest, make a family for yourself, fill it with people who love you, care for you, treat you well, and support you."