* * *
The cave was damp and dark. I stumbled forward towards the faint light in the distance. The steady beat of drums and the soft shaking of rattles moved me forward. I relaxed and followed the sound of the drums.
Within the rhythm of the drums I heard a woman's voice. No words, just gentle clear notes. I stood in front of the glass wall, and saw Akasha on the other side. In front of the wall laid the ash-gray rock that held my powers. It sat in a small fire from the energy that already been released.
This was all my fault, all my doing: the wall, the locking down of my gifts, and I was the only one who could fix it.
Bang. Looking up I saw Shamash knocking on the glass. He and Aya were trying to get to me. I wasn't sure what to do, or how to fix this. I pressed my hand against the glass, Shamash mirrored my action. I imagined I could feel the warmth of his hand in spite of the glass separating us.
A figure appeared next to me, a glowing human shape, and then she began to speak:
"Sapphire, my darling, fear and insecurity can be crippling. It can stop you from reaching for happiness, or trying to make your dreams become reality. Fear can make you hide when you should shine. I wish I could find a trick, or a way I could share with you, to help you overcome your fears, but sometimes you have to grit your teeth, take a step and do the right thing, even with your whole body shaking. I know it will be hard, and I wish I could hold your hand through all your hard, scary times, but know I'm with you in whatever way I can be."
Taking a step back, I reached down and picked up the rock. Heat blistered the skin on my hand. I held on and threw the rock at the glass wall with all my might. It made a sharp, perfect crack in the glass wall.
"Sapphire," Shamash called. "We are always here for you, you have to let us in!"
Tears ran down my face. I bent down to pick up the rock again. Steam poured out of it. My skin burned from being near it, but I pressed on. In one single moment three things happened. The drums stopped, my eyes flew open, and a new wave of power surged through me.
Curling in on myself, I gave in and let the power flow. There was nothing else I could do. It wasn't over. I hadn't broken through the glass, and the rock still sat there, although more of the power leaked out. I felt so stupid having done this to myself. All of this pain could have been avoided if only I had been braver, or smarter, or even for one moment felt excited about being the Jewel.
"Little Sister," Kayin said and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"We're all here, you're safe." Gavin wrapped an arm around me.
I wanted to throw myself into his arms. I wanted to be safe. I wanted to be accepted and loved. I stayed where I was. I couldn't move. He deserved a niece who loved him, who felt some kind of family connection, not someone looking for safety. I sat there while the tears fell down my checks.
I could hear the others moving around. Kayin and Gavin stayed with me, cocooning me from everything.
"Is this okay?" Gavin asked.
"Sapphire will be fine," Paul assured.
"Who was singing?" Kayin asked.
Oh, good, he'd heard it too.
"That was the spirit of the drum; no one sang."
I don't know how long I stayed there curled up into a ball, trying to accept what happened and hiding from it at the same time. I felt more than heard someone kneel down in front of me.
"Anali made some hot chocolate. I think it will help," Storm said.
Wiping my eyes on my sleeve I sat up, grateful when Gavin's arm didn't leave me. "Thank you."
"I try to respect people's privacy. However, your emotions are screaming out," Storm said, his eyes sad. "This isn't your fault. No one minds being here. And you never know, maybe your being here now with us is meant to be."
I took a sip of the spiced chocolate and looked away. Storm patted my head and went back to his seat near the fire.
Slowly, I began to feel better. Grandfather Bob told a Zuni legend about coyote, while everyone sipped hot chocolate and ate cookies. Hey, I want a cookie! Looking around I couldn't find a plate of cookies, but Gavin did have a pile of Oreos on his leg.
Reaching out I stole one. Gavin was too involved in Grandfather Bob's story to notice. I managed to take two more before the story ended.
That night I lay in the tent, staring at the walls and shivering inside my sleeping bag. Between the power surge and exhaustion, my whole body ached. I wished I could sleep. Maybe I could get used to the howl of the wind and the rustling of leaves.
I slowed my breath and closed my eyes. Slowly, my muscles began to relax. I smiled softly as I felt sleep overtake me.
A scream shattered the peace.
"What was that?" I clutched my pillow to me, as if a fluffy pillow would stop something terrifying enough to make that sound! I heard something moving, was it outside the tent? No something moved inside! It was here, this was it, I was going to be eaten by some hideous creature!
The tent flap began to move, and the zipper began to slowly slide up. What was it? I stared at the back of the tent wondering if I could claw my way through!
"Sapphire, Little Sister, are you okay?"
"Kayin?" Oh thank god!
"Of course, do you want to come and sleep in our tent? All of us together will be warmer." Kayin offered.
I felt like a fool, getting all worked up over nothing. I opened my mouth to say no when another scream echoed over the mountain. "Yes, here's my pillow."
I threw my pillow at him and shuffled like an inchworm across the tent unwilling to get out of sleeping bag. Kayin held the flap aside as I slid into their side of the tent.
"Hey, Sapphire, come on in," Taliesin said. I slid across the air mattress to the middle. If I slept in here, then I wanted to be in the middle. I would be warmer, and I was less likely to get eaten.
Kayin and Taliesin piled extra blankets between the tent wall and their heads to make a warm cocoon. Bliss. I was never sleeping on my side of the tent again.
"It was probably a cougar," Taliesin said.
"What?"
"The scream, it was probably a cougar."
They're big enough to eat a person right? "It sounded close."
"No, it's a long way off. I can't tell how far because things sound different here than on the plains back home," Kayin explained. "But it's at least a mile away."
"That's good to know," I said and snuggled down into my sleeping bag. "Thanks for letting me come over here."
"Of course, Little Sister," Kayin said.
My last thought as I fell asleep—never would I sleep in a tent alone again.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
"Whether you think you can or think you can't—you are right."