“Brooklyn, you’re a genius,” my sister said at dinner. “No vegetables at dinner should be a birthday tradition!” She grinned at me and shoved a huge forkful of my mom’s delicious chicken into her mouth. I smiled back, but my mind was skipping ahead to tonight. When I’d gotten home, I’d tied the balloons Luke had given me to the railing just inside the door so he’d see how much I loved them. They kept bobbing in and out of my line of sight, ensuring I wouldn’t think of anything but Luke until the date.
I put my fork down. “May I be excused?”
“Honey, you barely ate anything!” My mom said. “Didn’t you like it?”
“Of course, Mom, just, you know—nerves.”
She smiled knowingly and excused me from the table with a nod. I ran upstairs to get ready. Fun shivers coursed through me. My first date. He wouldn’t really try to kiss me. He liked me too much to rush me, right? He had been teasing me with that text, trying to make me nervous.
I stared into my closet, trying to decide what to wear. I’d already decided to forego the swimsuit Luke had suggested. If he wanted to throw himself into freezing cold water and then walk back down a mountain dripping wet, that was up to him, but count me out. Thoughtfully, I assembled my outfit. It would be chilly, so I had to wear a hoodie. I chose one of my newer ones, so I wouldn’t look shabby, but not so new that it would look dorky. Luke had said the hike was pretty easy, so I slipped on skinny jeans, a long-sleeved T-shirt, and a pair of Converse. I straightened my hair and put diamond stud earrings in.
I got a text from Ali.
Have fun with the kissing machine.
LOL, I texted back.
After pressing send, a hollow feeling landed in my gut. The voices of Hanna and Makenna filled my mind. Was I making a mistake by going on this date? Would something terrible happen? Was I in danger? Would he try to kiss me? If I kissed him, that would mean we were boyfriend-girlfriend and I wasn’t ready for that. I didn’t plan on having a boyfriend until college. No exclusivity for me. No. We couldn’t kiss. I had to date lots of guys.
My heart threatened to leap from my chest. What was I going to do? Should I have cancelled the date already since I never got the chance to talk to Luke about him wanting to kiss me? My phone vibrated again. The text was from Luke. Only four letters.
XOXO.
My hands shook and the feeling of utter panic raced through me. What was I doing? I really should have canceled the date and not let balloons and smiles and hugs sway me.
I shoved the phone into my pocket, suddenly so angry at him for making me feel this way. I was just so uncertain. I took a deep breath and tried to still my thundering heart, then headed upstairs.
As soon as my mom saw me she grinned devilishly. “This is going to be so funny. I’ll answer the door when Luke gets here,” she gestured toward the door, down a short flight of stairs, “and you stay up here. You can watch if you like. Dad will be cleaning his gun at the dining room table when I bring Luke up to meet him.” She laughed cheerfully.
I didn’t join her. I wrung my hands and stopped in front of my mom. “Mom, I’m so nervous. Don’t make me go.” I seriously needed a good excuse. What was happening anyway? This isn’t how my first date ever was supposed to go. I didn’t feel any magic. I felt like I was in a horror movie. Where were the butterflies, the anticipation?
“Oh, Brooke, you’re just nervous. Take deep breaths. I thought you liked this boy.”
I thought I did, too. Why this scary feeling?
“This is more than nervous, Mom. I can hardly breathe.” I grabbed onto the table and set my head down, breathing fast and shallow.
“Well, breathing like that isn’t going to help matters. Sit down and take deep breaths. Enjoy the moment.” She had an exasperated tone. The same one she always got when I let my fears take over. I wished I could tell her this was different. I wasn’t just panicking. I thought I might have a real reason to be afraid.
I didn’t want to tell them what those girls had told me about Luke yesterday. It was totally embarrassing. I’d keep my humiliation to myself. Could I trust what those girls had said anyway? None of them had been nice to me or welcomed me when I joined swim team. They never talked to me, for that matter. Were they just jealous? Luke went to church. He had to be a good guy. Maybe my mom was right. Maybe I was overreacting. It was a group date anyway, no one would kiss and make out in front of the group, right? But, what about the texts?
I sat on a seat next to my mom and tried to do as she suggested.
“You always seem to work yourself up over the silliest things. You’re not getting married. You’re just going on a date with a nice young man who obviously adores you enough to plan a group date on your birthday. Look at those balloons and the way he gave them to you. Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is. It’s only a date.”
I scrambled to come up with a likely excuse. “Yeah, Mom. But this is my very first date, ever. I’m going to be with a boy, and I don’t even know what to talk about, what to do. I’m going to make a fool out of myself.” I lay my head on the table and sighed loudly.
“So, girls feel the same way guys do, huh?” my dad said, laughing softly.
I jerked my head up. “What?” I scrunched my nose in confusion.
“I assure you, guys feel much of the same feelings before a date as you do. I remember many times I thought I’d faint walking up to a girl’s door to pick her up. Shoot! I almost fainted waiting on your mom’s doorstep for her to open the door. I wanted her to like me so bad. I didn’t think I’d be able to stand it if she didn’t.”
My mom laughed. “And I was on the other side of the door hoping you’d think I looked pretty, and that I wouldn’t make a fool of myself because I liked you so much.”
She patted my back. “What you’re feeling right now is normal. Try to enjoy yourself. Don’t let your nervousness make you shy, either. Be yourself.”
“I can’t be,” I whined. “What if he tries to kiss me?” My true fear escaped.
“He won’t. Why would he? It’s your first date.”
“Because that’s what kids do these days, and I don’t want him to be my first kiss.” I leaned back in my chair. “I should have cancelled this date.”
“Don’t be silly. He’s not going to try anything. Your dad will scare the pants off him. He’ll be too afraid to even hold your hand.”
“I don’t think so, Mom. He’s a senior. He’s dated a lot.”
“How do you know?”
“Everyone says so and besides, he’s the most popular guy on the team. He’s probably dated all the girls.” When I said it, it rang true to me. What could she say to that?
“Well, he knows your standards, right?”
“I think so…I don’t know!” I’d told him. He just didn’t seem to understand me.
“Well, there’s a group of you. Stay with the group. Nothing can happen if you all stay together. There’s safety in numbers.” My mom smiled at me.
How had I gotten myself into this mess? I shook my head. Could she be right? A deep hollow ache sat in my gut. It was a feeling I knew all too well. It guided me like a friend or maybe like a loving father. Whenever I contemplated doing things I shouldn’t, the ache hit me. That’s how I most often gauged what I should or shouldn’t do. My mind raced, and I couldn’t find peace. I should listen to the feeling and cancel the date.
At that moment, the doorbell rang. I jumped, dread spreading out from my gut. I looked at my mom giving her my best help me eyes. She helped me all right. She got up and answered the door. I couldn’t blame her. I should have told her the whole truth. Then she wouldn’t think I was just overreacting.
Not knowing what to do, I ran into the bathroom and looked at myself. Was it too late to refuse the date? I was a strong girl. I could stand up for myself. I said a little prayer in my head as I heard voices through the wall. I couldn’t make out what they said. While I felt a bit calmer, I would not find the peace I was hoping for.
What was I doing? Why
couldn’t I just go out there and tell him I wasn’t feeling well— because I certainly wasn’t. I wouldn’t be lying and heck, did he want to go out with me if I was feeling like this anyway?
I pushed out a rush of air and pulled the bathroom door open. Still holding onto the door handle, I closed my eyes and took a big breath in. I’d just tell him I wasn’t feeling well. That was the answer. There was still time. A ray of warmth pierced my heart as I made the decision, and I knew it was the right one. Peace flooded my body until I saw him talking to my dad.
My dad held the gun up for Luke to see and said, “Yeah, I’m sure you’ll take good care of my little girl.”
Luke’s face seemed to pale for a split second before it flashed back to its normal honey brown color. “You bet I will, Mr. Hamlin.” He caught sight of me. His eyes flamed and he smiled. In that moment, my resolve weakened. I looked at him standing there next to my dad, smiling that sweet smile, and I suddenly wasn’t sure. I remembered how I’d felt when he’d invited me on the date, and then again how amazing it was when he gave me the balloons at school. He’d made me feel special. He’d gone to all this effort, just for little old me.
My mom and dad had said it would be ok. Ali had said it would be ok. This was just me freaking out, like the swim meet—like usual, really. I just needed to get it together and face my fears like mom had said.
Besides, my dad had pretty much threatened his life if he didn’t treat me well. Plus there were two cars full of kids our age going on the hike. Hikes weren’t romantic and there were at least ten kids to chaperone us. I was silly to be afraid. My mom was right as always. I’d go. I’d just be smart about it. We’d stay with the group. I’d be okay. I smiled shakily and took a nervous breath. That knot in the pit of my stomach was still there, but I ignored it. Everything was going to be fine. I was just being ridiculous.
Luke opened the door for me. That was a good sign. He was acting like a true gentleman. Maybe things would be okay. A couple I didn’t know sat in the rear seat. They looked older than me. They were talking and didn’t seem to notice me. Great. A couple for sure. Would they make out the whole time? The music was blaring and if I asked who they were, they wouldn’t hear me. Luke climbed in and immediately started singing to the music after giving me a wink. We drove to the canyon only five minutes from my house. This was it. There was no turning back now. My stomach seemed to turn to a hard rock. Please, please let him be a good guy.
I’d never hiked Adam’s Canyon before, even though it was so close to my house. Truthfully, I wasn’t super outdoorsy—I liked movies and music and sitting around. Dance and swimming took all my energy. My remaining time was for relaxation—precious time. I realized that dating might just cramp my style.
I waited like a good little girl for Luke to open my door and help me out. He and the other couples from both cars congregated in front of Luke’s car and I sat there. Should I get out? Had he forgotten me? Did boys not open doors for girls when they arrived at the place of the date? I stared at him, feeling more and more stupid as time passed. Then, with a touch of mercy, he looked my way. Finally.
But, instead of coming to get the door, he motioned for me to join them. I guess chivalry was dead. I pulled on the handle, but it was locked and I didn’t know how to unlock it. I thought about climbing over to the driver’s seat. Certainly there were controls there. I started to slide over there when Luke noticed I was having a hard time. He raised his eyebrows and came over to the passenger side and tried the door. It wouldn’t budge.
“Oh,” he mouthed. “Sorry,” and ran around the front of the car and unlocked the driver’s side door. “Ah, Brooklyn, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize I’d locked you in.” He pushed a button on the door and the lock clicked open. He ran over to my side and opened the door.
“I should have done that in the first place,” he said, pulling me into a hug. “I usually do.”
“It’s okay,” I said, all my misgivings leaving me.
“Sorry for embarrassing you. You ready?” He had that irresistible smile on his face, the one that had attracted me to him in the first place. My traitorous heart sped up.
“Sure.” I looked toward the couple that had ridden with us. “Who was in the back seat of your car?”
“Oh, that’s Walt and Melanie—they’ve been together forever.”
“Do they go to our school?”
“Yep. They’re seniors, too.” He led me toward the group of five couples. Once there, he said, “Hey guys, this is Brooklyn, the birthday girl.” He pulled me in for a side hug.
Congrats and whoops and hollers rang out along with several Happy Birthdays. I nodded, feeling totally important and special and said, “Thanks,” unable to keep a huge grin from spreading across my face.
“Let’s get going,” Luke said, and the group walked toward the trail head. All five couples were holding hands as they entered the switchbacks in front of us. The boys all had backpacks over their shoulders. When Luke put his on, it pulled his T-shirt tight and accentuated his well-defined pecs. I blushed and made myself look away.
As we fell in line behind the others, Luke took my hand and we started up the hill. Like my hand knew just what to do, it grabbed his hand back.
“I can’t believe you’ve never hiked up here before. You live so close.”
“I know. Crazy, huh?” I hoped he didn’t hear the waver in my voice. My nerves were taking over. My feet sunk into the very sandy soil. “Will the whole hike feel like we’re walking on a beach?”
He laughed. “No. Just these switchbacks. They’re awful, but you’ll feel really good once we get out of them. If you look up, from here you can see where the wooden handrails end?”
“Yep,” I said.
“Well, that’s where the switchbacks end and the solid ground begins.”
I nodded, trying not to let panic set in. It looked like we’d be walking a mile uphill in deep sand. Then, true to form, I found the only big rock in the sand pit and stumbled forward.
Luke was right there to keep me from hitting the ground.
“If you didn’t know already, I’m quite the klutz.”
He smiled at me encouragingly. “I doubt that. I can tell by the way you swim that you are graceful and would never be clumsy. Way to go on second place, by the way. I had an event right after yours and couldn’t tell you right then.”
“It’s okay. I saw your race.” I smiled.
He grimaced. “I should have had it. I let Ryker take me, though. But when I did the 100 breast, I killed it. I got first and beat my best time by five seconds.” He tugged on my hand, and I looked at him.
“I think it was all the excitement about coming with you tonight that pushed me. I wanted to impress you. I watched all your races. You’re doing better.” He tapped his foot on mine.
“It’s okay, you can tell me I suck. I know it.” I looked at my feet.
He laughed. “It’s true. You’re not the best swimmer, but you’re only a sophomore. You’ve got plenty of time to become amazing. And you were the one that pulled your relay to third from last. You can be powerful when you choose to be.” He brushed his hand through his hair. “I think you’re amazing, win or lose.”
My heart flipped and my skin got all tingly. He had really great hair. I had the sudden urge to touch it like I’d dreamt about so many times. The light from the sun setting hit it just right, bringing out all the blond streaks. I tore my eyes away.
“What?” he said, glancing back at me.
“Nothing, just thinking about the relay. I couldn’t bear the idea that we would come in last. I had to change that.”
“Why don’t you always have that killer instinct when you race alone?” He squeezed my hand.
I huffed, partly because of the sand and I was winded, but also because I wasn’t sure why. “Good question. I don’t know that my heart’s in it.”
“Don’t you love to swim?” He looked disappointed.
“Not really. Sorry. My parents
have this rule that we have to be involved in school. When I didn’t make cheer, I thought I’d try swimming.”
“Awww.” He truly looked let down. “I love it.”
“It’s not that I hate it…I just don’t love it like you do.”
“What do you love, then?”
“I love dancing, and I loved cheer.”
“Why didn’t you cheer then?”
“Well,” I looked away, a lump filling my throat.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay, really. I wasn’t good enough.” I stumbled again and after he caught me, I gave him a bitter smile. “It’s kinda the story of my life.” The pain of not making the team still stung.
“Don’t say that. I hate that you think that. You’ll get better with swim. You came in second on backstroke as a sophomore. Just think what you could do.”
The truth was that if Luke and the other guys, including Ryker, weren’t there, I would probably never go. Some days I just couldn’t handle it. Swimming as fast as I could and coming in last was the worst. A lot of times I thought I might hyperventilate from fear and embarrassment. It was just better on those days not to swim. Could Luke be right? Could I become a great swimmer?
“You’re not going to quit, are you?” His eyes went wide like he couldn’t imagine anyone ever quitting swim team.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I’ll stick this year out at least. Who knows, maybe I’ll learn to love it.”
“If you push yourself and taste a bit of success, I bet you will.” Sincerity oozed from him. He rubbed my hand with his fingers. I looked up at him and heat radiated through my chest.
To my surprise, we’d made it to the top of the switchbacks. It felt good to walk on firm ground again. It seemed like this was where the real trail started. I felt hot in my jacket and was tempted to take it off, but thought better of it. Now that we were off the hard, steep switchbacks, I’d probably get cold. The sun was setting.
“We’re about to get into the woods,” Luke said. “You won’t be able to see the view until we come back down and it will be dark, so now’s your chance to check it out.”
I turned around. He came up behind me and pressed his chest against my back. Then he put his hands on my shoulders, leaning his chin on the top of my head. He was so close I could smell his cologne. I closed my eyes and breathed it in. Feeling his hard chest on my back made my knees go soft, and I had this incredible urge to sigh. I stifled it.
When I opened my eyes again, bright oranges and reds exploded around the horizon. In less than half an hour, the sun would be gone. A terrible realization hit me. It was about to be very dark.
“Uh, I didn’t bring a flashlight.” I twisted my head up, and he moved back a step.
“No worries.” He patted his backpack. “I’ve got us covered. Let’s get going and try to make it to the falls before the sun fully sets.”
“Alright. The sunset was amazing, though.”
“Nothing like a bunch of pollution to give us awesome color.”
We laughed.
Suddenly I realized we were alone. My breath caught in my throat, and a trickle of fear dripped through me. “Where is everyone?”
“Somewhere ahead. Let’s catch up.”
Relief doused my fear, and I laughed somewhat nervously. Geez, Brooklyn, get it together, I chided myself. I wanted to catch them, but wasn’t excited about having to run.
He pulled me forward, not running full out, but certainly not walking, until we caught up with the first couple. Now, I was really hot. I slid my hoodie off, and Luke stuffed it into the backpack as we continued to walk.
“I can’t believe you’re at the back of the pack Luke,” one of the guys in front of us said. “You usually beat us all to the top.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll keep that trend going. I just didn’t want to miss the sunset. Did you see how bright the red was today?”
“We missed it.”
“You snooze, you lose.”
I noticed the guy Luke was talking to looked at my chest. Subconsciously, I rounded my shoulders. He squinted his eyes at me slightly. Did he know I saw him look? I gave him a hard smile then clenched my teeth. My toes curled in my shoes. I would never go out with him.
“See ya at the top,” Luke said, pulling me past them and farther up the trail.
I’d been able to catch my breath a bit and didn’t mind hurrying. I liked to win, too. We caught up with the next couple, but he sailed past them saying, “Later, losers.” The stream rushed beside us as we hurried along, and shadows got darker as time passed.
We didn’t catch up to the other two couples until we hit a section of rock we had to climb and slide across. I couldn’t see how we could pass them until we got off the rocks.
“Luke, we wondered what happened to you. Too bad you’re back there and we’re up here.” They looked down at us as we climbed. I was a bit afraid that Luke would leave me and bound ahead somehow now that he no longer held my hand, but he didn’t.
“Hey, I’ve got precious cargo here. I have to handle her with care.”
One of the boys snorted and the other chuckled. I smiled.
And he did handle me with care. He made sure I knew exactly where to put my hands and feet so that I wouldn’t fall off the slippery rocks. In a couple of spots we scooted on our butts across. I was glad we were doing this while it was still light. How would we do it with flashlights on our way back down?
Once our feet touched the dirt path again, it seemed to immediately go dark. Luke stopped suddenly, and I bumped right into him.
“Sorry,” I said, rubbing my temple that had banged into his shoulder.
“That was my fault. I should have told you I was stopping. I’ve got to get the flashlight out.”
“You mean flashlights, right?” I said, but it seemed he didn’t hear me. I heard the zipper unzip and some rummaging. Then, a beam of light sliced the air.
“Found it.” There was triumph in his voice.
Great. He’d only brought one. Guess I’d be sticking close to him for the rest of the night. Maybe it wasn’t too terrible. He’d been so nice to me, and I was starting to feel really good—giddy and flushed. Luke was acting like a prince, and I was his princess. This date was really turning out to be fun.
“We’re almost there, but we better hurry if we’re going to overtake the others. Are you up to it?”
“Of course, I’m no wimp.”
“The path is really narrow right here, but I know a shortcut. Your feet might get wet. Is that okay?”
The idea of having wet feet didn’t really appeal to me, but he was so excited, how could I tell him no and ruin his plan? “Sure.” I tried to be full of enthusiasm. “Let’s do it.”
“All right. Follow me.” He held my hand firmly and we moved down toward the sound of the river. I felt totally safe and secure even though I stumbled a few times, my feet getting caught on a branch or rock, but made it to the stream nonetheless. He shined the light over the water and to the other side. The water wasn’t too deep, but it was rushing over all the rocks.
“I’ll go first. When I’m across, I’ll shine the light on each rock you should stand on, okay?”
“All right, but if I fall in, you’re coming in too.” I laughed.
“I like the sound of that,” he said in a deep seductive voice.
“You would,” I said. My heart banged into my rib cage. He jumped across. From what I could tell, he barely got wet.
“Now it’s your turn,” he said. “Whatever you do, don’t fall in.” He snickered.
“I’m a dancer, remember, so my balance is amazing.” I went up on point.
“Is the dance floor slimed with algae like those rocks?”
I gulped and landed flat footed.
He laughed some more. “I didn’t mean to totally scare you. I just wanted you to know the rocks were slippery. Be careful, Ballerina.”
A tingle spread through my body and I pretende
d to be really scared, throwing my hands to my mouth and widening my eyes. I took the first rock and steadied myself. Only four rocks to go. On the third, my foot slipped and my opposite foot splashed into the water. Luke didn’t wait one second. He stampeded through the water to me and picked me up, carrying me to the other side, saving my right foot from the water.
“My knight in shining armor. You saved my life. I am forever indebted to you.” I put the back of my hand up to my forehead and leaned my head back.
On the other side, he cradled me in his arms. Warmth spread through me and I felt light and airy. I couldn’t see his face. The flashlight was aimed into the trees.
“I guess I should’ve done that in the first place.” I could feel his breath on my cheek. It smelled like mint and mixed with his musky cologne, it made my senses come alive. Daydreams I’d entertained about Luke kissing me filled my mind.
He kissed my forehead. A boy had kissed me. I couldn’t believe it. It was the most charming thing I had ever experienced. There I’d been so worried he was going to kiss me when I didn’t want him to—all that teasing, he’d gotten me so worried. He wasn’t anywhere near my lips. If I had known this sweet and innocent kiss was what he’d meant, I wouldn’t have been so upset. I felt dizzy with the relief and giddiness. When he set me down and grabbed my hand, the heat intensified. His kiss had melted me.
Once my feet were firmly planted on the ground, we started off again. The path was pretty smooth and obstacle free except for a few tree branches that Luke held out of the way for me. It felt good to be protected.
We curved along with the river and suddenly came upon a big rock to climb. He boosted me up and then climbed up himself. “I think we beat them. Hurry.” We walked along the top of the boulder to the other side. Moonlight shone down on us, filtered through the trees. I could start to make out shapes in the darkness. He jumped down. I had no idea how far it was to the bottom.
“Go ahead and sit down. Then push yourself off. I’ll catch you.”
I blinked several times trying to get my eyes to adjust to the new light. I didn’t hesitate. I totally trusted he would catch me. As I pushed off, they had adjusted just enough for me to see him, two or three feet below me. Not far. He caught me, helping me land softly on my feet. He pulled me into a brief hug. My mouth went dry and I bounced from foot to foot. It felt great to be so close to him.
“I think they’re coming.” After letting go of me, he tugged on his shorts, pulling them off before I could turn away—revealing a pair of swim trunks underneath.
I laughed. “Oh my heck, Luke, I thought you were stripping down to nothing right here in front of me!”
He made a face showing mock offense. “I would never! What must you think of me, mademoiselle, that you would assume such a thing? I am a gentleman!” He puffed himself up onto his toes in what he must have imagined was an impression of an Elizabethan knight.
I pushed his shoulder, bringing him back down to regular height. He grinned at me, and then without further comment, he took off toward the sound of rushing water, which I assumed was the waterfall. I saw him throwing his backpack and shirt off behind him and then his form disappeared into the night.
“Yes you are,” I whispered, giggling softly to myself. It was ridiculous, and I knew it, but I was utterly charmed.
Voices filled the space as the other two couples made their way into the opening.
“Crap. Someone’s already here,” I heard a male voice say.
“At least we beat Luke. The birthday girl must’ve needed some pampering and kept him from passing us.” It was the other guy. They both chuckled.
I called out to them. “No pampering needed here.” I moved toward their voices and as I did their outlines came into view.
“Are you kidding me?” someone said.
“How did you guys get past us?”
Before I could answer, someone else said, “No way!”
“Yep!” I said. “He’s already in the falls. We kicked your can.”
The two boys shed their clothes down to their swim shorts and took off toward the falls. I joined the girls and headed toward the slamming, rushing sound of the waterfall. The spray lit lightly on my face and I got a chill. In the moonlight I could see the three boys in the water heading for the actual stream that burst from the rocks above. They had to be freezing. No way was I getting in.
Before the other two couples arrived, the three boys hopped out and dried off with a towel from their bags. They got dressed, shivering the whole time. Luke shivered violently and ran up to me grabbing me into a bear hug, pressing himself to me.
“Hey, you’re taking all my heat!” I tried to shout, but my face was pressed into his chest and my voice came out muffled. He smelled fresh and clean, like the mountain air around us, with just a hint of his cologne edging in.
“I’m so cold. You’ve got to warm me up.” He pushed his body to mine. Good thing he was dry.
That’s when I noticed my arms were sticks at my sides. I promptly wrapped them around him and ran my hands up and down his back. “And you think I’m hot enough to warm you? I’m freezing, too.”
“Oh, you’re definitely hot enough!”
I slapped at his chest and he laughed.
The final two couples arrived and those boys took their ritual bath in the water, but they only went in for a quick dip. Their girlfriends played their part well, helping the boys get warm.
One of the boys pulled out a ukulele and started playing Hawaiian love songs. Everyone took seats on either big rocks or fallen tree trunks. The moon was right above us now. Its beams would only light up the area for a short time, though. Trees would block it again, soon. The ukulele player’s girlfriend put her head on his shoulder and they looked really sweet. When all the boys joined in on the songs, it made the cold feeling spread to my fingertips and toes and I shivered. Luke pulled me closer.
“Getting cold?”
“I guess.”
“I should have brought a blanket. Sorry. I didn’t think it’d get cold this fast.”
“No big deal,” I said, right before the Happy Birthday song started.
“Wait. Wait…” Luke called out. “I’m not ready.” Everyone stopped singing and he let go of me and rummaged through his bag and two others rummaged through theirs. They pulled out plastic containers with cupcakes nestled inside.
It was like everything moved in slow motion. I gasped and with a shaky, soft voice, said, “You didn’t!”
With the strike of a match, a candle was lit on a large cupcake he held out in front of me. I could see that the other guys brought out a bunch of cupcakes, enough for everyone, it seemed.
“Now, go!” Luke called.
“How? When?” I let out a bark of laughter and cupped my hand over my mouth as they sang to me. It was so sweet. I couldn’t help but giggle. He planned this all for me. I was so lucky.
At the end of the song, Luke got on his knees and held out the cupcake in front of me so that I could blow out the candle. I did and everyone clapped.
“Happy birthday,” Luke said in a quiet, raspy voice that made my skin flush and my lips part. I took the cupcake from him and everyone else got one from one of the two guys. Silence ruled the space for a minute or so while everyone gobbled the cupcakes down. I took a minute to take it all in. I stared up at the stars and then turned to Luke and said, “Thanks. This is so nice.”
The boy started up on the ukulele again and even several of the girls sang along. Luke did, too. He sounded awful, but I thought it was nice he sang even though he sounded bad. It took guts to sing when you didn’t sound great.
“Why aren’t you singing?” he whispered, his hot breath tickling my ear. “You’ve gotta know this one.”
I laughed. “I do. But, I don’t want to hurt your ears.” My mom told me I could sing, but I didn’t believe her. She was my mom. She had to say nice things to me.
“Someone as pretty as you has to have the voice of an angel. And even if
you didn’t, I wouldn’t care. The important thing is to have fun and not hold back because of what others might think of you.”
He had a point. I watched him sing the next song. He was really having fun. Everyone was. I needed to lighten up. My mom had warned me about reverting into myself and not being fun. What the heck, when the next song started, I sang along, too. On the second round of the chorus, Luke’s lips brushed my ear, making my hair stand on end, but in a good way. “You have a great voice.” His lips slid from my ear to my nose in a soft caress. When he pulled back, he held his eyes closed. The heat in my face was palpable. I took in an involuntary breath.
A smile played on his lips and rocked me once more. After opening his eyes, he winked and kept singing off key. When the player began to play one particular song, the girls popped up and started dancing the Hula. The moon was halfway into the trees again.
“You’re a dancer. Get up there.” Luke pushed me forward. When had his arm gone around my back?
I pushed against him. “I’ve never done the Hula before.”
He laughed. “There’s a first time for everything.” And he pushed me out to the other girls. I followed along with them. The boys started to whistle and catcall as the girls swung their hips and tried their best to look authentic. I felt a touch of shyness, but their clapping and enthusiasm encouraged me and slowly, I fell into a groove. My hips swayed from side to side without an ounce of holding back. This was the most fun I’d had in a long time. I even caught onto the words of the song and sang out loud, occasionally closing my eyes.
By the end, it had become quite dark again, the moon completely behind the trees. We all sat and the ukulele player continued to play. After a few more songs, he stopped. I could hear couples snuggling and whispering. And, one by one, all the flashlights went out, except for Luke’s. Again, my heart leapt. He was taking care of me. I sat my hand down between us to help me keep a good six inches away from him and turned to face him so that no snuggling could go on. I heard one couple get up and move. How could they see where to go? They didn’t turn a flashlight on. Luke pressed his hand over the top of the flashlight, cutting the beam and making his hand glow red.
“Did you have fun?”
“It was amazing. Thank you.” I thought I heard shuffling feet.
“Where’s everyone going?”
“I think Stacy has to be home before anyone else. Like nine-thirty.”
“What time is it?”
He set the flashlight down and pulled out his phone. The light lit up his handsome face. “Nine-thirty.”
“Guess she’s going to be late.”
He put his phone back into his pocket.
“We probably should head back, too,” I said. “Remember my dad and his gun?”
He laughed and threw his hands in the air, “Don’t shoot me!”
“Can we make it down in thirty minutes?” I stood up and pulled him up. The flashlight sliced through the air, illuminating the area. We were totally alone, but I let myself feel safe. Luke had been protecting me and watching out for me all night.
“Yes. It’s super fast going down.”
“Even in the dark?” I pulled him toward the direction the others had gone.
We walked down the mountain for a while, and Luke reached for my hand again. I smiled to myself in the dark. Sixteen was amazing. Dating was amazing. In that moment I was so glad I’d pushed through my fear and come on this date.
Just then, we rounded a corner. To one side was a rock wall, and I lifted my hand to feel its rough surface. Luke flipped the flashlight off. I turned toward him out of instinct and next thing I knew, he’d pinned me up against the hard wall and put his mouth on mine. Horror welled up in me, and I felt a painful tightness in my throat.
I tried to turn away, but his hands were on either side of my face, pinning me there. His body was pressing mine into the rock; his elbows were pushing my upper arms down. He was so strong—I couldn’t do anything. I could hardly breathe, dizziness bored through me.
He pushed his tongue against my lips, parting them and forcing his way inside my mouth.
I clamped my teeth shut, denying him entrance. His wet tongue slopped all over my lips, and I felt like my dog was giving me a kiss. I wanted to wretch. Even while I clenched my teeth it seemed my muscles throughout my body weakened and my legs shook.
Shock started to set in. My whole body went rigid.
He didn’t give up. His tongue raced along my teeth, and the outside of my lips. This wasn’t happening. Then, with a swift movement, he pulled me into a crushing embrace and inhaled deeply into my hair.
A buzz sounded in my ears. That didn’t just happen. Spots flashed through my vision and I swallowed hard, curling my lips over my teeth trying to keep them from trembling.
“You taste good,” he said.
The buzzing sound got louder and I felt a lump in my throat. I was going to puke. I lifted my chin, forcing myself to look in the direction of his voice.
“Did I taste good, too?”
My heart pounded an erratic rhythm, and my mouth was slick with bile. I gasped and choked out in barely-audible whisper, “I didn’t want you to do that!”
He shook his head at me and snorted. “Of course you did! You were asking for it all night. Trust me, Brooklyn, I know how to read the signs.”
I needed water. I wanted to shove him away, but I couldn’t seem to get it together. I had no strength in my body. He stepped back and turned the flashlight on. When he saw my face he laughed, and the sound was jagged and cruel.
“Don’t act so offended, babe. You know you liked it.”
All I could do was gape at him, and he laughed again. He swung his arm out for me to go on ahead. We headed down the mountain. I took deep breaths and brushed my sleeve across my face and lips, resisting the urge to throw up. He walked behind me, shining the light to show me the way.
“Next time, you’ll like it even better. You’ll know what you’re doing, so it won’t be so lame.”
I nearly choked. Had he just said that to me? I could feel my breath starting to go ragged in my chest, and I had to fight hard not to hyperventilate.
I wished with all my heart that I could just run away from him, but I would never find my way down in the dark. I wrapped my arms around my chest, and hunched forward and as far away from him as I could get without losing the guidance of his flashlight. The memory of his slimy tongue was still thick in my mouth, filling me with disgust and embarrassment. Every step on the way down reminded me of just how naïve I had been on the way up. I’d actually felt lucky to be on this date. I shuddered. I just wanted to be home.
Luke’s voice rang out behind me, so casual, as if nothing had happened at all.
“I heard you were taking Tate to the Halloween dance. You should be taking me.”
Was he nuts? I would never take him anywhere after tonight. In truth, I was going to ask Tate to the Halloween dance so that Luke could feel free to ask me to Cotillion. Everyone knew you didn’t take the same person to two dances in a row. But that wasn’t going to happen now. I wouldn’t go with him anywhere. A shiver started in my toes and worked its way up to my shoulders. What should I say? Not the truth, because my truth had changed.
“I thought Candice was taking you.” I tried to keep my voice even. Maybe pretending nothing had happened would make this awful feeling go away.
“She is, but I’d rather it be you.”
How dare he be so awful to Candice? “What are you doing for your day date?” I asked, changing the subject. Just act normal. I told myself. This will all be over soon.
“We’re doing a scavenger hunt around a neighborhood. What about you guys?” He put his hand on the small of my back.
I sped up. “I’m not sure yet. Ali’s pretty picky. I thought it’d be fun to go paintballing.” I walked as fast as I could, away from his hand. We were in the windy section of the trail. Almost to the switchbacks. Not much further. You can make it.
“May
be we’ll do that next time we go out,” Luke said, his voice happy and excited.
How could I tell him there would not be a next time? I murmured non-committally, but he went on as if I’d agreed with enthusiasm.
“It does hurt when you get shot, but the thrill of it all is amazing.”
We made it to the switchbacks. There was just enough moonlight to see the path and the handrails here. Finally, I didn’t need his light anymore—I could make it from here. I didn’t want anyone to know what had happened, though, so I couldn’t just flat out run away from him. Besides, he still had to take me home. So I said, “Okay. No flashlight. It’s a race.” Then I cruised down. He passed me without much effort, but I didn’t slow down until I was in the parking lot.
He jumped out of some bushes near the trailhead and picked me up and spun me around. I screamed, startled, disgusted to be in his arms. He laughed and laughed as he put me down and we made our way to the car. I wanted to tell him to stay far away from me. We climbed in. The music was still up full tilt when he turned the car on. I locked the car door and pressed my body against it.
If what just happened to me was kissing, why would I ever do it again? The other couple had been leaning against the car making out, and they continued that activity now in the backseat. At least I wouldn’t have to have a conversation. The music filled the space. I didn’t even want to know what was going on in the backseat.
In five short minutes we were at my house, and I didn’t wait for him to open the door for me. I just wanted to get inside. He got out the same time I did. When we hit the sidewalk leading to the front door, he grabbed my hand, and I had to resist the urge to pull away.
“I had a really great time, Brooklyn. I can’t wait for Cotillion. We’ll have such a good time together.”
My eyes rounded in utter disbelief. Was he nuts? I felt a slimy coating on my teeth and lips. I wanted to wretch.
“Your dad’s probably going to kill me, huh?” He grinned.
I opened my mouth to say something, but tears threatened to spill out. I couldn’t let him see me crying, so I kept silent.
I focused on getting into the house without letting him accost me again. All I could think about was going inside and putting the safety of the front door between us.
When we got to the door, I did a swift head-far-left hug, grabbed the door handle and said, “Thanks, it was fun,” as I hurried through the door, then pushed it closed behind me.
I leaned against the door and covered my face with my hands, finally letting the tears fall freely.
My mom was sitting there waiting for me. I was twenty minutes late. I couldn’t look her in the eye. Instead, I rushed past her and to the bathroom where I washed my mouth out with tons of water. I couldn’t get his taste out. I brushed my teeth vigorously, practically tearing at my gums trying to scrub off what had just happened. When I looked up, my mom was behind me in the mirror, a look of terrified concern on her face. I spun around and buried my face in her shoulder.
“Honey, what happened? What’s wrong?” The panic and pain in her voice was too much—it precisely echoed my own. I broke down sobbing and she led me to the couch.
When my sobs had finally quieted, she brushed the hair out of my face and wiped the tears from my hot cheeks. “Tell me what happened.”
When I finished, I noticed my mom was fighting to keep a calm and comforting look on her face, but the way she was pressing her fist into her palm in her lap—I knew she wanted to kill Luke in that moment.
“Brooklyn, I am so so sorry I didn’t listen to you. I didn’t get that your fear was real. I thought you were just nervous. This is all my fault.”
I choked back a sob. “It’s not your fault, Mom.”
She grabbed my hands and held them fiercely. “Honey, listen to me. That was not your first kiss. It doesn’t count. You get a do-over.”
I shuddered. “Ugh, I am never going to kiss anyone, ever—EVER again.”
My mom pursed her lips. “That’s fine,” she said hesitantly. “Well, it doesn’t count, that’s all I’m saying. You can even still consider yourself a VL if you want to. His kiss-rape didn’t take away your innocence, sweetie.”
“I’m such an idiot. Why didn’t I push him away?” Guilt pushed at me. “I should have hit him.”
“Brooke, you couldn’t have done anything. This wasn’t your fault.” She pulled me into a hug and held me tight.
“I’m going to see him every day at swim and I sit next to him in one of my classes.” There was no escaping this boy. And now, I was one more notch on his belt. I should have believed Hanna and Makenna—they’d warned me. This was completely my fault.
“Ask to be moved in that class. Ignore him at swim.”
“He wants to take me to Cotillion,” I said numbly.
“Tell him no. In fact, you can feel free to text him tonight that you won’t ever be going out with him again since he didn’t respect your wishes about kissing you. And what a disgusting kiss. You definitely get a re-do with someone else.”
I nodded, said good night, and headed to my room.
I’d started typing the text when another text came in.
Happy Birthday. Wish we could have done something together. You going to the corn maze on Friday?
It was Ryker. Maybe my luck was changing. Maybe perfect was on the horizon after all.
I hurried and texted Luke.
Just cuz you kissed me, doesn’t mean we are going out. That was as mean as I could get at the moment.
Then, I texted Ryker.
Pick up episode two-July 2013
About The Author
Cindy M. Hogan is the bestselling author of the Watched Trilogy. She graduated in secondary education at BYU and enjoys spending time with unpredictable teenagers. More than anything, she loves the time she has with her own teenager daughters and wishes she could freeze them at this fun age. If she’s not reading or writing, you’ll find her snuggled up to the love of her life watching a great movie or planning their next party. To learn more about the author and other books she has written, visit her at cindymhogan.com.
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