Soon enough, old dears, I’ll get around to those final five. I don’t think you’ll suffer too much withdrawal if I postpone judgments on Nancy and Knotts and suchlike.
Upcoming in this column, just to whet your appetites, are two columns on the treatment of the image of the American Indian on television (with research provided by a genuine Kiowa medicine man), the long-promised evisceration of Bracken’s World, a piece on Baxter Ward and his stand in re the Salazar inquest travesty, a compilation of recent letters from outraged correspondents about such epics as The Interns, a lightweight frippery about watching tv while doing Dirty Things on a water bed; and I feel I should share with you some scrutinizations of the network censors at play (those wonderful “continuity” folks, the ones who brought you deballing). (Some rather interesting information has fallen into my hands on this subject, and while I am fully cognizant of how they can railroad one for publishing “stolen information” that is free and open to the public, I feel it is within the scope of my duties as your juju columnist to share with you the contents of some confidential continuity memos from the three major networks…not to mention a delicious sprinkling of the recent crop of censorship-on-tv stories currently in vogue among the members of my Industry.)
However, this week, and for the next three weeks, that ole debbil serendipity will provide you with something rather unusual, in response to a number of requests from curious and venal readers of this column.
Each week I receive at least a couple of letters from aspiring television writers, wanting to know how to write a script. Sometimes these lovelies even honor me with scripts they’ve already written, asking with chutzpah unparalleled in the Western world, nay demanding, that I read and critique (and sometimes even agent) the work for them. In order to retain my sanity, to put an end to such unconscionable hectoring (which only draws rude responses from me, gentle soul though I be), to answer all appeals for the look and style of a script, and to show you what I’ve been doing for the last two months, “The Glass Teat” (through the good offices of producer Matthew Rapf, his story editor Jim McAdams, and those swell guys at Paramount and ABC) will publish—uncut in its first-draft version, unexpurgated and in its entirety—the full script of my upcoming segment of The Young Lawyers.
That’s funny. I was certain there’d be huzzahs and handclapping. Well, anyway…
The script runs to seventy-five pages, so that means you’ll get one act a week, for four weeks. The first installment will include the “teaser” and the last installment will include the “tag.”
I commend these four columns to your attention not only so you can savor of the luxuriance of my prose and pithy dialogue, but so you can see the differences between what a writer writes (as well as how it’s written for the visual media) and what winds up on the screen. By saving all four installments and comparing the word with the action, we can all be enlightened. Hopefully.
I do this not only because I’d like you all to see my show, but also because I am secure in the translucent beauty of the story I’ve told. As it is based on an actual incident that happened to me last year, a situation in which I was aided gloriously by the very editor of this newspaper, the stalwart Brian Kirby, it assumes new relevance for all of you out there panting for the inside info about life and working conditions in videoland.
And so, without further ado, I lay my innermost creative self before you. Just remember, in years to come when you talk of this—and you will—be kind.
When it’s all over, we can critique it. That’ll be fun.
Author's Note: In 1974 I won a Mystery Writers of America Edgar Allan Poe Award for the "best mystery story" of the year. Its title was The Whimper of Whipped Dogs. It bears no relation of any kind to this script or its plot. I grew so enamoured of the title while writing this show that, when no segment titles were used onscreen during airing, nor were any used in the main tv information outlets such as TV Guide, I felt I should save the title for a short story. Now that the script is published and the short story has achieved a degree of prominence, I felt this footnote necessary to avoid confusion among those who follow such minutiae in bibliographies. —he
THE YOUNG LAWYERS
“THE WHIMPER OF WHIPPED DOGS”
Part One
TEASER
FADE IN:
1 INT. AARON’S APARTMENT – FULL SHOT CLOSE ON MIRROR – AARON’S FACE – NIGHT
Devoid of expression. Aaron looking at himself in the mirror, which FILLS THE SHOT. HOLD two beats.
MATCH CUT TO:
2 MEMORY SHOT – SOLARIZATION OR SIMILAR ETHEREAL EFFECT
MATCH-SHOT OF SNOWMAN’S FACE (SLOW THE MOTION IN THESE MEMORY SHOTS – NOT FULL SLOW – MERELY TO A STATELY PACE) FILLS THE SHOT as Aaron’s face filled it a moment before.
CAMERA PULLS BACK as Aaron’s face pops up from behind the snowman. As he appears, a snowball plonks him full in the snoot.
CUT TO:
3 MEMORY SHOT – SAME EFFECT AS ABOVE – EXT. COUNTRYSIDE – ON HALLIE BENDA (PROCESS)
who has obviously thrown the snowball. Bundled prettily, wearing winter clothes, a scarf, pink cheeks, an extraordinarily lovely girl in a delicate Dresden Doll sort of way. Rebecca
of Sunnybrook Farm with an impish sensuality. She’s laughing at Aaron; she’s blonde and fine.
CUT BACK TO:
4 INT. AARON’S APARTMENT – FULL SHOT CLOSE ON MIRROR AARON’S FACE – NIGHT
CAMERA PULLS BACK to show Aaron tying his tie in the mirror. Behind him, slouching in a chair, sidewise, her long legs dangling attractively, CLAIRE ZELAZNY watches him with a bemused expression. She is as dark and buxom as Hallie was slim and blonde. They must be instantly identifiable as two different girls.
CLAIRE
Have you ever been on time, even once…your whole life?
AARON
I couldn’t help it. Serving humanity knows no hours.
CLAIRE
(mock exasperation)
Please. You don’t even look like Albert Schweitzer.
AARON
Mr. Barrett’ll understand.
CLAIRE
He might: I don’t.
Aaron turns and gives her a winsome smile.
AARON
But just think: by meeting me here instead of me having to go pick you up, we save time.
CLAIRE
(looking around)
Also, thereby, compromising my reputation. Secret trysts in men’s apartments!
He goes back to tying the tie.
AARON
To you, I’m just another pretty face.
CLAIRE
(to the sky)
Why me? What did I do wrong?
CUT TO:
5 MEMORY SHOT – SAME EFFECT AS 2 – AARON’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
But things are arranged differently. Another time, long ago. Aaron reading to Hallie from a book as she sits by his feet. Very intense, both of them.
CUT BACK TO:
6 ANOTHER ANGLE – THE APARTMENT
as Aaron finishes, turns, grins. Spreads his hands.
AARON
Dinner is served.
Claire gets up, shaking her head at him, and he helps her into her coat, shrugs into his own. He goes around the room shutting off lights as Claire opens the door to leave.
AARON
I pay the electricity.
CLAIRE
(in doorway)
Someday I’ll meet a wealthy man with charge accounts, lots of credit cards.
Aaron comes to her and they step through as he delivers line:
AARON
You’re a product of a corrupt environment.
He shuts off the light, and closes the door. A beat. The phone RINGS. Another beat. PHONE RINGS AGAIN. The door opens after lock fumbling, and in the light spilling through from the hallway, Aaron dashes to phone in f.g. Picks it up.
CUT TO:
7 MEMORY SHOT – SAME EFFECT AS BEFORE – EXT. CITY – WINTER – DAY
Aaron, s
tanding on the top step of a municipal building, hands cupped to mouth, calling down to the far bottom step, where Hallie stands. Then he flails his arms, as though declaiming a great address to multitudes. Hallie laughing, throwing him kisses.
CUT BACK TO:
8 CLOSE ON AARON ON PHONE – DOORWAY IN B.G.
AARON
Hello?
(no answer)
Hello?
CUT TO:
9 MEMORY SHOT – SAME SOLARIZED EFFECT – HALLIE BENDA’S FACE
moving into CLOSEUP. A measured scrutinization of her loveliness, her openness, her gentleness.
CUT BACK TO:
10 AARON IN CLOSEUP
as Claire comes back into the doorway behind him, watches him.
AARON
(annoyed)
You wimp!
He starts to hang up. Phone three inches from his ear on the way down – a VOICE crackles out at him.
HALLIE
(filter)
Aaron…
He stops. The phone stays in mid-movement. He doesn’t move. Beat. Beat. Again, the voice:
HALLIE
(filter)
Aaron…it’s Hallie…I need help…
He wants to hang it up, he righteously wants to slam it down. His hand trembles as CAMERA CLOSES on the hand, the phone, his face half-in-shadow. But slowly he puts it to his ear.
AARON
(with difficulty)
Hallie?
CUT TO:
11 MEMORY SHOT – SAME EFFECT – HALF SLOW MOTION – AARON, HALLIE IN CLOSEUP
She is kissing his eyes.
CUT BACK TO:
12 AARON IN CLOSE
HALLIE
(filter)
I didn’t want to call you…but they gave me only one phone call…Aaron…
AARON
(softly)
Where are you?
HALLIE
(filter)
I’m at the Charles Street Station.
AARON
(two beats)
For what?
HALLIE
(filter)
Using a stolen credit card.
(beat)
Aaron, I didn’t know it was stolen…my girlfriend gave it to me…I didn’t want to call you, I didn’t want you to know…there isn’t anyone else I can ask…
Aaron is terribly tense. CAMERA FOCUSES on Claire in doorway behind him, worried about him and the call that is obviously upsetting him, then CAMERA FOCUSES on Aaron again.
AARON
I’ll get a bail bondsman. Just take it easy; I’ll have you out of there as soon as I can.
HALLIE
(filter)
Aaron…?
He waits silently.
CUT TO:
13 MEMORY SHOT – SOLARIZATION EFFECT
Hallie and Aaron, on a slight hill, rolling down and down, locked in each other’s arms TO CAMERA where their faces come into CLOSEUP and they kiss deeply.
CUT BACK TO:
14 AARON IN CLOSE
HALLIE
(filter)
I love you…
Aaron finds difficulty speaking. He can’t respond as he wants to respond. His reply seems gruff, but the rough tone tells us he is trying to cope with his feelings.
AARON
Yeah.
(beat)
Take it easy. I’ll have you out real quick.
He slowly hangs up. CAMERA PULLS BACK TO FOCUS Aaron and Claire, still in the lighted doorway.
CLAIRE
Aaron?
AARON
Let’s go. We’ll be late for dinner.
CLAIRE
Trouble?
AARON
(carefully)
No…just someone I once knew.
He walks to her at the door, steps through and door closes. HOLD two beats on the dark apartment and then the ROOM SOLARIZES AS IT WAS IN THE MEMORY SHOTS.
FADE OUT.
END TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
15 INT. BARRETT’S TOWN HOUSE – CLOSE ON TV SET – NIGHT
as CAMERA PULLS BACK RAPIDLY to show Barrett’s living room. The sound is off, but the picture running is KING KONG. In the f.g. DAVID BARRETT is mixing a drink for JUDGE KATE KNIGHT – a tall, elegant, very feminine jurist whose distinguished career has in no way impaired her good looks or her femininity. Claire sits on the sofa, dividing her attention rather markedly between the fascinating conversation of Barrett and the Judge…and Aaron who, in the b.g., is talking in low tones on the telephone.
KATE
My contention is still that King Kong can be taken as an unconscious symbol of male supremacy.
Barrett hands her the drink as Kong lumbers about with Fay Wray wrapped in his hairy paw.
BARRETT
Ridiculous! Next you’ll be saying Fay Wray was representative of Women’s Liberation because she didn’t wear a bra.
KATE
Forgetting for the moment that your strongest argument is the smell of that chicken paprikash coming from the kitchen, Counselor, in my capacity as the only Circuit Court Judge in this room, I overrule that remark as extremely snotty.
BARRETT
I suppose Kong is a male chauvinist because he’s brutal, rapacious and has bad breath…Your Honor.
KATE
No, because he manhandles women.
BARRETT
(corrects her)
Monkeyhandles.
KATE
(sips)
Sustained.
BARRETT
In point of fact, I submit that poor simian is a symbol of man’s never-ending search for a little true love, a good woman…and a thirty-foot banana…
They are about to go on, but Barrett has been eyeing Claire and Aaron, and now he turns his attention to the young girl, who is openly watching Aaron talk on the phone.
BARRETT
Miss Zelazny…
(she doesn’t respond)
Claire…
(she turns)
What is Aaron doing?
CLAIRE
Talking to someone named Yoakum.
KATE
Bernie Yoakum? The bail bondsman?
They all three stare at Aaron.
16 CLOSE ON AARON AT PHONE
AARON
Thanks, Bernie. When you find out how much they’ll fix bail, call me here. The number is 542–2575.
(beat)
Okay. Okay. G’bye.
He hangs up and CAMERA PULLS BACK to include group as Aaron comes to them.
AARON
Sorry, Mr. Barrett, Judge Knight.
CLAIRE
(concerned)
Is it all right?
Aaron shakes his head. He doesn’t want to talk about it. Barrett instantly gauges the tone of Aaron’s worry. The Judge is waiting for developments.
BARRETT
Aaron?
AARON
I’d just as soon not talk about it, sir.
BARRETT
(pauses, decides)
That would be fine, Aaron, if you hadn’t come three-quarters of an hour late so the paprikash lost its juice, if you hadn’t spent the last twenty minutes on the phone to a bondsman, and if I wasn’t sure this was N.L.O. business.
Aaron starts to sit down, wearily, beside Claire. He halts in mid-sit.
AARON
Shouldn’t we start eating? I don’t want to hold it up any more…
KATE
It’ll wait, Aaron.
He nods, sits down, starts to tell it.
AARON
My first year in school, I was pretty much involved with this girl…for a while we got it on okay…
CUT TO:
17 INTERCUT – MEMORY SHOT – SOLARIZED
Aaron and Hallie, playing Monopoly. Hallie puts a house on one of her properties. Aaron puts three. Hallie puts six. Aaron puts ten. Then they’re jamming all the houses and hotels on two blocks, one on another, till they’re clutching each other laughing.
CUT BACK TO:
18 SAME AS 16
AARON
Hallie Benda. Lasted a while, then we just sort of
…it went away…No fights, nothing like that, we were still friends…it just wasn’t us together any more. She called tonight, just before we came over. She’s in jail and she called for me to get her out.