Chapter 38
“What exactly are you talking about?” My heart rate started to rise, and anger rushed over me. “The fact that William is a vampire? Of course I know. He told me everything.” I said severely.
“Everything?” Joseph furrowed his brow. “Ha! I seriously doubt it.” His hands shook.
We glared at each other, but neither one said anything for a long moment, until finally Joseph spoke again.
“Look,” he said softly, while dropping his shoulders. “I don’t want you to think I’m jealous or anything like that. I care about you a great deal and I don’t want to see you get hurt…or killed.” He paused before adding, “The truth is, I don’t think you do know everything there is to know about him.”
“Like what Joseph. You’re telling me there are things I don’t know about him, but you haven’t told me what.”
“You need to ask yourself if you really want to know, because I don’t think you’ll like what I have to say.”
“Joseph,” I shouted. “For Christ’s sake, just tell me!” I didn’t realize I was shaking until I went to push a loose piece of hair behind my ear. I took a few deep breaths while I waited impatiently for what seemed like an eternity before Joseph finally started to talk.
“I don’t believe William has told you everything, and the reason I say that is because if he had, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now.”
“Oh? And why’s that?” I folded my hands neatly in my lap, trying to put on a strong front, but I got the distinct feeling Joseph saw right through me.
“William is working for Zane,” Joseph said it quickly and then dropped his gaze to the floor.
I jumped up from my seat “You’re lying! William would never work for a monster like Zane,” I shouted, but quickly turned away when I felt the hot sting of fresh tears. I walked over to the window, cracked the blinds a tiny fraction, and wrapped my arms around myself. I stood with my back to Joseph, and because I was preoccupied, I didn’t realize he’d walked up behind me until I felt his hot breath wafting my hair.
“I’m sorry but it’s true.” His voice grew quiet. “I’m not trying to hurt you, but when I saw you two kissing on the plane, I knew he hadn’t told you the truth,” he whispered softly, gently placing his hand on my shoulder.
I sobbed quietly. He tried to get me to turn around but I wouldn’t. I didn’t want him to think I was weak. Especially when I was supposed to be a leader…his leader.
“I saw him and Zane in my vision. And when I read Zane’s mind that night outside the cave, I saw it again. That’s why we didn’t come looking for you. I knew William was waiting for you behind the rocks. That whole rescue thing with him supposedly knocking out Zane was all a set up.
“When you saw me lean close to William and whisper something, that’s what it was. I told him I knew, and if he didn’t come clean and tell you everything by the time we got back to Haven, I would.” Joseph grew extremely quiet. He let out a deep sigh and walked away from me.
“Are you sure about this?” I cleared my throat and uttered, barely audible.
“Yes…and there’s more,” Joseph said hesitantly, stumbling on his words. I think it was because he saw how much he’d already hurt me. “He, uh…he’s here to, uh…keep you from taking the throne.”
When I turned around, Joseph was sitting on the couch, again. My face grew hot, and my breathing labored. I was incredibly angry, screaming out like I was in pain. The next thing I knew, Aunt Bev was screaming for me to get away from Joseph. I had transformed, and if she hadn’t walked in when she did, I would have ripped out his throat. I promptly changed back and looked apologetically at him for a second, then fell to the side, shaking uncontrollably.
“Oh my God, Joseph. I…I didn’t mean-” I peered at Aunt Bev, who had a terrified look in her eyes. I ran out of the den and up the stairs, slamming my bedroom door behind me.
I couldn’t believe what I had just done. Joseph had never been anything but kind to me, and I almost killed him. I really think Joseph would be dead if she hadn’t intervened. I wondered why he hadn’t transformed and at least tried to defend himself. Worse than anything was the confused, hurt, look in his eyes I saw when I came to.
“Gen,” Joseph said gently. “I know you didn’t mean to…,” he trailed off, and sat on the side of my bed.
“I’m a monster, and I hate myself for what I almost did to you.” I sat up and turned to face him. “You need to leave. I can’t control myself. I’m too dangerous to be around anyone.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder, and he held me tightly.
“Shh, it’s all right. You didn’t hurt me.”
He gently rocked back and forth, trying to comfort me. Him holding me was somewhat soothing, but I still felt terrible for what I had done.
“If my aunt hadn’t walked in, you would probably be dead right now. I’m dangerous, Joseph, and you shouldn’t be here,” I said through hiccupped sobs.
He pushed me back just enough to see my face, but I promptly lowered my eyes. “Don’t say that,” he said softly, brushing wild strands of hair away from my face. “We were all like you once.”
He gently lifted my chin, but I still averted his gaze, feeling too ashamed to look at him after what I’d done. I had ultimately come to the conclusion I would have to go after Zane on my own. It was just too dangerous to allow anyone to go with me… especially the ones I cared about the most.
Finally, I looked up at his big amber-colored eyes. Funny how I had thought I remembered them being brown. For the first time I actually saw just how beautiful they really were and how I suddenly felt drawn to him for some reason. Almost like we were connected in some way. Maybe it was simply because we shared a kinship—we were both werewolves—or maybe it was because I was finding myself attracted to him.
William suddenly popped into my mind, and I felt like I was somehow betraying him. I jerked away from Joseph and scooted off the bed.
“What is it?” He asked earnestly, slowly rising to his feet.
I shook my head and turned away. “You have to go.” I was sure he caught my icy tone. I didn’t want to be mean to him, but he was stirring something inside me and I couldn’t allow that. Even if all the things he was saying about William were true, and I didn’t know that they were, I couldn’t just jump from one to the other. It wasn’t what I was about.
“I can’t leave you like this. You’re hurting and I feel like it’s my fault.” He touched the back of my shoulder and I abruptly pulled away.
I took a deep silent breath and let it out before turning to face him. “I’m fine now.” I forced a smile. “Thanks for everything, but I can handle it from here.” I pulled open my door and stood beside it, making sure not to look directly at him.
“But-”
“Joseph,” I said, not unkindly. “Please, just leave. I need to be by myself. Really.” I forced a reassuring smile, but it fell away quickly.
He dropped his shoulders and sighed as he started out the door, but stopped when he stepped next to me. He leaned in close brushing his soft, warm, lips across my jaw.