Page 63 of The Idiot

them,’ I thought. ‘Here is a beautiful young girl--you are adead man; make them understand that. Tell them that a dead man maysay anything--and Mrs. Grundy will not be angry--ha-ha! You are notlaughing?” He looked anxiously around. “But you know I get so many queerideas, lying there in bed. I have grown convinced that nature is full ofmockery--you called me an atheist just now, but you know this nature...why are you laughing again? You are very cruel!” he added suddenly,regarding them all with mournful reproach. “I have not corrupted Colia,” he concluded in a different and very serious tone, as if rememberingsomething again.

  “Nobody here is laughing at you. Calm yourself,” said LizabethaProkofievna, much moved. “You shall see a new doctor tomorrow; theother was mistaken; but sit down, do not stand like that! You aredelirious--” Oh, what shall we do with him she cried in anguish, as shemade him sit down again in the arm-chair.

  A tear glistened on her cheek. At the sight of it Hippolyte seemedamazed. He lifted his hand timidly and, touched the tear with hisfinger, smiling like a child.

  “I... you,” he began joyfully. “You cannot tell how I... he always spokeso enthusiastically of you, Colia here; I liked his enthusiasm. I wasnot corrupting him! But I must leave him, too--I wanted to leavethem all--there was not one of them--not one! I wanted to be a man ofaction--I had a right to be. Oh! what a lot of things I wanted! Now Iwant nothing; I renounce all my wants; I swore to myself that I wouldwant nothing; let them seek the truth without me! Yes, nature is fullof mockery! Why”--he continued with sudden warmth--“does she createthe choicest beings only to mock at them? The only human being who isrecognized as perfect, when nature showed him to mankind, was given themission to say things which have caused the shedding of so much bloodthat it would have drowned mankind if it had all been shed at once! Oh!it is better for me to die! I should tell some dreadful lie too; naturewould so contrive it! I have corrupted nobody. I wanted to live for thehappiness of all men, to find and spread the truth. I used to look outof my window at the wall of Meyer’s house, and say to myself that if Icould speak for a quarter of an hour I would convince the whole world,and now for once in my life I have come into contact with... you--ifnot with the others! And what is the result? Nothing! The sole resultis that you despise me! Therefore I must be a fool, I am useless, it istime I disappeared! And I shall leave not even a memory! Not a sound,not a trace, not a single deed! I have not spread a single truth!... Donot laugh at the fool! Forget him! Forget him forever! I beseech you,do not be so cruel as to remember! Do you know that if I were notconsumptive, I would kill myself?”

  Though he seemed to wish to say much more, he became silent. He fellback into his chair, and, covering his face with his hands, began to soblike a little child.

  “Oh! what on earth are we to do with him?” cried Lizabetha Prokofievna.She hastened to him and pressed his head against her bosom, while hesobbed convulsively.

  “Come, come, come! There, you must not cry, that will do. You are a goodchild! God will forgive you, because you knew no better. Come now, be aman! You know presently you will be ashamed.”

  Hippolyte raised his head with an effort, saying:

  “I have little brothers and sisters, over there, poor avid innocent. Shewill corrupt them! You are a saint! You are a child yourself--save them!Snatch them from that... she is... it is shameful! Oh! help them! Godwill repay you a hundredfold. For the love of God, for the love ofChrist!”

  “Speak, Ivan Fedorovitch! What are we to do?” cried LizabethaProkofievna, irritably. “Please break your majestic silence! I tell you,if you cannot come to some decision, I will stay here all night myself.You have tyrannized over me enough, you autocrat!”

  She spoke angrily, and in great excitement, and expected an immediatereply. But in such a case, no matter how many are present, all preferto keep silence: no one will take the initiative, but all reserve theircomments till afterwards. There were some present--Varvara Ardalionovna,for instance--who would have willingly sat there till morning withoutsaying a word. Varvara had sat apart all the evening without opening herlips, but she listened to everything with the closest attention; perhapsshe had her reasons for so doing.

  “My dear,” said the general, “it seems to me that a sick-nurse would beof more use here than an excitable person like you. Perhaps it would beas well to get some sober, reliable man for the night. In any case wemust consult the prince, and leave the patient to rest at once. Tomorrowwe can see what can be done for him.”

  “It is nearly midnight; we are going. Will he come with us, or is he tostay here?” Doktorenko asked crossly of the prince.

  “You can stay with him if you like,” said Muishkin.

  “There is plenty of room here.”

  Suddenly, to the astonishment of all, Keller went quickly up to thegeneral.

  “Excellency,” he said, impulsively, “if you want a reliable man for thenight, I am ready to sacrifice myself for my friend--such a soul as hehas! I have long thought him a great man, excellency! My article showedmy lack of education, but when he criticizes he scatters pearls!”

  Ivan Fedorovitch turned from the boxer with a gesture of despair.

  “I shall be delighted if he will stay; it would certainly be difficultfor him to get back to Petersburg,” said the prince, in answer to theeager questions of Lizabetha Prokofievna.

  “But you are half asleep, are you not? If you don’t want him, I willtake him back to my house! Why, good gracious! He can hardly stand uphimself! What is it? Are you ill?”

  Not finding the prince on his death-bed, Lizabetha Prokofievna had beenmisled by his appearance to think him much better than he was. But hisrecent illness, the painful memories attached to it, the fatigue of thisevening, the incident with “Pavlicheff’s son,” and now this scene withHippolyte, had all so worked on his oversensitive nature that he was nowalmost in a fever. Moreover, a new trouble, almost a fear, showed itselfin his eyes; he watched Hippolyte anxiously as if expecting somethingfurther.

  Suddenly Hippolyte arose. His face, shockingly pale, was that of a manoverwhelmed with shame and despair. This was shown chiefly in the lookof fear and hatred which he cast upon the assembled company, and in thewild smile upon his trembling lips. Then he cast down his eyes, and withthe same smile, staggered towards Burdovsky and Doktorenko, who stood atthe entrance to the verandah. He had decided to go with them.

  “There! that is what I feared!” cried the prince. “It was inevitable!”

  Hippolyte turned upon him, a prey to maniacal rage, which set all themuscles of his face quivering.

  “Ah! that is what you feared! It was inevitable, you say! Well, let metell you that if I hate anyone here--I hate you all,” he cried, in ahoarse, strained voice--“but you, you, with your jesuitical soul, yoursoul of sickly sweetness, idiot, beneficent millionaire--I hate youworse than anything or anyone on earth! I saw through you and hated youlong ago; from the day I first heard of you. I hated you with my wholeheart. You have contrived all this! You have driven me into this state!You have made a dying man disgrace himself. You, you, you are the causeof my abject cowardice! I would kill you if I remained alive! I do notwant your benefits; I will accept none from anyone; do you hear? Notfrom any one! I want nothing! I was delirious, do not dare to triumph! Icurse every one of you, once for all!”

  Breath failed him here, and he was obliged to stop.

  “He is ashamed of his tears!” whispered Lebedeff to LizabethaProkofievna. “It was inevitable. Ah! what a wonderful man the prince is!He read his very soul.”

  But Mrs. Epanchin would not deign to look at Lebedeff. Drawn uphaughtily, with her head held high, she gazed at the “riff-raff,” with scornful curiosity. When Hippolyte had finished, Ivan Fedorovitchshrugged his shoulders, and his wife looked him angrily up and down, asif to demand the meaning of his movement. Then she turned to the prince.

  “Thanks, prince, many thanks, eccentric friend of the family, for thepleasant evening you have provided for us. I am sure you are quitepleased that you have
managed to mix us up with your extraordinaryaffairs. It is quite enough, dear family friend; thank you for giving usan opportunity of getting to know you so well.”

  She arranged her cloak with hands that trembled with anger as she waitedfor the “riff-raff” to go. The cab which Lebedeff’s son had gone tofetch a quarter of an hour ago, by Doktorenko’s order, arrived at thatmoment. The general thought fit to put in a word after his wife.

  “Really, prince, I hardly expected after--after all our friendlyintercourse--and you see, Lizabetha Prokofievna--”

  “Papa, how can you?” cried Adelaida, walking quickly up to the princeand holding out her hand.

  He smiled absently at her; then suddenly he felt a burning sensation inhis ear as an angry voice whispered:

  “If you do not turn those dreadful people out of the house this veryinstant, I shall hate you all my life--all my life!” It was Aglaya. Sheseemed almost in a frenzy, but she turned away before the prince couldlook at her. However, there was no one left to turn out of the house,for they had managed meanwhile to get