Page 87 of The Idiot

curious scene followed.

  “There are people who find satisfaction in their own touchy feelings,especially when they have just taken the deepest offence; at suchmoments they feel that they would rather be offended than not. Theseeasily-ignited natures, if they are wise, are always full of remorseafterwards, when they reflect that they have been ten times as angry asthey need have been.

  “The gentleman before me gazed at me for some seconds in amazement,and his wife in terror; as though there was something alarminglyextraordinary in the fact that anyone could come to see them. Butsuddenly he fell upon me almost with fury; I had had no time to muttermore than a couple of words; but he had doubtless observed that I wasdecently dressed and, therefore, took deep offence because I had daredenter his den so unceremoniously, and spy out the squalor and untidinessof it.

  “Of course he was delighted to get hold of someone upon whom to vent hisrage against things in general.

  “For a moment I thought he would assault me; he grew so pale that helooked like a woman about to have hysterics; his wife was dreadfullyalarmed.

  “‘How dare you come in so? Be off!’ he shouted, trembling all over withrage and scarcely able to articulate the words. Suddenly, however, heobserved his pocketbook in my hand.

  “‘I think you dropped this,’ I remarked, as quietly and drily as Icould. (I thought it best to treat him so.) For some while he stoodbefore me in downright terror, and seemed unable to understand. He thensuddenly grabbed at his side-pocket, opened his mouth in alarm, and beathis forehead with his hand.

  “‘My God!’ he cried, ‘where did you find it? How?’ I explained in as fewwords as I could, and as drily as possible, how I had seen it and pickedit up; how I had run after him, and called out to him, and how I hadfollowed him upstairs and groped my way to his door.

  “‘Gracious Heaven!’ he cried, ‘all our papers are in it! My dearsir, you little know what you have done for us. I should have beenlost--lost!’

  “I had taken hold of the door-handle meanwhile, intending to leavethe room without reply; but I was panting with my run upstairs, and myexhaustion came to a climax in a violent fit of coughing, so bad that Icould hardly stand.

  “I saw how the man dashed about the room to find me an empty chair, howhe kicked the rags off a chair which was covered up by them, brought itto me, and helped me to sit down; but my cough went on for another threeminutes or so. When I came to myself he was sitting by me on anotherchair, which he had also cleared of the rubbish by throwing it all overthe floor, and was watching me intently.

  “‘I’m afraid you are ill?’ he remarked, in the tone which doctors usewhen they address a patient. ‘I am myself a medical man’ (he did not say‘doctor’), with which words he waved his hands towards the room andits contents as though in protest at his present condition. ‘I see thatyou--’

  “‘I’m in consumption,’ I said laconically, rising from my seat.

  “He jumped up, too.

  “‘Perhaps you are exaggerating--if you were to take proper measuresperhaps--”

  “He was terribly confused and did not seem able to collect his scatteredsenses; the pocket-book was still in his left hand.

  “‘Oh, don’t mind me,’ I said. ‘Dr. B---- saw me last week’ (I lugged himin again), ‘and my hash is quite settled; pardon me--’ I took hold of thedoor-handle again. I was on the point of opening the door and leaving mygrateful but confused medical friend to himself and his shame, when mydamnable cough got hold of me again.

  “My doctor insisted on my sitting down again to get my breath. He nowsaid something to his wife who, without leaving her place, addressed afew words of gratitude and courtesy to me. She seemed very shy over it,and her sickly face flushed up with confusion. I remained, but with theair of a man who knows he is intruding and is anxious to get away. Thedoctor’s remorse at last seemed to need a vent, I could see.

  “‘If I--’ he began, breaking off abruptly every other moment, andstarting another sentence. ‘I--I am so very grateful to you, and I am somuch to blame in your eyes, I feel sure, I--you see--’ (he pointed tothe room again) ‘at this moment I am in such a position--’

  “‘Oh!’ I said, ‘there’s nothing to see; it’s quite a clear case--you’velost your post and have come up to make explanations and get another, ifyou can!’

  “‘How do you know that?’ he asked in amazement.

  “‘Oh, it was evident at the first glance,’ I said ironically, butnot intentionally so. ‘There are lots of people who come up from theprovinces full of hope, and run about town, and have to live as bestthey can.’

  “He began to talk at once excitedly and with trembling lips; he begancomplaining and telling me his story. He interested me, I confess; I satthere nearly an hour. His story was a very ordinary one. He had been aprovincial doctor; he had a civil appointment, and had no sooner takenit up than intrigues began. Even his wife was dragged into these. He wasproud, and flew into a passion; there was a change of local governmentwhich acted in favour of his opponents; his position was undermined,complaints were made against him; he lost his post and came up toPetersburg with his last remaining money, in order to appeal to higherauthorities. Of course nobody would listen to him for a long time; hewould come and tell his story one day and be refused promptly; anotherday he would be fed on false promises; again he would be treatedharshly; then he would be told to sign some documents; then he wouldsign the paper and hand it in, and they would refuse to receive it, andtell him to file a formal petition. In a word he had been driven aboutfrom office to office for five months and had spent every farthing hehad; his wife’s last rags had just been pawned; and meanwhile a childhad been born to them and--and today I have a final refusal to mypetition, and I have hardly a crumb of bread left--I have nothing left;my wife has had a baby lately--and I--I--’

  “He sprang up from his chair and turned away. His wife was crying in thecorner; the child had begun to moan again. I pulled out my note-book andbegan writing in it. When I had finished and rose from my chair he wasstanding before me with an expression of alarmed curiosity.

  “‘I have jotted down your name,’ I told him, ‘and all the rest ofit--the place you served at, the district, the date, and all. I have afriend, Bachmatoff, whose uncle is a councillor of state and has to dowith these matters, one Peter Matveyevitch Bachmatoff.’

  “‘Peter Matveyevitch Bachmatoff!’ he cried, trembling all over withexcitement. ‘Why, nearly everything depends on that very man!’

  “It is very curious, this story of the medical man, and my visit, andthe happy termination to which I contributed by accident! Everythingfitted in, as in a novel. I told the poor people not to put much hope inme, because I was but a poor schoolboy myself--(I am not really, butI humiliated myself as much as possible in order to make them lesshopeful)--but that I would go at once to the Vassili Ostroff and see myfriend; and that as I knew for certain that his uncle adored him, andwas absolutely devoted to him as the last hope and branch of the family,perhaps the old man might do something to oblige his nephew.

  “‘If only they would allow me to explain all to his excellency! If Icould but be permitted to tell my tale to him!” he cried, trembling withfeverish agitation, and his eyes flashing with excitement. I repeatedonce more that I could not hold out much hope--that it would probablyend in smoke, and if I did not turn up next morning they must make uptheir minds that there was no more to be done in the matter.

  “They showed me out with bows and every kind of respect; they seemedquite beside themselves. I shall never forget the expression of theirfaces!

  “I took a droshky and drove over to the Vassili Ostroff at once. Forsome years I had been at enmity with this young Bachmatoff, at school.We considered him an aristocrat; at all events I called him one. He usedto dress smartly, and always drove to school in a private trap. He wasa good companion, and was always merry and jolly, sometimes even witty,though he was not very intellectual, in spite of the fact that he wasalways top of the class; I myself was n
ever top in anything! All hiscompanions were very fond of him, excepting myself. He had several timesduring those years come up to me and tried to make friends; but I hadalways turned sulkily away and refused to have anything to do with him.I had not seen him for a whole year now; he was at the university. When,at nine o’clock, or so, this evening, I arrived and was shown up to himwith great ceremony, he first received me with astonishment, and not tooaffably, but he soon cheered up, and suddenly gazed intently at me andburst out laughing.

  “‘Why, what on earth can have possessed you to come and see _me_,Terentieff?’ he cried, with his usual pleasant, sometimes audacious, butnever offensive familiarity, which I liked in reality, but for which Ialso detested him. ‘Why what’s the matter?’ he cried in alarm. ‘Are youill?’

  “That confounded cough of mine had come on again; I fell into a chair,and with difficulty recovered my breath. ‘It’s all right, it’s onlyconsumption’ I said. ‘I have come to you with a petition!’

  “He sat down in amazement, and I lost no time in telling him the