Adira turned away from the bookshelf she’d been organizing. “Why would you ask that?”
She didn’t seem offended, of which Anna was glad. “You live alone.” Anna didn’t word it as a question.
“I do.”
“And if I remember correctly, we walked quite a ways on our way here ― which means you don’t live close to anyone,” Anna pointed out. “So, I guess I was just wondering if you get lonely out here by yourself.”
The pixie shrugged. “Most of the time I’m quite content. But, it is nice to have someone to talk to every once in a while,” she motioned towards Anna.
“Well, I always talked whether there was anyone to listen to me or not,” Anna admitted.
Adira’s brow drew together. “You live alone as well?”
It was her first reaction to deny it. She’d been protecting her mother so long, trying to make sure no one found out just how much time she spent by herself, and worried that the state would step in and take her away to some orphanage. But as she stared at Adira, Anna realized she was tired of lying, tired of having to keep the secrets she protected so carefully.
“Yes, I’ve lived alone for a long time.”
“But you’re so young. You can’t possibly be old enough to be on your own.”
Anna shrugged. “My mom didn’t think so.”
“She just left you?” The accusation in the pixie’s voice was stern as she frowned at Anna.
“My mom is a gypsy, like a real gypsy. Not, what I am. She actually lives the life of a gypsy, traveling around with her people. She says if she stays in one place too long she begins to feel restless, and that if she stayed still for too long, evil spirits would be drawn to her.”
Adira made a clucking sound with her tongue. “That’s hogwash. When you have a child, their needs and wants become your own. What you want has to take a back seat. And evil can come a knocking all it wants, but it can only get in if you invite it.”
Anna wanted to say that she agreed, but at the same time, she could see her mother’s point of view. Her mom had been raised within the gypsy community. It was what she knew. She’d stayed in one place while Anna had been young, but as soon as Anna started high school, she’d started rambling. She began traveling with the community of gypsies that often came through New Orleans. Once Anna had graduated from high school, her mom had pretty much told her to have a nice life. No, that wasn’t fair, Anna thought. She hadn’t just left her. Her mom had tried to explain to her that she needed to travel and ― Anna’s eyes snapped up as they met Adira’s. “Oh crap,” she muttered as the memory of the night her mom left came crashing down on her. “She knew.”
Adira stepped toward her. “She knew what?”
“This,” Anna motioned around her. “She knew all this was going to happen.”
Adira motioned to the chair, “Sit.” She took the basket of berries from her hands and took the seat opposite her. “Now, explain.”
“After I graduated from high school, my mom came to me and gave me the keys to the apartment and a wad of cash and told me that it was time for her to go. She said that she had a trip to complete and” ― Anna swallowed before continuing ― “and then she said I also had a big journey coming that would require me to let go of my past. I thought she was just talking about the whole journey of life crap. She liked to talk about how life was a journey and how everyone had different paths and blah, blah, blah. She said that some people had rocky paths, while others had paved highways with only the occasional pothole. I really didn’t think she was saying anything that was important.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Adira said gently. “Most children don’t realize that anything their parents say is actually important until much later in life, when they finally discover that the world doesn’t actually revolve around them.”
“Um, thanks?” Anna said unsure of whether she should be insulted or not.
“I still think your mom leaving you on your own while you were still in your schooling was a selfish thing to do, but then we are generally products of our parents and the life they led. If her parents had been nomads, and that was the life she knew, then maybe she didn’t think what she was doing was wrong.”
Anna nodded. “It was hard when she would leave, but I couldn’t be mad at her because it was just who she was. She never meant to hurt me and I know that but…”
“It didn’t make it easy to be alone,” Adira finished for her.
“Yes.”
“Anna, can I ask you a question?”
Anna nodded.
“You sounded concerned about me when you asked if I felt alone. It’s obvious now, after hearing a little of your story, that you have been alone a lot of your young life. If being alone is something that you fear, and there is no shame in that, then why are you running from him?”
Anna’s heart was pounding painfully in her chest and the rush of her blood filled her ears. She didn’t want to answer. She didn’t want to say it out loud because then it would be true. She watched the other mated pairs and saw the love and longing in their eyes. Such love was impossible to hide and she wanted that. But she wanted it so bad that if she ever got it, losing it would destroy her. She’d been alone a large portion of her short life. She was used to being alone. It sucked, but it was familiar.
“Is it crazy that when something is familiar, no matter how unhealthy, destructive, or sucky it is, it still feels safer than the alternative? Even though you could choose something better, it’s too scary to reach out and grasp it because there is always a risk in change. There is no risk in staying where you are, with what you know.”
“If you accept him and all that comes with him, you will have to let go of everything you have ever known,” Adira said as understanding dawned on her face.
Anna nodded. “Everything he represents ― love, safety, comfort, companionship, intimacy, friendship even. Those aren’t the norms in my life. I don’t say that because I want anyone’s pity. It’s just the way it is. And though I have dreamed of change, of something better than what I have known, now that I’m faced with it, I’m terrified.” Anna’s eyes filled with tears as she looked down at her converse tennis shoes. “I’ve been lonely for so long and yet I am too much of a coward to change it. How on earth did this goddess, this Great Luna, think I could ever be valuable as a so called precious gypsy healer? I’ve got nothing to offer anyone other than my inability to accept something better than what I already have.”
“Oh, but that’s the beauty of it,” Adira said as she reached over and took Anna’s hand. “There is something so beautiful in the broken ones being the ones to bring healing and change to the world. Someone who has never been touched by hardship or trials doesn’t have the capacity to understand the hurt in another’s eyes or the emptiness in another’s heart. It takes a person who has been burned to understand the fire. As a child I can remember watching my tribe work the fields, and every autumn they would set fire to the prairie where we grew our spring crops. Finally, one fall I went to my father and asked him why we burned down all of the plants until there was nothing but dirt left on the ground. He told me that stripping the land of everything and starting from scratch every year helped to revitalize the soil. It took the devastation of fire to cause the ground to yield the most productive crops. Sometimes with life, it is the same.
“Don’t doubt for a minute that you have something amazing to offer to the supernatural world. What could be more supernatural than a human overcoming the trials and pain in her own life to then in turn help others in desperate need?”
Anna stared back at the little pixie woman whose small hand squeezed her own tightly. She would love to think that she could make a difference in some way. She would love to think that she would be able to embrace all of the new being thrown at her with open arms. But if those things were true, then she wouldn’t be hiding out in a fairytale-like pixie house while her supposed soulmate waited for her.
“Just think about what we’v
e talked about, okay,” Adira said with a final squeeze of her hand. “You don’t have to make a decision right now. That’s the great thing about choices, Anna. They are yours and yours alone to make.”
Anna nodded giving Adira a small smile as the pixie got up and left the room leaving her to her thoughts. She knew the pixie was right, but she also knew the same saying could apply to mistakes. They were hers, and hers alone to make ― and to live with.
“You don’t have to be alone, mi amor.” His voice was barely a whisper in her mind but his thick Spanish accent and deep baritone caused her toes to curl. Anna didn’t react to the presence she felt in her thoughts, but neither did she attempt to shut him out. She waited, but he said nothing more. Anna decided to ignore the small part of her that was disappointed. You’re scared of him, yet you want him to use this mysterious bond. And at the same time you don’t want him to use it. You want change, but you fear all that it means, she thought and then muttered to the now empty room, “It’s no wonder guys just want the milk without purchasing the cow. Who the hell wants to listen to a bellowing cow who doesn’t know what she really wants?”
Despite knowing she was being a bellowing cow, it was still difficult for her to accept such a serious decision. This wolf, man, whatever, didn’t just want to be her boyfriend. He wanted to be her mate, her everything. From what she understood, there was no walking away from a Canis lupus bond. That both comforted her and terrified her.
“If you aren’t planning on making a decision right this second, perhaps, you would like to eat a real meal. I imagine those berries didn’t do more than tick you off,” Adira’s voice pulled her from her thoughts.
“Food is always welcomed when there are decisions to be made. In the South, we tend to eat our way to a solution. And if no solution is found, then we just eat to comfort us from the lack of a solution. It all works out in the end to having a new dilemma of needing a sign plastered across our butts that says wide load. And the process starts all over again.”
Adira’s eyes widened as her lips pursed. “That’s a tad disturbing.”
“Just a tad?” Anna laughed. “It’s as disturbing as a praying mantis after mating.”
Chapter 8
“When in doubt, don’t let the other guy know he has you beat. If you have to lie your butt off and give the performance of a lifetime, then that is what you do. But you never, ever lie down and declare yourself the loser. There is only dignity in losing when all options have been exhausted and all bs-ing has failed. Then you can tuck your tail with pride. Tuck your tail, ha ha ha, see what I did there? Humor me people and laugh.” ~Perizada
“That’s it. I’m done,” Peri declared as she stood from her perch on the dilapidated porch. “He’s had his fun. I’ve humored him long enough. I’ve got bored healers to deal with, Alpha males who are about to flip their lids over not meeting their mates, a sadistic fae who thinks creating a bunch of witches is going to somehow solve all of his mommy issues, and a bonded pair who is no longer bonded and yet both still alive. I don’t have time to put up with Thadrick’s eccentric nonsense.”
“What are you going to do?” Elle asked as she too stood.
“What I do best,” Peri said with a flick of her wrist. Her body began to pulse pure white light as she allowed the full glory of her race to show. The space around them lit up, bathing all of them in its warmth. Peri faced the crumbling house and held her hands out. She hoped that Thadrick’s magic would hold against her theatrics. Because if not, the house was going to come crashing down.
Peri chanted under her breath and the structure began to shake. Gradually the vibrations grew in intensity until they all had to grab onto something to keep from tumbling to the ground.
“Thadrick!” Peri’s voice boomed out even though she hadn’t yelled. She used her power to project it as she called on the djinn. “I so name you, Thadrick of the djinn, keeper of the histories, all knowing scribe and leader of your people. Show yourself. Quit hiding behind your magic. Release my healer and stand before me.” She didn’t know if it would work, but Thadrick was an incredibly proud male. She figured if she appealed to his ego, then, perhaps, she could convince him to come out of hiding.
She waited, continuing to use her magic to intimidate, though she had no real power over the djinn. There were none, other than Thadrick and those in his line, that were more powerful than a high fae. And that was only because they were the keepers of knowledge and the guardians of the history of all of their races. So really she was just trying to annoy him. He knew she couldn’t cause any real harm which, if Peri was honest, greatly irritated her.
After several minutes of her shaking the crap out of the house and taunting him a bit more, the front door finally opened. Costin ran forward, only to be thrown back before he could ever reach the threshold. Fool, thought Peri. The wolves’ biggest weakness was their rashness concerning their mates.
Thadrick ducked his head down as he stepped out of the house and onto the porch. Costin growled at the large djinn.
“You must be her male,” Thadrick’s deep voice filled the night.
“Her mate,” Costin snarled. “I am her mate and I want her back.”
The djinn wasn’t intimidated. He turned to look at Peri. His lips were pulled tight but his eyes looked bored. “Could you please desist?” he motioned towards the house and then to her. “It’s a little distracting.”
“Since you asked so politely,” Peri said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. All at once the shaking stopped and her light faded until they were once again simply standing on the porch of the old home, lit by a single porch light. “Where is Sally?” Peri asked him.
“She is unharmed,” Thadrick said. “Though I did consider putting a muzzle on her.”
Costin started to lunge forward but Sorin held him back.
Peri let out a sigh. “Could you please refrain from pissing her mate off anymore? I really don’t want to have to explain to his Alpha why he got the crap beat out of him by a djinn.”
“Can you blame me for taunting him?”
Peri couldn’t help but chuckle. “No. They are quite easy to rile up. Nonetheless, I have to deal with them and it’s already hard enough for me to not turn them into unsavory things.”
“I can imagine it must be quite difficult for you,” Thadrick agreed. A smirk formed on his lips. “Especially since you’re mated to one.”
Damn all-knowing djinn, Peri thought. “He’s the only one truly safe from my wrath.”
“Are you two done?” A feminine voice came from behind Thadrick. “Because as much as we are all enjoying listening to you two shoot the breeze, some of us have important things to talk about.”
“Sally,” Costin called out, his voice barely human.
“I’m fine, Costin. Genie boy just wanted to have a chitchat. Apparently he is lonely.”
Thadrick let out and exasperated sigh.
Sally mimicked it, obviously making fun of him. “Get over yourself, Thaddy boy, and move out of my way.”
Peri’s lips twitched as she fought her smile. Sally had come into her own over the past year and she was turning out to be quite the spitfire. Peri was proud of her.
“We do have things we need to discuss, Thadrick,” Peri spoke up. “Will you allow us entry?”
After several minutes he stepped aside. Sorin released Costin, who jumped up the steps and wrapped his healer in his arms. Peri’s stomach clenched as she watched the two. Costin held Sally’s face tenderly in his hands. The look on his face made it perfectly clear that ― for him ― the sun rose and set with her. He spoke so softly that she couldn’t hear him, but she could only imagine what he was saying. Sally smiled up at him and stood up on her toes to press a kiss to his lips. Costin pressed his forehead to hers and he shuddered under his mate’s touch as she ran her fingers through his hair. Peri hadn’t fully understood, until Lucian, how important touch was to the Canis lupus. Sally’s touch would be the one thing that kept Costin from phasing into
his wolf and losing his cool. That was how powerful the touch of a mate was.
Watching them had her aching to be with her own mate. As the others followed Thadrick into the house, Peri paused. “I miss you,” she told him, reaching out to him through the bond. She felt his pleasure at her words and it made her smile.
“I’m glad. I miss you more. I need you.” His voice was a warm caress in her mind. She felt his hand on her face as he used their bond to make her feel him. Peri felt goosebumps break out across her skin.
“I need you as well,” she admitted. It was something she would only ever admit to him.
“Then I will be waiting for you in our room. Return to me soon. My patience only goes so far.”
Peri loved the possessiveness that laced his words. She’d never been wanted, not the way Lucian wanted her. He made her feel desirable, for reasons other than her power. Lucian desired her as a woman, his woman, and there was something powerful in knowing that.
“I won’t keep you waiting much longer. I love you, Lucian.”
“I adore you, I cherish you, and I love you, Perizada.”
Peri closed her eyes as she let the truth of his words wash over her. He was her constant. When all hell was breaking loose, Lucian was the one she could count on to be there. He would hold her up when she could no longer stand. He would comfort her when she fell apart, and he would never think her weak for it.
His abiding presence in her mind gave her the strength she needed now and would sustain her until she was finished dealing with the djinn.
“What do you know about severed bonds?” she asked Thadrick as she stepped into the room where the group was seated. Costin had Sally in his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around her as he glared daggers at Thadrick. Sally simply looked amused.
“What type of bonds are you referring to?” the djinn practically purred, knowing he had the great fae exactly where she didn’t want to be. “Are you talking about the bonds of matrimony, the bonds of addiction, the bonds of debt, or perhaps a type of bondage requiring a little more… leather?”