Tragar seemed to sense that her orgasm was finally over, or maybe it was just that her honey had stopped flowing. For whatever reason, he raised his head at last and looked at her.
“Was it all right, my Khalla?” he asked, his deep voice hoarse with passion and his eyes half-lidded. “Did I serve you well?”
“So well,” Emily whispered. “So well that I…I…” Then her face crumpled and she burst into tears.
* * * * *
Tragar rose quickly from his place between her legs and gathered her into his arms.
“Are you well, my Khalla? You aren’t hurt, are you?” he asked anxiously.
“N-no.” Her voice was breathless with tears and she burrowed against his chest, pressing her hot cheek to his throat. “I just…it felt…”
“Yes?” he urged gently, stroking her trembling back. Gods, the poor little female felt like she was going to shake herself apart! Had the pleasure she felt been too intense for her to bear? He had heard that the first time a Khalla’s honey flowed it could be an emotional experience for her.
“It just felt…” Emily looked up at him at last, her pale blue eyes still bright with tears. “For the first time it felt right. And it felt good too—so good I guess I sort of…lost control.” She sniffed. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for your pleasure,” Tragar told her, stroking a strand of hair out of her eyes. Gods, she was lovely! Both when she came and gave herself up to him completely, and when she was nestled here in his arms, looking up at him so trustingly. He felt his heart swell and he longed to hold her this way forever.
“I’m not—not apologizing for the pleasure, anyway. I just kind of…got a little wild.” She bit her lip. “I hope I didn’t pull your hair too hard.”
“I loved it,” Tragar told her honestly. “Loved the feeling of your hands on my head, guiding me forward and your lovely body tensing around me as you finally released your need and let your honey flow against my tongue.”
“That’s not the only thing that flowed.” She looked down at her breasts, grimacing a little. “I’m, uh sorry about your bed. I’m afraid I made a real mess.”
“This is a good thing,” Tragar told her gently, palming her warm, full breast and thumbing her nipple gently. Emily moaned softly and thrust her breast more fully into his hand. He pinched the pink peak of her nipple and a droplet of amber nectar rose to his touch. Leaning down, Tragar lapped it up, savoring its sweet, light flavor so different from the richer honey that flowed from her pussy. Gods, she was so sweet…so ripe. His mating fist throbbed in his flight leathers, longing to breed her, to make her his completely but he knew it could never be.
“So you’re not mad that I made a sticky mess of your bedspread?” Emily asked, sounding breathless.
He looked up from lapping her nipples. “Your body needed to release and flow, my Khalla. Don’t apologize for that either.”
She looked at him timidly. “Is it…is it considered blasphemy too—what we just did? I mean, you tasting me—my honey?”
“No.” Tragar stroked her cheek but couldn’t help feeling troubled. What they had done wasn’t forbidden…but it was something that was supposed to be reserved exclusively for a Khalla’s chosen mate. Something he was not and could never hope to be. Even if he had deserved the love of one such as Emily, he knew the Elders of the Holy Council would never consider him a fit candidate.
“I’m glad.” Emily pressed against him again and sighed contentedly. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re damned or going to Hell or whatever just for helping me.”
“I told you,” Tragar said roughly. “I’m already damned—what difference does it make if I commit a few more sins along the way?”
“Don’t feel like that. You seem to think you’re this horrible person but you’re not—honestly.” She looked up at him earnestly. “I didn’t know how to feel about you at first but, well…now I think you’re the sweetest, most wonderful guy I’ve ever met.” Her cheeks got pink and she gave him an embarrassed little smile. “And I’m not just saying that because you give me multiple orgasms, either.”
Tragar laughed softly and pulled her close, nestling her sweet, rounded body in the curve of his arm, loving the way she fit just right against him. His heart swelled and a wave of protective possessiveness washed over him. Oh Goddess, this was not good and he knew it. Acting as her chosen mate, drinking her nectar and now tasting her honey…it was going to be next to impossible to give her up when they finally reached Rageron.
And yet, that was exactly what he had to do if he cared for her.
Chapter Twenty-two
They slept entwined in each other’s arms and Tragar would probably have stayed that way the entire night, content just to hold her, if the burning in his arm hadn’t woken him up.
It was the most intense pain—as though his entire arm from wrist to shoulder was on fire. His eyes flew open, his entire system flooded with shock and anger and fear. His first thought was for Emily. Was she well—were they under attack? Did he need to defend her?
She was sleeping peacefully, however, a look of contentment on her lovely face. Tragar breathed a sigh of relief and looked at his arm, holding it over his head to examine it in the dim blue light of the firepit. It was the narsh that was burning, the black webbing that covered his arm was outlined in red sparks that throbbed and stung and ached unmercifully.
Tragar knew what it meant and he knew he couldn’t ignore the message. Rising carefully, so as not to disturb Emily, he went to the ship’s control area and sat down.
The message indication light was already blinking fiercely. Tragar took a deep breath and thumbed it on, taking care to shield his own signal first. He didn’t want whoever was on the other end of the line to know exactly where he was—or how close they were to Rageron and a new way of life for Emily.
“Tragar! So there you are.” Tier Shan’s compound eyes glittered angrily as his insectile visage popped up on the viewscreen. “I suppose I don’t have to ask if you have completed your mission and terminated the girl yet. Click-click.”
“I have not,” Tragar said heavily. “Nor do I plan to.”
“You dare to stare me in my eyes and defy me? To tell me to my face that you intend to break the sacred oath you swore when we took you into the Verrak? Click-click!”
“I have not broken my oath,” Tragar protested. “There was no formal time limit set upon this contract.”
“That doesn’t matter. The one who placed the contract in the first place contacted me and he was enraged that the girl still lives. Click-click. And so he should be—you are tarnishing the entire reputation of the Verrak with your reluctance to carry out a contract you accepted.”
Tragar stiffened. “I cannot help that. I don’t know why he wants Emily dead but I do know that she does not deserve death. She is kind and loving and beautiful—a bright spark in this cold, dead universe. I will not snuff it out.”
Tier Shan’s mandibles worked against each other for a moment as though he didn’t know how to answer such blatant insubordination.
“You have feelings for this female,” he accused at last. “You are…how is it that you fleshy meat-sacks describe it? Ah yes, you are in love with her!”
Tragar started to deny it…and then stopped himself. Only a week ago he would have said that any love in his heart was dead. That it had dried up and withered away when he lost his beloved Landra and Jalex. But when he thought of Emily…how it felt to hold her…to comfort and pleasure her and just to be with her…
“Yes,” he said at last. “Yes, I suppose I am. And I will not kill her, Tier Shan. I do not care what the consequence may be—I will protect her no matter what.”
His superior’s compound eyes burned with rage, his black, misshapen head seeming to swell with the intensity of his fury.
“Are you telling me,” he said in a low, hissing voice. “That you do not intend to fulfill your contract? Click-click. Because if that is so, Tragar, I must
find someone else to fulfill it. Someone else must kill the girl.”
“I never said I would not fulfill the contract,” Tragar said evenly. He had been thinking as he drifted off to sleep with Emily in his arms what agony it would be to give her up to someone else. To see her in the arms of another male—one who wouldn’t understand her past pain or her need for tenderness and gentle treatment. Yet, it was unavoidable. One such as he could never be mated to a Khalla. Now the answer came to him—the agony would be intense but brief. He knew what he had to do.
“And how exactly will you fulfill the contract if you do not kill the girl?” sneered Tier Shan. “There must be a death! That is the Verrak way! Click-click.”
“There will be,” Tragar said. “There will be a death and the contract will be fulfilled. But it will not be Emily who dies—it will be me.”
“What?” Clearly Tier Shan did not believe him. “You expect me to believe that you are willing to sacrifice your life for a target?”
“Not just a target—a female worthy of love and respect. A Khalla. And yes, I will die for her. The moment I place her somewhere safe, I will end my own life to fulfill the contract.”
Tier Shan leaned forward, his compound eyes filling the viewscreen for a moment as he studied Tragar’s face. Finally, he sat back.
“I believe you actually mean this. What has this female done to bewitch you so?”
“She has placed her trust in me. She has allowed me to service her…and to love her, though she does not know it,” Tragar said. “I was dead inside before I met her—now, for however briefly—I feel alive again. Is that not worth my life?”
“No,” Tier Shan said briefly. “Not in my estimation. But my kind, as you know, do not form romantic attachments. Mating is a dangerous business among Vash`arans since the female will often attempt to eat the male that services her before the mating organ is even withdrawn. It is safer to remain celibate.”
“Then I pity you,” Tragar said. “For you will never know the emotion I have for my Khalla. She is worth my life and more—I will give it gladly but not until I know that she is safe.”
“Very well. Click-click. We will be sorry to lose you, Tragar—you are a peerless assassin.”
Tragar nodded his head. “I thank you for your compliment and for your belief in me.”
“A belief that only extends so far. Click-click.” Tier Shan’s compound eyes glittered dangerously. “Never doubt that I will check on the veracity of your statements. You are blocking your signal’s origin but that will not stop us for long. I will be checking soon to see that either you or the female are dead. If you both live, I will dispatch another assassin to complete the job.”
“Understood.” Tragar nodded his head. “Only let me see her to a safe place before I take my own life. It should be another solar day or so before I have her settled.”
Tier Shan shook his head. “In all my solar years with the Verrak, I have never met an assassin willing to fulfill a contract he was given in such a way.”
“Perhaps you never will again.” Tragar shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me. I joined the Verrak seeking an honorable death in the first place—now I have finally found it.”
“See that you do find death—or it will find the girl,” Tier Shan snapped. With a final clicking of his mandibles, he ended the transmission and the viewscreen went black.
Tragar contemplated it for a moment. He felt no regret for his decision—on the contrary, a quiet peace enveloped him. It was a relief knowing that he wouldn’t have to lose Emily for long. She would be well cared for by the Council who would no doubt choose a proper and fitting mate for her.
The thought of giving her up to another male still made him grit his teeth but he reminded himself that it was inevitable. The council would find a male who had never disavowed the Goddess and turned to assassination for his living. One who deserved to live in the light of Emily’s smile…who would help her complete her Shift and become a full fledged Khalla.
With a sigh, he checked his instruments. They were close to Rageron—less than a parsec away. The narsh had stopped burning—for the moment at least. What he really wanted to do was go back to bed and hold Emily in his arms one last time before they reached the planet and descended to the Holy Mountains. But first he should—
A soft sob interrupted his thoughts.
“Emily?” He turned quickly, swiveling the pilot’s chair around and saw her standing in the doorway with tears in her eyes. “Emily?” he said again. “What is it, my Khalla?”
“You know damn well what it is.” She came more fully into the room, her arms crossed over her full breasts. “I heard you, Tragar—I heard everything.”
Tragar considered her with a heavy heart. This was the hard part of his plan—telling Emily. In the back of his head, he’d known he would have to but he had hoped to wait until she was settled with another male. Safe with her chosen mate, she could have born the news of his sacrifice quite well, he thought. But to hear it now…no, this was the wrong time and the wrong place. He wished he could take back everything that had passed between himself and Tier Shan but it was too late—Emily already knew.
“What were you thinking?” she demanded, her small hands balled into fists. “What the hell were you thinking, telling that weird insect boss of yours that you’re going to kill yourself as soon as we get to Rageron?”
“I was thinking of protecting you,” Tragar said, frowning. “The contract that was put on your head is irrevocable—there must be a death to fulfill it. That death will be mine.”
“No!” She strode forward and stood in front of him, her hands planted on her full hips defiantly. “No, I won’t allow that! I won’t let you just…just kill yourself because that damn insect says so.”
“Emily…” He reached for her but she backed up, shying away from his hand.
“Don’t touch me!”
“You don’t understand,” he growled, frustrated at her ignorance. “If I do not kill myself another assassin will be dispatched to kill you.”
“Well who’s to say that they won’t send another guy out as soon as you’re dead?” she demanded. “That whoever put out the first contract won’t just put out a second? Did you think of that?”
“As a matter of fact, I did,” Tragar said. “Once the contract has been fulfilled, another cannot be issued. Not with the Verrak, anyway.”
“What about with a different organization?” Emily countered. “You guys can’t be the only gun-for-hire game in town! What if he sends somebody else or just comes to kill me himself?”
“You’ll be safe in the Holy Mountains.” Tragar spoke softly, trying to allay her fear. “No creature in the universe is so well cared for and guarded as a Khalla in the Holy Mountains of Rageron. You’ll have an entire retinue of guards and maidens to honor and protect you. And of course you’ll have…” He nearly choked on the words but he forced them out anyway. “You’ll have your chosen mate. He will guard you with his life.”
“I don’t want any chosen mate!” Emily exclaimed. “I don’t want some other guy that a bunch of Council members who don’t even know me choose for me. Tragar…” She stepped towards him at last. Putting her hands on his shoulders, she looked up into his eyes. “I only want you.”
Tragar took a step back. “You can’t have me. The Council will never allow it—I am not worthy to be bonded to a Khalla.”
Emily lifted her chin, her eyes blazing.
“You know, when you were spouting all that before I thought it was because you didn’t want to be with me and you were trying not to hurt my feelings. But just now I heard you tell the insect guy that you loved me—so much that you’re willing to die for me. So I’m beginning to think you actually mean it.”
“Of course I mean it!” Tragar growled. “You don’t know the life I have led, the things I have done…the people I have failed…”
“No, and I don’t care, either,” Emily declared. “I only know that I want you. If I have to g
o through this crazy, scary thing…if I have to turn into someone else entirely when the other takes over, I want you to be with me, by my side, the whole time.”
Tragar closed his eyes for a moment. By my side…by my side… The words seemed to echo in his brain, drawing out memories he had long tried to suppress. Images best left forgotten. I should have been by her side…but I was not. I failed her…failed them both. Oh, Landra…
“I…cannot be by your side. I will fail you,” he said in a low, choked voice.
“You will not! What makes you say that? Why do you keep talking about failing?” Emily was clearly frustrated.
He shook his head. “I cannot say. It is too painful. Can you not just believe me and accept what I say is true—that I am unworthy of a Khalla’s love and fit only to act as a sacrifice to save your life?”
“No…no, I do not accept that.” Emily stamped her bare foot on the hard metal floor in frustration. “You said you loved me, Tragar!”
“And so I do.” He cupped her flushed cheek and stroked her soft skin, allowing himself the pleasure of touching her once more. “I do not know how but somehow you got past all my defenses.”
“You…you got past mine too,” Emily whispered. “Don’t you think that means something?”
“It means I love you,” Tragar told her, his voice hoarse with emotion. “Enough to die for you.”
“But not enough to live with me.” Emily’s eyes were suddenly bright with tears and she stepped away from his touch. “Not enough for that.”
He shrugged helplessly. “Forgive me—I am giving you the only gift I can. The only gift I have that is worthy of you, my Khalla. My death for your life.”
“I don’t want your gift,” she whispered. “I just want you.”
Then, tears pouring down her cheeks, she turned and ran from the control room.
* * * * *
Emily buried her face in the pillows and sobbed miserably. Earlier when she’d cried in Tragar’s arms it had been a release…a relief. An easing of the awful tension that had been building up in her so long. She had felt safe and protected, nestled close to his broad chest. She had felt cherished and loved and for the first time, she’d felt right.