Cameron
A week had passed and Sierra and I continued our ballroom dancing lessons and continued to have amazing sex almost every night. I was madly in love with her and I wanted to tell her so badly. This last week, she hadn’t been getting home until around ten o’clock. She was worried about the ballroom dance company and securing the account. I made sure that there was a glass of tequila waiting for her when she came home.
“You look tired,” I said.
“I am. Today was a tough day. People suck.” She smiled. “Delia stopped by the office unannounced and finally confronted me about Ryan. That was the highlight of my day,” she said as she drank her tequila.
“What did she say?”
“She told me that she was ashamed and I never should’ve done what I did. She said that classy women don’t do things like that and obviously, she failed as a parent. She also said that she doesn’t have time to deal with my immaturity because she’s focusing on Ava. She’s a real piece of work.”
“She said that to you?”
“I had the perfect comeback, but I held my tongue because, even though she’s my mother, she’s not worth my breath. Let her think what she wants. I’m used to it.”
On top of tired, she looked sad. I picked her up and carried her upstairs. There was no sex tonight. We just lay there and held each other without saying a word until we were both sound asleep.
The next morning, I received a call from my brother, Jaden, saying that he was getting married next month and he asked me to be his best man. Sierra was still upstairs, getting ready for work, and I was sitting down for breakfast.
“Morning, Rosa.”
“Good morning.” She smiled as she handed me a cup of coffee.
A few moments later, Sierra walked down and joined me. “Jaden called me and he’s getting married next month. He asked me to be his best man.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Why what? Why did he ask me to be his best man?”
“No. Why is he getting married? I didn’t know he had a girlfriend.”
“He does and they’ve been dating for two years. She was out of town when we were there. Apparently, he got her pregnant.”
“Oh. That’s not good,” she said as she sipped her coffee.
“What? That he got her pregnant or that he’s getting married?”
“Both.” She smiled. “Don’t think I’m going with you. The last thing I want is to go back there.”
“I wasn’t going to ask you anyway,” I lied.
“Good. I have too much going on around here.”
“I know you do. God forbid you think about anyone but yourself,” I said as I got up from the table and walked out.
****
Sierra
“What the hell was all that about?” I snapped as I looked at Rosa.
“Figure it out, senorita. I have a feeling things are about to change around here,” she said as she walked out of the kitchen.
Whatever. I didn’t have time to deal with the two of them. I had a big meeting today with Aruelia and Renee. He knew that too. I walked upstairs and found him in my soon-to-be office.
“What the hell was all that about? You know I have that meeting today with Aruelia.”
“I know and good luck.”
“Good luck? That’s it? Were you expecting me to go? Because we’re not a couple. You just can’t expect me to do certain things because we have sex.”
“You’re right, princess. We’re not a couple and I don’t expect anything from you. Shame on me for even thinking you’d be interested in someone like me.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I snapped.
“It means that I love you and that I was a fool for thinking you could ever love me back.”
“No. No. No. You don’t love me,” I said as I covered my ears. “You can’t say things like that.”
“I can and I will. I love you, Sierra Adams, and I’m not sorry for saying it!” he yelled.
“Stop it.”
“No, I won’t stop it. You don’t rule me, Sierra. I can say whatever I want. I can’t help my feelings for you. You’re fun and witty and I fell for your high-class ass the minute I saw you. Something inside me needed to be near you and with you. I’d never felt that kind of connection with anyone before. You are the sunshine in my life, Sierra. You are the woman I’m in love with and the woman I don’t want to live without.”
“No. Stop!” I yelled as I turned around and wouldn’t face him.
“I’m only going to ask you this one time, Sierra. Do you love me?”
My heart was aching and my legs were shaking. Shit, my whole body was shaking. The fear of all fears crept up inside me, my future. I’d rather be alone than spend every day wondering if he was going to leave me.
“I guess there’s my answer. But, let me tell you something, I know that deep down, you do love me. Either that or you’re a really good fucking actress.”
I turned around and went to slap him across the face for that remark, but he was quick and grabbed my hand.
“Don’t you dare hit me. I have done nothing wrong. The only thing I did was love you and, whether you believe it or not, you deserve to be loved.”
“Sierra,” Kirsty softly spoke.
Cameron let go of my hand and stormed out. I stood there, frozen, no emotion because I couldn’t let it overtake me. I had an important meeting that I needed to focus on and I wasn’t about to let him ruin that.
“Sweetie, I overheard some of that. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Let’s go.”
I walked down the stairs, passed Rosa in the foyer, and climbed into the back of the limo. Neither James nor Kirsty said a word to me. THEY. KNEW. BETTER. James pulled up to the building and I flew out of the limo and up to my office.
“Good—”
I put up my hand and stopped Sasha from finishing as I walked into my office and slammed the door. I paced back and forth for a minute before I walked over to the bar and took out the bottle of tequila that Sasha had just restocked. I brought the bottle up to my lips and stopped. Putting the bottle down, I stormed out of my office and across the street to Starbucks for a large coffee. My mind was hazy and I was confused. Damn him. We talked about this. He was fine with our relationship just being about sex. Things were going good and now he had to go and ruin it. I just needed to get through the meeting and I needed to get through the day. I’ll fix this. I’ll make him see that we can still have fun together without having anything more than friendship. I needed to text him. No, I couldn’t. As soon as I got back to my office, Kirsty came in and told me that Aruelia and Renee were in the conference room with some of the other staff, waiting for the meeting to begin. I composed myself and took in a deep breath before walking into the lion’s den.
The meeting lasted about an hour. Once everyone left, I sank down in my chair and cupped my face in my hands.
“I don’t think it went that bad,” Kirsty said.
“It did, Kirsty. It went really bad. I wasn’t on my game. I really want to be left alone for the rest of the day. I know you understand,” I said as I got up from the chair and left the conference room.
****
Cameron
I finally finished up her office. The only thing that needed to be done was the painting and I’d have Paolo do it. I struggled through the day to get this office done because I decided that it was time for me to leave Los Angeles. Our argument this morning and her not being able to tell me that she loved me tore me to shreds. I wanted nothing more than to be with her. I went back to the guest house and packed my bags and, as I was coming out, I saw Rosa standing by the pool.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“I think it’s time for me to head back home, Rosa.”
“Don’t give up on her, Cameron.”
“I told her that I love her and she turned away from me. I asked her if she loved me and she couldn’t give me an answer. After everything we’d been
through, she couldn’t give me an answer.”
“She’s scared and she’s stubborn.”
“There’s nothing to be scared of and, if she can’t see that by now, then I’m sorry. But I can’t stay here and pretend that I don’t love her because it hurts too much. She’s way out of my league, Rosa, and that’s something I knew from the beginning.”
I walked up to her, put my bags down, and gave her a hug. “Thank you for being such a great friend and thank you for all the wonderful meals you cooked for me. I’ll never forget you, Rosa. If you ever need anything, please call me.”
“You’re a good man, Cameron.” She smiled. “Have a safe trip home.”
I smiled back and walked into the house. There was one last thing I needed to do. I went up the stairs and into Sierra’s bedroom. I took the neatly folded piece of paper from my pocket and laid it on her pillow. I walked one last time up the spiral staircase and stared at the newly built office that I knew would make her happy and then I climbed in my truck and took off.
Chapter 34
Sierra
After spending the last few hours wandering around Los Angeles, I called James to pick me up and take me home. I didn’t have the answers that Cameron wanted and I didn’t know what to do. The thing I knew I needed to do was talk to him. If he’d only give me some more time, I knew we could make this work. I sat on a bench and waited for James. When he pulled up to the curb, he got out of the limo and sat down next to me. All he had to do was put his arm around me and I lost it. The tears started to fall uncontrollably as he kissed the top of my head.
“I know it hurts, but you don’t have to go through this. Go talk to him.”
“He knew the rule. He knew that I wasn’t in it for a relationship and then he had to go and fall in love with me. How could he do that?”
I heard him chuckle as he looked at me. “You’re a loveable person, Sierra, and I know deep down inside that stubborn little heart of yours, you have feelings for him. I’ve watched you change since Cameron came into your life. You were happy.”
I wiped my tears and lifted my head from his shoulder. “I was, wasn’t I?”
“Yes. It was something that came naturally to you when the two of you were together.”
“Let’s go. I need to talk to him.”
We both got up and I slid into the back of the limo and headed home. When we pulled up in the driveway, a wave of nausea overtook me. His truck was gone. I got out and quickly walked into the house and flew up the stairs to my bedroom and then up the spiral staircase with the hope that maybe he was there. He wasn’t. I stood in the doorway and looked at my finished room. The windows were all in place and the sunlight was shining brightly through them.
“Sierra,” I heard Rosa say.
I turned around and looked at her. The look on her face was sad and I knew in that moment that he was gone.
“He left,” she said.
“Where did he go?”
“He went back home. I’m sorry,” she said as she handed me a glass full of tequila and turned and walked out.
I took a sip and went down to my room and saw a folded piece of paper lying on my pillow. I walked over and picked it up. Holding it in one hand and my glass in the other, I climbed onto my bed and sat back. It was a letter from Cameron.
“Dear Sierra,
I don’t even know what to say to you except that everything that I told you earlier was true. I love you. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear, but I can’t help it because I wanted nothing more than to tell the world how much I loved you. I’m not going to apologize for loving you. I won’t do that because I’m not sorry. We shared some great times together and I will never regret that. But you need to understand that I can’t stay because it hurts to see you every day and to make love to you knowing that the relationship will never be anything more. Like the old saying goes: you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Life is made up of what you want, and sometimes you need to take a risk, even if it scares the shit out of you because it could be the best and most rewarding risk you ever take. I took a risk coming out to Los Angeles for work, and for me, it was the best decision I ever made. I can’t make you love me, but I can wish you the best and all the happiness in the world. I want you to know that I’ll never forget you and the time we spent together. Through all your crazy ways and your love for the finer things in life, you swept me off my feet, Sierra Adams. Before I end this letter, I’m asking you to do one thing for me. Go and be happy because you deserve it.
Love forever,
Cameron”
As the tears poured from my eyes, I finished off the glass of tequila and curled up into a ball, trying to shield myself from the pain. This was all too familiar to me. The tears, the curling up, the hurt, and most of all, the ache that my heart felt. I couldn’t believe he left. I closed my eyes because I didn’t want to deal with the reality anymore. I saw myself from three years ago, holding out my hand, waiting to take me back to that dark place in the deepest corner of my mind. The place that I fought so hard to climb out of. My self was smiling at me and telling me that if I went back, I’d be safe and shielded from the pain. NO!
“Sierra, wake up. You’re having a bad dream,” I heard Kirsty’s voice say in the distance.
I opened my swollen eyes; she and Rosa were standing over me.
“Ugh, go away,” I said as I rolled over. “Let me wallow in my own self-pity for the next year.”
“Absolutely not!” Kirsty said. “You did this to yourself. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Fire me if you don’t like what I’m saying. Cameron isn’t one of your emotionless suits. You hurt him and you have nobody to blame but yourself. He’s not Ryan and he never will be. I stood by you through that fiasco because Ryan was to blame for your pain. Cameron isn’t to blame here. You are. You’re responsible for your own pain and you need to get over it.”
Wow. I didn’t know she had that side to her. I was a little impressed, but I also hated the fact that she was right.
“Please, just give me this one night. It’s all I ask. Just this one night.”
“Fine. Just this one night, but I’ll be staying here tonight in the guestroom because you shouldn’t be alone.”
“And I’m staying too,” Rosa said.
I rolled my eyes. “Fine.”
They both left the room and I curled back up into my little ball.
****
Cameron
I sat on the plane and thumbed through the pictures of us. Her smile was bright and she was happy. Even if she never wanted to admit it, she was happy. It was going to be hard being without her. I’d hoped that being out of L.A. would help lessen the pain, and my parents were thrilled that I was coming home. I wasn’t going to tell them about Sierra because as far as they were concerned, she was still the lesbian barista that worked at Starbucks. She was crazy and I loved her, but I had to move on and somehow try to get over her.
Chapter 35
Sierra
I spent the last two slowest weeks of my life buried in my job. I did jobs that weren’t even mine to do because I needed to keep busy. I hated coming home every night to an empty house, so I made sure I left first thing in the morning and didn’t come home until around midnight. Life was going on as it did pre-Cameron.
“Sierra, Aruelia is on the phone for you,” Sasha beeped in.
“Put her through,” I replied as my stomach tied itself in knots. “Good morning, Aruelia.”
“Good morning, Sierra. I just called to tell you that we’ve decided to look elsewhere for our advertising needs. I’m sorry.”
“Me too. But thank you for letting me know.”
I hung up and wanted to die. That account was huge and I should have gotten it. Suddenly, I wanted tacos. I grabbed my purse and did something I hadn’t done in years. I hailed a cab.
“Where to, lady?”
“Danny’s Tacos,” I said with a smile.
“Excellent choice. They have the best Mexican around.”
br /> “They sure do.”
My phone began to beep and, when I pulled it from my purse, I saw a text message from Kirsty.
“Did I just see you get into a cab?”
“Yes. I have somewhere I need to go and I couldn’t wait for James.”
“You’re scaring me, Sierra.”
“I know. Sometimes, I scare myself. I’ll be in touch later.”
The driver pulled up on the street and I paid my fare, giving him a little extra for lunch.
“Lunch is on me. Go and enjoy some tacos.” I smiled as I got out.
“Thanks, lady. That’s really nice of you.”
I stood in the long line and patiently waited for my turn. When I finally reached the counter, I ordered a burrito, and Danny recognized me.
“Hey, aren’t you the lady that made the comment about me not having any tequila?”
“Yeah. That was me. Did you finally get some?” I smiled.
“No. But I never forget a face and I’m happy you came back.”
“You do have the best Mexican food in L.A.”
I grabbed my burrito and water from the counter, took off my heels, and walked to the park where I ate my first Danny’s taco. As I was indulging in my burrito, my phone rang. It was Royce.
“What’s up, Royce? You’re interrupting me and my amazing burrito.”
“Are you at that fine Mexican place on Santa Monica Blvd?”
“No. I’m eating a burrito in a park that I bought off a truck.”
“Good God, Sierra. That sounds disgusting.”
“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Now why are you calling?”
“I thought maybe we could do something tonight. We haven’t really chatted or other things in a while and I think it’s time we catch up. How about it?”
I sighed. “Fine. But I want dinner.”
He chuckled. “Dinner sounds good. I’ll have my driver pick you up.”
“No need. I’ll have James drop me off at Le Chateau at seven sharp. Make the reservation and I’ll see you there.”
“You’re one bossy lady and you’re turning me on,” he said in his deep voice. “I’ll see you tonight.”