He’s eager so I need to be as well. “Are you ready?”
“Very much so. You?”
I nod because I’m afraid I won’t be convincing. “I need to visit the ladies’ room.”
“Sure.”
He stands as I leave the table. I scurry in the direction of the restrooms. They’re located next to the entrance and I seriously consider bolting out the front door. There would be no shame in forgetting the whole thing and going home. Except I can’t. I want to push forward.
I sprint into the ladies’ room and go inside a stall to experience the panic attack I feel approaching. It’s the same as always. I’m short of breath. My heart is racing. My chest hurts. I’d believe I was dying if I didn’t understand what was happening.
I work to slow my breathing. “You’re fine, Bleu.”
A hot flash begins and I use my hands to frantically fan myself. “Calm down. Breathe.”
It lasts several minutes before subsiding. I’m lucky this time. My attacks are often debilitating, lasting at least twenty minutes.
When it’s over, I leave the stall and dab my neck with cool, wet cloths. I feel like my old self so I reapply lipstick and return to Sin. “I’m ready if you are.”
* * *
I’ve previously familiarized myself with Sin’s residence, as well as my escape plan should things go awry. Instead of using the drive to get my bearings, I spend the time psyching myself up.
I realize I’m repetitively popping my knuckles when Sin places his hand on top of mine. “Relax.”
I’m afraid he’ll see the fear behind my eyes or hear it in my voice, so I smile but say nothing.
Sterling pulls through the gated entrance and parks the car in front of a series of weathered stone buildings. Each structure is three levels high. The windows are gorgeous, surrounded by ornate designs, but I can’t appreciate their beauty. I’m too nervous.
“That’ll be all for now, Sterling.”
We enter and Sin barely shuts the door before pulling me into his arms. He’s silent as he searches my face.
“What are you looking at?”
He pushes my hair over my shoulder. “I do believe you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
More romance. That’s unexpected. “You say pretty things like this to all the girls?”
“Never. Just like I’ve never brought a woman to my house, yet here you are, waiting for me to make love to you in my bed—two more things I’ve never done.”
I’ve procrastinated long enough. It’s show time.
I glide my finger down his tie. “Take me to your bed. We’ve waited long enough.”
He clasps my hand in his and kisses my knuckles before leading me through his flat. “You’ll get the full tour tomorrow.”
Oh. That means I’m staying the night. I sort of expected to be taken back to my flat when this was over, maybe even hoped. “I didn’t bring an overnight bag.”
“Don’t need one for what we’re doing.”
He takes me into his bedroom. No matter how many times I enter one of Edinburgh’s beautiful, old buildings, I’m always surprised by its modern décor.
His room is masculine with hard lines. There’s nothing soft or romantic about it. Not that I’m into that kind of thing or would expect him to be.
We stand in the middle of the room. I think he’s giving me time to survey my surroundings and maybe even waiting for me to say something. So I do. “This is nice.”
“Nice?”
I shrug. What does he want me to say? “Pretty doesn’t seem like the right word.”
“Nice works.”
He places his hand on the back of my neck and pulls me close. “This way is new to me, Bleu. I’ve never been with a woman for any other reason than to please myself, so you may have to guide me. Tell me what you like and want.”
What the hell? I’m in no position to guide anyone.
I only nod in agreement.
He brushes his lips over mine softly and slowly. It’s the kiss of two people preparing to make love. I think.
It’s nice. His slow pace is helping me relax.
He pulls downward on the zipper at the back of my dress and chills erupt all over my body. I tense when he grasps the top and tugs it from my shoulders. His mouth moves down my neck and he kisses the bare skin there. “Is this good for you?”
His question sparks a thought I’ve not considered. He’s fucked numerous women but this is his first time to make love as well. He’s as uncertain and lost as I am.
“Yes. Quite.”
He pushes my dress down until it falls to the floor and then steps away to look at me. I feel self-conscious. I’ve never stood in front of a man wearing only my panties and bra. It’s nothing like wearing a bikini and my instinct is to cover myself with my hands. “You’re fucking gorgeous.”
I’m surprised at how pleased I am to know he finds me attractive. “I’m happy you think so.”
He puts his finger under the strap of my bra and glides it down. “I’ve been imagining black lace beneath that black dress all night but I’m really enjoying the sight of you in white. It makes you look innocent.”
It’s fitting for a virgin to wear white. “There are more surprises to come.”
He grins and his dimples make an appearance. Those are a sign of happiness, right?
I pull the knot of his tie until it’s free and drop it to the floor. I unbutton his shirt until it’s completely open and push it away as I glide my hands up his shoulders and chest.
I step away so I can admire him fully. His body is flawless, contoured in all the right places down to that perfect V at his waist.
My eyes pause at the underside of his bicep when I find an intricate inked Celtic pattern. The artwork is breathtaking with a design composed of complex mazes, knots, and labyrinths. “My God, this is beautiful.”
“My body or my tattoo?” He laughs.
“Both.”
The reaction he’s getting from me is genuine because this is unexpected. Nothing in his file mentioned ink but I guess it wouldn’t since none is visible when he’s in a suit. “I had no idea you had this.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to.” He grasps my shoulders and turns me around so I’m facing the bed. “Stand here. There’s something you have to see before we go any further.”
He’s acting weird. “O … kay.”
He unbuttons his pants and lowers the zipper before pushing them to his knees. He sits on the edge of the bed. “There’s a reason I prefer a quick fuck instead of bringing women home to my bed.”
I’m not experienced at this but even I know this isn’t normal.
“I choose to keep this a secret because a rival—or even my own brothers—could see it as a weakness. No one knows, with the exception of five people: my father, Abram, Jamie, Leith, and my brother, Mitch. I live as though this never happened because I won’t allow it to hinder the way I experience life.”
He pushes his trousers to the floor and watches my face. “Another thing you can’t see unless I’m out of my clothes.”
My God, he’s an amputee. His left leg is missing below the knee, replaced by a prosthesis. How could I miss something so important during my surveillance?
“I was shot six years ago and they couldn’t save my leg. This is why I don’t bring women into my bed. There’s no way to hide this.”
But Sin isn’t hiding from me. He’s making himself vulnerable.
“No one can know.”
This is good. Sin believes I won’t reveal this secret. “I understand.”
He watches me come to him. “I need to know what you’re thinking.”
I hold his face in my palms. “I think you should make love to me.” I look down. “Doesn’t your prosthesis need to come off first?”
His smile is back, as are his dimples. “Probably.”
He removes and props the leg against the bed railing before grabbing me around the waist to pull me closer. He reaches around to un
fasten my bra and then buries his face between my breasts. He cups them with his hands on the underside, pushing them together. “I love these. They’re absolutely perfect.” He’s accustomed to quickies that only please him, so I’m betting this isn’t something he’s done often.
He moves his mouth to my nipple, sucking it in. He circles it with his tongue until it pebbles and then tugs gently with his teeth. A shiver spreads throughout my body and chills erupt over my skin. I look up at the ceiling because I can’t watch what he’s doing. I’m afraid I’ll like what I’m seeing.
He places his palms on my hips and pushes them under my panties. He grasps my hips hard and pulls me against his groin. He’s still wearing boxer briefs but I feel his hard cock rubbing against the front of my panties.
They don’t get to stay on for long because he pushes them down my legs. When they fall to my ankles, I step out, leaving them in the growing pile of clothes on the floor.
His palms glide up and down the sides of my body as he studies every inch. “I knew you’d be perfect.”
I’m self-conscious again, even more so now that I’m stark naked. I shake my head. “I’m in no way perfect.”
He grasps my nape and brings me closer to kiss the side of my neck. “You are to me, Bonny Bleu.”
He moves his hands to my waist and tugs while scooting backward on the bed. “Come up here and join me.”
We lie on our sides facing one another and he hikes my leg over his thigh before possessing my mouth again. It must be instinct taking over because without any thought at all, I wrap my leg around Sin’s waist and begin moving in a rocking motion. He grasps my cheeks in his hands and pulls my body hard against him. “I acted an arse when we met but I’ve wanted you since the first moment I saw you at Duncan’s.”
Rule number nine: say or do whatever’s necessary to sell it. “I’ve wanted you since I realized you took the photograph of me from my flat.”
He stops kissing my throat and looks at my eyes. “How long have you known?”
“I noticed it missing right after your first visit inside my flat.”
He’s smiling so he must like my answer. “Then that means you’ve wanted me for a while.”
“What did you do with it?” I ask.
“It’s on my desk in my office.” Liar. I don’t believe that for a second, but I’m not calling him out on it. Things are going too well.
“Good.” I entwine my fingers in his hair and pull his face closer so our lips brush.
He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and lightly tugs before releasing it. “I don’t kiss.”
That’s not true. I recall several times he’s kissed me.
I skim my fingertips over his lips. “I beg to differ.”
He shakes his head. “What I mean is that I don’t kiss other women. This compromise is only for you.”
“Never?”
“No, never.”
Hmm … He’s quite good at it. “Why am I the exception?”
“You asked me to make love to you. I can’t imagine doing that without kissing.” Good answer.
“Whatever the reason, it pleases me.”
“I haven’t even begun to please you.” He moves his hand around and down to touch me between my thighs. I involuntarily jerk because my body is hypersensitive. “Someone’s jumpy.”
“I’m feeling a little extra responsive right now.” God, did that sound stupid? Yes. I think it did.
“I like responsive, but your body is too tense. Relax and breathe. I want you to enjoy this.”
I do as he says. I inhale deeply through my nose and then blow it out slowly through my mouth.
“Keep breathing in deeply and then out slowly. In and then out,” he says as he slips his fingers inside me. I tense again but he reminds me, “Don’t forget to relax and breathe.” He moves his fingers in and out in a torturously slow motion.
I grind against his hand because it’s not enough. I want more of what he’s doing. As though he reads my mind, he moves his fingers faster but this time adding another one—his thumb, rubbing my clit.
I’ve never had penetrative intercourse with a man but I’m not ignorant to the act or how one achieves an orgasm. I’ve simply never had anyone else do it for me.
But he’s about to, and soon.
My eyes are squeezed shut, my mouth open and panting as I grind against his hand. “Look at me. I want to see your eyes when you orgasm.”
I open and look at him. “Why?”
“Watching you come apart is my reward for making it happen.” He smiles.
My panting increases. “Omigod.” Here it is. “Ohhh … ”
It feels like rhythmic contraction squeezing low in my pelvis. Warm bliss spreads throughout my body and pulsates through my limbs down to the tips of my fingers and toes.
“Fire, meet gasoline.” He kisses me quickly. “You have a beautiful come face.”
He rolls away and reaches into the nightstand drawer to take out a condom. He tears it open and I watch him roll it on because I’ve never seen a man do that … at least not in real life and certainly not so he could use it on me. It’s enthralling. And stimulating in a way I never imagined.
Sin rolls on top of me, his body nestling between my legs.
I’ve known real-life monsters existed since I was seven years old so I thought nothing in this world had the power to ever scare me again. That clearly isn’t true because I’m terrified.
I’m giving my body—and a piece of myself—to this man. We are about to join and become one. This is far beyond the physical act I expected. I’m handing over a part of … my soul. I didn’t know being with him would feel like this.
I can’t recall ever wanting anything so much in all my life, but I’m simultaneously fighting an urge to push him off so I can run.
I don’t have long to fear the unknown because he enters me in one fluid motion and I feel a ripping pain when he pushes through my virginity. He has no idea I’ve never done this, so his first thrust isn’t gentle. The tearing is sudden and sharp and unexpected. I grasp the sheet beneath me and twist it violently.
I thought I’d be able to hold my response inside but I can’t. My gasp is loud. I turn my head to the side and cover my face with the fisted sheet so he can’t see the pain there.
He goes completely still. “Did you feel that?”
Umm … hell yeah, I felt my hymen being shredded into pieces. “Yeah.”
“What is it?”
This is it—the part where I either instill a desire for him to want to keep me to himself … or he freaks the fuck out. “My virginity.”
“Virginity? What the hell are you talking about?”
I look at him quizzically. “I don’t want to talk right now.” I reach for the back of his neck and pull him down for a kiss. “I’d much rather finish what you started.”
He pulls away so he can see my face. “A virgin?”
“Yes.”
He’s shaking his head, as if to make sense of the whole thing. “What was all that bullshit about demanding I pleasure you?”
“It’s not bullshit. It all stands, and right now I demand that you properly fuck me.” The pain has subsided while he’s been busy trying to carry on a conversation, so I rock my hips against him. I’m ready for this now. “Don’t tell me you don’t like the way this feels because I know I do.”
He growls when he pushes my legs back and starts rocking back and forth inside me. “Oh, fuck, you’re so wee. And wet.”
I can’t lie. I like hearing him say those things. I want to be the best he’s ever had. It ensures he’ll keep me around longer. “Am I worth the work and the wait?”
“Hell.” He thrusts between words. “Yes.”
“I told you when it’s good, it’s very good.”
“It’s pure magic,” he groans. “The best ever.”
I smile against his neck. That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.
Giving him my virginity hasn’t been for nothing. Everythi
ng is going according to plan.
Chapter Ten
Sinclair Breckenridge
I’ve gotten off plenty over the last six years but I’ve missed sharing a bed with a woman. Having Bleu here with her bare, sweaty body pressed to mine while I move inside her feels amazing. I’ve been robbing this luxury of the recognition it deserves. It’s incredible and Bleu is the only woman I’m willing to risk this with. She has no ties to anyone in The Fellowship—or rival cartel. She’ll keep this to herself because she has nothing to gain and everything to lose by opening her mouth.
I can’t believe how good she feels. I move slower. I want to make this last as long as possible but decreasing my pace doesn’t help. The tight grip of her body around mine is going to push me over the edge soon.
I tense and clench my teeth as the bliss approaches. I thrust into her deeply with the onset of the rhythmic spasms. I know I should—and I always do—but I cannot pull out. I’m greedy. I don’t want to give up a second of this pleasure.
I’m completely spent and empty when I crumple over Bleu. Our bodies are wet and sticking to one another. She probably prefers me anywhere but the place I am—on top with my weight pressing against her—but I don’t roll away. I love the sensation of her soft skin touching mine.
She’s gone lax beneath me, her limbs outstretched on the bed. My mouth is pressed to her throat and I can feel the pulsation in her neck against my lips. Her heart races.
She brings both hands to my back and the tips of her fingernails graze my skin as she drags them up and down. Chills erupt all over my body. “I hope it was good for you.”
Good? Is she kiddin’ me?
I lift my head and look at her face. “Seriously … it was the best ever.”
She blushes as her mouth curls into a large grin. “Really?”
“Unquestionably.” I kiss her quickly before rolling onto my back to lie next to her.
“Is this a one-time thing?”
I don’t think I can bear it if this only happens once. “You’re asking, so does that mean you’re open to a second time?” And a third. And so on …