‘So, I’m off.’
‘Very good to see you.’ I’d quit using the word ‘meet’ long ago, replacing it with this foggy equivocation, chastened after the thousandth time someone explained to me that we’d actually met before.
‘So - ’ He ground to a halt, expectant.
‘Yes?’
‘If you want to come by for the tape . . .’
I might have been failing some test, I wasn’t sure. Perkus Tooth dealt in occult knowledge, and measured with secret callipers. I’d never know when I’d crossed an invisible frontier, visible to Perkus in the air between us.
‘Do you want to give me a card?’
He scowled. ‘Eldred knows where to find me.’ His pride intervened, and he was gone.
For a call so life-altering as mine to Susan Eldred’s, I ought to have had some fine reason. Yet here I was, dialing Criterion’s receptionist later that afternoon, asking first for Perkus Tooth and then, when she claimed no familiarity with that name, for Susan Eldred, spurred by nothing better than a cocktail of two parts whim and one part guilt. Manhattan’s volunteer, that’s me, I may as well admit it. Was I curious about Echolalia, or Morrison Roog’s faked suicide, or Perkus Tooth’s curious intensities and lulls, or the slippage in his right eye’s gaze? All of it and none of it, that’s the only answer. Perhaps I already adored Perkus Tooth, and already sensed that it was his friendship I required to usher me into the strange next phase of my being. To unmoor me from the curious eddy into which I’d drifted. How very soon after our first encounter I’d come to adore and need Perkus makes it awfully hard to know to what extent such feelings were inexplicably under way in Susan Eldred’s office or that elevator.
‘Your office mate,’ I said. ‘They didn’t recognize his name at the front desk. Maybe I heard it wrong - ’
‘Perkus?’ Susan laughed. ‘He doesn’t work here.’
‘He said he wrote your liner notes.’
‘He’s written a couple, sure. But he doesn’t work here. He just comes up and occupies space sometimes. I’m sort of Perkus’s babysitter. I don’t even always notice him anymore - you saw how he can be. I hope he wasn’t bothering you.’
‘No . . . no. I was hoping to get in touch with him, actually.’
Susan Eldred gave me Perkus Tooth’s number, then paused. ‘I guess you must have recognized his name . . .’
‘No.’
‘Well, in fact he’s really quite an amazing critic. When I was at NYU my friends and I all used to idolize him. When I first got the chance to hire him to do a liner note I was quite in awe. It was shocking how young he was, it seemed like I’d grown up seeing his posters and stuff.’
‘Posters?’
‘He used to do this thing where he’d write these rants on posters and put them up all around Manhattan, these sort of brilliant critiques of things, current events, media rumours, public art. They were a kind of public art, I guess. Everyone thought it was very mysterious and important. Then he got hired by Rolling Stone. They gave him this big column, he was sort of, I don’t know, Hunter Thompson meets Pauline Kael, for about five minutes. If that makes any sense.’
‘Sure.’
‘Anyway, the point is, he sort of used up a lot of people’s patience with a certain kind of . . . paranoid stuff. I didn’t really get it until I started working with him. I mean, I like Perkus a lot. I just don’t want you to feel I wasted your time, or got you enmeshed in any . . . schemes.’
People could be absurdly protective, as if a retired actor’s hours were so precious. This was, of course, a second-hand affect, a leakage from Janice’s other-worldly agendas. I was famously in love with a woman who had no time to spare, not even a breath, for she dwelled in a place beyond time or the reach of anyone’s Rolodex, her every breath measured out of pressurized tanks. If an astronaut made room for me on her schedule, my own prerogatives must be as crucial as an astronaut’s. The opposite was true.
‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘I’ll be sure not to get enmeshed.’
Perkus Tooth was my neighbor, it turned out. His apartment was six blocks from mine, on East 84th Street, in one of those anonymous warrens tucked behind innocuous storefronts, buildings without lobbies, let alone doormen. The shop downstairs, Brandy’s Piano Bar, was a corny-looking nightspot I could have passed a thousand times without once noticing. BRANDY’S CUSTOMERS, PLEASE RESPECT OUR NEIGHBORS! pleaded a small sign at the doorway, suggesting a whole tale of complaint calls to the police about noise and fumes. To live in Manhattan is to be persistently amazed at the worlds squirreled inside one another, like those lines of television cable and fresh water and steam heat and outgoing sewage and telephone wire and whatever else which cohabit in the same intestinal holes that pavement-demolishing workmen periodically wrench open to the daylight and to our passing, disturbed glances. We only pretend to live on something as orderly as a grid. Waiting for Perkus Tooth’s door’s buzzer to sound and finding my way upstairs, I felt my interior map expand to allow for the reality of this place, the corridor floor’s lumpy checkerboard mosaic, the cloying citrus of some superintendent’s disinfectant oil, the bank of dented brass mailboxes and the keening of a dog from behind an upstairs door, alerted to the buzzer and my scuffling boot heels. I have trouble believing anything exists until I know it bodily.
Perkus Tooth widened his door just enough for me to slip inside, directly into his kitchen. Perkus, though barefoot, wore another antique-looking suit, green corduroy this time, the only formal thing my entry revealed. The place was a bohemian grotto, the kitchen a kitchen only in the sense of having a sink and stove built in, and a sticker-laden refrigerator wedged into an alcove beside the bathroom door. Books filled the open cabinet spaces above the sink. The countertop was occupied by a CD player and hundreds of disks, in and out of jewel cases, many hand-labeled with a permanent marker. A hot-water pipe whined. Beyond, the other rooms of the apartment were dim at midday, the windows draped. They likely only looked onto ventilation shafts or a paved alley anyway.
And then there were the broadsides Susan Eldred had described. Unframed, thumb-tacked to every wall bare of bookshelves, in the kitchen and in the darkened rooms, were Perkus Tooth’s famous posters, their paper yellowing, the lettering veering from a stylish cartoonist’s or grafittist’s hand-made font to the obsessive scrawl of an outsider artist, or a schizophrenic patient’s pages reproduced in his doctor’s monograph. I recognized them. Remembered them. They’d been ubiquitous downtown a decade before, on construction-site boards, over subway advertisements, another element in the graphic cacophony of the city one gleans helplessly at the edges of vision.
Perkus retreated to give me clearance to shut the door. Stranded in the room’s center in his suit and bare feet, palms defensively wide as if expecting something unsavory to be tossed his way, Perkus reminded me of an Edvard Munch painting I’d once seen, a self-portrait showing the painter wide-eyed and whiskered, shrunken within his clothes. Which is to say, again, that Perkus Tooth seemed older than his age. (I’d never once see Perkus without some part of a suit, even if it was only the pants, topped with a filthy white t-shirt. He never wore jeans.)
‘I’ll get you the videotape,’ he said, as if I’d challenged him.
‘Great.’
‘Let me find it. You can sit down - ’ He pulled out a chair at a small, linoleum-topped table, like something you’d see in a diner. The chair matched the table - a dinette set, a collector’s item. Perkus Tooth was nothing if not a collector. ‘Here.’ He took a perfect finished joint from where it waited in the lip of an ashtray, clamped it in his mouth and ignited the tip, then handed it to me unquestioningly. It takes one, I suppose, to know one. I drew on it while he went into the other room. When he returned - with a VHS cassette and his sneakers and a balled-up pair of white socks - he accepted the joint from me and smoked an inch of it himself, intently.
‘Do you want to get something to eat? I haven’t been out all day.’ He laced his hi-tops.
&nbs
p; ‘Sure,’ I said.
Out, for Perkus Tooth, I’d now begun to learn, wasn’t usually far. He liked to feed at a glossy hamburger palace around the corner on Second Avenue, called Jackson Hole, a den of gleaming chrome and newer, faker versions of the linoleum table in his kitchen, lodged in chubby red-vinyl booths. At four in the afternoon we were pretty well alone there, the jukebox blaring hits to cover our bemused, befogged talk. It had been a while since I’d smoked pot; everything was dawning strange, signals received through an atmosphere murky with hesitations, the whole universe drifting untethered like Perkus Tooth’s vagrant eyeball. The waitress seemed to know Perkus, but he didn’t greet her or touch his menu. He asked for a cheeseburger deluxe and a Coca-Cola. Helpless, I dittoed his order. Perkus seemed to dwell in this place as he had at Criterion’s offices, indifferently, obliquely, as if he’d been born there yet still hadn’t taken notice of it.
In the middle of our meal Perkus halted some rant about Werner Herzog or Marlon Brando or Morrison Roog to announce what he’d made of me so far. ‘So, you’ve gotten by to this point by being cute, haven’t you, Chase?’ His spidery fingers, elbow-propped on the linoleum, kept the oozing, gory, Jackson Hole burger aloft to mask his expression, and cantilevered far enough from his lap to protect those dapper threads. One eye fixed me while the other crawled, now seeming a scalpel in operation on my own face. ‘You haven’t changed, you’re like a dreamy child, that’s the secret of your appeal. But they love you. They watch you like you’re still on television.’
‘Who?’
‘The rich people. The Manhattanites - you know who I mean.’
‘Yes,’ I said.
‘You’re supposed to be the saddest man in Manhattan,’ he said. ‘Because of the astronaut who can’t come home.’
‘Yes.’
‘That’s what they adore.’
‘I guess so.’
‘So, just keep your eyes and ears open,’ he said. ‘You’re in a position to learn things.’
What things? Before I could ask, we were off again. Perkus’s spiel encompassed Monte Hellman, eBay, Greil Marcus’s Lipstick Traces, the Mafia’s blackmailing of J. Edgar Hoover over erotic secrets (resulting in the bogus amplification of Cold War fear and therefore the whole of our contemporary landscape), Vladimir Mayakovsky and the Futurists, Chet Baker, Nothingism, the ruination Giuliani’s administration had brought to the sacred squalor of Times Square, the genius of The Gnuppet Show, Frederick Exley, Jacques Rivette’s impossible-to-see thirteen-hour movie Out 1, corruption of the arts by commerce generally, Slavoj Zizek on Hitch-cock, Franz Marplot’s biography of G. K. Chesterton, Norman Mailer on Muhammad Ali, Norman Mailer on graffiti and the space program, Brando as dissident icon, Brando as sexual saint, Brando as Napoleon in exile. Names I knew and didn’t. Others I’d heard once and never troubled to wonder about. Mailer, again and again, and Brando even more often - Perkus Tooth’s primary idols seemed to be this robust and treacherous pair, which only made Perkus seem frailer and more harmless by contrast, without ballast in his pencil-legged suit. Maybe he ate Jackson Hole burgers in an attempt to burgeon himself, seeking girth in hopes of attracting the attention of Norman and Marlon, his chosen peers.
He had the waitress refill his gallon-sized Coke, then, as our afternoon turned to evening, washed it all down with black coffee. In our talk, marijuana confusion now gave way to caffeinated jags, like a cloudbank penetrated by buzzing Fokker airplanes. Did I read the New Yorker? This question had a dangerous urgency. It wasn’t any one writer or article he was worried about, but the font. The meaning embedded, at a preconscious level, by the look of the magazine; the seal, as he described it, that the typography and layout put on dialectical thought. According to Perkus, to read the New Yorker was to find that you always already agreed, not with the New Yorker but, much more dismayingly, with yourself. I tried hard to understand. Apparently here was the paranoia Susan Eldred had warned me of: the New Yorker’s font was controlling, perhaps attacking, Perkus Tooth’s mind. To defend himself he frequently retyped their articles and printed them out in simple Courier, an attempt to dissolve the magazine’s oppressive context. Once, I’d entered his apartment to find him on his carpet with a pair of scissors, furiously slicing up and rearranging an issue of the magazine, trying to shatter its spell on his brain. ‘So, how’, he asked me another time, apropos of nothing, ‘does a New Yorker writer become a New Yorker writer?’ The falsely casual ‘so’ masking a pure anxiety. It wasn’t a question with an answer.
But I’m confused in this account, surely. Can we have discussed so much the very first time? The New Yorker, at least. Giuliani’s auctioning 42nd Street to Disney. Mailer on NASA as a bureaucracy stifling dreams. J. Edgar Hoover in the Mafia’s thrall, hyping Reds, instilling self-patrolling fear in the American Mind. In the midst of these variations the theme was always ingeniously and excitingly retrieved. In short, some human freedom had been leveraged from view at the level of consciousness itself.
Liberty had been narrowed, winnowed, amnesiacked. Perkus Tooth used this word without explaining, and in the way that the Mafia itself would: to mean a whack, a rub-out. Everything that mattered most was a victim in this perceptual murder plot. Further: always to blame was everyone; when rounding up the suspects, begin with yourself. Complicity, including his own, was Perkus Tooth’s only doubtless conviction. The worst thing was to be sure you knew what you knew, the mistake the New Yorker’s font induced. The horizon of everyday life was a mass daydream - below it lay the crucial material, the crux. By now we’d paid for our burgers and returned to his apartment. At his dinette table we sat and he strained some pot for seeds, then rolled another joint. The dope came out of a little plastic box marked with a laser-printed label reading CHRONIC in rainbow colors, a kind of brand name. We smoked the new joint relentlessly to a nub and went on talking, Perkus now free to gesticulate as he hadn’t at Jackson Hole. Yet he never grew florid, never, in all his ferment, hyperventilated or, like some epileptic, bit his tongue. The feverish words were delivered with a merciless cool. Like the cut of his suit, wrinkled though it might be. And the obsessively neat lettering on the VHS tape and on his CDs. Perkus Tooth might have one crazy eye, but it served almost as a warning not to underestimate his scruples, how attentively he measured his listener’s skepticism, making those minute adjustments that were the signature of his or anyone’s sanity - the interpersonal realpolitik of persuasion. The eye was mad and the rest of him was almost steely.
Perkus rifled through his CDs to find a record he wished to play for me, a record I didn’t know - Peter Blegvad’s ‘(Something Else) Is Working Harder’. The song was an angry and incoherent blues, it sounded to me, gnarled with disgruntlement at those who ‘get away with murder’. Then, as if riled by the music, he turned and said, almost savagely, ‘So, I’m not a rock critic, you know.’
‘Okay.’ This was a point I found easy enough to grant.
‘People will say I am, because I wrote for Rolling Stone - but I hardly ever write about music.’ In fact, the broadsides hung in his rooms seemed to be full of references to pop songs, but I hesitated to point out the contradiction.
He seemed to read my mind. ‘Even when I do, I don’t use that language.’
‘Oh.’
‘Those people, the rock critics, I mean - do you want to know what they really are?’
‘Oh, sure - what are they?’
‘Super-high-functioning autistics. Oh, I don’t mean they’re diagnosed or anything. But I diagnose them that way. They’ve got Asperger’s Syndrome. I mean, in the same sense that, say, David Byrne or Al Gore has it. They’re brilliant, but they’re social misfits.’
‘Uh, how do you know?’ As far as I knew, I’d never met anyone with Asperger’s Syndrome, or, for that matter, a rock critic. (Although I had once seen David Byrne at a party.) Yet I knew enough already to find it odd hearing Perkus Tooth denouncing misfits.
‘It’s the way they talk.’ He leaned in close to me, a
nd demonstrated his point as he spoke. ‘They aspirate their vowels nearer to the front of their mouths.’
‘Wow.’
‘And when you see them talking in groups they do it even more. It’s self-reinforcing. Rock critics gather for purposes of mutual consolation, though they’d never call it that. They believe they’re experts.’ Perkus, whether he knew it or not, continued to aspirate his vowels at the front of his mouth as he made his case. ‘They can’t see the forest for the trees.’
‘Thelf-reinforthing exthperts,’ I said, trying it on for size. ‘Can’t thee the foretht for the threes.’ I am by deepest instinct a mimic. Anyway, a VHS tape labeled ECHOLALIA lay on the table between us.
‘That’s right,’ said Perkus seriously. ‘Some of them even whistle when they speak.’
‘Whisthle?’
‘Exactly.’
‘Thank God we’re not rock critics.’
‘You can say that again.’ He tongued the gum on another joint he’d been assembling, then inspected it for smoke-worthiness, running it under his odd eye as if scanning for a barcode. Satisfied, he ignited it. ‘So, I’m self-medicating,’ he explained. ‘I smoke grass because of the headaches.’
‘Migraine headaches?’
‘Cluster headaches. It’s a variant of migraine. One side of the head.’ With two fingers he tapped his skull - of course it was his right side, the headaches gravitating toward the deviant eye. ‘They’re called cluster headaches because they come in runs, every day for a week or two at exactly the same time. Like a clock, like a rooster crowing.’
‘That’s crazy.’
‘I know. Also, there’s this visual effect . . . a blindspot on one side . . .’ Again, his right hand waved. ‘Like a blot in the center of my visual field.’
A riddle: what do you get when you cross a blindspot with a wandering eye? But we’d never once mentioned his eye, so I hung fire. ‘The pot helps?’ I asked instead.