~Day 1~
Pain. Agony. Torture.
It was all that my mind could let me understand. And even worse, it seemed to consume me, in a never-ending cycle of suffering. It was a rare moment when I was able to do the simplest functions, such as speaking.
But what really helped was the fact that Edward never left my side. He sat in the chair beside my bed, keeping his golden eyes on me, and wincing ever so often, when I failed to hold back a yelp of pain.
I wasn’t sure what time it was, or how many days had gone by, the only clues that I had was the light coming from the window right across from me. But I of course wasn’t able to move much to get a good enough look out the window.
At the moment, the only thing in the room that I could hear was the light thudding of rain against the glass of the window, and the ticking of the clock that sat above me, on the wall, right in the place I would never be able to move to see.
There was at least one thing that I was able to think about, while laying here, in this pain. And that was Edward. There was so many questions that I had for him, but when I went to try and voice them, I just couldn’t force them out.
“Bella, do you think it would be alright if we talked just for a moment,” Edward spoke suddenly, surprising me as I realized he was standing right next to my bed, hover over me with a serious look on his face.
I opened my mouth, and tried focusing through the pain, pushing the winces away for just a moment to form my words.
“S-sure,”
I frowned slightly at his low wince, but again he took me by surprise as his arms went around me, pulling me up into a sitting position. I couldn’t even express how much better this felt.
“Bella, what is going on with you right now, it was a very big mistake, and I’m very sorry,” Edward spoke, his eyes casting downwards.
I still didn’t understand. What had happened? He had bitten me; then this pain had begun. I can remember just slightly the events of that moment, recalling the other man that had been in the room, Carlisle; he had tried to tell Edward not do it.
It was becoming obvious that Edward wasn’t normal, he couldn’t be human, his bite had caused this agony, and whatever was going on, it wasn’t going to be good.
“W-what, a-a-are you,” I choked out, hissing lowly as the flames of agony seemed to flare even hotter to each inch of my body.
He sighed, looking away from me for a long moment, before turning his attention back to me, looking reluctant.
“Listen, what I’m about to tell you is a secret, no one must find out the truth, not your friends, not your family, no one,” He said slowly.
I nodded, groaning a bit as I was again pinched fiercely with the flames, that I’m sure would never end.
“I p-promise, I w-won’t tell,” I said, feeling tears begin to slide down my cheeks.
Edward watched down at me, his eyes showing nothing but sorrow, but his fingers slowly went to my face, wiping my tears away.
“I’m a vampire, I know it sounds impossible, even ridiculous, but it’s the truth,”
The first things that popped in my head was that there was no way, he was way too attractive to be a vampire. Vampires were horrible, awful creatures; they weren’t gorgeous, perfect gods.
But then again, he did bite me… and now I was in intense pain…
Did this mean… I was going to be a vampire to…
“This m-means….”
Edward slowly nodded, gently taking my hand in his, looking sad. “Yes, you will be one as well… I’m so sorry Bella,”
For a moment, everything inside me seemed to freeze, the fire still kept on burning, but it was more of an icy bitter burn.
With all the strength, I clutched his hand, finding comfort in Edward’s touch, but at the same time, fear crawled around inside of me.
“W-what about b-baby, family, m-my life,”
“I’m sorry, there is still a lot we need to figure out, and decide on what would be best, but rest assured, you will not be apart from you baby ever,” Edward said looking down at me seriously.
This was enough to calm me.
I could do this couldn’t I, I didn’t have much of a life after getting pregnant, it would be like starting over… a brand new beginning, just me and my baby. But something told me, that I wasn’t going to be out of Edward’s life any time soon.
“But right now, your family is outside the door right now, they are very worried, and would like to see you, so please, speak nothing of this,” Edward spoke sudden moving away from me, moving towards the door.
“W-what about my b-baby,” I choked out.
I wanted to see him so bad, I had only gotten a glimpse of him, I didn’t even get to hold him.
“I’ll get him as well,” Edward said gently, and with that he opened the door, pulling a calm smile on his face, but I could see the strain that it took for him to do this.
Charlie was the first to march inside, moving past Edward, taking me in with a pale worried face. Rene and Phil followed, talking quietly, and nodding towards Edward as they also walked past.
“Bella, are you alright?” Charlie asked taking my hand, looking down at me, his face showing nothing but sadness.
“I-I’ve b-been better,” I forced out, glancing around to each of them.
“Oh Bella, we came as soon as we could, no one would tell us anything, they wouldn’t even let us in your room,” Rene said looking at me with tears in her eyes.
With all the strength I could muster, I picked my arm up, and rested my hand on hers, trying to comfort her as much as I could.
“I’m o-ok,”
Phil stayed quiet, watching between Rene and me with quiet respect, and slight concern as he watched the expression of my face.
“Bella, I’ve never seen you so pale,” Rene continued, her hand moving to my forehead, sniffing. “But you’re burning up,”
If only she knew the half of it.
“R-really, I’m ok,” I repeated, and turned to look up at Charlie, knowing he truly was the only one that could understand me better than anyone, even Rene.
“Oh dear, I just love you so much Bella,” She said, tears filling her eyes, her hand squeezing mine.
“I love you t-to, all of y-you,”
“What is going on Bella, why aren’t they telling us what happened?” Charlie asked, frowning just slightly.
Something told me that if I didn’t come up with a very good explanation, Charlie would have ever able cop doing an investigation of this whole hospital, and Edward said this secret had to be kept, even from my family.
“T-there was something wrong, with the d-delivery, I’m just going t-through the s-side effects,” I lied.
Charlie opened his mouth, not seeming to believe me for one minute, so I was thankful when Rene cut him off, keeping her eyes only on me.
“Your baby, he is so amazing Bella, I’m so proud,” She said with a weak smile.
At this, I couldn’t help my own smile, feeling a slight flutter in my chest.
“He sure is, looks just like you,” Phil spoke for the first time, patting my leg for a second, before returning to his quiet place behind Rene.
Charlie didn’t look at the two of them, but nodded, watching me. “He’s been looking for you; the nurses say he’s quite the character,”
And as if answering a silent prayer, Edward entered the room, a blue bundle of blankets tucked in his arms.
I could feel my eyes grow wide as I took in the blanket, knowing already, that this was the very meaning of my existence.
Edward gave me a rueful smile as he walked over, and gently handed my baby to me.
I sniffed, watching down at the baby, smiling even more as he looked up at me with dark brown eyes, and a dimply smile. He was so beautiful.
Right then and there, I made a vowel, no matter what, I would do anything for my baby, anything, and I’d give up my life for him in a heartbeat.
“What are
you going to name him?” Rene asked quietly smiling at the baby as he curled more into my arms, making soft coo sounds.
I thought about this, turning for just a second to glance at Edward, noticing his small smile, and serious look at me.
“My Zander,” I spoke quietly.
“That’s a beautiful name,” Rene smiled, stroking my hair, watching the two of us.
“What about his middle name?” Phil wondered, his hand resting on Rene’s shoulder as he too watched.
“Charles, in honor of Charlie,” I said looking over to Charlie with a timid smile.
He shared the look, patting my head. “It’s perfect Bells,”
At that moment, I couldn’t image a more perfect time in my entire life. Everything just seemed great. But then I was quickly reminded the pain that was still burning it’s way around my body, surely leaving my every internal organ to ash.
“I think it would be a good idea for Bella to get some alone time with Zander,” Edward spoke up, walking towards the ground of us, keeping a polite smile on his face.
“Oh alright, but Bella, we will be here for you if you need us, just let us know and we will be here,” Rene promised, and leaned forward, pecking the top of my forehead, before slowly leading Phil out of the room.
Charlie paused, gently kissing my forehead as well, and then stroking the tiny cheek of the baby, looking proudly at the both of us.
“You rest up Bells, I’ll be in the waiting room for, won’t leave until you do,” He said, and with that he shot Edward a suspicious look before turning and walking out.
I now turned my eyes from Zander to Edward, watching as Edward took a seat by the side of my bed, looking between the both of us.
“It’s going to be alright Bella,”
“As long as h-he is ok, t-then, it doesn’t matter,”
Edward sighed and shook his head.
“Of course it matters, Bella, your life is about to change completely, but I need you to know, that I won’t leave your side until you order me away,”
“W-Why,” I couldn’t help but as, trying to understand why Edward felt so obligated to be around me. He didn’t need to be in my room every minute of every day.
“It’s because of me; that your life is ruined, you’re my responsibility, and I just can’t explain why… but I couldn’t ever let anything hurt you… even myself, ever again.”
His words touched me.
It was like he truly did care about me, like he didn’t think less of me for being so young, and being pregnant, like he would do anything to keep me safe.
But I knew this couldn’t be the truth. I was the most unlucky person in the world, so there was no way, that I could ever have the honor to keep such an amazing guy in my life.
Even though he was the very reason why I was right now going through hell, he was also the reason that Zander was safely brought into this world, he saved his life, and as a price, took mine. It was a fair trade, and I wouldn’t want it to be any other way.
Day 3
There wasn’t much that I could focus on, other than Edward’s golden eyes on me, watching me with an analyzing stare. He hasn’t moved for an hour now, not a breath taken, not a blink, nothing but silence, and stillness.
The fire was still burning hot, coursing through my body in waves of torture, every inch of my skin prickled with flames. It felt as though I was lying on a bed of a thousand needles; that was set on fire.
“When is this over,” I said listening to how my voice didn’t even sound crackly and strained anymore, even though my body was nothing but a warzone of fire.
“Just five more minutes Bella,” He said, his hand still placed in my hands.
I slowly closed my eyes, trying to ignore the burning, but somehow the pain had doubled, my heart-rate accelerating all of a sudden.
Sucking in a breath in agony, I squeezed Edward’s hands, causing a wince from him as well. Letting his hands go, I looked up at him in worry.
“Sorry,” I mouthed, feeling a prickle of guilt clouding up my head for just a moment.
He shook his head, and took my hands again, his fingers stroking mine.
“I deserve much worse for doing this to you,”
I shook my head, trying to force my mouth shut to hold back another cry as the pain was now ever worse, and again my heart was beating even faster.
“60 seconds Bella,” Edward said quietly, watching me with sad eyes.
Just hold on, not to long now, and this pain will be gone, everything will be over, I will get to my Zander, and everything would be ok, just hold on.
I waited, counting down the seconds in my head, at the same time millions of other thoughts came to my mind, and for once I was able to clearly think of each, focus on each subject with clear clarity.
Was Zander alright?
Edward sure did care about me, at least I think he did; he might just be feeling bad for making me a vampire.
Will my life really be so different?
I didn’t want to kill people, I wouldn’t, and I could never live with myself if I killed an innocent person.
How was I going to raise Zander without a father figure?
I mean yes I would always be there for him, and I would be the best mother I could be, but I just wanted so much more for him, a normal life.
All these thoughts and so many more, crossed my mind all at once, and everything just seemed to be so much clearer.
My heart was at a full gallop, racing as quickly as ever, each beat was so hard it made my chest tremble. But in a near instant it was slowed down, and to my intense relief the burning pain was slowly fading away.
I waited, regaining the abilities to move as the fire continued to leave my body. And finally when my heart had gone completely silent, the last of the fire was gone, leaving only a dull flame; itching my throat.
Slowly I turned to look up at Edward; he stood up watching me still with slight concern. His hand came out to me, a nervous expression on his face.
I placed my hand in his, remembering to not hold on to hard, he had said that my strength would be greatly enhanced.
“Are you alright?” He asked lowly.
I stood up now standing face to face in front of him, amazing for just a moment that I was able to stand so quickly.
“I’m ok,” I said, and almost smiled as he sighed, looking relieved.
“Good, so we are going to need to talk more about the basics to all of this,”
“Can I see Zander first,” I said, glancing towards the door, wanting to go find my baby as soon as possible.
“No, Bella, you’re not ready to be around humans just yet,” Edward said and guided me to the window, pushing the shades out of the way, and opening up the window.
“Why not, will I hurt people?” I asked, looking up at him, noticing for a second that he was still holding my hand.
“Well, Bella you know when I… bit you, it’s just that, your my singer, your blood appeals to me more than any other, I lost control… if you do not hunt, you will lose control, and possibly slaughter the whole hospital,”
I swallowed, and winced as I felt the similar burning of my change, now scratching my throat fiercely. My hands went to my neck, wanting to smother the fire.
“Ok let’s go then,” I said urgently, and went heading towards the window as well.
Edward nodded, “Do as I do,” And with that he took a causal step out the window, falling down to the ground, and landing perfectly on his feet. He turned looking up at me from the ground.
I swallowed again, inching towards the window.
This was absolutely crazy…
But with a big breath I leaped out of the window, little out a small noise as I seemed to slowly fall towards the ground. It was like everything had slowed down around me, yet I the ground was becoming bigger and bigger as seconds went by.
So as my feet touched the ground, making a slight clicking nose, I grinned in amazement, turning to E
dward.
“Did you see that?” I laughed quietly, glancing back up to the hospital window; that had been nearly four floors high.
Edward chuckled, “It’s easier than it looks huh,”
I nodded with a smile, and gasped as he went running away from me. Quickly I was following after him, being able to keep up with his insane speed.
The whole world seemed to blur around me as we ran, every tree, every branch, even the stray rocks that stuck into the ground, it was all easily dodged. Soon I was running even faster, letting my whole body stretch a bit, so I could feel every new change to my body.
This truly was amazing, this feeling, this new confidence I felt in myself. It was a thrill. I couldn’t imagine why Edward was so upset as to turning me. I liked this life style change already.
Edward now took me by surprise by suddenly stopping, turning to look at me with a calm smile, but I could still see a trace of sadness lingering in his expression.
“Ready for your first hunt?”
I bit my lip, looking around at the woods that surrounded us.
Did I want to kill a human? No, not at all, I couldn’t… but this burn… It was really overwhelming, and really made thinking straight a challenge.
“Do I have to kill someone,” I muttered looking down uncomfortably. “I don’t think I could ever be ready for something like that,”
Edward’s hand down went to my chin, shifting my face up so I was looking at him.
“Bella, my family and I, we survive off the blood of animals, not humans, but it is your choice as to which you would prefer to hunt,” He said softly.
A smile crawled back onto my face.
This made it official.
This man that stood in front of me, was nothing but pure perfection, he was kind, and he didn’t hurt people, he was a doctor, he saved lives, not take them. And he truly had given me something; he gave me a feeling that I thought I would never have.
I felt like I truly was happy, I felt powerful, and just… alive, even though I was technically dead. I felt amazing; there couldn’t be any possible downside to this, at least not one that I could see so far.
“I’ll hunt animals to, much less guilt,” I said when I could find my breath.
He nodded seriously, a smile hinting on his lips, before he spoke, as quiet as a whisper, but as gently as the wind blowing past the two of us.
“As you wish, now if you would please, close your eyes,”
I did as he said, closing my eyes tightly.
“Now, listen closely, what do you hear, what can you smell, what do you feel?” His voice sounded like it was just inches from my ear.
I could hear everything, the birds, the sound of water running over rocks, leaves rustling from the trees. I felt the warm breeze blowing against my skin, and the damp grass between my toes. I could smell the wild flowers sweet scent, mixed in with the moist grasses, and gentle aroma of maple trees.
It was mesmerizing, and breath-taking, it was an experience that I wished to relive every single day for the rest of my life. This brought a picture of tranquility to my head. But then I breathed in deeper, searching for farther scents, picking up on one that caused the flames of my throat to bit worse than ever before.
I could smell it, so sweet, so irresistible.
My body was suddenly moving on its own now, without a thought from me at all I was bent down in a crouched position, a hisses squeezing past my lips, which also came to surprise me farther.
My eyes snapped open in the direction of the smell, and I was able to target a deer just a few miles away, bent down, munching on the tall grasses.
I could hear its heartbeat; I could practically feel the warmth of its blood coursing through its body.
But I paused looking to Edward, making sure that I could go ahead to take it down.
He nodded to me, watching me with a serious look.
Turning my attention back to the deer I charged forward, tackling the deer down in seconds. I could feel my body trembling with adrenaline, and growls as I swung my head back, then snapped it back down on the deer’s neck.
The warm red liquid began to fill my mouth, cooling the fire that had been biting at the inside of my neck. That’s all I could think about as I gulped down the blood. The soothing of the fire, finally I was pain free.
But as I pulled away from the completely drained deer, I realized what a mess I was. The blood had gone everywhere, my clothing, my face, and my hair was full of leaves and twigs. I was sure to be a sight.
Edward walked over; however, he looked as if nothing had changed in my appearance, a warm smile on his face.
“Very well done Bella,”
“I’m a mess,”
“It just takes some practice,” He comforted, and nodded west, to the direction of another sweet scent. “Still thirsty?”
There was still just a slight pinch of burn in my throat, but I figured it’s better to be safe than sorry. I didn’t want to put Zander in any danger.
“Yeah, let’s get it,” I nodded, and then went running in the direction of the scent, Edward following behind me.
I never could get over watching Edward hunt. Everything he did was just so perfect, and graceful. He didn’t make a mess like I did, and he ever let me get all the prey that I wanted, and just stuck to the smaller game.
He was a gentleman, even as a vampire.
In all honesty, I liked spending time with Edward in this way, in fact, I liked being around Edward all the time. Everything just felt so right when he was around me. It was like… my whole world was complete.
I’m not sure for how long Edward and I hunted, but it felt like it had been mere minutes. Although, he had said we had been gone for about an hour, as we climbed back into my hospital room through the window.
“Do you think anyone noticed?” I asked walking towards the medical bed, peeking over at Edward as he followed me, pausing just a few inches from me.
“No, they saw nothing,” He spoke quietly, his eyes on me, but they quickly slide away from me as I met his gaze. “Would you like to see Zander?”
I nodded eagerly, but then paused, sighing. “Do you think it will be safe?”
“Of course, just remember he is incredibly fragile, one wrong move and you could crush him,” Edward said touching my shoulder, before stepping to the door, opening it to reveal a nurse standing, waiting with a timid smile.
I swallowed, feeling the burn in my throat begin to poke at me, but I was able to ignore it easily as I spotted Zander in the nurse’s arms. At this moment I badly just wanted to fly over there and take my baby from her.
“Baby Zander was missing his mommy, so I figured it was time to let these two alone together,” The nurse smiled, but she only appeared to be talking to Edward, her eyes planted on his, a flirty smile sliding on her face.
I felt my teeth snap together, venom filling my mouth, and I felt the vibrations begin in my chest, but I forced myself to stay quiet.
I didn’t know why I was reacting like this; everything I seemed to be feeling was multiplied by ten. I was on the edge of snapping, but I had control. I knew I had control to keep myself calm enough.
“Thank you, but I’ll be staying in here with the patient for a while, she is still on watch,” Edward spoke, gently taking Zander from the nurse.
The nurse’s disappointed face only seemed to annoy me farther, but I kept my mouth shut, and my expression as content as I could make it.
“Alright, let me know if there is anything you need,” She spoke keeping her eyes on Edward as she left the room, letting the door close lightly behind her.
I let out a breath now, realizing that I had been clutching the metal rail of the medical bed so tightly, that my hands had left indentations on it.
Quickly I let go, hiding my hands behind my back. “Oops,”
Edward chuckled noticing everything as he walked over to me, handing me Zander with a tender smile.
“Getti
ng a bit testy with the nurse, you show a lot of control Bella, it’s very impressive,”
I was relieved he didn’t ask me what my reason was for my reaction, because I truly didn’t know why myself. Just the thought of someone, flirting with Edward, it arose feelings from me that were mostly violent, and dangerous.
“I guess I’m just not in the mood for people right now,”
Edward nodded seriously.
“Newborn’s emotions will go a bit of everywhere until they are completely adapted to their new form; you’re not quite used to things yet, and won’t really know how to handle your enhanced emotions, its normal,”
That made sense, but there was just a part of me that said there was more to it then this… at least for me, that is.
Zander now had gotten my complete attention. His smile just made everything feel ok. Even though the slight burn of my throat was still present, I knew there was nothing in this world that would even make me hurt my own son. He was everything to me. Nothing would hurt him.
“I love you so much,” I whispered to him, holding him close to my chest, listening to the gentle beating of his heart. “Forever,”
Edward smiled, looking between the two of us, moving forward, and gently his finger stroked Zander’s cheek, but his eyes looked into mine, making me freeze.
“He truly is beautiful,” He spoke with an intense tone. “Just like his mother,”
I thought then and there I would have fainted, if it was possible that I still could do that. His words sent a fluttering inside me, and raised a blanket of chills up my spine.
Did he really mean that… or was he just being nice?
“T-thank you,” I said watching back at him.
He nodded, and with this he pulled away from the two of us, giving us space, and at the same time, giving me time to think about what he had just said.
Was it wrong that I had felt so… happy, that he thought of me as beautiful? This gorgeous man that stood before me had actually said this. What did I ever do to deserve such a compliment from a high standard guy like him?
I didn’t know the answer to any of these questions, but there was one thing that I was almost certain of. I was beginning to become a bit infatuated by my handsome doctor.
But what was I saying, he was much too good for me, he deserved someone far better, someone who hadn’t lost their innocence, and now had her whole life wrapped around a child’s life.
Perhaps that was the downside to becoming a vampire, now I would be stuck for eternity knowing that I would never be good enough to be with the person I want to be with.