I’m lifted from the chair and I let out a small groan. “Go back to sleep. I’m carrying you to my room,” Moon says. My arms and legs are useless, so I do what he says.
When I finally wake up, light hits my eyes and I struggle to climb out of bed before I puke. I run into Moon’s bathroom and barely make it to the toilet. Chips and tequila are not a good combination when they come up. When I think everything is expelled from my stomach, I turn on the shower and strip off my bra and panties. Moon must have removed the rest of my clothes last night. My toothbrush is in the drawer beside Moon’s, and I thoroughly brush my teeth and rinse out my mouth.
I’m never drinking again. The water burns my scrapes, but I don’t care. I wash from head to toe, including my hair. I feel horrible and that doesn’t change as I stand under the water and let it pound down on me. I have no idea how long I remain like this, but I finally realize I’m delaying the inevitable. I leave the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Moon’s bathrobe is lying on the bed and I slip it on. He’s sitting in a chair across the room when I come out. He’s wearing jeans and a black T-shirt.
“I have coffee and juice over here. Ibuprofen too.” I don’t want him being nice to me, but I need a clear head, so I walk over to where the juice and coffee are. There’s water too. I grab it after sitting down in the chair across from Moon. I don’t look at him as I reach for the pills and swallow them along with the entire glass of water.
“Alex is in about the same shape as you. I’m glad I missed the party.” His voice is gravely and I wonder if he slept at all.
I can’t look at him or speak. I’m entirely too raw right now. My feelings are all over the place. I’m essentially here, in his home, against my will. He’s treating me with kid gloves. I remain silent and close my eyes hoping the pills take effect quickly.
“I’m sorry you saw what happened last night.”
A tear leaks through my closed eyes. “You’re not sorry you did it, though, are you?”
“No.” Just one word and it holds so much meaning.
For him, this is simple. Kill or be killed. When you live in that kind of world, those are the rules—a brutal crime-filled world that has taken over my life. I can’t help but think of Harry beating Penny to death. My tears run freely. Strong arms wrap around me and I’m lifted from the chair. Moon sits down and curls me into his lap. He smells so good. I cry against his shirt with his arms wrapped tightly around me. I inhale past my stuffy nose and breathe him in. His soap, his strength, his protection. I shouldn’t. I replay Gomez’s drunken confessions last night. I’m so confused.
“Are you forcing me to stay here?” I finally ask on a sniff.
He hesitates before answering. “It’s complicated.”
His response is something you would see on a Facebook relationship status, and I laugh.
“It doesn’t get more fucking complicated than this,” I say. I should just stop talking. “Gomez told me about your parents.”
“Hmm, Alex has a big mouth when he drinks.”
Yes, he does. “I don’t know how I feel about everything. I want to understand. I want you to be one of the good guys. I can’t pretend, though. I watched you kill a man. You didn’t hesitate. You shot him while he was tied to a chair and beat up so bad he probably couldn’t walk away if he tried. You shot him,” I repeat. I mumbled all of this against Moon’s soft shirt.
“I make no excuses for who I am, baby.”
No, he never has. It’s me who made the excuses. “I want to go home,” I tell him.
“I know you do, baby.”
We sit in silence as the pills finally start kicking in. I’m tired. Weary, actually. Weary of everything that’s happened this past week. Moon eventually places the glass of juice to my lips.
“Drink. You’ll feel better.”
I swallow the juice and it’s good. Fresh squeezed. He returns the glass to the table when I’m finished drinking. His arms tighten. “I can’t let anything happen to you. I don’t know why you’ve taken over my thoughts.” His stubbled jaw slides against my cheek. “After you hit your head in the garage, I sat near the bed where you lay and watched you. Watched you breathe in and out. Saw your breath hitch every now and then. Your expressions changed too. I checked the dilation of your eyes. I knew they were brown. I removed your pants and uncovered your long legs. I thought about them wrapped around my hips before you ever woke up.”
Moon’s finger runs across my lips. “I knew these were soft and I hadn’t even tasted them. I also knew, or at least thought I knew, how good you would taste. I was wrong. You’re honey and mint and pure sweetness. Your skin,” his finger moves to my throat, “is so incredibly soft. I wanted you before you ever opened your eyes. Once you did, I was lost. There’s no coming back from where you’ve taken me.”
My eyes closed while listening to his calm, deep voice. I open them. “Kiss me, Moon. Take all the bad memories away.”
He leans down and lifts me higher. “Memories never go away, baby.” His lips drop the last few inches.
He’s right. The kiss doesn’t remove the memories. I need his mouth, though. I need Moon as badly as I need my next breath. I slip my hands beneath his shirt and slide them up his warm, muscled abs. He partially lifts me so I’m sitting up. I slide my legs to either side of his hips. My knees are bent and tucked on either side of the chair. The kiss changes. It’s more than a kiss.
Moon unties the belt of the bathrobe and it falls open. I unbutton his jeans and quickly tear down the zipper. I find him through his boxer briefs. Silky, hard and hot. Moon reaches into his pocket and removes a condom package. I’m too turned on to be angry that he knew I would give in. I’m impatient as he slides it over himself. I lift up, position him, and sink down, impaling myself. Cock into waiting pussy.
He squeezes my breasts. Plays with my nipples. I ride him and all the while, he kisses me. I’m certifiably insane. He’s so bad for me that he’s good. So hot that he’s ice. The burn spreads. He releases my breasts and grabs my hips. He sets a pace that’s frantic and mind-blowing. I let my body lead. The only thoughts in my head are of Moon and what he’s doing to me right now.
I clench his cock as the first waves of orgasm spread. This isn’t an explosion of sensation. It’s a convergence of invisible energy that flows from Moon to me and back again. We breathe into each other’s mouths. Share our air, share our bodies, and for me… I share my soul.
How do feelings like this happen so quickly? I remember my mother’s words again. She saw the kindness in my father’s eyes. Maybe I see the wildness in Moon’s. I need wild. I’ve searched for it my entire life. My vaginal walls squeeze him, milking his cock. He slams me down against him and his palms close over my cheeks.
“Look at me,” he demands harshly.
I open my eyes and stare into his as I come undone and watch him do the same. We are no longer kissing, but we still breathe the other’s air. His eyes are the darkest blue I’ve seen them. No gentleness, only a harsh promise.
How can you fall in love with someone so completely that you’re willing to leave all your principles behind?
Chapter Thirty-One