"Is everything really okay? I know you're angry at how Courtney treated you. If you want to talk about it, we can."
"You'll judge me, Kenz. You did yesterday, and I can't stand it. You don't understand."
"Then make me understand. Come on, Kyle, there's nothing we can't talk about."
"Have you ever been in love?"
I thought I was in love with my ex, Danny, but he turned out to be a heartless dick. There hadn't been anyone else since we broke up two and a half years ago. I didn't ever want to put myself in the position I was in with him again. "No," I replied.
"Then I don't know if you can understand it yet. Courtney was everything. She was all I thought about. My whole life had become about her and making her happy. I thought she felt the same. We were supposed to be together. And then she turned around, kicked me to the kerb. You can't ever imagine how much that hurts. I had everything ripped away from me and yes, I'm pissed at her. I hate her, and I hate that I can't stop loving her. I wish I could flip a switch and not care about her anymore, but I can't, so I'm angry until I'm over it."
Maybe I didn't understand how he felt, but I still didn't know if I could hate someone that I loved after they'd died, even if they had hurt me. Did he only want Courtney to be happy if she was with him? If so that wasn't my definition of love.
I groaned, rubbing my forehead, feeling a headache coming on. "I'm sorry, Kyle. Shit, I'm tired."
He frowned. "Sorry. I should have called before I came and unloaded that on you. I just want to make sure we're okay. I don't want what happened with Courtney to fuck up our friendship."
"It's okay, and it won't fuck us up. I'm just gonna try and get some sleep now." I hated that he felt he had to be around me all the time. Was he worried that I honestly thought he could have done it? I knew he hadn't. I was certain, almost.
He kissed my forehead as he stood up. "Night, Kenz. Speak to you tomorrow."
I smiled half-heartedly and flopped down on my bed, exhausted. "Night, Kyle," I replied, yawning. There was no way I would get a good night's sleep, but at least I would be alone and not have to deal with anyone else for a while.
In the morning I made my way to the local pub where I was meeting Felicity. I hoped talking to her would make everything clear, magically. There was still so much up in the air. Megan, Kyle, Lawrence, and how I felt about siding with someone that killed my friend. I was running out of ideas and needed a break.
I saw her as soon as I walked into the restaurant room at the back of the pub. She sat against the window, wearing a deep red summer dress and denim jacket. Her hair fell in tight blonde ringlets down to the bottom of her shoulder blades. Her appearance couldn't have been more different to Courtney's. Court's hair had been fierce red since she was sixteen. She loved the colour. The deeper into her relationship with Josh though, the duller it became. He didn't like it, so she stopped dying it and let it fade away. It was symbolic of what he was doing to her. In the last few months of their relationship, the Courtney I knew and loved began fading away, too.
"Hey," I said as I approached the table. She looked around and stood up, smiling.
"Hi," Felicity replied, opening her arms for me. Well, at least she didn't think I could have killed her cousin.
I hugged her back, and we sat down. "How is everyone?"
"Devastated. I don't want to leave them, but I have so much work to do." She bit her lip. "And honestly, I can't stand being there. I know that sounds so selfish, but there's nothing I can do to help. I feel so useless."
"You're not useless. I don't think anyone can do anything right now. They lost their daughter; they need time."
"And what about you? What do you need? Kyle said you're dealing with this too well."
"You've spoken to Kyle?"
She scanned the menu. "He's dropped by a few times. The pancakes are a bit hit and miss here, isn't it?"
I nodded my head. "Sometimes they're amazing and other times they suck." Why had Kyle gone round there? He was still clearly angry with Courtney for choosing Josh over him, so why go to see her family? Kyle and Aaron both secretly visited the family of the girl they loved, but why secretly?
An annoying, nagging voice in the back of my head kept screaming that he was hiding something else. What if it was Kyle? I had known the guy practically my whole life. Could I really be that blind? After the past few days, I really could believe that I was that blind though. I trusted them all. I thought they were being honest with me, and I thought they could confide in me.
"So what's with the super coping then? You know it's not healthy to bottle things up."
I laughed. That one I had heard far too often lately. "I'm temporarily bottling. I'll deal when they find the killer, or at least realise it wasn't one of us."
She scoffed and threw her curly hair over her shoulder. "That's a load of crap. I thought it was a joke when I first found out. No one believes it. Well, no one that matters anyway."
"What will you do if they never find him? I don't know how I can live with knowing they never got justice."
Felicity shrugged. "Life goes on, Mackenzie. I know that's harsh and horrible, but it's true. I hope with everything they catch him, but if they don't it changes nothing. Courtney and Josh are still dead. Nothing will bring them back or make it okay."
"Really? If they never found out who did it you'd be okay?"
"Not okay. I want justice; it just doesn't change a thing. Don't drive yourself crazy with this. You know Courtney would probably say something like 'get a grip, Mackenzie. I'm dead, deal with it', wouldn't she?"
I smiled. I could hear her saying those words. "Yeah." But did that make it okay to cover up for one of my friends? And what about Court and Josh's families? "So how's uni going anyway? You still loving it up in Liverpool?"
She nodded. "I do. It's a great place. Where my uni is anyway! Not sure I'll stay after I graduate now though. I'm thinking of moving back when it's time to find a job." Felicity wanted to be a nurse and was three years into a four-year degree.
"Are there better job opportunities here?" That seemed unlikely. The closest hospital around was a forty-minute drive, and there were only three within a comfortable daily driving distance. Surely there was more in Liverpool?
"Not really but I want to be around family. I'm thinking of going into a walk-in clinic or something now. I like the one in Liverpool."
I nodded. "Sounds good. Would be nice to have you back this way." Liverpool was about two hundred miles north and just over three and a half hours away. She didn't get to visit much so it would be great to see more of her.
"What about you? Your course going okay?"
"Not bad. I'm enjoying it. Next year I'm going to look at trying to get more experience. Some son of a woman my mum knows is a counsellor in a high school. I'm going to get in touch with him and see if I can shadow him for a while next summer."
"Not this summer?"
"This year was supposed to be our last summer of freedom and we were all spending it working our way through a before-we-get-old-and-have-a-job bucket list!"
She smiled. "How far did you get?"
"We'd done Lego Land and camping, which I hated." It rained the entire two days we were away. "Paintballing, hedge maze and sort of the drunken weekend away."
"You don't want to do the rest?"
"One day maybe." For Tilly, Gigi and Courtney I would do all of the things we planned to, but there were far more important things to deal with before I ticked off any more activities from a list. I also didn't particularly want to do them anymore. It wouldn't be fun. It was just something I felt I had to do now.
"What's this Detective Wright like then? I've heard interesting things."
I raised an eyebrow. "Interesting is one way to describe him. He's like one of those eccentric detectives you see on TV. Not sure if he realises TV isn't real and that maybe he needs to be grown-up about his career."
"There are no other leads?"
"Apparently not, bu
t he's hardly forthcoming with information. We only know what he wants us to know and when he wants us to know it. I have no clue what he's thinking about the clothes."
She frowned, stirring the mug of tea that everyone received as soon as they arrived whether they wanted it or not. The owners, Mr and Mrs Graham, were big on tea. "What clothes?"
"The ones the murderer was wearing. If it was one of us then it has to be somewhere, right?" She nodded. "They can't find it, of course. But he still won't accept that it means it wasn't us. Instead of looking for it so they can catch the person responsible they're pointing the finger at us."
"Are you sure? They can't ignore that."
I shrugged. "I'm not sure about much anymore. There's been no mention of it though." I scoffed. Like he would tell us even if he had found it. "I bet the first we'll hear of it is when he scrubs us off the suspect list. And Aaron was arrested, as you probably know, but I'm sure it won't be long until he's released."
"So fucked up," she said, shaking her head.
"Yep."
By the time I had finished breakfast and made my way back home I was feeling slightly better. I still wasn't sure what I was going to do if it turned out Kyle, Megan, or Aaron had done it.
My mobile beeped with another text message, and I knew it would be Megan. It was Megan a lot recently. I still wasn't quite ready to talk to her, so I sent a message back telling her we would meet up tomorrow. That would hopefully give me more time to work things out in my head.
Just as I finished sending the text my phone rang and I sighed in relief as Aaron's name flashed up on my screen. "Aaron! Are you okay? I tried calling about a million times!" I hadn't been able to get in contact with him at all last night.
He chuckled. "Mum said you'd called. I'm fine."
"What happened yesterday?"
"Apparently, Wright found some of my blood in the woods. It's okay though, I explained what happened."
My heart froze. It was his blood. "What did happen?" I asked, absolutely terrified for his answer. There had to be a reasonable explanation for it.
"Megan and I went for a walk; she found what she thought was one of those stupid crystal stone things. I picked it up and turns out it was an old, very sharp piece of green glass!"
"Oh. You never mentioned it when you got back."
"One, I'm a man. And two, it bled for a second, hardly bandage material. Wright just wanted me to clear it up. I think he'll want to speak to Megan. Can you believe he doesn't trust us?" he joked.
"Crazy, right?" I replied, forcing myself to laugh. "So everything is cool?"
"Yep. I gotta go, visiting the family soon. I'll be home tomorrow so we'll meet up, yeah?"
"Wait, you're going away?"
"Twenty miles away, Kenz, not to Mexico!"
I bit my lip and sat down on my bed. "Okay. See you tomorrow."
Aaron hung up, and I collapsed back on the mattress. He was visiting family last minute. Aaron usually did everything he could to get out of family things. Under any normal circumstances I wouldn't even question it, but this wasn't normal. It did sound like he was running, maybe not from Wright and the police but from his friends. Was there something he didn't want us to see? Something we could see through because we supposedly knew him so well?
I dialled Blake's number and laid my mobile beside me on speaker phone. Hopefully he would make everything clearer. Or just turn it into a joke!
"Do I need to take out a restraining order?" Blake teased.
"It was his blood," I whispered. The line went silent. I waited for him to say something. I told you so was what I expected to come out of his mouth straight away. "Blake?"
"I'm here," he said. "Do you want me to come over?"
No annoying I told you so? "I don't know what I want. How can it be his?" My hands shook. "Did he do it?" He couldn't have.
"You're asking me?"
"I'm too close, aren't I? I believe them all so much that I can't see clearly. Did Aaron do it, Blake?"
"For what it's worth, I don't think so. My money is still on Kyle." I heard him rustling around in the background and then the sound of jingling keys. He was really coming over? "Just chill out, we still need to speak to Wright about Lawrence. Aaron's blood in a shed doesn't prove he's a murderer."
"Why are you doing this? You think it was one of them, so why help me with Lawrence and reassure me."
"You asked me to, remember?"
"That doesn't answer my question. You could have told me to get lost, and don't tell me you're only doing it because you're bored because I know that's a lie."
He sighed. "Fine. I like that you're so loyal. You don't find that much, and it's not something I've ever had. Plus, you're not that bad to look at."
"You had to ruin it," I replied. A small smile pulled at my lips even though I had nothing to smile about. "Are you coming over?"
"On my way," he said and hung up.
I put the phone down and smiled to myself. As much as Blake played the I-don't-give-a-shit card he really did care. My heart fluttered. I really did have a thing for him.
It took him half the time it should to get to my house. I wanted to yell because he had obviously driven fast, but I was too glad to see him. He let himself into my room as if he owned the place. "What did he say?" he asked, sitting down on my bed and laying back against my pillows.
"Please, do make yourself comfortable." Blake glared. "He said he was out with Megan and cut his finger on glass, but he never said anything when he got back."
His chest shook as he laughed. "Guys stop boasting about their war wounds when they're about ten, Mackenzie. Do you believe him?"
"Yes," I replied.
Blake rolled his eyes and pushed himself up. He sat facing me. His striking blue eyes pierced through me. "Do you? There's no doubt in your mind? Aaron is innocent?"
The way he was looking at me was too intense. I felt bare. He was doing that see like right through me thing that made me nervous. "I believe him."
He flopped down on his back again. "Alright then. I think you're right, too. It's Kyle. We should delve into Megan a little more soon."
"Megan," I repeated.
"You said once girl or guy. She had the opportunity."
It was my turn to roll my eyes. "We all had the opportunity."
"Shh," he whispered. "I'm going to have a nap. We'll resume this when I wake up."
My eyebrows shot up. What? "Excuse me?"
"Mackenzie, I am trying to sleep." He closed his eyes.
"Why do you really want to sleep here?"
He smirked. "Because I'm scared of the boogie man."
I sighed. "Fine, Blake. I know it's really because you don't feel comfortable at home and it's a weird atmosphere."
"Then why ask!"
I narrowed my eyes at him even though he couldn't see me. "You're not sleeping here all afternoon."
"Just a couple hours. Wake me when you've cooked dinner."
I gritted my teeth but couldn't help a little smile. Idiot!
While Blake slept, without snoring, so that was a bonus, I re-read The Shining so I had something else to focus on. I wanted to wake him up and make him talk through everything again, but I didn't want to disturb him, and I didn't want to drive myself even crazier.
Blake looked so peaceful when he slept. Innocent like a newborn baby. His eyes flitted occasionally and he would take the odd deep breath in his sleep. I found myself watching him more. I hated that he felt so alone. That was another reason he was hanging around with me, so he had someone. I was sure of it. I realised when he smiled a boyish smile and rolled onto his side that I was glad I had him, too.
At half past ten, after I had cooked him his damn dinner, Blake went home. As much as he drove me crazy, he also kept me sane. I watched him drive away from my bedroom window and then got straight into bed.
I couldn't switch my mind off enough to sleep though. Everything was so messed up and confusing. I was also waiting on a text from Blake to tell me
he was home okay. That was something that seemed to amuse and baffle him. I don't think he had ever been asked to do that before. I really felt for him. No one cared enough to want to know he was safe. My parents were always moaning at me to let them know I was okay.
My phone rang ten minutes after he left. I picked it up and saw Blake's name. He was meant to text. If he had called me just to say something annoying or sarcastic...
"Hi," I said into the phone. "You're home then?"
"Pete's in the hospital."
I gasped. That was the last thing Blake needed. His brother was dead, and now his uncle was ill. "What?"
"He's been attacked."
Attacked! Jumping out of bed, I reached for my jeans I'd thrown over my chair. "I'm on my way," I replied and hung up so I could get dressed and get to him faster.
Chapter Fourteen
I burst into Blake's room and found him sitting on his bed, staring at the plain wall. There was no doubt he heard me enter, but he made no attempt to look up or acknowledge me. I slowly moved to his bed, wary, worried. "I'm so sorry, Blake. What happened? Do you want to go to the hospital? I can take you right now."
"My mum found him at his house. The front door was open and he was lying on the living room floor. He's been hit over the head with his fucking baseball bat, Mackenzie!"
"Oh my God!" I sat down. "Do you know what's happening now?"
He shook his head. "I've just found out. My dad offered to come and get me but..."
"But what?"
"I don't know if anyone would want me there."
"Of course they do." It was me Pete wouldn't want there. "Come on, we need to go."
He looked over and I saw the pain in his eyes. "Why are you here?"
"Why did you come over for me?"
He frowned and looked back ahead at the wall. "Ah, we're friends now, are we?"
"Yes, so get used to it. Put your shoes and coat on, we're going to the hospital."
I could only see the side of his face, but his smirk was crystal clear. "Did you just tell me to put my shoes and coat on like I'm a child?"
"Well, when you decide to act your age..." I rolled my eyes. "Come on, Blake. You have to go."
"I wonder who it was? Do you know where Aaron, Kyle and Megan are?"
"What?" I replied, laughing. "You think it was one of them?"