“Can you believe that man?!” Alex’s normally happy eyes were fierce with anger.
“If it weren’t against the law, I’d go back there and teach him a lesson,” I said, trembling with my anger.
“Who cares about the law?!” Alex said angrily.
“Your father might,” Ellen replied quietly from the backseat. I could tell she was also upset by the encounter, though she was trying to hide it for our sakes, to keep us calm.
“He’s biased,” Alex hissed. “Did you hear the way Amanda’s father talked to her? I mean that voice! It was just so…evil!”
I froze.
“And the way he treats those dogs! I bet he doesn’t treat Amanda any better!” Alex raged on. Her knuckles were white as she gripped the steering wheel. “I oughta hit him until he cries, that evil, evil man!”
“What’s the matter, Clare?” Ellen asked, noticing my tense frame.
“His voice was familiar, that’s all. It was like I’ve heard it before.” I put particular emphasis on the last words.
She frowned, thinking about my words.
“Maybe you heard it in town?” Alex suggested, giving us a funny look. “He preaches on the corner every Saturday.”
“No,” I said staring at Ellen. “More like at school…and out in the woods.”
Ellen’s eyes widened as what I was saying registered. You mean out in the woods with those scary people you told me about? He was the evil man? She was trying hard not to freak out, but I could see her fear.
“In the woods?” Alex asked, totally confused.
I faced the front and focused on the road. “I could be wrong.”
Alex glanced at Ellen in the rearview mirror and muttered, “Uh-huh.”
We were all silent then – figuratively speaking. Alex’s anger at what we had witnessed, and her confusion at my reaction, pounded through my brain. Ellen was trying to think about other things, so she wouldn’t worry me with her worry. Sam’s face kept popping into my brain, making it difficult to concentrate on what I had just learned. I scowled at her and she slowly blushed. The images of Sam faded as she started repeating nursery rhymes.
I thought about the man’s voice again. While it had been slurred from the alcohol, the quality had been the same. The way the voice had made the hair on my arms stand on end and the irrational fear and anger were the same. There was no mistaking it.
I had to tell Daniel or someone from his family. Was someone following us? Daniel said they were keeping an eye on us; maybe, they had heard the voice as well. But had they connected it to the man in the forest? Had they even shared the memory? I picked up my necklace and looked out at the trees flashing past.
Poor Amanda! Her father had caused Ryan Holt’s death, and I knew he wanted me dead. What would he do to his own child? A child, I bet, who reminded him of the wife who had left him. A child he resented.
“I have to go home and finish my homework or else I’d come in,” Alex said into the silence.
I looked up and blinked, startled to see we were home. Her thoughts were less angry now as compassion and helplessness for Amanda’s situation swirled around in her brain. She had arrived at the same compassion I felt, though she wasn’t aware of the true extent of his evil.
I unbuckled my seatbelt. “Thanks for driving us.”
“Thanks for coming with me,” she replied.
I got out and waited for Ellen. Ellen stared at Alex’s reflection, hesitating. “You don’t mind that your dad asked me out to dinner this Friday, do you?” Ellen blurted out finally.
Alex started laughing at the question and the expression on Ellen’s face. It was so fretfully worried it was difficult not to laugh. It relieved some of the tension we had all been feeling. “No, I don’t mind. Who do you think has been suggesting he ask you out before some other guy got the idea?” Alex paused realizing how that sounded. “I mean, he’s been really nervous about it. He thinks the world of you, and I know he hasn’t really dated anyone since…” She bit her lip. “He just doesn’t want to mess anything up.”
Well, that makes two of us. Ellen smiled and crawled out of the backseat. “Thanks.”
“Sure.”
We waved and watched Alex barrel off down the street like a bat out of hell.
As soon as she was gone, all the bad feelings fell down on me like Dorothy’s house had fallen into Oz. Knowing who the human was the others were using to gather information and track me didn’t make me feel better. It made me feel worse. I knew Amanda, I felt sorry for her; I empathized with her. Now, I had found out her dad wanted me dead. I shivered.
Ellen wrapped her arm around my waist. “Your friends might have some answers to what we learned. They might know how to deal with this.”
‘Deal’ sounded rather ominous, even coming from her. There was no escaping what she meant.
My voice was fierce when I answered. “I don’t want Amanda’s dad to get hurt. I don’t want him near me, but I don’t want him hurt.”
“Why?”
I hesitated. I saw how much Daniel punished himself. It was a constant thing. He had half hoped I would leave when I had learned about the others tracking me, so he could continue his self-inflicted punishment. It was why he was so afraid. But, I would protect him from killing. There had to be a solution to this…somewhere. If I could just understand why they were tracking me and why they were so interested in studying me, then I could understand how to protect Daniel. There had to be another way beyond killing Mr. Nichols and fighting with the Seekers. There had to be…I just wasn’t seeing it.
Ellen was waiting for me to answer her. Somehow, we had gotten inside and up the stairs. “What was the question again?” I asked.
“Never mind,” Ellen said. “I think I know the answer.”
“Okay,” I said. “I’m going to go upstairs and pretend I don’t have a target painted on my back.”
“I guess I’ll see you in the morning, then.” Ellen knew that when I retreated to my lair it meant I was in for some heavy thinking and I wouldn’t surface until I’d found some answers. Before, my lairs had always consisted of deserted places tucked away in buildings no one ever bothered with, but now I had a place that was my very own. And it wasn’t trespassing.
“Kay,” I said.
She smiled at me and went into her bedroom, thinking she would run a bath and read a book. It calmed her when she was worried. I didn’t need to tell her that a bath would do little to calm what we had to worry about.
I crossed the hall and shut my door, treading heavily up the dark, wooden stairs and wondering how much more of this tension I could take. I felt like I had no control. I felt that, despite what I was learning about my life, and my role in this world I had come to accept, nothing made any sense. Everything felt flipped on its side.
I stood in the middle of my room for a moment trying to decide what to do about my tension. If I sat up here and dwelled on what I had just learned, I would get angry. If I got angry, I might be tempted to do something stupid. Or I would be a complete nervous wreck when Daniel arrived, which wouldn’t make our time together fun. I needed some peace and that meant…the usual.
I went to my window seat and started digging through the books I had stacked around it. From the outside, the books looked like a moat defending the window seat from trespassers. I shifted the last book, but what I was after wasn’t there. I dug around on the seat and was rewarded when my fingers hit something plastic. I pulled my music player out with a triumphant grunt, feeling happy I hadn’t broken it like I had the last one. I selected the song I wanted and instantly felt myself relax.
Singing with the music, I took Daniel’s jacket off and changed into a t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms. Once I was comfortable, I picked Daniel’s jacket back up and went over to my bed to wait. I had a long evening and night to get through, but I had music, and Daniel’s jacket, and a feeling of expectation to keep me company. I hoped it would be enough to keep the bad thoughts and the fear away. Maybe, this time, time woul
d cooperate with me.
Hands lightly brushed against my hair and removed the ear buds from my ears. I woke with a start, wondering what had happened and why it was dark outside. I pushed the hands away in panic, Mr. Nichols’s voice rushing into my head. His voice had been in my dreams, haunting me through endless corridors of darkness – the sort of darkness that was a direct result of murder and fear.
“Shhhh!” Daniel whispered. “Your mom is still up reading.”
I put a hand to my chest and took a deep breath. He had come. A part of me had doubted he would. I looked around the dark room. “I must have fallen asleep.”
“Really?” He smiled. “I thought you were snoring for another reason.”
I sat up. “I don’t snore,” I said halfheartedly, knowing I did.
“Sure, you don’t…And horses are green.”
“Hey, man, I’ve seen The Wizard of Oz like ten times. I’m pretty sure those horses were green.”
He chuckled quietly and sat down next to me. “I’ve never seen anyone as happily unconscious as you just were, especially when listening to music that loud. It was kind of hysterical.”
I made a face as I shifted to give him more room. “Music helps me relax. The louder the better.”
“You were listening to one of my favorite songs,” he admitted.
“You like Eric Clapton?”
“Yep.”
His eyes left mine and looked around the room. We were silent for a moment, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. It was the kind of silence I had come to expect when I was around him – peaceful and familiar.
Then, Daniel tensed and his mood shifted. When he spoke, he sounded worried and a little angry, “Jackson said you went to Amanda’s house this afternoon.”
“I did,” I said.
“I thought we agreed: no more dangerous stunts.”
“No, we agreed I wouldn’t go in the woods. Besides, it wasn’t dangerous. Ellen and Alex were with me.”
“Do you realize how little that means? Do you have any idea how easily I could kill them, kill you? Those Seekers were out there distracting Beatrice and me. What if they have more allies? Seekers or humans we can’t see? They could have overpowered Jackson and taken you right then and there. We’re not your typical human, but we do miss things. We have limits.”
“Yeah, well…” What could I say to that? “I can’t live my life in a box. I had to be sure Amanda was okay. You should know that I won’t let injustice stand, even if it means my personal safety. And, at least we discovered who is working for them.”
“Maybe.” Daniel shook his head. Even in the dim light, I saw how upset he was. “It’s just…Something doesn’t feel right. He might be working for them, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I feel like…like…there’s something else.” Daniel’s frustration spilled out as he hit the edge of the bed. “And I’m missing it. I wish I could see everything! This stupid gift doesn’t feel like one…”
It was comforting to know that he got frustrated with his ‘gifts.’ I reached out to caress the side of his face. “You’re not perfect,” I said. He snorted in agreement. “I didn’t mean it like that! Despite being an angel, you’re still human. We’re not made to catch everything, see everything, we’re just made to do the best we can with the tools we’ve been given. We’ll figure this thing out, not because we’re half angel, but because we’re half human, and our human half knows that when we miss something, or mess up, we get right back up and try again.”
He looked at me and touched the hand that was caressing his face. “For a tough-talking girl, you sure can be inspiring.”
“People are never just one thing,” I said loftily.
His lips lifted into a boyish smile. “No, they’re not.”
He took my hand and laced his fingers with mine. His face became serious, and I knew something else was bothering him beside my ‘dangerous stunt.’ He was blocking me from his thoughts, so I didn’t know what. “Clare, why did you really ask me here?”
“What ever do you mean?”
“Don’t start that,” he said wearily.
“I’m not trying to seduce you, if that’s what you think,” I said indignantly. “I just want you near. It’s hard for me now. It’s hard to be separated from you. When you’re not around, I feel like something is missing…I feel lonelier than I’ve ever felt before.” I frowned at the words, which sounded so unlike me. “You have no idea how hard that was for me to say.”
“I might,” he said. “You like me then, huh?”
“A little bit. When you’re not being such a superior, pretentious assh…”
He put a finger on my lips, to stop my insult. “I love you.”
I felt my stomach drop. The way he said it was so unlike him. There was fear and uncertainty. It had taken a lot for him to admit it. I could see it. Daniel’s eyes told me I didn’t have to say it back; he knew how hard the admission was. But I wanted to. It would be lying not to say it.
“I love you back,” I whispered.
He grinned. “I’m glad.”
Feeling slightly overwhelmed, I leaned against the headboard, turning my face away for him. He moved next to me without a sound. I curled my knees to my chest and started playing with my necklace again. “I have a question,” I said trying to cover my awkwardness at admitting how much I really depended on him.
“When don’t you have a question?”
“When I have answers. You said you could sneak in here and no one would ever know.”
“Right.”
I peeked over at him and saw confusion. He didn’t get what I was aiming at.
“Have you? Snuck in here, I mean?”
I waited. When he didn’t answer, I peeked over at him. His face was indignant. “I would never sneak in here without your explicit permission. It’s ungentlemanly. Besides, what would I do? Stand over you as you slept; creepily watch you from a hole in the wall? That would feel too much like that movie…”
“Psycho?” I offered.
“Exactly!”
We started laughing.
“You definitely have permission, provided you stay away from rocking chairs,” I told him.
“Done.” He wrapped his arm around me, and I snuggled in close.
“What…” I hesitated, not wanting to ruin the moment but needing to ask. “What are we going to do about Amanda’s dad?”
He took a deep breath and his expression hardened. “Tomorrow, I am going to go have a talk with him.”
“I’m coming.”
“Absolutely not!”
“Fine.”
He looked at me, incredulous. “You’re giving up just like that?”
“Nope,” I said calmly.
“What does that mean?” He was fighting a smile.
“I’ll just find another way to tag along. I know where he lives, remember?”
“I could tie you up!” he threatened.
“That’s just not a polite thing to say to a lady, Daniel, and even that wouldn’t stop me.”
“You are the most stubborn person I have ever met. You know that, right?” he asked irritably.
“How on earth could I possibly know that?” I retorted.
“Point made.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that I’m coming along.”
“Is it so wrong that I don’t want you to get hurt?” he asked.
“No, but if we are going to be a team, like you said we are, we actually have to act like a team. That means dealing with dangerous things together and being completely honest with one another about those things.”
He was silent as he thought about my words. Finally, he said, “You’re right. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that if I try to smother you, even to protect you, you’ll just push me away.”
“So…tomorrow?”
He nodded. “After school. I’m bringing Jackson and Margaret.”
“The more the merrier when you’re checking up on homicidal maniacs.”
He ch
uckled darkly. “I have a question,” he said.
“Is it a life threatening, ‘angels are out to get you,’ kind of question? Because I’m hanging those up tonight.”
“No. I was wondering what you wanted to do for our project in literature.”
I made a face. “I don’t know. Whatever you want to do. I’m not thrilled with the topic she gave us, so it doesn’t really matter…”
“You don’t like Romeo and Juliet?”
“I don’t think I could hate a play more.”
“Why?” he demanded.
I answered without thinking. “I just hate the hype that surrounds the story. Everyone gets all moony-eyed about two people who, in my opinion, didn’t really know each other that well. And once they knew their love was forbidden, they got all dramatic. As soon as you forbid people things, especially kids, they find a way to do exactly what you don’t want them to do. It’s human nature. I’ve done it. I still do it.” Daniel made a funny sound of agreement. I ignored him. “Their drama felt ridiculous, though. I think the strongest thing a person can do is live on after the person they truly love is dead. The strongest thing anyone can do is to live past that heartbreak and endure. If you can do that, you honor the memory of the person you loved. You honor their life. Plus…suicide? I’d rather go out fighting for a cause. Fighting for the person I loved.”
Daniel’s eyes were wide. “I think if I live a million years I will never be able to predict the things you say.”
“I hope you don’t,” I said smugly.
“I think you may be overthinking the play. Shakespeare was just trying to prove that love is worth dying for. The length of time they knew each other doesn’t matter.”
“I suppose so,” I replied. “I just prefer scary stories. Poe or Stephen King. They have morals to their lessons, but are less preachy about it.”
“You just like to be scared,” he said.
“That too.”
“Freak,” he teased.
“Most days,” I agreed.
“I don’t think you’ve ever really seen scary.” He paused then added, “Not the real kind.” He was talking about the other Watchers and the deaths and murders he had witnessed and taken part in.
“Your face is scary enough,” I joked.
I knew reality was scary. I knew plenty.
Daniel rolled over so his body pinned mine and looked into my eyes. “Really? So, you don’t want me to kiss you then?”
“Absolutely not.”
He kissed me anyway. I didn’t want him to stop, but he did. He rested his forehead on mine for a moment. His body trembled almost as much as mine he rolled away and we both stared at the ceiling. There was another moment of silence then, less peaceful silence. Why was he so scared of kissing me like that?
To break that tension-filled silence, I asked the first question that popped into my head. It was a question I had been curious about for a month.
“Daniel?”
“Mhhh?”
“Why did you run down that street naked…you know, that time when the nuns saw you?”
He grinned sheepishly. “I lost a bet to Jackson.”
“Oh…What was the bet?”
“You know…I don’t even remember.”
For some reason, I found this hilarious. I started laughing at him. When he shushed me, to keep Ellen from hearing us, I started laughing harder. The more exasperated his face got, the harder I laughed. Giving up, he started laughing as well, the bed creaking with our poorly concealed chuckles. We kept shushing each other, and each time we did, we laughed even harder.
Our laughter led to other stories of his past, other funny moments, and I felt my fears relax. There would be time enough to worry later. The world stopped as our laughter and our stories became the only real thing in the world.
Chapter 16