She giggles, “You’re silly, Leelee!”
He puts the teapot down and runs his hand over her ringlets, nodding, before standing from his spot and walks around the coffee table until he’s standing just feet in front of me.
“It’s raining,” he repeats.
I nod.
“And I’m off tomorrow,” he oddly states.
I nod again because really, he’s telling me something I already know.
“Change of plans. Can you lose a day of writing and it not affect your deadline?”
“Uh, yeah?”
“Can you really? Or are you just telling me what I want to hear? There isn’t a right answer, baby, if you can’t take the time, we won’t. You told me last week that you were stressed about your deadline with your editor pushing into the time you needed to have it to formatting. ”
Okay, so to be honest, I can’t really give up a day. I’ve been working on my first self-published title I’ve released in three years. A title that means the freaking world to me because the plot mirrors mine and Lee’s relationship closely. A second chance love story that holds so much of me between those pages that even if I wasn’t on deadline panic mode, I would still be in panic mode.
The Healing Hand, with the urging of my grief counselor, was what I needed to take the last pieces of my pain, guilt, and grief into a tangible form that would help me heal. It’s been an emotional journey the last eight weeks that I’ve been working on it, but Lee’s been by my side every step of the way. He held me when the scenes became too much that I had to stop. The tears that I shed during those chapters, cathartic in the sense that each warm drop felt like it leaked the pain straight from my soul.
However, seeing Lee so excited over whatever he’s plotting, has me saying, “Of course I can take the day off,” with no doubt in my mind that it will be worth the extra hours of late night typing.
His face goes soft, but he doesn’t lose an ounce of excitement. He sees right through me, but doesn’t call me out.
“I’ll call Dani, make sure she’s off to watch the little lady. If not, I know Izzy is around. But, baby, my mom has been itching for some Molly time. ”
I give him a smile, “Then, honey, call your mom. ”
His dimple comes out and I can tell how much that answer means to him. In the last six weeks since our first dinner at his parent’s house, we’ve had dinner there every Sunday since. Molly has dropped the first names and they are now Nanna and Pops. It’s rare that Dani watches her when Lee wants to go on a date night. Now Molly has two grandmother figures, Izzy and Dee that seem to take great joy in fighting over her.
I lose his eyes when he moves his gaze to his phone, but hear him when he so oddly says. “Got it. Get ready for your feel trip. ” Then his thumb starts moving over his phone and when he looks up, all I get is a wink before his call is connected.
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Did he say feel trip? I listen, distractedly, as he talks to his mom. Not that I’m surprised, but she immediately asked for Molly to spend the night, to which Lee agreed after checking with me.
“I’m not sure why you asked my permission, honey,” I tell him after he disconnects the call. “What?” I question when he looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“Darlin’, nothing would make me happier if Molly was mine, but until the day we make that official, I’m not the one that has the power to make that call. ”
“Yes you do,” I tell him, not understanding completely.
“No, Megan. I do not. ”
I look over at Molly to make sure she isn’t listening and grab his hand, pulling him into the kitchen. “Where is this coming from?”
He sighs, “You know I love you? Both of you?” he asks.
“Of course I do. ”
“One day, God I hope I’m lucky enough, when I put my ring on your finger and you become my wife, then I hope Molly gives me the blessing of being a man she calls daddy. One day, when we take that step, then yeah I would feel like I have the go to make a call on whether she stays with my mom or Dani. But bottom line, I don’t yet and I have enough respect for you to ask. ”
I close the distance between us and smile up at him. “You have no clue how much that little girl loves you, honey, but I understand. I don’t agree with you, but that’s because in my eyes, you already hold that right. And one day, if I’m lucky enough, I’ll enjoy those rings on my finger. ” I lean up on my toes and give his slack jaw a kiss, loving the way that my lips tickle against his stubble. “I’m going to put our girl to sleep, you want to come tuck her in with me?”
He seems to visibly shake himself from the shock that held him still, then with a small smirk on his lips, follows me to get Molly ready for bed.
“Are you sure about this?” I ask Lee.
“Darlin’,” he replies but gives me nothing more.
“You’re so annoying sometimes. ”
He laughs and the vibrations tickle my palms, matching the vibrations that are doing nothing to squelch the arousal that having his body pressed close to my front gives me.
“Ready?” He asks, turning his head slightly, giving me his dimple.
“Uh,” I sputter and look away from his dimple and across the rain-soaked, mud-filled, expanse of earth in front of us.
“You’re ready,” he laughs. “Just hold on, Megan. Hold on and feel. ”
“Again with this?” I retort then snap my mouth shut when he hits the gas.
My fingers dig into his shirt and my thighs tighten around his strong body. I feel the wind whipping against my face, my hair flying behind us as we speed up, and then . . . my stomach comes flying up to my throat and all I feel is cold before my eyes shut tight and wetness coats my skin.
“Holy shit,” I breathe.
When I finally feel like my stomach might have returned back to my gut, I open my eyes and watch as the trees blur by us. Lee holds the handles with his usual confidence and I know, even though I’m scared out of my mind, that he won’t let anything happen to us.
I lean forward, the helmet he insisted I wear even though he isn’t wearing one, tapping his on the side of his head, and do as he instructed. I hold on and feel.
He takes the winding trails for what feels like hours. The roar of his ATV trailing behind us with his speed. He doesn’t shy away from those big, mud-filled puddles, nope. Not my Lee. He spots one and it’s full fury of his speed powering through them. The first time that the muddy water coated us both, I almost had a heart attack. Mainly because I thought it would be like the first puddle we hit that was full of just rain water, splashing us and then just leaving wet marks behind. No. Not these monster baby lakes filled with muddy water. Okay, slight exaggeration, but that’s sure what it felt like.
He moved down from the trail we had just been climbing and started to take the steep dirt path downward. Not paying a bit of attention to the trail because I was too focused on wondering how hard it would be to get myself off using his body and the vibrations, when his nose end hit the mud first, a huge wave of brown wetness covered us. And of course, because I was too busy trying to work at getting myself off, my back was arched. I had, in my mind, the best plan to arch my back and rub my core against the seat and his hard body. But when that mud wave came up and then back down, it shot straight down the back of my pants.
“Oh, my God, Lee!”
He doesn’t answer, just laughs harder. So hard, in fact, that he has to stop the four-wheeler.
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“This isn’t funny! I have mud . . . oh my God . . . I have mud in my ass!”
His laughter picks up until he is forced to hold his sides.
“Holy crap. I can feel it. It’s all in my panties, Lee!”
Again, the big jerk just keeps on laughing until he has to pull his shirt up, flip it to the inside and wipe the tears his laughing has caused, rolling down his face.
“I swear, Liam Beckett. I wa
s this close, this freaking close,” I scream, holding my pointer finger just an inch from my thumb, “To having one hell of an orgasm. It was building so high, I was too busy wondering if I would fall off the back when I went off. This freaking close and now . . . now I have mud in my ASS!”
Too busy flipping out, I didn’t even notice when Lee stopped laughing. That is, until he moved and jumped from the seat. He reached out, grabbed my hips and in a move I still can’t process, his ass was back in the seat with me facing him. Our muddy covered chests pressed tight and his mouth on mine in a bruising kiss.
All of the mud is forgotten as his lips plunder mine. My fingers curl into his shoulders and I moan deep into his mouth.
He pulls back and searches my eyes.
“How was that feel trip, Megan?” he says in a growl, the soft look in his eyes betrayed by how forceful he spoke.
“Huh?” I ask in a daze.
“Fuck me,” he says hoarsely. “Fucking, fuck me. ”
“That . . . uh, would be nice, but seeing as I have mud in places mud shouldn’t be, I would be worried about infection. ” I tell him in all seriousness.
“Fuck. ”
“Yup. ”
“I didn’t want to stop so soon, but I take it by the fact that you laughed so hard before that last puddle that I have no doubt you felt and all that you were feeling was nothing but excitement. You took something you were dead set wouldn’t be a bit of fun, braved it, and had fun. That is until I ruined your orgasm, so as far as I can see my job here is done and I should make up for that lost release. ”
“Uh, baby, I’m not following,” I tell him.
“I imagine you aren’t. Feel trip over, darlin’. We get back home, I show you my list and then I fuck you hard. ”
“Your list?”
“Yeah. My list is about to change. My girl feels, freely and happily, with no small amount of brave courage. Time to take that list and turn it into a bucket. ”
“You make no sense. ”
He just smiles and nods. When we situate ourselves back on the seat, he takes the trails at a slower speed, but none less exciting, until we reach his truck. He loads his ATV back up in the bed of his truck, and then walks over to me.
“Get naked,” he orders with a wave of his brow.
I look around, seeing nothing but trees and sky, and then because I’m too busy wondering about his list and bucket riddles, I pull my mud soaked shirt over my head. His eyes shoot straight to my chest and I smirk to myself when he groans.
“Towel,” he barks after I wrestle my wet jeans down. He wraps a clean towel around my body, then folds at the knees to help me step out of my pants. “Leave your panties on. I know it isn’t comfortable with the mud and all, but if you take them off I wouldn’t even care if it was a dirty fuck, I would take you so hard. ”
“Ohhh kay, so they stay on,” I sarcastically draw out.
“While I get ready. Pull the glove box open and grab my list. Mark off number three, and then take a look. Pick which ones you want to experience together, then cross off the ones you don’t. Then our list becomes a bucket. ”
“Do you mean bucket list? What? Did you have one before? I don’t think they work like that, Lee. You can’t take your bucket list for yourself and make it a couples project. ”
He doesn’t respond; too busy peeling his mud-soaked clothes off before wrapping a towel around his hips. I roll my eyes and move to climb into his truck, pressing the latch on his glove box and reaching in to grab the solo piece of paper on top of his owner’s manual.
I recognize the handwriting as Dani’s and my brow pulls tight. I do a quick scan to see it’s a good size list, full of activates. On the top, Feeling Alive, is written boldly and underlined. Two items already crossed off, reading them both brings tears instantly to my eyes. Paintball and Karaoke. It hits me then that this isn’t his bucket list, it’s the one he created as mine. Or better yet, going by the title, he created this as a map for his plan. My hand shakes when I see the third line has “muddin’” written in Dani’s neat script.
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“I had this brilliant plan that if I did enough things that made you feel, it’d cause your body to spike in adrenaline and your heart to go out of control, that you would remember how much fun being alive is. You’d been living in a dark place and I just knew you were keeping yourself from feeling in order to protect yourself. I understood it, darlin’, darlin', every bit of it, but in order to make you see how much I care, I had to remind you that feeling alive is worth the fight. ”
“Oh, God,” I mutter.
“I figured I could have stopped the list when you became mine, but then I remembered how beautiful it is to see you experiencing the beauty of living. So, instead of Feeling Alive, we make a new list, Feeling Together. You pick from there, or we pick together, but we make a list of things to do. Once a month, Molly goes to Mom’s and we live our lives, together, and never stop feeling. ”
I look back at the list, smiling when I see ‘sex’ made the list at number ten. My voice coming unstuck and I look back at Lee. He’s studying my reaction and I notice, to my shock, that he seems nervous.
“Sex wasn’t until number ten?” I ask and his shoulders relax and his dimple comes out.
“Well, yes and no. I didn’t tell Dani when she helped me write that list, but that sex was public sex and not just sex, sex. I hadn’t planned it out yet, but I figured that one could move around when we found a bathroom with a sturdy lock on it. ”
I laugh, place the list down in my lap and reach out to grab his hand.
“Could we maybe add some things that Molly can do with us?” I ask.
“Yeah, darlin’, I would love that. ”
“Then as far as I can tell, we’ve got a good list to keep us busy for a while. But, Lee . . . there is no way in hell you’re going to get my to jump out of a plane or off a bridge. No way. ”
He throws his head back and roars with laughter. My hand tightens on his and I watch as his abs flex with his rumbles and when his eyes meet mine again there is nothing but love in them.
“You’re going to enjoy every step of us feeling together, darlin’,” he vows.
“I already do, Liam. I already do. ”
“OH, GOD!” I SCREAM WHEN Lee tightens his hold on my hips and pulls my body back forcefully to meet his thrusting hips. When he pulls back just a breath and then slams back inside my body, I clamp down.
“So tight. Fuck, the way you squeeze my cock, darlin’. ” His voice is strained and when he pulls back, my pussy clamps tight in response, not wanting him to leave me.
“Please, Lee,” I beg with no idea of what I need except for him to make it happen.
“Fuck,” he growls and his hands leave my hips when he pulls completely from my body, causing me to whine instantly, before I’m flipped and his body is covering mine.
“You’ll get my cock, Megan. Fuck, when you make that noise I swear to Christ I can feel it in my balls. Pulling tight until I have no doubt I could come from you making that sexy as fuck whine from losing my cock. ”
Instantly, I mewl and whine, the sound making him close his eyes.
My hips rock against his and I watch as his jaw clenches, making those sexy flexes pop out near his ear. Of course, since I find that ridiculously hot, my hips pick up speed and his cock, already wet with my excitement, slides between my folds. He doesn’t open his eyes, but his hands come and frame my face, his palms holding my head by my ears and his long fingers curling around the top of my head.
“Come inside me, baby,” I beg, wanting him to fill me so badly that I’m panting for it.
His eyes hold mine and he groans when, again, I rock my hips. “I love you, Megan. ”
My heart thumps, “I love you, Lee. ”
His hips move this time, slowly. “So much, darlin’,” he murmurs and then closes his eyes.
“Yes,” I breathe.
“So much. ”
He pulls back his hips, but doesn’t move the rest of his body, keeping us connected from hips to head when his lips brush lightly over mine.
“You’ve given me the world,” he says, still whispering.
I nod and then gasp when he moves his hips back in, my legs coming up, and his cock filling me without aide.
“I’ll love you until I take my last breath,” he pants, his hips thrusting in a torturously slow speed. “Forever, Megan. ”
“Yes. God, yes, Lee. Forever. ”
His eyes never leave mine. His thrusts never speed up. When we both come, together, I watch as one small tear leaks out of his eye and falls onto my face. He doesn’t speak or acknowledge the sign of how deep his love is rooted that still burns an invisible trail down until his tear is lost in my hair. When we both come down from our climb, he doesn’t leave my body, just wraps his arms tighter and pulls us to his side.
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We fall asleep like that and while in the safety of his arms I feel the peace I’ve been working for. All the pain of the past vanishing as I let go of the last hold it had on me and while I drift off to sleep, thank God that Lee brought me back to life.
I felt it.
When she finally let go and gave me all of her.
It was a moment that rocked me straight to my core.
When she gave me her body, I watched that last tiny bit of fear bleed from her face, and the realization that she can trust in our love enough to let go.
I don’t know what I did in my life to deserve her love but whatever it was I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure I’m worthy of that gift.
Her body goes slack and I know she’s asleep, but I still can’t get my arms to let go. I hold on, all through the night, and not once do my arms slip.
“Darlin’,” I call down the hall, grabbing my keys off the table by the door before walking down the hall, “Megan?”
“In here,” she grumbles from the closet.
“What the hell?” I question when I walk into her room. “Did your closet throw up?”
“Funny. ” She moves back from her closet and almost trips on the shoes that are scattered on the floor. “I was looking for my black boots, but I think they’ve vanished to the same mysterious land that my socks always go missing to. ”
“Mysterious land?”
Her hands come up and plant on her hips. “I’ll have you know that place is real. How else do you explain how hundreds of socks a year just vanish? Poof. Gone and never to be seen again. ”