“We’re good friends,” Donna said.
Hannah came over. Benny asked for RCs. Hannah went away, and Nelson worked a pint of whiskey from his topcoat.
“Good friends,” Nelson said. “Real good friends.” He unscrewed the cap on his whiskey.
“Watch it, Nelson,” Benny said. “Keep that out of sight. Nelson just got off the plane from Nam,” Benny said.
Nelson raised the bottle and drank some of his whiskey. He screwed the cap back on, laid the bottle on the table, and put his hat down on top of it. “Real good friends,” he said.
Benny looked at me and rolled his eyes. But he was drunk, too. “I got to get into shape,” he said to me. He drank RC from both of their glasses and then held the glasses under the table and poured whiskey. He put the bottle in his coat pocket. “Man, I ain’t put my lips to a reed for a month now. I got to get with it.”
We were bunched in the booth, glasses in front of us, Nelson’s hat on the table. “You,” Nelson said to me. “You with somebody else, ain’t you? This beautiful woman, she ain’t your wife. I know that. But you real good friends with this woman. Ain’t I right?”
I had some of my drink. I couldn’t taste the whiskey. I couldn’t taste anything. I said, “Is all that shit about Vietnam true we see on the TV?”
Nelson had his red eyes fixed on me. He said, “What I want to say is, do you know where your wife is? I bet she out with some dude and she be seizing his nipples for him and pulling his pud for him while you setting here big as life with your good friend. I bet she have herself a good friend, too.”
“Nelson,” Benny said.
“Nelson nothing,” Nelson said.
Benny said, “Nelson, let’s leave these people be. There’s somebody in that other booth. Somebody I told you about. Nelson just this morning got off a plane,” Benny said.
“I bet I know what you thinking,” Nelson said. “I bet you thinking, ‘Now here a big drunk nigger and what am I going to do with him? Maybe I have to whip his ass for him!’ That what you thinking?”
I looked around the room. I saw Khaki standing near the platform, the musicians working away behind him. Some dancers were on the floor. I thought Khaki looked right at me—but if he did, he looked away again.
“Ain’t it your turn to talk?” Nelson said. “I just teasing you. I ain’t done any teasing since I left Nam. I teased the gooks some.” He grinned again, his big lips rolling back. Then he stopped grinning and just stared.
“Show them that ear,” Benny said. He put his glass on the table. “Nelson got himself an ear off one of them little dudes,” Benny said. “He carry it with him. Show them, Nelson.”
Nelson sat there. Then he started feeling the pockets of his topcoat. He took things out of one pocket. He took out some keys and a box of cough drops.
Donna said, “I don’t want to see an ear. Ugh. Double ugh. Jesus.” She looked at me.
“We have to go,” I said.
Nelson was still feeling in his pockets. He took a wallet from a pocket inside the suit coat and put it on the table. He patted the wallet. “Five big ones there. Listen here,” he said to Donna. “I going to give you two bills. You with me? I give you two big ones, and then you French me. Just like his woman doing some other big fellow. You hear? You know she got her mouth on somebody’s hammer right this minute while he here with his hand up your skirt. Fair’s fair. Here.” He pulled the corners of the bills from his wallet. “Hell, here another hundred for your good friend, so he won’t feel left out. He don’t have to do nothing. You don’t have to do nothing,” Nelson said to me. “You just sit there and drink your drink and listen to the music. Good music. Me and this woman walk out together like good friends. And she walk back in by herself. Won’t be long, she be back.”
“Nelson,” Benny said, “this is no way to talk, Nelson.”
Nelson grinned. “I finished talking,” he said.
He found what he’d been feeling for. It was a silver cigarette case. He opened it up. I looked at the ear inside. It sat on a bed of cotton. It looked like a dried mushroom. But it was a real ear, and it was hooked up to a key chain.
“Jesus,” said Donna. “Yuck.”
“Ain’t that something?” Nelson said. He was watching Donna.
“No way. Fuck off,” Donna said.
“Girl,” Nelson said.
“Nelson,” I said. And then Nelson fixed his red eyes on me. He pushed the hat and wallet and cigarette case out of his way.
“What do you want?” Nelson said. “I give you what you want.”
KHAKI had a hand on my shoulder and the other one on Benny’s shoulder. He leaned over the table, his head shining under the lights. “How you folks? You all having fun?”
“Everything all right, Khaki,” Benny said. “Everything A-okay. These people here was just fixing to leave. Me and Nelson going to sit and listen to the music.”
“That’s good,” Khaki said. “Folks be happy is my motto.”
He looked around the booth. He looked at Nelson’s wallet on the table and at the open cigarette case next to the wallet. He saw the ear.
“That a real ear?” Khaki said.
Benny said, “It is. Show him that ear, Nelson. Nelson just stepped off the plane from Nam with this ear. This ear has traveled halfway around the world to be on this table tonight. Nelson, show him,” Benny said.
Nelson picked up the case and handed it to Khaki.
Khaki examined the ear. He took up the chain and dangled the ear in front of his face. He looked at it. He let it swing back and forth on the chain. “I heard about these dried-up ears and dicks and such.”
“I took it off one of them gooks,” Nelson said. “He couldn’t hear nothing with it no more. I wanted me a keepsake.”
Khaki turned the ear on its chain.
Donna and I began getting out of the booth.
“Girl, don’t go,” Nelson said.
“Nelson,” Benny said.
Khaki was watching Nelson now. I stood beside the booth with Donna’s coat. My legs were crazy.
Nelson raised his voice. He said, “You go with this mother here, you let him put his face in your sweets, you both going to have to deal with me.”
We started to move away from the booth. People were looking.
“Nelson just got off the plane from Nam this morning,” I heard Benny say. “We been drinking all day. This been the longest day on record. But me and him, we going to be fine, Khaki.”
Nelson yelled something over the music. He yelled, “It ain’t going to do no good! Whatever you do, it ain’t going to help none!” I heard him say that, and then I couldn’t hear anymore. The music stopped, and then it started again. We didn’t look back. We kept going. We got out to the sidewalk.
I OPENED the door for her. I started us back to the hospital. Donna stayed over on her side. She’d used the lighter on a cigarette, but she wouldn’t talk.
I tried to say something. I said, “Look, Donna, don’t get on a downer because of this. I’m sorry it happened,” I said.
“I could of used the money,” Donna said. “That’s what I was thinking.”
I kept driving and didn’t look at her.
“It’s true,” she said. “I could of used the money.” She shook her head. “I don’t know,” she said. She put her chin down and cried.
“Don’t cry,” I said.
“I’m not going in to work tomorrow, today, whenever it is the alarm goes off,” she said. “I’m not going in. I’m leaving town. I take what happened back there as a sign.” She pushed in the lighter and waited for it to pop out.
I pulled in beside my car and killed the engine. I looked in the rearview, half thinking I’d see that old Chrysler drive into the lot behind me with Nelson in the seat. I kept my hands on the wheel for a minute, and then dropped them to my lap. I didn’t want to touch Donna. The hug we’d given each other in my kitchen that night, the kissing we’d done at the Off-Broadway, that was all over.
I said, “What are you going to do?” But I didn’t care. Right then she could have died of a heart attack and it wouldn’t have meant anything.
“Maybe I could go up to Portland,” she said. “There must be something in Portland. Portland’s on everybody’s mind these days. Portland’s a drawing card. Portland this, Portland that. Portland’s as good a place as any. It’s all the same.”
“Donna,” I said, “I’d better go.”
I started to let myself out. I cracked the door, and the overhead light came on.
“For Christ’s sake, turn off that light!”
I got out in a hurry. “ ’Night, Donna,” I said.
I left her staring at the dashboard. I started up my car and turned on the lights. I slipped it in gear and fed it the gas.
I POURED Scotch, drank some of it, and took the glass into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth. Then I pulled open a drawer. Patti yelled something from the bedroom. She opened the bathroom door. She was still dressed. She’d been sleeping with her clothes on, I guess.
“What time is it?” she screamed. “I’ve overslept! Jesus, oh my God! You’ve let me oversleep, goddamn you!”
She was wild. She stood in the doorway with her clothes on. She could have been fixing to go to work. But there was no sample case, no vitamins. She was having a bad dream, is all. She began shaking her head from side to side.
I couldn’t take any more tonight. “Go back to sleep, honey. I’m looking for something,” I said. I knocked some stuff out of the medicine chest. Things rolled into the sink. “Where’s the aspirin?” I said. I knocked down some more things. I didn’t care. Things kept falling.
CAREFUL
AFTER a lot of talking—what his wife, Inez, called assessment—Lloyd moved out of the house and into his own place. He had two rooms and a bath on the top floor of a three-story house. Inside the rooms, the roof slanted down sharply. If he walked around, he had to duck his head. He had to stoop to look from his windows and be careful getting in and out of bed. There were two keys. One key let him into the house itself. Then he climbed some stairs that passed through the house to a landing. He went up another flight of stairs to the door of his room and used the other key on that lock.
Once, when he was coming back to his place in the afternoon, carrying a sack with three bottles of André champagne and some lunch meat, he stopped on the landing and looked into his landlady’s living room. He saw the old woman lying on her back on the carpet. She seemed to be asleep. Then it occurred to him she might be dead. But the TV was going, so he chose to think she was asleep. He didn’t know what to make of it. He moved the sack from one arm to the other. It was then that the woman gave a little cough, brought her hand to her side, and went back to being quiet and still again. Lloyd continued on up the stairs and unlocked his door. Later that day, toward evening, as he looked from his kitchen window, he saw the old woman down in the yard, wearing a straw hat and holding her hand against her side. She was using a little watering can on some pansies.
In his kitchen, he had a combination refrigerator and stove. The refrigerator and stove was a tiny affair wedged into a space between the sink and the wall. He had to bend over, almost get down on his knees, to get anything out of the refrigerator. But it was all right because he didn’t keep much in there, anyway—except fruit juice, lunch meat, and champagne. The stove had two burners. Now and then he heated water in a saucepan and made instant coffee. But some days he didn’t drink any coffee. He forgot, or else he just didn’t feel like coffee. One morning he woke up and promptly fell to eating crumb doughnuts and drinking champagne. There’d been a time, some years back, when he would have laughed at having a breakfast like this. Now, there didn’t seem to be anything very unusual about it. In fact, he hadn’t thought anything about it until he was in bed and trying to recall the things he’d done that day, starting with when he’d gotten up that morning. At first, he couldn’t remember anything noteworthy. Then he remembered eating those doughnuts and drinking champagne. Time was when he would have considered this a mildly crazy thing to do, something to tell friends about. Then, the more he thought about it, the more he could see it didn’t matter much one way or the other. He’d had doughnuts and champagne for breakfast. So what?
In his furnished rooms, he also had a dinette set, a little sofa, an old easy chair, and a TV set that stood on a coffee table. He wasn’t paying the electricity here, it wasn’t even his TV, so sometimes he left the set on all day and all night. But he kept the volume down unless he saw there was something he wanted to watch. He did not have a telephone, which was fine with him. He didn’t want a telephone. There was a bedroom with a double bed, a nightstand, a chest of drawers, a bathroom.
The one time Inez came to visit, it was eleven o’clock in the morning. He’d been in his new place for two weeks, and he’d been wondering if she were going to drop by. But he was trying to do something about his drinking, too, so he was glad to be alone. He’d made that much clear—being alone was the thing he needed most. The day she came, he was on the sofa, in his pajamas, hitting his fist against the right side of his head. Just before he could hit himself again, he heard voices downstairs on the landing. He could make out his wife’s voice. The sound was like the murmur of voices from a faraway crowd, but he knew it was Inez and somehow knew the visit was an important one. He gave his head another jolt with his fist, then got to his feet.
He’d awakened that morning and found that his ear had stopped up with wax. He couldn’t hear anything clearly, and he seemed to have lost his sense of balance, his equilibrium, in the process. For the last hour, he’d been on the sofa, working frustratedly on his ear, now and again slamming his head with his fist. Once in a while he’d massage the gristly underpart of his ear, or else tug at his lobe. Then he’d dig furiously in his ear with his little finger and open his mouth, simulating yawns. But he’d tried everything he could think of, and he was nearing the end of his rope. He could hear the voices below break off their murmuring. He pounded his head a good one and finished the glass of champagne. He turned off the TV and carried the glass to the sink. He picked up the open bottle of champagne from the drainboard and took it into the bathroom, where he put it behind the stool. Then he went to answer the door.
“Hi, Lloyd,” Inez said. She didn’t smile. She stood in the doorway in a bright spring outfit. He hadn’t seen these clothes before. She was holding a canvas handbag that had sunflowers stitched onto its sides. He hadn’t seen the handbag before, either.
“I didn’t think you heard me,” she said. “I thought you might be gone or something. But the woman downstairs—what’s her name? Mrs. Matthews—she thought you were up here.”
“I heard you,” Lloyd said. “But just barely.” He hitched his pajamas and ran a hand through his hair. “Actually, I’m in one hell of a shape. Come on in.”
“It’s eleven o’clock,” she said. She came inside and shut the door behind her. She acted as if she hadn’t heard him. Maybe she hadn’t.
“I know what time it is,” he said. “I’ve been up for a long time. I’ve been up since eight. I watched part of the Today show. But just now I’m about to go crazy with something. My ear’s plugged up. You remember that other time it happened? We were living in that place near the Chinese takeout joint. Where the kids found that bulldog dragging its chain? I had to go to the doctor then and have my ears flushed out. I know you remember. You drove me and we had to wait a long time. Well, it’s like that now. I mean it’s that bad. Only I can’t go to a doctor this morning. I don’t have a doctor for one thing. I’m about to go nuts, Inez. I feel like I want to cut my head off or something.”
He sat down at one end of the sofa, and she sat down at the other end. But it was a small sofa, and they were still sitting close to each other. They were so close he could have put out his hand and touched her knee. But he didn’t. She glanced around the room and then fixed her eyes on him again. He knew he hadn’t shaved and that his hair stood up. But she was his wife,
and she knew everything there was to know about him.
“What have you tried?” she said. She looked in her purse and brought up a cigarette. “I mean, what have you done for it so far?”
“What’d you say?” He turned the left side of his head to her. “Inez, I swear, I’m not exaggerating. This thing is driving me crazy. When I talk, I feel like I’m talking inside a barrel. My head rumbles. And I can’t hear good, either. When you talk, it sounds like you’re talking through a lead pipe.”
“Do you have any Q-tips, or else Wesson oil?” Inez said.
“Honey, this is serious,” he said. “I don’t have any Q-tips or Wesson oil. Are you kidding?”
“If we had some Wesson oil, I could heat it and put some of that in your ear. My mother used to do that,” she said. “It might soften things up in there.”
He shook his head. His head felt full and like it was awash with fluid. It felt like it had when he used to swim near the bottom of the municipal pool and come up with his ears filled with water. But back then it’d been easy to clear the water out. All he had to do was fill his lungs with air, close his mouth, and clamp down on his nose. Then he’d blow out his cheeks and force air into his head. His ears would pop, and for a few seconds he’d have the pleasant sensation of water running out of his head and dripping onto his shoulders. Then he’d heave himself out of the pool.
Inez finished her cigarette and put it out. “Lloyd, we have things to talk about. But I guess we’ll have to take things one at a time. Go sit in the chair. Not that chair, the chair in the kitchen! So we can have some light on the situation.”
He whacked his head once more. Then he went over to sit on a dinette chair. She moved over and stood behind him. She touched his hair with her fingers. Then she moved the hair away from his ears. He reached for her hand, but she drew it away.
“Which ear did you say it was?” she said.
“The right ear,” he said. “The right one.”
“First,” she said, “you have to sit here and not move. I’ll find a hairpin and some tissue paper. I’ll try to get in there with that. Maybe it’ll do the trick.”