The conversation left a residue that stayed with Charlotte for the rest of the morning. She cringed with self-loathing whenever she thought of Mr. Kerrigan going out of his way to tell Sheena and Eddie about how annoying Charlotte was, how he didn’t want her hanging around anymore, how she wasted his time.
The worst part wasn’t the knowledge of him not liking her. She could understand why someone would feel that way. The worst part was that he had led her on, and made her believe he truly liked her company. She’d thought he was different, but he was a liar, just like everyone else.
Even though Mr. Kerrigan’s motive for lying was grounded in good intentions, she felt betrayed. It stung even more knowing that he had pretended to like her not to hurt her feelings.
The school day passed in a blur. When art class rolled around, she decided it was best to act normal. She didn’t want him to know how much she hurt inside. It would make him feel bad about himself, and Charlotte hated that thought.
Bravely, she smiled and waved at him when she entered the classroom, then sat in her usual spot and got down to work. Mr. Kerrigan came over a few minutes later.
“Charlotte, I was…”
“Aunt Sheena already talked to me,” she jumped in. She tried to sound friendly. “I think you’re right. It’s better for me to spend my lunch breaks somewhere else.”
She thought Mr. Kerrigan looked a little relieved. “Actually, I was going to ask about assignment #2. But… yes. We should also talk about your lunch break visits at some point. Maybe after class?”
She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, so she focused on her work. Her hands were unsteady, and the brush left a twitchy line of paint across the page. “I’m sorry, I can’t stay after class, “ she lied. “I’m meeting someone for lunch.”
“We can talk another time, then.” She sensed an undercurrent of doubt in his voice. He must have forgotten whatever he was going to say about assignment #2, because he left a moment later, moving to the front of the room to start the class.
As Mr. K gave a lecture on implied lines, Charlotte tuned out, trying to summon calming breaths to quiet the screaming embarrassment in her head. At least he hadn’t pushed her too hard. She didn’t know how long she could keep pretending she was okay.