“Very lucky,” Lynn said weakly.
Some time later, Dodie stuck her head in again.
“I hear you’ve got the flu bug. I won’t come in because I don’t want to catch it, not when I have a date with Ronnie for Midnight Mass Christmas night. But about Dirk—did you talk to him? Is everything all right?”
“All right?” Lynn said. “No, it’s not all right. He’s hurt and furious and will probably hate me as long as he lives. Dirk—Paul—everything is such a horrid, confused mess! I wonder if I’ll ever feel really happy again.”
“Oh, don’t be silly!” Dodie said with a touch of her old impatience.
Lynn sighed and turned her face to the wall. Sleep came sweeping over her like a dead weight that had been lifted for a moment and was now settling again. She did not even hear the door close as Dodie went out.
11
Christmas got lost that year. There was a tree, of course, just as there always was, and there were gifts, but Lynn did not feel up to enjoying them. Dr. Chambers proclaimed her well enough to move down to the sofa in the living room for Christmas morning, and she tried to enter wholeheartedly into the festivities, as she had on all previous Christmases, but the effort was more exhausting than stimulating. By the time the last present was unwrapped, she was more than ready to return to bed and to stay there the rest of the morning.
In the afternoon, Nancy stopped over with her gift, a bright plaid scarf. They talked a few minutes, but then Nancy said she had to leave. “There’s so much to crowd into so little time,” she explained. “The first thing tomorrow morning, there’s a rehearsal for the charity fashion show. It’s only a week off, and we want it to be perfect. Otherwise, we couldn’t charge people two dollars apiece, just for watching it.”
Nancy looked pretty, her red hair shining and soft around her face, her blue eyes glowing. She was wearing the lavender sweater set that Ernie had given her. He had saved for months to buy it and had gone to pick it out by himself. Lynn was amazed that it was such a pretty shade and good fit. She had never realized her brother had such good taste.
“Do you have to go so soon?” Lynn asked, with disappointment in her voice. “At least stay a few minutes longer and tell me about the fashion show. All I know about it is what Dodie gleaned from Janie over the telephone.”
“It ’s going to be fun,” Nancy said, settling herself again in her chair. “The debutantes are going to do the modeling, and the clothes are out of this world! They’re the early spring, resort-wear fashions, expensive as the dickens and just dreamy. And then, as a finale, we’re all going to model the evening gowns we’re going to wear to make our debuts.”
“I imagine you’ll have a good audience for that kind of a show,” Lynn said, trying to keep the longing from her voice. Her height and graceful carriage had always made her sought after as a model in local fashion shows, and it hurt to be left out of this one.
“I imagine we will,” Nancy agreed. “Especially since the proceeds will go to the Rivertown Memorial Hospital. By the way, has your father made any comment about that?”
“No,” Lynn said in surprise. “Not that I know of. Why?”
“Well,” Nancy told her, “it was Mrs. Peterson’s idea that the money go to the hospital, instead of to some charity. Everybody knows that your father has been against having debutantes, and I should think it would put him in a rather difficult position. He’s Chief of Staff at the hospital, isn’t he?”
“Yes,” Lynn said, “he is. I hadn’t really thought about it, but it will be a little awkward for him to accept the donation and—” Suddenly her eyes blazed with anger. “Why, Mrs. Peterson planned it that way, didn’t she? Deliberately planned it, just to embarrass Daddy! What a spiteful, horrid thing to do!”
“Oh, it’s not that bad,” Nancy said soothingly. “The hospital needs the money. They’ll be glad to get it, whatever the source.”
“But it’s such a petty thing to do!” Lynn exclaimed. “Not that the money won’t be welcome, but I’m sure that’s not why Mrs. Peterson has decided to donate it. It’s her way of getting back at Daddy.”
“I’ve got to go.” Nancy jumped to her feet. “I shouldn’t have come, Lynn. I didn’t mean to get you so upset.”
“I’m sorry, Nan, I shouldn’t have got so mad. I don’t have to take it out on you.” Lynn gave her friend an apologetic smile. “I’m glad you did come; I haven’t seen anybody outside of the family for days. And thanks so much for the scarf—I love it.”
“And thank you for the record,” Nancy said, glancing down fondly at the package Lynn had given her. “Merry Christmas! And get well soon!”
“Merry Christmas!” Lynn echoed, trying to get some of the gaiety of the season into her voice. If it did not come off quite right, at least it sounded better than it had before. “Merry Christmas, and have fun this week.”
With Nancy gone, the house seemed suddenly very empty and quiet. Lynn picked up a book and laid it down again. She found she felt too nervous and edgy to read. After a few minutes, she got up and wandered down the hall, looking for someone to talk to.
She paused at Dodie’s door. “Hi! Are you going out?”
“Yes.” Dodie was in the process of pulling a half slip over her head. Now she jerked it back up, so she could look at her sister. “What’s the matter? You sound burned up about something.”
“Not burned up,” Lynn said shortly. “Just irritated. Nancy’s been telling me about the fashion show, and I know it’s a grand thing that the hospital is getting the money, and yet Mrs. Peterson is only doing it to be nasty, and—”
“And at the same time,” Dodie said flatly, “you’d like to be taking part in the show yourself.”
“No! That’s not it at all!” Lynn felt her face growing hot. “It’s just—well—” She stopped, ashamed of herself. “Yes,” she said in a lower voice, “I guess you’re right. I do wish I were in it. Oh, Dodie, I feel so—so—left out of things!” She changed the subject abruptly. “Where are you going?”
“Skating.” Dodie gave her a long look. “Listen, Lynn, I don’t mean to stick my nose into your business, but there’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you for quite a while, and I guess maybe now is the time to say it.”
“Yes?” Lynn looked at her with surprise. “What is it?”
“Well, there’s skating, you know. Every day that the ice is good, there’s a skating crowd in the park. It’s not just for debutantes, it’s for everybody. And there are school parties and dances for everybody, too. And the school clubs, except for a few that have somehow been taken over by the Hill crowd, are for everybody. There’s no reason for dropping out of everything, just because you’re not a debutante.”
Lynn’s eyes flashed. “That’s a different song from the one you were singing a few months ago, when the debutante invitations first came out. Seems to me you were saying then that a girl who wasn’t a debutante would be out of everything.”
“I know,” Dodie admitted. “I did feel like that then. But that was before I met Ronnie, before I got to know there were people who weren’t from the Hill and were still worth knowing. Why, there’s a whole world going on that’s not connected with the Hill.”
It seemed so funny to be lectured on snobbery by Dodie that Lynn was more amused than angry.
“O.K.,” she said. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I got off on the wrong track.”
After Dodie left, Lynn went back to her room and picked up her book again. She spent the rest of the afternoon reading—and thinking.
The last week of Christmas vacation passed slowly. When the evening of the debutante fashion show arrived, Lynn deposited herself in front of the television set.
Ernie paused, on his way through the living room. “Why don’t you ride over with me?” he said. “It’s the sort of thing I’d think you’d get a kick out of.”
“You mean you’re going?” Lynn stared at him in amazement ‘To a fashion show? I don’t believe it!”
Ernie flushed. “Well, not for the show itself, of course. A lot I care about new spring dresses! But Nancy’s modeling, and she’d be pretty disappointed if I didn’t turn up in the audience. Why don’t you come with me?”
Lynn was tempted. She hesitated, and then suddenly she thought about the way it would be afterward. Ernie would be taking Nancy somewhere, probably to a drive-in for a hamburger and coffee, and there would be others going. Perhaps even Paul. Paul with Brenda. And she, Lynn, would be the extra one.
She shook her head. “No, Ernie. Thanks anyway. There’s good television tonight. I’d rather stay home.”
Ernie shrugged his shoulders. “Suit yourself. I think you’re being pretty silly.”
He said the same thing at breakfast the next morning. “You missed a good show last night. You were silly not to go. You’d have had a good time.”
“Were there a lot of people?” Lynn asked, curious in spite of herself.
“Mobs. They had it in the auditorium, and the place was jammed—never saw such a crowd. And at two dollars apiece, too. The debs must really have cleaned up.”
“That means there’ll be a good donation for the hospital.” Lynn glanced sideways at her father, to see his reaction to this statement.
He merely nodded. Then he caught her looking at him, and his eyes began to twinkle.
“Look, kids,” he said gruffly, “I know what’s going on in this town. I’m perfectly aware of why Mrs. Peterson is being so darned generous to the hospital, and if you think I’m going to make any fuss about accepting that check, you’re crazy. The hospital needs the money, and we’re not turning down any legitimate donation that comes along. But if you think Mrs. Peterson is buying me off, you’re equally crazy. I don’t approve of debutantes—I never have, and I never will—and I’m sticking by that statement, no matter how many fashion shows she throws.”
Mrs. Chambers said, “Your father is stubborn as an ox, children.” But she was smiling, and Lynn could see that she was proud.
Suddenly, Lynn felt proud, too. She paused to give her father a quick kiss as she left the table.
“Good for you. Daddy!” she whispered.
Mrs. Chambers followed her into the hall. “Lynn, are you sure you feel well enough to start school today?” she asked anxiously. “You did have such a nasty bout of flu, and you seemed to feel so miserable over the holidays. If you want to stay home a few more days—”
“No, Mother,” Lynn said, “I don’t. I really feel fine.”
“You’re sure—” her mother said doubtfully.
“Yes, of course, I’m sure.” Lynn pulled on her heavy coat and quickly tied a scarf over her head. “Come on, Dodie—we don’t want to be late the very first day after the holidays!”
Ernie appeared in the doorway. “Well, I’ll say good-by to you gals now, then. I’ll probably be gone by the time you get home this afternoon.”
“Oh,” Lynn exclaimed, “are you going back today? I didn’t think you had to leave until tomorrow!”
“With the roads the way they are, we thought we’d allow ourselves some extra time.” Ernie gave her shoulder a pat. “Take care of yourself, Sis.”
“You too, Ernie. Drive carefully.”
“I will,” Ernie promised. “And Paul’s a careful driver, you know that.”
“I know,” Lynn said.
She thought, after driving around in Paul’s car for over a year, I should know. I know how he drives, and how he looks when he drives—leaning forward a little over the wheel, concentrating on the road—and the way he doesn’t like to talk much when he’s driving, but he does like to play the radio very low—
The memories came flooding back, faster than she could shove them from her.
And now he’s going, she thought—today—driving back to college! All along there’s been a chance he might come by, a chance he might call—but not any more. After today, he’ll be gone.
“Come on, Dodie,” she called hoarsely, turning toward the door. “Let’s get going, or we’ll be late!”
Once outside, they walked in silence. The day was crisp and chilly, and their breath was steam in the cold air. They were halfway to school before Dodie spoke, and when she did, it was not in reference to Paul.
“Are you going to return Dirk’s necklace today?”
Lynn nodded. “I have it in my coat pocket.”
Until now, she had been dreading the ordeal of returning the necklace, but now she let herself think about it, glad to have something other than Paul to focus her mind upon.
“I thought I’d just hand it to him in the hall,” she said, “or maybe at lunch time. I know if I try to talk to him, it will just be unpleasant.”
Dodie nodded in agreement, and they walked on in companionable silence, which was broken only when they ran into Nancy and Joan at the curve in the road and joined forces with them the rest of the way.
They were not late for classes, but they were not early either, and there was little time for hanging around the halls and chatting with friends. The school was buzzing with after-Christmas chatter—“Wasn’t the deb party at the Yacht Club the coolest thing you’ve ever been to?”—“Honestly, I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life. Here I had this dollar necktie for him, and then he came in with a handbag that must have cost fifteen dollars, at the very least!”—“Were you at the debutante fashion show? Did you ever see anything lovelier than that last gown Holly Taylor modeled?”
Lynn drifted through the halls in the direction of home room, hearing the talk around her but not really listening to it. She looked for Dirk as she walked, but she did not see him. She hesitated by his locker, thinking he might come there for his books, but when the warning bell rang, he still had not arrived.
Maybe he’s gone on to his home room and is going to pick up his books before the first class, she thought.
She turned and continued down the hall to her own home room, arriving just as the final bell rang. Hastily, she slipped into her seat.
When the bell rang at the end of the period, Lynn left the room quickly and, after pausing briefly at her own locker, headed for Dirk’s. This time, she was sure she saw him and that he saw her, but he was at the far end of the hall, and by the time she reached the place, he had lost himself in the crowd. Walking back the full length of the hall again, she was late entering English class.
Mrs. Mayor, the English teacher, gave her an odd look. “This is your first time late, Lynn, or I would have you go down to the attendance office for a tardy slip,” she commented.
“I’m sorry,” Lynn said, feeling her face grow red beneath the curious eyes which turned upon her.
“All right,” Mrs. Mayor said kindly. “But let’s not let it happen again.”
Lynn usually enjoyed Mrs. Mayor’s English class, but today she could not concentrate on anything that was being said.
He’s avoiding me, she thought, deliberately avoiding me. Of all the silly ways to act! Maybe he’s mad at me, but that doesn’t mean he has to go out of his way to be horrid. I’m going to feel like a perfect fool, looking all over the school for him when he doesn’t want to be found. And it’s not as though I want to talk to him—I just want to hand him the necklace.
When the bell rang at the end of the class, she got quickly to her feet and started toward the door, but this time she was delayed by Holly Taylor, who caught her arm as she went by.
“Hi, Lynn, where are you going in such a hurry? Stop and say hello!”
Lynn paused, unable to avoid answering the friendly greeting. Holly was one of the little knot of girls standing by the doorway. Nancy was with her, and so was Brenda Peterson.
“Hello,” Lynn said politely. “What’s new with the debutantes?”
“We missed you last night at the fashion show,” Nancy told her. “Ernie said he tried to get you to go and couldn’t talk you into it. I wish you had come; it was lots of fun.”
“And we made a fortune,” Brenda added. “Over five hundred dollars! I’m takin
g it over to the hospital this afternoon. I meant to drop it off on the way to school, but I got delayed and didn’t have time to make it.”
“Five hundred dollars is a lot of money to tote around high school all day,” Lynn remarked. It gave her a feeling of satisfaction to place Brenda in the wrong. “Something might happen to it.”
“Oh, I’m not that silly,” Brenda said. “Mother let me drive the car to school this morning, and I locked my wallet inside. In fact,” she gave a helpless little smile that irritated Lynn immeasurably, “I guess I locked my own money up at the same time. I’m going to have to make a trip out to the parking lot, if I want lunch today.”
Nancy said, “You’re headed for Spanish, aren’t you, Lynn? I’ll walk you over.”
As they went down the hall, Lynn caught a glimpse of Dirk again, standing near his locker, but she could not break away from her friend and go rushing after him. She had still not had a chance to hand him the necklace when the next bell rang.
This is getting ridiculous, Lynn thought, as she seated herself in Spanish class and waited for the day’s assignment to be given. Then she caught sight of Anne. She was sitting quietly in her usual seat in the comer, hemmed in by her friends, Clara and Rachel.
Anne, Lynn thought. Why didn’t I think of her before? She’ll be able to find Dirk for me; surely she knows his schedule, and he won’t be avoiding her.
She hesitated and then, for the first time in her life, opened her notebook and tore out a clean piece of paper and wrote a few quick lines. She folded the paper quickly and, when no one was looking, tossed it neatly across the row of desks between hers and Anne’s.
The note fell with a little plop on to Anne’s Spanish book.
Anne glanced up in surprise. Her eyes skipped over the room until they met Lynn’s. She raised her eyebrows questioningly. Lynn nodded. Quickly, under cover of her notebook, Anne opened the note, scanned it hurriedly and glanced up again. Again her eyes met Lynn’s, and this time she shook her head.