I’d have to find another way of saying good-bye. Going to any sort of funeral would probably produce more harm than good. How much damage could I cause in my lifetime? Granted, my lifetime would end up being at least double what others had, so I had twice the capacity for bad, but still. I was at the end of any plans I could make today. So I sat there and waited for something to guide me out of this place.
“Hello?” someone asked. I put myself on guard immediately. This voice was masculine; it wasn’t a sister. It didn’t sound frightening. On the contrary, it sounded sweet. But I knew if someone meant to hurt me tonight, they were in for a hell of a fight.
I didn’t want to hurt another person, not after what I’d just done. But I was admittedly vulnerable right now. I looked around for the source of this voice, and, at once, all of my emotions melted into calm.
I knew this face.
This was the face I had put to memory to keep me company: the boy throwing rocks. His face was nervous. He saw my tears and was worried about scaring me.
Of all days to cross my path… again.
The last time I saw him, he looked so formal. Here he was in torn jeans and a close fitting T-shirt. Not nearly as tidy as last time, but even more handsome than I had remembered. There was no sadness in his face now, only gentle concern.
I should have moved. I would have, except that I was far too happy to see him. It was the wrong emotion to have at a time like this, but I was relieved.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
I shook my head no. I had never been less alright than today.
“Are you lost?”
If only he knew what he was asking me. And, though it wasn’t how he meant it, I nodded.
“What’s your name?”
I shook my head.
“Did you forget it?”
I shook my head.
“Can’t you speak? I mean… you must hear me. Is your voice broken?”
Yes! I nodded. It was so broken.
“Alright, then. So, you can’t talk right now, but you do know your name… does it start with an A? B?”
He went down the alphabet until he got to K. This would be a long game. If only I had some paper. Or if he could sign. I tried spelling my name with my hands, but he didn’t understand.
“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out later. How about, for now, could I just call you Kay?”
I nodded.
“Were you here with other people?”
No.
“Are you hurt?”
No.
“Do you feel sick at all?”
No.
He paused for a moment, out of questions.
“Well, I guess the only thing to do is call someone. See if we can find out who you belong with. Do you want to come with me? Maybe I can help you.”
Despite all the sadness I had felt today, this made me happy. I nodded.
“Okay then. Here, let me help you.”
He walked over to me and wrapped his arm around my waist. He put my arm over his shoulder and helped raise me to my feet. I must have looked weak. I did feel kind of lightheaded.
“You lost your shoes,” he noted. “They must have been something special to go with a dress like that.”
Yes… this dress. What in the world must I look like to him? Wait, wasn’t that the same thought I had the last time I saw him?
“You smell kind of like the ocean. Were you at a party on a boat, maybe? Did you fall off? That’d be something! Oh, but you were in the woods… sitting on a log… in an evening gown. No, that doesn’t exactly work. You, madam, are a mystery.” He laughed at his own conclusion.
We hobbled along in silence. I was too aware of his hands on my skin and how warm he felt beside me. He looked down at me like he was trying to figure me out. After a moment, his face switched from being curious to an expression that I didn’t know. He stopped walking, and with his arm around me I had to stop, too. He stared. I wasn’t used to being looked at that way, not up close. I blushed and ducked my head.
He cleared his throat. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s getting late. Better hurry.” But, when he wasn’t dodging branches, I could feel his eyes fall back onto me.
CHAPTER 6
Once we made it out of the brush he took me up in his arms. I could walk just fine, but I had tripped a lot with his arm around my waist. I couldn’t complain about the new mode of transportation though. I happily rested in the stranger’s arms. I’d never in my life, both past and present, been this close to a boy. My heart danced in my chest. He was watching where he was going but looked down to my face every once in a while when he made some ridiculous comment.
“It’s nice out tonight. You couldn’t pick a better evening to go and get yourself lost. I mean, look at that moon. Perfect night for going missing, don’t you think?”
I couldn’t help but smile. Who said things like that? Really?
I appreciated that— how he tried to keep me calm.
I studied his face while he carried me, shocked because I remembered exactly how he looked four months ago, and he didn’t look quite the same now. His hair was longer, but only marginally. Like he had cut it a few months ago, and it had already grown back out and then some. And his face was darker, tanner. He must have been spending a lot of time in the sun. In his pressed pants and button-up shirt, he didn’t seem like much of an outdoorsy kind of guy, but now it was obvious that he did work outside. His hands, which I had felt on my arm as we walked earlier, were coarse. The calloused parts of his skin pulled on the delicate blue fabric of my dress, snagging it.
I was confused. The two images I had of him contradicted one another. Who was he? The same person, certainly. I knew because of his eyes. They were the exact same calm blue as before. The one part of him that was absolutely, perfectly similar to my memory. Except they seemed brighter now, hopeful. How many hours had I spent thinking of those eyes? He caught me looking into them more than once.
My thoughts bounced in my head. I felt overwhelmed. I was still angry and sad over losing Jillian. I had no idea how to make the amends I felt I must. Jillian’s last thoughts of me would be full of horror— a friend standing on water, yelling words she couldn’t hear, and then leaving her to die. How could I ever make this right? And my sisters. I was mean to them. I had just been thinking that I should spend more time with them, but I swatted them off me and ran away. Would they understand? Would they forgive me?
I had upset the Ocean. I had hurt Her like She hurt me. I had even disobeyed Her. I wondered in a circle of thought. If She’d thought that there would have been anyone to see what I’d done, maybe She would have killed me there. But there were no survivors. If I had just seen Jillian and gone under and asked Her to let Jillian live without making a scene, would She have spared my friend? Let there be just one survivor in the end? I didn’t think so, but still, maybe my actions made it worse.
And this boy. This was bad. I was leaving the silent sanctuary of the deaf schools. Even though I hadn’t made the tiniest of sounds there in all these years, those schools were what let me safely interact with humans. There was no guard here. And— even peculiar to me— there was the fact that I had seen him twice now.
I made a point of avoiding the handful of people who took notice of me over the years if I could. Mostly for fear of exactly what had happened with Jillian today: that I would see their faces again in the one place I never hoped to. But it seemed that he didn’t remember me from that day. And though it made me blush to think it, I was glad if that was the case. I looked horrible at the time. Here my skin was still glowing a little, my hair was damp and a little curly, and I was beautiful in this dress. I wanted him to think I was pretty. I was surprised by my own vanity.
I was full of conflicting emotions. Sorrow and joy, love and hate, confusion and clarity all fought in my heart at the same time. But I di
dn’t have to think about it for too long.
“And here we are, madam,” he said, striding across the front lawn of a beach house. It hadn’t been a very long walk at all. The house was two stories tall. Not a huge house, but by no means cramped. It was white but faded and had light blue shutters. There was a short driveway with a car in it and a small walkway that lead from the driveway to the porch. I could see lights on inside. The house looked lived in. There was a pair of shoes outside the door and a blanket draped over a chair. A small edge of a garden lined the porch— enough greenery to make it attractive, but small enough to not be too much work. The house was old fashioned, but it still seemed new. It had personality. I felt warm almost immediately.
Looking around, I saw that the backyard must end in rocks by the coast; the Ocean spread out as the backdrop for the little house. I’ll bet he would think that was a beautiful view. Before today, I might have as well. Looking to the left, I saw a patch of grass that ended in a dense wooded area. The road curved back, and there were other houses much farther down in that direction, away from the Ocean. To the right there were a few more houses to be seen before the road turned again. I saw hushed lights in the distance; there must be a town there.
“Julie, put on some coffee. We’ve got company,” he yelled as we walked through the front door. The stranger had kicked off his shoes before carrying me over the threshold and into the house. I was warmed by the familiar rule.
“Who’s here?” a girl’s eager voice called out. We had entered through the kitchen door. In all the houses I’d stayed in, I’d never seen one where the front door opened into the kitchen. Julie wasn’t in this room. She walked around the corner and stopped, stunned. Her eyes locked on my appearance in shock. I should have changed clothes. I wasn’t exactly planning on being rescued.
“Actually, I don’t know her name,” he said. “I found her like this, alone in the woods. She can’t speak, and she can’t remember much of anything. I think she might be in shock or something.”
“Get her in some blankets,” Julie said quickly. “BEN! Get down here!”
I heard someone grumble upstairs. Ben was slow to move, so Julie went to get him while my handsome rescuer sat me gently in a chair. He went over to a drawer and grabbed some paper and a pen.
“I know you can’t speak, but do you think you could write?” he asked.
I nodded my head.
He smiled encouragingly and set the paper on my lap. He sat there, waiting for me to write down something I needed. There was only one need on my mind, a thought that had troubled me for months.
What’s your name? I wrote.
“Oh! Oh, gosh, I’m sorry. I got so caught up there. I’m Akinli,” he said extending his hand to shake mine. I took it, gave a small shake, and took in the feel of his hand. It was warm, rough from working.
Akinli. I liked it. I’d never heard that one anywhere in all the places I’d traveled. It seemed appropriate that this person, who was set apart from the world in my mind, had a name that was his alone.
“And you are?” he asked.
Kahlen.
“Cah-lynn?”
It sounds like Kay- len.
“Oh. Kahlen. That’s a nice name. Hey, I at least got the Kay part, huh? Not bad.” He smiled. “It’s nice to meet you. You gotta last name, Kahlen?”
I shook my head. We only ever went by our first names as sisters. I didn’t even remember what my old one used to be.
“What happened to you?”
I couldn’t imagine a good story fast enough, so I just shrugged.
“Are you sure your family or someone isn’t looking for you?”
The Ocean might be looking for me. But that wasn’t something I could share.
I don’t remember anyone else. I just ended up in the woods.
“Wow,” he said. “Well it looks like you aren’t beat up at least. That’s good.”
I figured I should be more concerned about myself than I was. I had to ask him something that mattered so I wouldn’t seem crazy. I found a legitimate thought.
Where am I?
“Oh, umm… well, my house… is that what you mean?”
I shook my head.
“Maine. You’re in Port Clyde, Maine. Does that help?”
I had never heard of it before, but at least it was a starting point. I nodded.
Just then Julie returned with Lazy Ben by her side. He looked me over as Julie had and came to the same shocked expression.
“Dude, what the hell?” he said to Akinli.
“She’s lost. I’m trying to help her. What was I supposed to do? Leave her in the woods?”
I didn’t blame this Ben guy. He was on the right track. I didn’t look as evil as I was, but it was wise to be cautious with me. Ben looked a lot like Akinli. Not nearly as handsome in my eyes, but familiar.
“We should call the police,” Julie said. “If she’s missing, surely someone will be looking for her, and they would know.” I have observed that some women have mothering instincts even in their youth. I’ve seen little girls guard kittens with the fierceness of tigers, aware from the start of their lives that they were meant to protect whatever was placed in their care. Julie knew how to take care of others. She would be an amazing mother.
The police did come but couldn’t do much after all I had to offer them was a first name. An ambulance came, gave me a once over, and said, except for a funny sound in my lungs, I was perfectly healthy. I knew that already. No one was looking for me, of course, so all of this fanfare was for nothing. I felt guilty for putting this on them all, but I was greedily taking in these few moments with Akinli. I’d have to go away soon. I just wanted to save a few more of his expressions and his voice. Maybe they would help the years go by faster. I’d earned that by now; I deserved some comfort.
I was honestly dreading walking out of these doors. I didn’t know where to go next. I lived my life as a nomad, but I usually had a plan. I couldn’t go say good-bye to Jillian, so that was out. There was no way I was going back to the school. Thank goodness I had cleared out my room. All I’d have to do now was send a note with some excuse, and they’d move on without me. I guess I could go back to Elizabeth and Miaka. I didn’t want to get in the Ocean again though. Not this soon. I’d just hide out somewhere for a little while… until I had a plan.
I don’t know if I was supposed to or not, but I heard one of the officers speaking to Akinli, Ben, and Julie in the kitchen. The EMTs had finished their once-over and left me huddled in excessive blankets in the living room. I was the hot topic of conversation.
“What we can do is take her down to the station. We can put her in a cell for the night, and in the morning if no one’s looking for her, we can try to set her up with a home in the city. She doesn’t know how old she is, so she might not be able to take care of herself legally. She’d belong to the state. At this point, that’s all I know to do.”
“Wait. Put her in a cell? Like a criminal?” Akinli said, outraged at the thought. “Or a home, like some abandoned pet?”
“I know it seems severe, but she’ll be alone tonight and perfectly safe. Getting her into a house shouldn’t be a problem, and, confused as she is, it’d probably do her good to be around other people; find a place she can settle.” The officer was trying to calm them.
“That sounds kind of harsh though,” Julie said. She didn’t even know me, and she came to my defense.
“I understand it sounds bad, but there are two things we have to think about. One, we want to keep her safe. This girl might be a danger to herself. And two, we have to protect other people from her. She doesn’t have any identification, and we don’t know how she got here. Who knows what she’s done? We can check her prints to figure out who she is, but that’ll take a while. We don’t want anyone to be hurt by some unknown girl. She needs to be watched.”
So
they were going to put me in a jail cell. I wondered if this body was strong enough to bend bars. If they were only going to keep me in there a night, that shouldn’t be a big deal. I could wait a night. Then, whenever they took me away, I’d just run. I wouldn’t have to stop. I’d be halfway across the country before they got out of the state. But in the middle of my scheming, I heard Akinli’s voice.
“What if she stayed here with us?” he asked. I couldn’t see it, but the silence let me know they were all staring at him.
“Dude, the cop just told you the girl could be nuts. Yeah, why don’t we just let a psycho move in? Great idea.” Ben had the same strange sarcasm as Akinli.
“Ben, are you seriously telling me you’re scared of a girl in a prom dress who can barely walk and can’t speak. Ohhhh, she’s sooo dangerous.” Yes, they were definitely related. I smiled to myself. I was dangerous, but I was glad Akinli didn’t see me that way. He paused for a moment. “Besides, I carried her here, and she was trembling. She’s scared. I think something bad happened to her, and I don’t think she should be put in a jail cell after whatever she went through.”
Had I really trembled? I didn’t know I could do that.
“I don’t think I feel comfortable with a stranger in the house,” Julie mumbled. She clearly felt guilty for feeling that way.
“You just said that all that other stuff was a bad idea, too. Let her stay. She’s perfectly harmless. She can stay in the guest room, and I’ll sleep on the couch and keep an eye on her,” Akinli said.
There was more silence.
“Come on. There’s no telling what she’s been through. She’s all alone. I can’t stand someone being put in jail for the simple crime of getting lost,” he said.
More silence.
“Officer, is that okay?” Julie asked.
“If you want to take temporary guardianship of her, that’s fine. Eventually, we’ll have to do some legal work, but for tonight, at least, that’s up to you,” he replied.
There was more silence. And then Ben spoke up.