Rage scorched through him. With a roar, he leaped at her. Silverhawk’s death bite was seared in his memory. Swiping the old she-cat sideways with a hefty blow, Crookedstar lunged for her throat.
She ducked away, growling. Pleasure lit her eyes. “You think you’re stronger than me?” she hissed. She darted forward and reared up at him, slamming her forepaws against his cheek.
He staggered, lifted by the force of her blow, and stumbled to the ground. He spun away in time to knock aside another strike. Claws outstretched, he hooked Mapleshade’s pelt and flung her backward. She scrabbled at the dark earth with her hind legs, recovering her balance in a heartbeat and throwing herself at him, forepaws stretched out, claws glinting like pike teeth. Crookedstar ducked and slid underneath her, swiping her hind legs away. Then he turned and leaped, twisting in the air, kicking out his hind legs, swiping with his fore, landing on her back as she struggled to find her paws. Mapleshade groaned beneath him but he held her hard and snapped his teeth around her spine.
She pushed up with a force that shocked him. Crookedstar lost his grip. Flying backward, he turned, reaching for the ground. It hit him before he found it, knocking the breath from him. He grunted as he felt her weight on his back. Her claws pierced his pelt as she pinned him to the earth.
“Go on then, kill me!” Crookedstar hissed. “I’ve got nothing left to live for.”
“Oh, no.” Mapleshade’s honeyed mew dripped in his ear. “Letting you live is far better revenge.”
“Revenge?” Crookedstar twitched. “What did I ever do to you?”
Mapleshade jerked him backward and stared into his eyes. Her gaze flamed with hate. “You were always destined to become leader of RiverClan. It was never anything to do with me. Your path was marked out by the stars countless moons ago.” She thrust her muzzle closer. “But who cares about destiny except fools? I should have been ThunderClan’s leader! But ThunderClan cast me out when I took a RiverClan mate.” Her lip curled. “Familiar, eh? Oakheart isn’t the only traitor you know.” She gave Crookedstar a vicious shake, her claws hooking deeper into his flesh. “Our kits were perfect!” Her eyes blazed harder. “But they drowned. After ThunderClan cast me out, I tried to carry them across the river to their father’s Clan. But the water snatched them from my grasp and carried them away.”
Crookedstar tried to wriggle free.
“Oh, no!” Mapleshade yanked him back to face her. “You must listen to the whole story.” Her rank breath bathed his muzzle. “Their father blamed me! And RiverClan cast me out, too. Can you imagine what that feels like? To be rejected twice? To be a loner when all you tried to do was to love? But don’t worry, I made them pay. I looked for revenge wherever I could! Why do you think I’m here?” Her gaze flicked around the clearing. “I earned my place in the Dark Forest. But what made it worse was that the father of my drowned kits took a RiverClan mate! He promised he would only love me! They had a daughter, and she had a son, and do you know who that son was?”
Crookedstar shook his head, trying to keep up.
“Shellheart,” Mapleshade snarled. “Your father.” Her paws were trembling. “Do you see now? Do you understand?”
“Understand what?”
“You mouse-brain! My kin should have been the leader of RiverClan, not his! If ThunderClan hadn’t driven me across the river, my kits would never have died. If RiverClan hadn’t rejected me, I’d be their father’s mate, not some fish-hearted RiverClan queen.” Her breath was coming in gasps now. “I’ve endured so much betrayal! So many cats have hurt me beyond measure. And then you came, destined for so much greatness, when you should never have been born!” She shoved him away from her. “I wanted to test your loyalty,” she hissed. “I wanted to see if you were as weak and disloyal as your kin. I wanted to see if you’d betray me like they did.” She circled him, her lip peeled back. “Do you remember what I said? Do you remember my exact words? I can give you everything you ever dreamed of, power over all your Clanmates, if you promise to be loyal to your Clan above all other things. Do you make that promise? And you did! You promised! You chose to sacrifice every cat you ever loved. Your mother, your brother, your mate, and now your own kits: From that one promise, I could take them all!”
“You’re crazy!” Crookedstar whispered.
Mapleshade thrust her muzzle close. “But I’m also dead.” Her gaze glittered wildly. “Which means you can’t hurt me!” She barged past him and Crookedstar woke in his nest with blood welling on his pelt.
Chapter 40
Crookedstar nosed his way through the moss draping his den. Dawn was flooding the sky. Timberfur was already beside the reed bed organizing the patrols. Frogleap, Echomist, Owlfur, and Lakeshine clustered around him. Reedtail and Skyheart hurried from their den, closely followed by Blackclaw and Loudbelly. Crookedstar watched them listen to Timberfur’s orders. All of RiverClan’s warriors, keen and ready for duty, loyal to their Clan and expecting nothing but the same from their leader.
“Echomist, you take Skyheart and Reedtail fishing,” Timberfur meowed. “Head upstream. We’ve been over-fishing beside the stepping-stones. Owlfur, you take—” He glanced up as Crookedstar walked into the clearing. His expression was somber, clouded, as he studied his leader. Crookedstar tried not to flinch as, one by one, the warriors snatched a look at him before turning away, pelts pricking with unease. Suddenly Crookedstar felt like a kit again, leaving the medicine den for the first time after he’d broken his jaw. But this was worse.
“They don’t know how to comfort you.” Brambleberry’s mew snapped him back to the present. She stopped beside him, smelling of herbs and dew, and dropped a bundle of fresh leaves on the ground.
“There’s nothing they can do,” Crookedstar rasped. It was his first dawn without Willowbreeze. He could hardly believe the sun had risen. “How’s Silverkit?” he asked quietly.
“She’s fine. I’ll tell her you asked after her.” Brambleberry glanced at her herb-stained paws. “I’ve been collecting marigold for her, just to be safe. She doesn’t have any symptoms but I don’t think we can be too careful.”
Crookedstar cut her off. “I have to talk to you.” His ears twitched. “Alone.” He led her out of camp and down to the shore, padding on to a wide, flat stone that jutted at the water’s edge. The willows were starting to brown. Crookedstar watched a leaf flutter on to the river. The water swirled it and carried it gently away.
“Well?” Brambleberry prompted.
“I didn’t tell you everything.” Crookedstar searched the medicine cat’s gaze, frightened of what he’d find. She might never trust him again.
She blinked. “Go on.”
“I wasn’t just trained by a cat from the Dark Forest.” Crookedstar felt hot. “I made a promise to her. She told me she’d give me everything I ever dreamed of. She told me I’d be leader, but I had to promise to be loyal to my Clan above all other things.” He waited for Brambleberry to comment but she just watched him. “It seemed like such a small promise,” he went on. “Of course I’d be loyal to my Clan. I’d always be loyal to my Clan. But she wanted me to promise loyalty above all other things.” The words felt sour on his tongue.
“What did she mean by that?”
“I didn’t ask. I just assumed it would be easy.” His shoulders sagged. “I didn’t realize she meant I had to sacrifice every cat I ever loved.”
“You mean Willowbreeze?” Brambleberry asked.
“And Rainflower and Hailstar.”
“But you didn’t sacrifice them.” Brambleberry stared at him in dismay. “It was their time to die. It had nothing to do with you.”
“But it did!” Crookedstar lashed his tail. “They’d still be alive if I hadn’t made my promise. And Oakheart would never . . .” He stopped himself. Brambleberry didn’t have to know Oakheart had betrayed his Clan with a ThunderClan cat. He swung his head miserably. “Things would have been different if I hadn’t been so determined to become leader. Mapleshade would have left the Clan
alone.”
I’ll have to stop being leader. Now that Brambleberry knew
it was his fault that RiverClan had lost so much, she’d
make StarClan take back his lives. Crookedstar hung his head and stared at the flat gray stone beneath his paws. He deserved it.
Brambleberry narrowed her eyes. “Why are you so certain that things would have been different? Does this Dark Forest cat really have the power to change a Clan’s destiny?” There was a challenge in her gaze. “Do you? Are you really so powerful that you can hold the lives of cats in your claws? Even when StarClan can’t?”
Crookedstar shifted his paws, his fur crawling with confusion.
“Oh, Crookedstar.” Brambleberry’s eyes glistened. “You’ve had to walk a dark and terrible path alone.” She climbed onto the stone beside him and leaned against his flank. “None of these deaths are your fault. I doubt if they’re Mapleshade’s fault, either. Sometimes bad things happen for no reason, or for reasons we can’t begin to understand.” She stepped back and held his gaze. “Please never feel like you need to suffer alone again. I will always be on your side. I’m your medicine cat. You can trust me with anything.”
“Really?” Crookedstar swallowed the emotions that bubbled in his throat.
“Really.” Brambleberry licked him on the cheek. “And hopefully Mapleshade has had her revenge and will leave you in peace.”
For the first time since he was a kit, Crookedstar felt free. He’d shared his secret. Completely. He felt light, relief washing his pelt. “Let’s get back to camp.” He hopped off the stone. “Timberfur may need help with the patrols.” He’d faced the Clan after he’d broken his jaw. He could face them now. They were his Clanmates; he was their leader. They needed him as much as he needed them.
“What about Silverkit?” Brambleberry’s question took him by surprise.
“Sunfish is looking after her, isn’t she?”
“I’m sure she’d like to see her father.”
“Later.” Crookedstar leaped up the bank. “I have patrols to organize.”
Beetlenose swam through the reeds and hopped onto the shore. Water streamed from his crow-black pelt. A minnow dangled from his jaws.
“Is that for Sunfish?” Shimmerpelt called. “Should I take it to her?”
Beetlenose shook his head and headed for the nursery. Crookedstar watched from the shade of the willow. He guessed Beetlenose wanted to see Vixenkit and Grasskit. The black tom had been padding proudly around the camp ever since his kits had been born, making excuses to visit the nursery every chance he could.
Shimmerpelt crossed the clearing and sat beside Crookedstar. “Why don’t you go visit Silverkit?” she prompted.
“It’ll be too crowded.” Crookedstar watched Beetlenose disappear into the den.
A quarter moon had passed since Willowbreeze had died. The Clan still trod quietly around him, careful of his grief. But he was determined to prove that Hailstar had made the right choice, and that he could lead the Clan whatever happened. He was happy Sunfish had kitted, providing littermates for his motherless daughter. Silverkit had a family of her own now. She didn’t need him. And with leaf-bare just around the next bend, there was so much to do. He was far too busy to visit the nursery. He signaled to Petaldust and Frogleap with his tail. They were weaving reeds into the elders’ den to strengthen it for the coming cold moons.
“What is it?” Frogleap hurried down the slope and crossed the clearing. Petaldust finished tucking in the end of a stray reed before trotting after him.
“The fresh-kill pile’s looking a bit bare,” Crookedstar meowed to Frogleap. “Take Reedtail, Leopardfur, and Blackclaw hunting.” He turned to Petaldust. “I’d like you to take Cedarpelt, Softwing, and Rippleclaw to check the Sunningrocks boundary.”
Petaldust shifted her paws. “Timberfur checked it this morning.”
“Then check it again!” Crookedstar snapped.
Shimmerpelt got to her paws and headed toward the elders’ den. “I’d better finish weaving those reeds,” she meowed. There was a trace of disapproval in her tone but Crookedstar ignored it. Warriors shouldn’t question his orders.
He crossed the clearing, kicking through the willow leaves littering the ground. He slowed as he passed the nursery.
Beetlenose hopped out. “Silverkit is quite a pawful, but so cute!” Purring, he dived into the reeds at the edge of the clearing.
Crookedstar pricked his ears, leaning closer to the nursery wall. He could hear tiny paws scrabbling across the reed nest.
“I’m the biggest! I get to go first!”
That must be Silverkit. He wondered how much she’d grown. Were her markings like Willowbreeze’s?
“Sunfish! She won’t let me into the nest.”
“Hush, Vixenkit,” Sunfish soothed. “She’ll let you in if you ask nicely.”
Silverkit piped up again. “I’m just trying to make you grow,” she squeaked. “Oh, hurry up and get bigger! I want to go out and explore the camp!”
Crookedstar heard paws scuff on the ground behind him. He turned, surprised to see Oakheart.
“Why don’t you go in and see her?” Oakheart meowed.
“I’ve got other things to worry about.”
“Really?” Oakheart’s ear twitched. “You can’t avoid her forever, you know. She’s going to be racing around camp playing hunt the frog before you know it.” He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you want her to know who her father is?”
Crookedstar scowled. “What? Like your kits knew who their father was?”
Oakheart flinched. “That was different. I was always there for them, hunting for them, playing with them. Silverkit hardly knows you exist.”
“Leave me alone.” Crookedstar turned away. “It’s none of your business.”
Oakheart ducked in front of him. “Actually it is my business.” He thrust his muzzle closer. “You’re my littermate! Silverkit is my kin, too! You’re being a fish-brain and every cat knows it. I’m just the only cat brave enough to tell you.”
“Brave? You?” Crookedstar snorted. “You couldn’t even tell me that Bluefur was expecting your kits. If she hadn’t dumped them on you so she could be deputy, it’d still be a secret.”
“Really?”
“Really!” Crookedstar flexed his claws. “Don’t pretend you understand how I feel, because you don’t!”
“No, I don’t!” Oakheart spat back. “But I do understand there’s a kit in there whose father doesn’t want anything to do with her.” His pelt bristled. “How can you lead a Clan when you won’t even take responsibility for your own kit?”
“Like you did?”
“Like I’ve done!” Oakheart glared at him. “I don’t know how you can let her grow up thinking you don’t love her.” He turned away, shaking his head. “You, more than anyone, should know how terrible that feels. But you’re doing it to your own kit.”
Fury exploded inside Crookedstar. “How dare you accuse me of that?” Hissing, he lunged at Oakheart and flung him to the ground. Oakheart yowled in rage and swiped at Crookedstar’s muzzle.
Crookedstar gasped as Oakheart’s claws raked his cheek. “You snake-heart!” Rearing up on his haunches, he slammed his front paws down on to Oakheart’s chest. Oakheart grunted and rolled away, springing to his paws. He crouched down, facing Crookedstar with his tail swishing, eyes like slits.
“Stop them!” Shimmerpelt raced across the clearing.
Timberfur shot out from the warriors’ den and circled them, bristling.
“Let them fight!” Mudfur called his Clanmates away. “Sometimes it’s the only way.”
Crookedstar glared at his brother and growled, “I’m nothing like Rainflower. I’m doing what’s best for Silverkit!”
“I bet Rainflower thought she was doing the right thing, too!” Oakheart hissed. “I bet she made excuses just like you.”
“That’s not true!” Crookedstar sprang, kicking out his hind legs, slashing with his forepaws in a move he
had seen being practiced over and over, in a forest where the trees were gray and slimy and starlight never broke through the leaves.
What am I doing?
Horror seized him as he realized he was about to use Thistleclaw’s killing move on his brother. He writhed in the air, twisting just in time, and thumped clumsily on to the ground.
Oakheart stood over him. “Finished?” he snarled.
Crookedstar looked up at him. Grief tightened his throat. “How can I love her when every cat I love dies?”
Oakheart’s eyes clouded. “I’m still here.”
Crookedstar got slowly to his paws. “You’re here for now.”
Oakheart stared at him. “It’s a risk every cat has to take. Would you rather have no feelings at all? Do you wish you’d never loved Willowbreeze?” His mew trembled. “Where’s your courage, Crookedstar?”
A squeak sounded from the nursery. “Sunfish! Sunfish!” Silverkit was staring from the entrance, her eyes stretched wide. “The big warriors are fighting!”
Oakheart nudged Crookedstar. “Go on,” he whispered.
Taking a deep breath, Crookedstar forced himself to walk toward the nursery. When you feel doubt, let your heart lead you forward, not back. Hailstar’s words echoed in his ears. StarClan had trusted him to give him nine lives; Crookedstar had to prove that he was worth it. He leaned forward and touched Silverkit’s ear with his muzzle. “It’s okay. Nobody’s hurt.”
The little cat flinched away, trembling.
“Don’t be frightened,” Crookedstar soothed. “We’re not really fighting.” She smells like Willowbreeze! Her fur was just as soft and the markings on her head matched her mother’s exactly. “We’re training, that’s all. Everything’s fine.”
Silverkit took a step forward and peered past him at Oakheart, who was standing on the far side of the clearing, watching them. Then she stared up at Crookedstar, her bright blue eyes shimmering. She was so like her mother—and like him, too, in the shape of her ears and the length of her tail. Crookedstar gazed down at her, feeling a lifetime of hope open up in front of him. For the first time that day he felt the warmth of the sun. Watch over us, Willowbreeze. We still need you.