The sound of my own laughter caught me off-guard, but I’d started to think of that crazy, freefall sort of feeling I’d had when I climbed on the skyscraper roller coaster with Kaleb. I’d done it because of the way he’d smiled at me. I hadn’t been able to stop myself. It wasn’t even all that crazy, but my mother wouldn’t have done it.
My father…on a roller coaster?
Never.
“Stop it!” I grabbed the bottle of wine, and without even bothering to pour it into the glass, I took a drink. Rising, I headed straight into my bedroom and went to the window, staring outside. I’d never felt so lonely and empty before in my life.
If I could just convince myself that I was worried about his sister, I’d feel better.
If I could just convince myself that it had little to do with him as a person and more to do with the situation itself, maybe I’d be alright.
But I couldn’t do it.
Yes, I had concerns about Camry, but she wasn’t what had me lying awake at night.
I’d thought there was…something between us. I really had. But I must have been wrong. Maybe it was only growing on my side. If we’d had anything there, wouldn’t he have trusted me? Wouldn’t he have at least called or sent me a note? Something to let me know?
I took another drink of wine, then put the bottle on the nightstand. Falling back onto the bed, I stared up at the ceiling.
I wanted to tell myself that things would get better…things would turn around.
But I’d been doing that ever since he left, and so far, nothing had changed.
“You see…I told you a change would do you good…”
Astra’s wild, bawdy laugh had me giggling. “Look at that one…the blond.” My heart skipped a beat when he flicked ice-blue eyes my way.
He was so…so pretty. And biteable. And pretty. I wanted to just…bite him. Yeah. Bite him.
Astra giggled. “You’re licking your lips, PS. Don’t blame you though. Have you ever seen such a pretty man in all of your life?”
“Nope. Not ever.” Chin resting on my fist, I stared at him and sighed. I was entirely too drunk to be sitting here, gaping at some stranger – or maybe I was just drunk enough to be gaping at some stranger. I didn’t know.
I just knew I was drunk and I loved it.
The beautiful blond edged closer, and the woman a seat down from us reached out and stroked her hand down the back of his calf. I wanted to smack her. He ignored her, catching the chair that had been placed in the middle of the walkway and swinging a leg over it.
“I bet you anything he’s just pretty though. No brain inside that head.” I gestured to him, convinced that somehow made sense. “If you’re that pretty, you’ve got to have something wrong. Right?”
“Hey, you’re pretty and smart. I’m fucking beautiful and pretty damn sharp.” Astra laughed until she snorted and waved at the blond. He continued to twist his spine, a movement that made it clear that at least one thing was not lacking.
My mouth went dry.
“Besides, with that face, what does it matter if he has a brain? As long as he’s not a dick – I mean, I want him to have one…” She shot me a grin. “And it’s obvious he does.”
We were both so drunk, that was why it was so funny. It had to be.
The blond slid off the chair and went to his knees, crawling along the stage. I had a bill already clutched in my hand, and my fingers were shaking as he moved closer.
His skin was hot against my fingers, almost shockingly so. Our eyes caught, then held. I wished there was something I could say or do. Something like… Hey, you want to get a drink?
I bet that would make me stand out. Biggest loser he’d probably had to deal with in a long time, and I was fawning over him. My fingers lingered on his skin for so long that he caught my wrist and tugged my hand away.
But he didn’t let go.
At least not right away.
We stared at each other, and I bit my lip, tugging a little harder as a bunch of women around us started to whoop. He let go, loosening his grip slowly until I felt each slow brush of his fingers as they left my skin.
His eyes, so big and soft, surrounded by spiky lashes, held mine for another moment. I didn’t want him looking away, but in the next moment he did.
And I slumped in my seat.
That had been the most intense minute of my life – at least that I could recall, considering how freaking drunk I was.
“Wow…look at his ass.” Astra smacked her lips. “I just want to…bite him. Like all over. Don’t you?”
“Yes.”
I caught the server’s eye and waved my hand. I needed another drink. Desperately. Maybe if I got just a little more sloppy drunk, I could get him out of my head.
“It’s him!”
Astra grabbed my arm and squealed. “See! It’s him.”
I was already staring at the guy at the bar, face shielded by his blond hair, so I didn’t need Astra shaking me. It wasn’t helping my spinning head, either.
“Stop,” I said, tugging my arm away. My heart raced harder at the sight of him, but when Astra tried to tug me closer to the bar, I dug in my heels and resisted. “No. You’re supposed to be distracting me and helping me have fun. I’m drunk enough.”
“I’m not taking you over there to get drunk. He’s the distraction.” She was nowhere near as quiet as she tried to be. Several people swung their heads to look at us as she continued to pull me along. “Come on, PS.”
He flicked a glance our way, and the sight of his pale blue eyes had my heart hitching a beat or two. He immediately returned his interest to his glass though.
He had a booted foot hooked on the rung of the bar stool, broad shoulders slumped.
There was something…lonely about him.
Maybe it was because I was lonely too, but when Astra urged me along, I didn’t resist. He continued to stare into his drink as I continued to stare at him, swirling the whiskey around and around.
What are you looking for? I found myself wondering. You won’t find the answers there.
Astra nudged to me. “Talk to him. I dare you.”
“I stopped responding to dares a long time ago.” But I found myself taking one wobbly step and then another, and before I knew what I was doing, I had settled down next to him.
He didn’t even look up.
“Hi.”
Nothing.
I tried again. “I saw you dancing.”
He shrugged and lifted his glass. “So did a lot of other women. I don’t do private performances. Sorry.”
“Oh, I don’t want…”
He looked up at me.
Our eyes met.
Oh…wow…
Oh…wow…
He kissed me, and he tasted like heaven.
I giggled a little bit, because the bourbon he’d been drinking had been called something…heaven something. And I knew it was closer to hell, especially on the stomach.
But it tasted pretty damn good on him, and now he was with me, his skin hot and naked on mine.
“Stop,” he muttered when I slid my hand down his chest. “You’ve got to stop.”
“Why?” I giggled again as I slid my hands farther down, his skin hot against my palms. Hot and amazing. Everything about him was amazing.
“Stop, because…fuck. I need…”
“Yes, you need to fuck.” I laughed, delighted with everything. Curling my arms around his neck, I tugged him back to me. “You need to fuck me. Right?”
“Right…” He laughed this time, and then he kissed me again.
And again.
And again…
I jerked upright in the bed, staring at the wall.
That dream…
“Wow.”
The echo of something from the dream came back to haunt me.
Oh…wow.
Had I said that?
Or just dreamed it?
I couldn’t remember, couldn’t think.
Shaking, I rubbed my hands up and down my fac
e.
I had a headache, and the outline of the bottle of wine mocked me. I’d drank almost half of it. Not that much in the scheme of things, and not enough to give me a hangover, but maybe enough to fuel a wild dream.
Yet…it didn’t feel like a dream,
Not really.
It had felt like…well, a memory.
“Wow.”
Twenty-Seven
Kaleb
The pathetic little hotel where I was staying might not have been exactly a fleabag, but it wasn’t much better.
The watery light made it impossible to read, but I didn’t have anything else to do so I stayed bent over the book Piety gave me, ignoring the slowly building headache and focusing on the words on the page.
I had nothing else to focus on, unless I wanted to think about the phone that hadn’t rang or the sister that was still strangely absent.
But it was getting harder and harder to keep my thoughts on anything that didn’t either piss me off or make me wish I’d done everything – and I mean everything – about this differently.
I hadn’t seen or heard from Stefano since I’d given him the money yesterday. Camry hadn’t so much as called. I lost track of how many times I sent her a text or tried to call. I left the address of where I was staying.
She knew where I was. She knew how to get in touch with me. She could, assuming Stefano had actually let her go. I don’t see why he wouldn’t. If he was trying to string me along for more money, he would have made that clear.
Shit, I hope that wasn’t what he was up to.
Still, if he planned to jerk me around more, I would have expected to hear from him.
I hadn’t heard from anybody. My phone had been wonderfully, miserably silent. Camry hadn’t called, begging for money.
Piety hadn’t called. Not even once.
Unable to tolerate the stingy light any longer, I closed the book and placed it face down on my chest. Throwing my arm over my eyes, I tried to forget about where I was and pretend I was back in Philadelphia. With her. Of course, it didn’t help me feel any less miserable. Maybe I should imagine I was back in Sydney, surfing.
At least that was a little more likely.
One thing I do know – I wanted to get the hell out of Las Vegas.
I hated it here.
The wind, the dirt, the sun…and there was never any darkness, never any silence.
I must have half-drifted off to sleep because the knock on the door was so unexpected, it jerked me into awareness – and confusion. I sat up, not entirely sure where I was. I was hungry, sore, and irritated, and when the knock came again, louder, I shouted, “What is it?”
“Open up, grouchy pants!” a thin, familiar voice said through the door.
Camry.
I almost fell on my face rushing to get there.
Something light, almost happy settled inside my chest, ready to explode. Finally!
And then it died, all in the span of a second.
Camry stood staring up at me, a wobbly smile on her mouth and her pupils so huge, I could barely see her eyes. She threw herself at me and practically missed. If I hadn’t caught her, she would have toppled to the floor. “Oops!” she said cheerfully. “Hi, big brother!”
“Camry.”
She gave me a smacking kiss on the cheek and then brushed me off, moving deeper into the room.
Her pupils were too big, and her smile was too big and too bright.
“You took forever to answer the door, Kaleb.” She giggled and said my name again. “Kaleb. Ka-leb. That’s a cool sound…Kaleb.”
“You’re high.”
“Maybe.” She held up her index finger and thumb about an inch apart. “Just a little.”
More than a little. I wanted to hit something. As I fought with that urge, Camry turned in a circle, looking around the room. “Wow. This place is a dump. Why are you staying here?”
“I’ve been too busy saving every penny to pay off your drug debt, Camry,” I snapped. “I’m afraid I don’t have money for a room at the Bellagio.”
“Ooohhh…” She smiled and spun around in a circle. “That’s a nice place. Stefano’s taken me there.”
I clenched my jaw. “I bet he has. Did he give you the drugs?”
“Not like I’d take them from anybody else.” She sniffed. “I’m careful.”
“And that’s how you ended up owing him ten grand.”
“Shit, Kaleb. You’re grouchy. You’re so grouchy. You want to know why I get high? It’s because I don’t want to be grouchy and boring like you. Lighten up, brother. Life’s too short. You’re supposed to have fun.”
The bed springs squeaked under her, and she laughed again at the sound, bouncing up and down. Turning away from her, I moved to the window and threw open the curtains. Immediately, the heat made me wish I hadn’t. The air conditioner had a hard time keeping up with the heat and I could feel the scalding temperature outside beating against the glass.
I hated it here.
I wanted to go back home.
Back to Philadelphia.
Somewhere…anywhere but here.
“Maybe I should get high,” I said absently. “Rack up a debt of ten thousand dollars, whore myself out too. But who will bail me out when I get in trouble, Camry?”
“Don’t be mean.” Camry sniffed. “You know, I could have taken care of it myself.”
“Then why in the blue fuck did you call me?” Spinning around, I glared at her. “I gave up everything for you – my job, my apartment, my chance to buy the shop. Everything! Because I thought you needed me.”
She flinched, tears filling her big eyes.
I felt terrible but steeled myself against it. I knew better than to do this, to let her get to me. I should have known better than to even come here. Piety was right. She sure as hell hadn’t acted afraid of Stefano, and I was starting to get a bad feeling about this whole miserable mess.
Looking away from her, I focused on the wall. “Don’t try and use tears on me, Camry. Not now.”
“I’m not trying to use anything!” She stood up, wobbling on a pair of heels that had to be five inches. She gave me a defiant glare and still managed to look pathetic and woebegone.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked. “Where did you get the money for the drugs this time?”
“It was free!” She flung it at me like a weapon. “He likes me, so he does that sometimes.”
“Bastards like him likes nobody but themselves.” I wanted to shake her. “Dammit, you can’t fall down that hole again. I can’t get that kind of money again.”
“Why not?” She shrugged, not looking worried. “You did it easy enough this time.”
“Easy?” I started to see red. I’d given up Piety for her.
The first time I finally found anybody who meant something to me, and I gave her up…and for what?
“Easy?” I shook my head and turned away. Gathering up some clothes, I started for the bathroom. I needed to cool down before I lost it. “I don’t think you have any idea what it cost me, Camry. What you have cost me. You probably never will. And I’m about ready to stop trying to make you understand.”
“What does that mean?”
I paused to look at her. “Just that. You can get help. You don’t need Stefano. You can get help, get off the drugs, stop sleeping with men for money or for a quick fix…whatever. But if you’re going to keep this up…I won’t be the one to help you back up the next time you’re in trouble. You’ll have to figure it out on your own.”
“I’ve always had to do that.” She poked her lip out. “You had Mom and Dad. But I only had…me.”
“You had me.” I wasn’t going to do this. “And you know it. But if you want to tell yourself otherwise, then do it. Maybe it makes it easier for you to make bad choices.”
I left her alone, locking myself in the bathroom.
I stayed in there more than long enough for her to give up waiting and leave, but when I came out, she was still there, standing i
n front of the window with her hands in her pockets.
“You never needed me,” she said, her voice soft.
Was that what all of this was about? I didn’t let myself ask the question though. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer. And to be honest, I wasn’t sure it mattered. Camry didn’t want to get clean. Until she was ready, there was nothing I could do to help her.
“You know, if I’m such a pain in the ass, you could just…” She laughed, the sound shrill and harsh. Turning to face me, she jutted her chin up, an indignant look on her face. “I’ve tried, Kaleb. Things aren’t as easy for me, okay? I wanted my mom and my dad to be there. I wanted…things. You did too, I get that, but you coped better than I did.”
“No. I just coped. You had it rough. I get that.” Shaking my head, I looked away. “But instead of trying to cope, you partied, you did drugs and acted out. I’m done feeling sorry for you.”
“I’m not asking you to feel sorry for me!” she shouted. “Just go! Go do…whatever it is you do.”
“Your entire life is a plea for attention, Camry.” Already tired, I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at her. “I came here to help you. Apparently, that is what I do – look out for you. I don’t know how else to define myself. And every time, it gets thrown back at me. I’m…tired of it. I’m just tired.”
“Then stop.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t need you to take care of me, Kaleb. I don’t need it, and I don’t want it.”
There was something final in her voice, and I looked up to find her staring at me.
She gave me a tight smile and then turned. I didn’t even have time to process what was happening until she was already out the door. I lurched up, heading for her, but she just kept going.
There was a car waiting for her in the parking lot.
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
“Whatever I want.” She glanced at me as she neared the car. “You don’t want to talk to me, you want to bitch at me. So fine. I’ll leave.”
“You didn’t come here to talk. You came here strung out and feeling sorry for yourself. Sorry if I’m not really in the mood for a pity party when I’m dealing with my own shit, Camry.”