“You can. Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to walk out of the front door toward the car. When those thoughts of worry and doubt start coming in your mind, you keep walking, okay? Even when you’re scared, you keep going. When the doubts get louder, you run. You run, Mama. You run until you’re back in his arms.”
“Why are you helping me? Maggie May, I’ve been awful to you. All those years I held you back from your life. Why are you being so helpful? So forgiving?”
I bit my bottom lip. “When I was younger a woman always told me that family looks out for each other no matter what, even on the hard days. Especially on the hard days.”
She took a deep breath.
“You’re scared?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “So let’s go.”
Once we made it to the car, and Brooks helped Mama into the passenger seat, she let out a breath of air. “Thanks for driving, Brooks,” Mama said, giving him a tiny smile.
“Anytime.” Brooks smiled and took Mama’s hand into his. “You okay today, Mrs. Riley?”
She squeezed his hand twice.
A quiet, but meaningful reply.
Yes.
As we drove over to Dad’s apartment building, I pulled out my dry-erase board and began writing. When Brooks drove into the parking lot and parked, I hopped out of the car with the board in my hand, and Mama followed.
“Wait, Maggie. You didn’t tell me what I was supposed to say to him.” Her body shook with nerves, panic, worry that somehow the man she loved didn’t love her anymore. “I don’t know what to do.”
I held the board out to her. As she read it, she stopped shaking. A wave of peace ran over her, and she took in a short inhale and released an eased exhale. “Okay,” she said. “Okay.”
She walked up to the front porch, dinged Daddy’s apartment number, and waited for him to come downstairs. I climbed into the passenger seat of the car and shut the door. Brooks bent forward to watch the interaction between my parents. When Daddy opened the door, I could see it—the love that came with no guidelines.
He placed his glasses on top of his head and didn’t say a word. Mama didn’t either. When it came time, she flipped the sign around for him to see, and Dad’s eyes watered over as he pounded his fist against his mouth. Tears fell from his eyes before he pulled Mama into a tight hug. As the board dropped to the ground, they hugged one another tighter and tighter. Their bodies become one. Then, they kissed. Their kiss was messy, and funny, and sad, and whole. So, so whole.
If kisses were able to fix the broken pieces of hearts, I believed my parents’ hearts were slowly falling back together.
“Wow,” Brooks whispered.
Yes, wow. “We can probably leave now,” I said.
As he pulled off, he asked, “What did the board say?”
I glanced once more toward my parents, who were still holding on tight, and swaying back and forth. My lips parted, and I grinned at their love. “Dance with me.”
We drove back to the house to fill Cheryl in on everything that was happening, and I watched her sigh with relief. “Good. Good.” She thanked me for coming to help. Brooks and I headed up to my bedroom, and we lay on my bed, with our feet hanging over the edge.
“They really love each other,” Brooks said, staring at the ceiling. “After everything they’ve been through, they still have that love.”
“Yeah. It’s beautiful.”
“Maggie May?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think we can listen to some music?”
His question was simple, but the meaning was huge. “Yes, of course.”
He stood up and grabbed the pair of earbuds from my desk, then plugged them into his iPhone. “What do you want to hear?” he asked, lying back down.
“Anything, everything.” He put it on shuffle, and we listened to all kinds of sounds.
“I sang today,” he said, as we listened to music going on for an hour. “Out on the lake. I went out there to sing this morning.”
“Oh, yeah?” I asked, sounding surprised.
“Yeah. I mean, I have a lot of work to do, but I think my voice will be okay. Maybe the band will be okay with me only on vocals.”
“Of course they’ll be okay with that, Brooks. Did you see Calvin’s reaction to seeing you today? All they want is for you to come back. I don’t even mean back to music; I mean come back to them. They’re your best friends. They just want you to be okay. You should call them.”
He nodded. “I will. I’m just worried about the fans, you know? A lot of them are buying into the rumors. They think I’m some deadbeat.”
“Brooks, come on. Anyone who knows you, and really sees you, knows those rumors aren’t true. For every negative comment, there are thousands of positive ones just wishing for you to recover and return to them. Trust me. I’ve been reading the comment sections, too.”
He smiled and kissed me. “Thank you.”
“I’m happy you sang today.”
“Yeah, it was hard without the guitar. I think once I get back with the guys, and they can play for me, I’ll be able to feel my way through it more.”
I sat up and shook my head. “You don’t have to wait. I can do it.” I rushed over to the guitar in my corner and picked it up. “I’ve been playing along with you guys since you taught me to play.”
We played until the morning sun began to rise, and he sang his best, which was always enough. When it became clear that neither one of us could keep our eyes open for much longer, we placed the guitar away and lay in bed. My head was on his chest, and he held me so close.
“I love you,” he whispered, as I started to drift to sleep. “I love you so, so much.”
There was nothing more special than being able to speak those words back to him.
The next morning Brooks and I drove together to return the boat he rented out. We were playing the guessing game of how much he’d end up owing for keeping it way past the date it was meant to be returned. Our current guesstimate: a-whole-freaking-lot.
“So, I was thinking. I’m probably going to have to start seeing a vocal coach and actually taking the steps toward recovery soon. That might mean I have to go out to Los Angeles for a while. To meet with the guys, to start working toward rebuilding my career. I know you have school—”
“It’s all online,” I cut in. “I can do it anywhere, and if need be, I can fly back home at any time.”
“You’ll come with me?” he asked, surprised.
I took his hand into mine and squeezed it twice. A sigh of relief left him.
“That makes me happy. It’s easier with you, you know? Everything’s easier.”
We pulled up to James’ Boat Shop, and I couldn’t stop smiling at the howling old dog on the front porch. As we walked up the steps, I moved over to him and started petting him behind his ear as he stopped his yapping. Good boy.
“I’ve been here a few times, and that’s the quietest I’ve ever heard him,” Brooks joked. When we walked into the shop, we were greeted by a man who looked to be our age, maybe in his mid-thirties.
“Hey, Brooks, it’s nice to see you again,” the guy said, walking over to Brooks, patting him on the back. “But I don’t think we’ve met.” He held his hand out to me. “I’m Michael. I run this place with my father.”
I shook his hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m Maggie.”
“My dad said if you want, you can walk around the dock and check out a few of the boats. He’s finishing up a phone call right now. He said he’ll meet you out back if that works.”
“For sure, that’s fine. Thanks, Michael,” Brooks said.
Brooks took my hand into his, and we walked around the back, waiting on the dock, studying the boats.
“Does this bother you?” I asked. “Being this close to boats? Should we go wait in the front of the shop?”
He shook his head. “No. It more so only bothers me when I’m dreaming. I’m okay.”
“
Okay.” I glanced down at our hands and grinned. “This is weird, huh? We’re outside holding hands. We’re outside together.”
He pulled me close to him and brushed his nose against mine. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”
It was more amazing than he’d known. I’d dreamed of that day for so long.
The door to the shop swung open, and an older man came out of the building smoking a cigarette. The dog in the front of the store started howling again. “Goddammit, shut up, Wilson! Shh! Shh! Freaking dog.”
My body tightened up. Brooks narrowed his eyes at me. “You okay?”
Shh… Shh…
I nodded my head. “Yes. I’m fine. Sorry. Sometimes I just have flashes.”
His forehead wrinkled and he lowered his eyebrows as he studied me.
I gave him a tight smile. “I’m fine. Really.”
“Okay,” he said warily.
The man started in our direction, and I wrapped my arm around Brooks’ waist pulling him closer to me.
The closer he grew, the more my stomach tightened. He stopped midway and stomped out his cigarette, then waved us over. “Hey, sorry about the wait. Long phone call, you know, business and all. How about you two head inside with me and we’ll get all of the paperwork done in my office.”
We started in his direction, catching up with him. He held his hand out to me. “Hey, I’m James. Nice to meet you.”
I shook his hand, and the smell of tobacco danced beneath my nose. An unsettling feeling took over my gut. He led us to his office and closed the door behind him. Wilson was still barking, and James shouted once more. “Shh, Wilson! Shut it!” He massaged his temple and apologized. “After all these years that dog still won’t shut up. Anyway.” He plopped down in his chair and gave Brooks a tight smile. “I wish we were meeting on better terms. I’m sorry about your accident. It’s unfortunate when freak accidents take place like that.”
He rolled up his sleeves, and my eyes fell to his forearm, studying his tattoos.
The air in the room was getting thicker, and I swore the walls were moving in on me. He reached in front of him and grabbed two pieces of black licorice.
My mind started spinning faster and faster. I felt his hold on me. I felt his hands around my neck, his lips against my ears, his body on top of mine.
I pushed my chair back and stumbled to stand. “No,” I murmured, moving away from his desk. “No…”
James stared at me with narrowed eyes. “Uh, are you okay?” His glare shifted to Brooks. “Is she okay?”
Brooks stood up and walked in my direction. “Maggie, what is it?” The closer he came, the more my body shook. I shut my eyes, shaking my head back and forth. No. No.
Not only could I see him, but I felt him. I felt his face against my face, his skin against my skin, his lips against…
“Maggie, it’s okay,” Brooks said, his voice soothing. “You’re just having a panic. It’s okay, everything’s all right.”
“No!” I shouted, my eyes shooting open. “No, it’s not okay. It’s not okay. It’s…” I felt cold. I felt sick. I was going to throw up. I knew I’d throw up.
Within seconds my past and present crashed together, and I blinked.
A man was there with another. A woman. She kept telling him no, saying she couldn’t be with him anymore, and he didn’t like that. “We have a life together, Julia. We have a family.”
I blinked again.
Brooks grew closer to me, his eyes filled with worry. “Maggie, talk to me.” James stood from his chair and raced his fingers through his hair, walking my way.
Blink.
He screamed at her, his voice cracking. “You fucking whore!” he shouted, slapping her hard across the face. She stumbled backward and whimpered, her hand flying to her cheek. “I gave you everything. We had a life together. I just took over the business. We were getting on our feet. What about our son? What about our family?”
Blink.
Wilson started howling, and James shouted over and over again, shushing the dog. “Michael! Get that damn dog to be quiet!” His eyes moved over to me. He wouldn’t take his eyes off me.
“Don’t look at me,” I whispered.
Blink.
My hands clamped up, my mind spun. I stumbled backward, breaking each and every branch my flip-flops hit along the way. My back slammed against the closest tree trunk as the devil’s chocolate brown eyes danced across my body.
Blink.
Michael came into the room. His eyes narrowed when he looked my way. He seemed confused. Everyone was confused. Everyone yelled. Everyone shouted over one another, trying to figure out what was happening to me. I didn’t know what was happening to me.
“She’s sweating like crazy. She’s going to pass out.”
My throat was tight. He was choking me. The devil was inches away from me, and I could feel his grip around my neck.
Blink.
He placed a hand around my neck, choking me, making it harder and harder to breathe. He cried. He cried so much. He cried and apologized. He apologized for hurting me, apologized for pushing a few fingers into the side of my neck, making it harder and harder for me to find my next breaths. He told me he loved her, told me love did it to him, to her. He swore he’d never hurt her. He promised he wouldn’t hurt the woman he already killed.
Blink.
James’ hand lay against my skin, and I shoved him away. “No!” I fall backward, into the corner of the room. “Don’t touch me.” My hands flew to my ears, and I slid down against the wall. “You did this! You did this!” I screamed, my throat burning, my heart pounding against my ribcage. “You did this!”
Blink.
“You weren’t supposed to be here, but now you are,” he said, lowering his face down to me. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He smelled like tobacco and licorice, and his forearm had a big tattoo of two praying hands with a person’s name beneath it. “How did you get here?” he asked.
Shh…
Shh…
I felt dirty.
I felt used.
I felt trapped.
Did Brooks see it? Did he see the tattoo? Did he smell the tobacco? Did he notice the licorice?
Blink.
I shut my eyes. I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to blink anymore. I kept my eyes closed. I didn’t want to see, but, I still saw. I saw him. I felt him. He was still a part of me.
Everything grew darker.
Everything became shadows.
Everything went black.
Then, I screamed.
“You killed her! You killed her! You killed Julia!”
The space filled with silence. Maggie shook in the corner and wouldn’t stop crying. Michael was staring at his father, and James’ eyes were on Maggie.
“What did you just say?” Michael asked, confused.
Maggie’s hands were pressed to her ears, and I could almost feel her fear. Her lips parted to speak, but no sound came out.
“Listen, I don’t know what’s going on, but it might be best if you both go,” James said with a weighted sigh. He walked over to Maggie and placed his arm on hers to lift her up.
She started shaking more, curling into a ball. “No! Please, don’t,” she cried.
I hurried to her side and slightly shoved him away from her. “Back up please.”
“What’s happening?” Michael asked, his brow bent. “What’s wrong with her? Should I call for help?”
“No,” James said. “I think it’s best if they just leave. It’s obvious she’s having some kind of mental breakdown.”
“It’s not a mental breakdown,” I snapped. “She’s just…” My words faltered and I shifted my attention to Maggie. “Maggie. What’s happening?”
“He killed her,” she said. “He’s the one from the woods.”
I turned to James and in a split second I saw the fear in his eyes.
“She drowned in Harper Creek. I saw her. I saw you drown her,” Maggie cried.
> “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, little girl, so you best stop talking.”
“You killed your wife,” Maggie said as she began to stand up. “I saw you. I was there.”
“Dad?” Michael whispered, his voice shaking. “What is she talking about?”
“Hell if I know. She’s obviously delusional. She needs to be evaluated. I’m sorry, Brooks, but I need you to go. I don’t know what sparked her panics, but you need to get that girl help. I’ll even cancel out your charges for the boat. Just get that girl some help.”
“Tell the truth,” Maggie said, standing taller each second. “You tell the truth. Tell him what you did.”
James walked over to his desk and sat in his chair. He lifted his telephone and waved it in the air. “That’s it. I’m calling the cops. This is getting out of hand.”
Maggie didn’t say a word. Her arms crossed, and even though she shook, she didn’t fall. “Fine. Call them. If you didn’t do what I know you did, dial nine-one-one.”
James’ hand began to shake, and Michael’s eyes widened with horror.
“Dad. Call them. Dial the number.”
James slowly placed the phone down on the desk. Michael almost collapsed to the ground. “No. No…”
James looked at Maggie, defeated, stunned. “How? How did you know?”
“I was the little girl who saw the whole thing.”
“Oh my God,” James began sobbing, covering his eyes with the palms of his hands. “It was an accident. It was all an accident. I didn’t mean to…”
“No.” Michael kept shaking his head. “No, Mom left us. Remember? She ran off with someone else. That’s what you told me! That’s what you swore happened.”
“She did. Well, she was. She was going to leave us, Michael. I knew she was going to leave. I found phone calls from some guy in her phone, and she shrugged it off. We got into a fight, and she stormed off into the woods. Oh my God, I didn’t mean to do it. You gotta believe me.” He stood and rushed to his son’s side. “Michael, you gotta believe me. I loved her. I loved her so fucking much.”
I stepped in front of Maggie, uncertain of what James might do. He seemed deranged, the way he paced back and forth running his hands through his hair. He hurried over to his desk, unlocking drawers and pulling out paperwork.