My memories were sparse, and some of them—maybe most—I was sure I had stolen from storybooks. Parts of me were angry about the way she pushed me, but another part knew I needed to be shoved. She was part of the reason I had a to-do list at all. Even when she was rude, she still believed in me having a future.
Those who believed in you when you didn’t believe in yourself were the ones to hold close.
“One, two, one, two, three, go!” Calvin chanted in the garage before rocking out on his bass guitar with Brooks and their band. I sat on the kitchen floor, recording them from the garage door, and whenever they’d break to talk, I’d go back to reading my novel.
When I was younger, reading hadn’t been my strong suit, but as the years went by, it became the voice I had lost. It was almost as if the characters lived inside my head and shared their thoughts with me and vice versa.
In the past ten years, I’d read over eight hundred books. I’d lived over eight hundred once upon a times. I’d fallen in love about six hundred and ninety times, fallen in lust maybe twenty times, and fallen in hate about ten billion times. Through those pages, I’d smoked pot, been skydiving, and gone skinny dipping. I’ve been stabbed in the back by friends—both physically and emotionally—and mourned the loss of loved ones.
I’d lived the lives of each character within the walls of my bedroom.
My father brought me a new book—or five—every two weeks on his payday. I assumed he spent twenty percent of his life in bookstores, searching for my next read.
My favorite time of each day was when the boys came home from school and played their music in the garage while I sat reading and listening in the kitchen. I’d always take a break from reading when the boys started fighting over lyrics, or chords, or Owen’s drum playing.
“I’m just saying, Rudolph, you’re two counts off beat,” Oliver, the keyboard player, said with a groan. Oliver was a bigger guy who sweated more than he breathed. Every shirt he wore had sweat stains to the max. When he stood from his drum stool, the butt sweat stains were intense, and the guys always mocked him about it. Plus, Oliver was hungry—all the time. If he wasn’t eating, he was talking about eating. He was a regular meatatarian who loved any kind of meat more than anyone I’d ever met. Besides his excessive sweating and love for steaks, Oliver was also the biggest teddy bear in the group and never fought over anything with anyone, except when it came to Owen, also known as Rudolph. The two fought over anything and everything each day. That day, the fight started because Rudolph was two counts off; he was always two counts off.
“You don’t know what the heck you’re talking about, Oli. You’re playing too fast. You need to pull back.” Rudolph was the complete opposite of Oliver—a vegetarian, stick-thin, and always layered with clothes because no matter the temperature, he was freezing. He always had a red nose, thus the nickname.
“Dude, are you kidding me? You know nothing about nothing. You need—” Oliver started.
Rudolph cut in. “No, you need—”
“TO CLEAN OUT YOUR EARS!” Oliver and Rudolph both hollered in unison. It only took seconds before they were standing face to face, pushing and poking each other while screaming. Oliver wrapped his arm around Rudolph’s neck and forced his head under Oliver’s armpit.
“Argh! Gross. Come on, Oli! No one deserves this!” Rudolph shouted, his face turning the same color as his nose. “Let me go!”
“Say it! Say it!” Oliver ordered. “Say I’m the best at the keys!”
“You’re the best at the keys, okay, dickhead?”
“And say Mom loves me best because I was born first!” Oliver mocked.
“Screw you, Oli…” Oliver pushed Rudolph’s head deeper under his arm, making Rudolph whimper like a sad puppy. “Okay! Mom loves you best! She loves you best, you freaking meatball.”
Oliver dropped his hold on his younger brother—younger by seventeen minutes—and clapped his hands together with a wide smirk. The two were fraternal twins and fought like it, too. It was always entertaining to watch.
As I watched the guys continue to fight, Brooks and Calvin stood in a corner, looking at a notebook where they scribbled lyrics and any ideas they had for the band. Most of the time, Brooks and my brother were complete dorks like the twins, except for when they were rehearsing. They were driven, focused, and determined to be the diamonds in the rough from Harper County, Wisconsin, that made it to Hollywood.
Mama came walking into the kitchen with four pizzas in her hand and hollered, “Boys! Food!”
That was enough to get all of them inside the house. The only thing better than Hollywood was pepperoni pizza.
I sat at the table with the guys as they went over their plans of buying huge mansions, Ferraris, yachts, and monkeys once they hit it big time.
“Don’t you think we should come up with a band name if we are going to be huge?” Rudolph asked, stuffing his face with his gluten-free cheese pizza.
“Wait, so Parrots Without Parents is a no go?” Brooks asked, wiping his saucy face with the back of his hand.
“I thought that was kind of awesome,” Oliver offered.
“I thought it was ridiculous!” Rudolph disagreed. “We should do something involving ninjas!”
“No, pirates!”
“Ninja pirates!” Calvin shouted. The boys all started talking over one another, and I sat quietly, nibbling at my pizza, taking in their actions. Most of the time I felt like a fly on the wall whenever I was around people, somewhat eavesdropping on their lives, because for the most part, they forgot I existed due to my silence.
But every now and then…
“What do you think, Magnet?”
Brooks nudged me gently in the side, and with the small touch from him, everything inside me warmed up. His eyes smiled my way and my heartbeat increased. I loved that about him. I loved how he could see me when the rest of the world forgot I existed. I gave him a small smile and shrugged.
“Come on,” he said, flipping open his notebook to a blank page and handing me his pen. As I took the pen from his grip, I allowed my fingers to linger against his hand. He watched my every move, and I made sure to make every move count.
Did he feel it? My heat? My want? My need?
As I began to write, he smiled, studying the curve of my hand as it ran across the paper. When I finished, I pushed the notebook toward him.
“Crooks,” he said out loud, holding the notebook in his hand.
“Crooks?” Rudolph bellowed, bewildered.
“Crooks?” Oliver echoed, a pitch higher than Owen.
“C is for Calvin, O is for Owen, the other O is Oliver, and then well, Brooks is the rest,” he explained. “Right, Maggie?”
I nodded.
Yes. Yes.
The fact that he understood the meaning of the name without me explaining it made my heart want to explode. How could he understand the thoughts in my head that I never voiced? How could he read me so effortlessly?
“Crooks!” Calvin shouted, slamming his hand against the table. “I love it. I fucking love it,” my brother cheered. “Just think about being on stage: ‘Hi, we’re The Crooks, and we are here to steal your ears tonight.’”
I giggled to myself as they kept chatting.
“We’re The Crooks, and we’re here to steal your money tonight!” Oliver joked.
“We’re The Crooks, and we’re here to steal your hearts tonight!” Brooks laughed.
“Yeah! Yeah! Or how about: We’re The Crooks, and…and…and…” Rudolph frowned. “Well, hell, you all took the best one-liners.”
“You snooze, you lose, kid brother. Maybe if you added more protein to your diet, your brain wouldn’t be so slow.” Oliver chuckled.
“Yes, Oli, because you eating Bambi is what makes you smart. That’s it. That’s probably why you got an A in calculus, right?” Rudolph replied sarcastically. “Oh wait, you got a D minus.”
The twins started arguing, and I knew there was nothing that was going to stop them
until she showed up. Cheryl. She seemed completely over her earlier interaction with her ex-boyfriend and back to her flirty self.
“Hey, boys,” Cheryl sang, swaying her hips and twisting her hair around her finger.
I taught you that move when we were kids!
“I didn’t know you were all going to be over here tonight.” Cheryl always did this weird voice drop thing whenever she talked to guys. She tried to sound seductive, but to me, she sounded like someone who smoked fifteen packs of cigarettes a day. Ridiculous. And of course she knew they’d be there practicing—they were always at our house.
“Oh, hey, Cheryl!” The twins perked up, and their eyes fell to her personal set of twins.
“You look good,” Rudolph barked.
“No, you look great!” Oliver shouted.
“Brilliant!”
“Stunning!”
“Sexy!” the twins yelled in unison.
Cheryl batted her eyes and completely ignored them, zooming her stare in on Brooks, who wasn’t giving her the time of day. Calvin’s and Brooks’ heads were back in their notebook, looking at their future plans. Brooks never seemed too interested in my sister, probably because he’d known her since she was wearing diapers. I could tell that bothered Cheryl, though—every girl wanted Brooks to notice her…including me.
“Hey, Brooks,” she said. “How are you?”
She kept twirling her hair, and I kept rolling my eyes. Brooks glanced toward her and smiled before turning back to his notebook. “Good, Cheryl. How are you?”
She hopped up on the dining room table then pushed her boobs together, pressing her elbows against them.
“I’m doing okay. Jordan broke up with me today.”
Really? He broke up with you? That’s not what I heard…
“Oh yeah?” he replied politely, hardly interested. “Sorry to hear that.”
“Yeah. Rumor has it, you broke up with Lacey.” She frowned, dramatically of course. “Or, well, she broke up with you. That sucks.”
Brooks shrugged. “It happens, I guess.”
“Yeah, it’s just sucky because I was supposed to go to prom with him, seeing as how he’s a senior. I already bought my dress.”
“I don’t have a date!” Rudolph shouted.
“Me neither!” Oliver jumped in.
“But you two don’t already have tuxedos. I know Calvin went with Brooks to buy theirs… Oh! I have an idea!” Cheryl shouted, clapping her hands together.
Oh no.
“How about you and me go together, Brooks? We could go as friends, ya know? It doesn’t make sense for us to both miss the event, right?”
Brooks hesitated, because he was kind. He didn’t want to embarrass Cheryl in front of everyone, and Cheryl knew that, too. That was probably why she’d asked him in front of the group.
“Don’t you think that’s a great idea, Maggie?” Cheryl said, shooting a warning glare at me before turning back to Brooks with a sugary sweet voice. “Maggie was the one who was there for me after the breakup today. She knew how big of a deal prom was to me, too. We’ve been talking about it for weeks.”
No, we hadn’t. I hadn’t even known my sister was going to prom until moments before her ex-boyfriend hit her.
I shut my eyes for a beat.
Shh…
“Well…” Brooks’ voice cracked and I opened my eyes. He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced my way, his eyes begging for help, but what could I say?
Nothing.
“I guess that could be cool, just going as friends.”
It amazed me how a heart could shatter in a crowded room and the sound couldn’t be heard by a single person.
I hated everything about prom—the dresses, the slow dancing, the flowers. I hated how artificial and cliché it all appeared, how fake it seemed, but mostly I hated the fact that I’d never be able to attend a prom because I was homeschooled. I also hated the fact that Cheryl was only a junior this year and was attending her second senior prom.
“I mean, it’s not like you could go with him anyway, and it doesn’t make sense for him to go by himself, ya know?” Cheryl snapped her gum over and over again as she stood in front of my vanity, applying her fifteenth layer of candy apple red lipstick. I sat on my bed with a book against my chest, listening to my sister talk my ear off.
She wiped off the red lipstick and then applied a deep purple shade. When she finished, she smiled at herself, as if she was so proud of her beauty—as if it was her own doing and not just genetics. Her long gold dress sparkled every time she swung her hips, which she did often. “Plus”—she smirked wickedly—“I think he has a crush on me.”
I snickered to myself.
No, he doesn’t.
She whipped herself around to face me and pushed her lips together. “What do you think? This color? Or the red?” She frowned. “I don’t even know why I’m asking. You know nothing about makeup. Maybe you’d know more if your face wasn’t always in a book.” She hurried over to me and sat down on the bed. I held my book closer to my chest, but she snatched it out of my hand and tossed it to the floor.
Oh my gosh. That had to be some form of abuse, didn’t it? She had literally bruised and battered dozens of characters—dozens of my friends. Snatching the book from my grip was rude, but throwing it was reason enough for a termination of our family ties.
“Seriously, Maggie. You’re already weird with your no talking and no leaving the house thing. Do you really want to be known as the girl who only reads? It’s kind of creepy.”
Your face is kind of creepy.
I simply smiled and shrugged.
She flipped her hair. “So, back to the important things. I mean, I’m pretty sure he’s still sad about Lacey breaking up with him before prom. Also, I know how much you care about him, so I offered myself up to be his date, because I knew you wouldn’t want him to miss out on the one thing he was looking forward to. I’m only going for you, Maggie.”
How noble.
It took everything inside me to not roll my eyes in my sister’s face. Sister—I used the term loosely that day.
“Anyway, I told Brooks how supportive you were about the idea of me going with him, so thank you for your support.” She gave me a cheesy smile and flipped her curly hair over her shoulder again. “I think Calvin and Stacey are meeting Brooks and me in our backyard for photographs and stuff in about ten minutes. So yeah, which lipstick?”
I pointed to the purple one because I wanted her to look awful.
She chose the red, which made her look gorgeous.
“Perfect!” She stood up from my bed, smoothed out her stunning gown, and shimmied herself in front of my mirror one last time. “I better get heading outside. Brooks will be waiting for me.” She swayed her hips left and right the whole time she walked out of my room.
The moment she was out of sight, I rushed over to my novel, picked it up, and rubbed the cover. Sorry, friends. The book was tucked tightly in my arms as I hurried over to the set of windows that faced the backyard and stared down at my brother and his girlfriend laughing and cuddling in their fancy prom clothing. Calvin had a way of making Stacey laugh so hard it rocketed into the sky. Her hands always rested against his chest, and his eyes always rested on her. I’d wondered what that would be like: to be seen through a pair of eyes filled with love.
My stare moved to Cheryl, who was taking selfies, while impatiently waiting for Brooks to show up and be her arm candy. He wasn’t one to ever be late to anything, so I was somewhat surprised to not see him yet. My stomach filled with knots as I rushed to my other window to see if he was still across the street at his parents’ house. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen Brooks in a tuxedo, and I would’ve been lying if I’d said I wasn’t interested in the sight. He always looked so handsome—so happy.
My heartbeats rushed through my chest, waiting for him to step out of his house, waiting for him to walk across the street to my backyard, waiting for him to fall in lust with Cheryl. r />
I shut my eyes and took a deep inhale. A small prayer raced through my head.
Don’t do it, Brooks.
He deserved more than that. He deserved more than Cheryl’s games.
He deserved to be loved by someone who knew how handsome his lopsided smiles were, how brilliant his mind was, and how good he was at communicating with no words falling from his lips.
“You okay today, Magnet?”
It was my favorite set of words. My eyes flew open and I turned to see Brooks standing in my doorway, wearing a navy blue tuxedo, a black and white polka dot tie, and matching polka dots socks. His dark brown hair was slicked back, and his dark brown eyes were smiling all on their own like they always did. In his hand was a clear box holding a wrist corsage, a beautiful array of yellow flowers and pink ribbons.
Wow, Brooks.
He looked better than my mind could’ve imagined and butterflies flew through my stomach as I raked my fingers through my tangled hair. I smiled. He smiled back, always out of the left side of his mouth. I wondered if he knew…? If he knew how dizzy that smile made me?
“Can I come in?” he asked, stuffing his hands into his slacks.
I nodded. Always.
He stepped into my room and walked over to the window to look down at the backyard, where Cheryl was texting someone, her thumbs slamming on the keys. Within seconds, Brooks’ cell phone dinged. “She’s already pissed at me for being late,” he explained, slightly rocking back and forth. His phone dinged two more times. “That’s the seventeenth message from her.”
I stared down at my sister, who was going out with Brooks just to spite me. For some reason it made her feel better about herself to see how bad off I was with my no speaking or leaving the house.
“I didn’t want to go with her,” Brooks explained. He tilted his head toward me and frowned. “After Lacey broke things off with me, I figured I’d just stay home or something. Play some video games. Maybe come over here and play some music with you or something, but Cheryl kept telling me how much it meant to you that I’d go with her.”
I cocked an eyebrow.
He snickered. “Yeah. I should’ve known.” We stood quietly for a few moments, watching Cheryl panic, and watching Calvin and Stacey fall deeper in love. A few birds danced past the window, and Brooks released a low sigh. “You think Calvin and Stacey know how annoyingly perfect they are?”