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I narrow my eyes.
“At least not the really important ones,” Selena clarifies with a satisfied nod of her head.
“They’re all important, that’s why they’re secrets. ”
“I think there are definitely different degrees of secrets. For example—”
“Forget the examples,” I demand, plucking the Tylenol from under my arm and giving it to her. “Just tell me what you want to tell me. ”
She blushes. “I don’t know if I should say. I don’t want you to think I’m weird. ”
I snort, absentmindedly picking up a small box and reading the back of it. As soon as I read the first sentence ‘Ribbed increases her pleasure,’ I flip the box around and read the front before stuffing it back on the shelf. I feel blood rush to my cheeks as Selena laughs her laugh—you know, the head back mouth wide open kind of laugh, the same laugh that also draws unwanted attention. I move erratically and end up knocking a whole row of condoms off the shelf. Forgetting the mess, I grab Selena’s arm and drag her away. When we round the corner, she shrugs out of my grasp. “Relax, you’re old enough to buy condoms. ” Her eyes grow wider with excitement. I know that look. It’s the same look she gets when she’s ready to gossip. “Tell me, what size does Seth use?”
“Why are you so obsessed with my sex life and what size condoms my boyfriend uses?” I whisper as an elderly woman strolls past.
I give her a kind smile, one she gracefully returns. Thank God, she didn’t hear me.
“Because I’m curious. I want to know. I like sex and I like to talk about sex, and now that you finally have a boyfriend I wouldn’t mind picturing naked, I want to know all of the details. ” We stroll down another aisle—the confectionary aisle—and Selena grabs a long, skinny packet of Twizzlers. “So, what size?”
“I don’t know,” I mumble, avoiding her face. “We don’t use them. ”
The Twizzlers fall to the ground and I stare down at them before looking at Selena’s terrified face. You’d think she just saw a ghost.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You start banging a hot guy and you throw all caution to the wind? You know what comes from unprotected sex? Fucking babies—crying, pooing, eating—babies. Not necessarily in that order and sometimes all at once. ”
I laugh at her because there’s nothing else to do. Typical Selena, always blowing things out of proportion.
“Don’t laugh, O. I’m serious. Do not take that unprotected sex shit lightly—did you even hear what I said? Babies. B. A. B. I. E. S. Screw that. ”
Selena never has been a baby person, but I have. I’ve always wanted kids—hell, I even expected to have at least one by the age of twenty-three.
“I’m protected,. ” I say, picking up her lollies. She takes it from my hands and puts in on the shelf. Apparently, she’s lost her appetite.
“Yeah, and smoke alarms in houses actually prevent fires,” she states sarcastically. “By the time you’ve woken up to a smoke alarm, it’s too late. The fire has started and the smoke is already filling the house. Don’t rely on the pill. Double up on protection—shit, triple up on protection. Make no mistakes. ”
I roll my eyes and proceed down the aisle. “Anyway,” I exhale. “What did you let Jackson do to you?”
With a huff, she drops the conversation about Seth and I having unprotected sex.
“Well, let me start off by saying that I’m not afraid to try anything and I’m pretty much DTF for anything. ”
DTF? What the hell does that mean? I roll my eyes and Selena scoffs. “Don’t you judge me, O. I was born to be awesome, not perfect. ” She continues with her story. “Jackson is into some weird things and last night…I let him tie me down. ”
I stop walking. “You let him tie you down?”
The old lady that passed by us earlier walks by again, this time hearing my mini outburst. I give her my best ‘I really hope you didn’t hear that’ smile and she frowns at Selena and I before shaking her head and slowly strolling away.
“Why’d you let him tie you down? You’re a human being, for Christ’s sake, not an animal,” I tell her in a harsh whisper.
“Because I like him and he promised he wouldn’t hurt me. ”
“Funny, that’s what the serial killer said to his victim in the last Law and Order episode I watched. ”
She blinks at me.
“It’s a TV sho—never mind—the girl was found in a garbage bin. My point is…” I say. “Okay, so I don’t actually have a point. You can do whatever the hell you want with your body. ”
“I know I can—and I do, but the thing is…it doesn’t stop at tying down. I wish I could tell you, O, but I promised him I wouldn’t say anything. It took him so long to open up to me sexually and I don’t want you to repeat it to anyone. ”
“Who am I going to tell? Mom?” I laugh once. “You’re my only friend. ”
“Okay, fine. I won’t tell you everything, I’ll just tell you that he’s into public sex. ”
That I knew already.
“And he likes to hurt me. ”
I frown.
“Only when we have sex, it’s not anything over the top. He doesn’t bruise me or cut me or anything like that. ” Is that supposed to make me feel better? “He likes to slap me… on the ass really hard and sometimes with things like belts or whips. He likes to bite me and pinch me as well as pull my hair—”
“Wait…” I interrupt. “You just let him do those things to you?”
She shrugs. “He needs it. He can’t…finish, unless something unusual is happening and I want to be the person to help him. ”
“What he needs is professional help. ”
Selena’s brows pull together and her lips straighten into an impassive line. “He doesn’t need professional help, Olivia. He needs someone who understands him. ”
Oops. I didn’t mean to step on anyone’s toes, but Jackson has definitely got some deep seated issues.
“Can you do that, though?” I ask her straight out. “What if he wants things that you can’t give to him? What if you draw a line and he wants to cross it?”
She visibly thinks about my question. “I don’t know…”
“If you like it when Jackson does all of these things to you, then fine, more power to you. All I’m saying is talk to him before you give yourself over because his problems probably go deeper and darker than what he’s showing you. ”
Selena opens her mouth to protest, but I flash her the palm of my hand. “I know he doesn’t like to talk, but you’re compromising for him. Make him compromise for you. ”
She thinks for a second, before slowly nodding her head.
I sigh, hoping she talks to Jackson. I don’t want him taking advantage of Selena’s carefree soul, especially now that she’s falling for him.
“Now, let’s go find a dress. ”
***
We’re barely in the shop for five minutes before my gaze falls onto a stunning deep purple gown. It flows to the floor and has two thin straps covered in exquisite beaded patterns that come down and circle the waist. Underneath the beaded waist, there’s a thin strip of purple lace that will expose a thin strip of skin before the beaded pattern starts again.
This.
This is the dress I’ll wear to Seth’s dinner. It’s sexy. It’s elegant and it’s perfect.
“That is amazing!” Selena coos. She reaches out and pulls it off of the rack. “Try it on. ”
She shoves it into my hands and the smooth satin fabric glides between my fingertips. Yep, this is definitely the dress I’m going to wear.
“I don’t need to try it on. I want it. ”
Selena stares at me, the same stare that Seth gave me after I declined using his card. Her stare doesn’t make me excited like Seth’s does, though. “You have to try the dress on, to make sure it fits. ”
“It’ll fit,” I tell her, hugging the dress
closer to me.
She grabs my shoulder, her bony fingers dig into me as she spins me around, nudging me in the direction of the changing rooms.
Inside, the rooms are spacious. So spacious there’s even a couch to sit on and watch your friends get dressed. That’s not weird at all. Of course, Selena has to sit and watch me change. Once I’m in the dress, I feel different, and at risk of sounding like a complete and utter loser, I feel like a princess. The dress exposes an appropriate portion of my breasts and clings to my waist and hips before flowing smoothly down my legs in an endless stream of purple perfection.
“Seth will really like this. ” I smile, twirling to look at the back. The back of the dress elegantly exposes my back.
“He will. Who knows, maybe he’ll like it enough not to tear it from your body. ”
My eyes flick to her and I feel my cheeks grow red. Seth has a habit of tearing all of my pretty things. “No comment. ”
Selena falls back against the couch in defeat. “Come on. You’re no fun! Tell me about it. Tell me something about Seth and sex. I bet he’s good, is he good?”
The store owner peers awkwardly around the door and Selena smiles at her like nothing is wrong. The lady returns Selena’s smile with a glare, like we’re unworthy of being in her store before huffing once and stalking away. Selena rolls her eyes and continues talking, unashamed. “At least tell me one thing he does that you like?”
I proceed to unzip the dress. “No, Sel, I’m not telling you anything. You’ll repeat it to Jackson and whoever else will listen—probably even my mom. ”
“I won’t, I promise. ”
I shake my head and Selena tries a different approach. An approach she knows will get a reaction out of me.
“Do you like it when he kisses your neck?” I step away from the mirror so she can’t see my emerging smile in the reflection. “Maybe you like it when his strong hands roam your body, gripping you in all of the right places?”
“Selena,” I warn her. Her words make me breathless as I imagine all of the things she says vividly in my head.
“Or maybe you like it when he moans your name…” She moans my name in her best ‘Seth’ voice and I grab the emerald dress that hangs on the rack. I glance over my shoulder and she smiles wickedly at me as my face heats up. “When he takes you roughly from behind?”
I turn and throw the dress at her and she laughs wildly, balling the fabric. “You are such a dirty girl, O! Underneath that innocent face there’s a sexual beast, isn’t there?”
I want to be mad at her for being so uncensored, but I can’t. She has one of those faces—like Seth’s—one you just can’t bring yourself to hate. As she giggles like an idiot, I remove myself from the gown and get back into my plain blue jeans and white tee.
“I’ll get this dress. Now, let’s get the hell out of here before you embarrass me anymore. ”
I trot from the dressing room and pay for my dress, all while Selena giggles behind me. She can’t stop. She loves tormenting me, she always has, and the store owner doesn’t appreciate me blurting out a laugh once or twice as she rings my purchases up on the register. I think I even spat on her a couple of times. Stupid Selena, it’s like high school all over again. You know, when you’re trying desperately not to laugh, but end up cackling like a psychopath? Yeah, this is one of those moments and when she hands me my receipt, I can’t get out of there quick enough.
After the dress shop, Selena went to see Jackson and I went home. I figure I’ll have an easier time keeping myself from showing Seth my dress if I don’t see him straight away. Strangely, Mom isn’t home, so I go straight to my room and hang my dress in my closet. Boxes still litter the floor, along with a ridiculous amount of clothes. Dirty or clean, I have no idea. My phone rings and I know it’s Seth because I set his walk in song as his personal ringtone while we were in California. I pull it from my pocket and bring it to my ear, closing my wardrobe and leaning against it.
“Hello?”
He yawns his hello to me. Seriously? He was sleeping the whole time I was out? Somehow, I was gone for almost three hours.
“Sleep well?”
“I would have if you were here. ” He sighs. “I slept okay. What are you doing?”
I love when his voice is all husky from sleep.
“I just got home and put my dress away. I’m probably going to start packing for Vegas. ”
“Fun,” he deadpans and I smile. Seth hates packing more than I do and I know he’ll leave his until the hour before we leave. “I’m heading down to the gym. Darryl called and wants to do a small training sesh this afternoon. ”
“Be careful. How are you feeling? I didn’t really take care of you too well in California…”
“You were perfect in California and I’m fine. I hardly feel a thing. ”
I believe him. The time we spent in California was both relaxing and liberating—we didn’t have sex and Seth didn’t get into any fights, so his body had a good chance to recover. I know he won’t miraculously heal overnight, but he’ll be perfect by the time his fight comes around in a little over two weeks. We’re all leaving for Vegas in two days—Selena, Jackson, Darryl, Seth and I—plus whatever staff the MMAC have assigned to Seth. From twelve a. m. the day of our departure to Vegas will be exactly t-minus two weeks until Seth’s first debut professional fight. He seems excited for it, but I wish he expressed his feelings to me—not the cocky bullshit he uses to cover his worry. Seth is confident in his skills, but I also know he doubts himself more than anyone else I know. Not that he’d ever admit that.