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Seth opens the door to the shower. A towel his wrapped loosely around his hips. “Selena is on her way. ”
I shut the tap off and step out. He grabs a purple towel and wraps it around my shoulders. His arms rub up and down, drying me. “Seth—”
“Please. . . just let me take care of you. ” The thin, golden honey rivers in his irises flash desperately and so I lift my arms. He dries my torso quickly and softly before starting on my lower half. I close my eyes and his lips brush over the skin of my hips after he dries it with a towel, making me shiver. He drops the towel and leads me into the bedroom. He flicks the light on and then dims it to its lowest setting. He slips into a pair of black track pants and I notice a set of clothes are laid out on the bed—the pair of drawstring pants I wore last night included.
“I want you to be comfortable tonight. ”
He slides a t-shirt bra over my arms and clips it behind my back. He reaches for my underwear and kneels before me, holding them out around my feet. I step into them and he pulls them all the way up, kissing my navel as his face hovers in front of it. I run my fingers through his wet hair to let him know he’s doing well. I don’t want to shut him off completely. I slide into the pants and he ties them tightly, preventing them from falling down. Finally, he pulls a pink t-shirt over my head and smiles at me. I do feel comfortable. I hear a low murmuring of voices down stairs and my comfort slips out the window. I hate crying in front of people and there’s no way I can pretend not to be completely devastated.
“Darryl and Jackson are here. ” He points to his lip. “They want to check out my cuts. You don’t have to come down. Stay here and I’ll be back. ”
I fall onto the bed, hugging a pillow between my legs and my arms. I feel sick and I want my mom. I don’t care how childish it sounds. I want her to hold me, to be brave for me because God knows I’m a fucking mess and it’s only going to get worse. I should have stayed in Portland. Dad wanted me to go to Boston and I didn’t think twice about it. I called him a few times this week and every time he told me he felt fine and he was happy. I don’t know much about heart attacks. Do they all ‘just happen’ or are there a lot of symptoms you can go off before it hits? There’s so much I should have researched about it. . . I should have stayed.
I lie on the bed for a while, thinking about Mom and Chase. Does he even know? Will they give him time to come back for his father’s funeral? I hope so.
“Where is she?” I hear a female voice ask. Not a second later, heels click rapidly up the stairs. Have I been laying here for two hours already? I shoot up in the bed as Selena tears through the door, her eyes glistening with tears. “O?” She whispers.
Seeing her brings memories of home and I break down all over again. She rushes over to me, drawing me into her arms. I cry into her chest, getting tears all over her satin t-shirt.
“I can’t believe it. ” She cries with me. “I’m so sorry. ”
Her fingers brush through my hair as her body shakes with her own tears.
“He’s gone. ” I sob. “And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. ”
“Let’s get you home. ” She holds me for a little while longer, until I manage to stem the flow of tears and pull away.
“I’ll gather a few things and meet you downstairs. ”
She leaves the room and I wobble to my feet. I feel so weak, like I’ve cried all of the energy from my body. I enter the bathroom and pick up all of my clothes. I stuff them into my suitcase and zip it up as Seth’s frame appears in the door. “Are you ready?”
I nod. “I think so. ”
He steps forward and I see his eyebrow is appropriately bandaged and his lip gleams with some kind of clear cream. “Can I walk you out?”
His question makes me smile, even if it is just a twitch of my lip. “Of course you can. ”
He grabs the handle of my suitcase and pulls it from my hand. I follow closely behind him and squint as we step out of the room and into the brightness of the lounge. I walk down the stairs one by one. There is an awkwardness to the atmosphere and I know Darryl and Jackson are trying hard not to look at me. Are they afraid I’ll freak out and break down?
“All set?” Selena asks, as she slips out of Jackson’s embrace. When I step from the stairs and onto the carpet she wraps and arm around my waist.
Darryl wrings a cap in his hand and steps toward me. “I’m really sorry to hear about your dad. . . ”
My throat constricts and I swallow hard. I’m not going to cry, not while someone is giving their condolences. I don’t want to make it anymore uncomfortable for them. “He was a really great guy and I’m honored I got to meet Rick. The team won’t be the same without him. ”
It hurt to smile, but I managed to force one. “Thank you. ”
Jackson didn’t say anything. Instead, he grabs my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. When he steps away from me, he gives me a tight smile and turns to Selena. She releases my waist and wraps her arms around him. Seth and I walk to the front door and wait in the hallway while Selena and Jackson kiss, hug, talk and whatever else they’re doing.
“I’m going to miss you, you know. ” Seth says, caressing my arm with his index finger.
“You’ll call me?” I ask, missing his voice already.
“Every day. ” He glances awkwardly over to the others.
Selena and Jackson are locked in some kind of epic battle with their tongues and Darryl has his back to them, looking out the window into the city.
When Jackson releases her, Selena straightens her purple satin blouse, with the ruffles on the front, and walks toward us. She takes my suitcase from Seth and walks a head of us, giving us as much privacy as she can. His thick fingers entwine with mine and it feels amazing. I don't want to go to the lobby. I don't want to leave him behind.
The lobby is as busy as ever—how convenient. People—especially women—stare at Seth's naked upper half. Some flush, others look away in fear at the sight of his busted lip and eyebrow. He looks a little rough with his cuts and his tattoos, not to mention his hard muscles, but he’s definitely a softy. The same hands that clench and slam into flesh are the same hands that carried me home, undressed me and massaged soap into my skin. I stop Seth as Selena exits the hotel. I want to talk to him alone.
“I’m so sorry I ruined your big night. ”
“You’re sorry my night was ruined?” He shakes his head. “Always selfless. ”
I step closer and reach up, pressing a kiss to his lips. He runs his cool fingers underneath my shirt and along my stomach. I’m going to miss his touch so much and his smile. He cups my face, running his thumbs over my cheeks. “I’ll be home as soon as this thing is over. ”
I stare into his brown eyes and they glimmer with so much emotion that I can’t pinpoint what exactly. I press my lips to his one more time and attempt to turn away, but he snags my arm and pulls me back into him, making me gasp.
He exhales heavily and moistens his lips. “I wasn’t going to say anything, not yet, but in light of what’s happened, I feel like it’s something you should hear right now. . . ” he pauses, staring directly into my eyes and smiles a little. “Fuck. I’m such a mess. I’ve never had to do this before. ”
Do what? I lean back a little, eyeing him cautiously. What does he want to say? I’ve read enough romance novels to rightfully assume he’s setting up for an ‘I love you’ but that’s surely not what he’s going to sa—.
“I love you. ”
My mouth drops slightly, my stomach following suit. That’s exactly what he was setting up for. Surely I misheard him. . . He watches my face, waiting for a reaction—or anything at all. He seems tense, like he’s expecting me to run.
“You love me?” I ask slowly, sounding completely dumbstruck.
“Abso-fucking-lutely. ”
My emotions are already all over the place and I don’t know how to register what he just conf
essed to me. I try to say something, but only a gust of useless air comes out.
“I—” Oh God. I can feel a buildup of tears threatening.
The harder I try not to cry, the more I blink and the more I blink, the more my eyes water. Seth’s eyes widen a fraction before crushing me to his chest.
“To be honest, I expected you to slap me, not cry. ”
I choke out a laugh. “I know, I’m sorry. You caught me off guard. . . I-I love you, too, so much. ”
He pulls away, catching my face in his hands again. “You don’t have to say it back now. I know your emotional and—”
I shake my head. “I knew I loved you before tonight—long before tonight. ”
“When were you going to tell me? Never?”
I shrug. “You’re a very intimidating guy. ”
He laughs and I love the sound. It’s music to my ears and medicine to my heart. For the last time he yanks me into him, pulling my feet off the floor and squeezing firmly. A little too firmly and my ribs ache.
“Well, now that the hard part is over we can say it all we like. ” He breathes into the nape of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. “I love you, God, I love you so much!”
A few more tears roll down my cheeks. I need to go now. The time has come to separate myself from Seth, but I can’t even though it’s only temporary. I hold on to him with everything that I have. I want to beg him to come with me and I know he would, no questions asked. He’s already proven that he’d give up everything he’s worked so hard to achieve, for me. His breath warms my neck and he presses soft kisses to it as he lowers my feet back to the ground.
“I should go. ”
“If you need anything, even a hug, call me. ”
“You’d travel to Portland and back just to give me a hug?”
He scoffs at me like it’s obvious. “I’d fly to the moon and back to comfort you when you need it. ”
“You’re crazy. ” I chuckle, walking away from him.
He rests his hands on top of his head, and tufts of dark armpit hair jut outwards. “So I’ve been told. ”
I look over my shoulder one last time as I push through the revolving doors. I drink in his features—the delicious oblique’s and narrow hips. The clear cut of his abs, the hard chest and intricate tattoos I still had no clue about, and lastly, his face—his gorgeous face. His full lips are half smiling, half pouting and his eyes are glued to me, watching me walk away.
I jump straight into Selena’s shiny, silver sports car and she takes us away from the hotel. She doesn’t say much for the first half of the drive. I know she’s hurting too and I don’t push her. Selena adored my father and he adored her—even my mother adored Selena even though Selena swears Mom isn’t a big fan of hers.
“So you want me to take you to your parent’s house?” Selena asks me. Her voice quivers and she swallows hard.
“Yeah, that’s where Mom will be. ” I’m dying to get home, but I don’t know how she’ll be when I get there. The death of Seth’s dad sent his Mom off the rails. . . would that happen to my mom? How would I handle that? The thought makes me cringe. I never really gave Seth props for looking after his mother for so long. It must be painful. . . seeing someone you love so much not care anymore. I close my eyes. Dear God, please let my mom be okay. Please give her the strength to get through this. I’m not one to pray, I don’t think I ever have been, but I’m desperate. I can’t handle my mom going off the tracks.
Not tonight.
***
I take a few deep breaths when we pull up outside my parent’s home. Looking at it hurts. I glance at Selena and she’s staring at it too. “Should I go in and see Sandra?”
I nod despite the feelings telling me to give Mom space. “Yeah, come in and if she’s too upset you can go. ”
I look at the house again. I can see the glow of the living room light through the cracks in the curtain. She’s definitely home. When we climb out of the car, I catch my bottom lip between my teeth. Already Portland feels like it has changed. Selena and I walk noisily across the pebbles—even a noise as simple as that screams home. I blow air out of my cheeks. I need to pull myself together. On the other side of that wooden door Mom might need me and I need to be strong for her. I knock on the door, giving her a moment to gather her composure—if she needs to. Surprisingly, the door opens quickly and I’m looking at Mom’s smiling face. She wipes her hands on her rose patterned apron.
“Oh honey, you’re home early. Hi, Selena. Please, come in. ” She steps to the side, but Selena and I don’t move. I watch her closely. She hardly seems affected by the death of her husband.
“Mom?”
She tucks a stray curl behind her ear. “Don’t stand out there, come inside. I’ve made pie, are you hungry?”
What the hell is going on? I realize my hands are clenched into balls at my sides. I don’t know whether to be shocked, angry or worried.
“I should go. ” Selena mutters, pinching my arm. “Sorry for your loss, Mrs. James. ”
Mom’s smile almost falters, but she manages to nod and thank her. Mom pulls me into the house, closing the door behind me. Smells, different delicious smells engulf me and I inhale. Mom disappears into the kitchen and I stand staring after her.
“I’ll set the table. ” She calls out. “We can have dinner together. ”
I force my legs toward the kitchen, my gaze falling over the photo frames filled with loving family memories. There’s one photo that catches my attention. It’s my dad outside his gym holding the ‘SOLD’ sign. His face is so vibrant, so alive. I unclench my hands and shakily reach out for it. Before I can touch it, I pull my hand back as my chest tightens unbearably and I bite my tongue against a sob. I’ll never see his face again. I’ll never hug him or kiss him. . . he’s actually gone. I yank my shirt up to wipe my eyes. I need to be strong for Mom, something is definitely wrong here. I step into the kitchen.