Kane chuckles. "He sounds like an interesting man. I'm looking forward to finally meeting him."
"You say that now." I snort with a laugh. "You have no idea what you're in for."
I swat his hands away when he tries to fondle my breasts, and when I turn to face him, I burst out with the hilarity of his pouting when I see his face. "Keep your hands to yourself, Mr. Masters. I'm sore, and my friends will be here soon. I need to get ready, and you need to prepare yourself for everything that comes with a girls' night with those two."
"I'm thinking, my love, that we need a new title for this night of shenanigans."
I smile and ignore him, walking into my living room. The mess I had left earlier when I got in the shower is completely gone. The boxes that the movers will come for tomorrow are neatly lined up behind the kitchen table, and everything else looks like my normal, tidy home, just void of all personal touches.
"I needed something to do to keep from barging into your bathroom. I figured I might as well get the packing finished so we have tomorrow free to do whatever you want before we fly out."
At the mention of tomorrow, my last day here, I remember I needed to talk to him about something that I've been thinking about a lot over the last couple of weeks. "Hey, can I run something by you?"
"Of course," he responds and takes a seat on my couch, reaching out and pulling me down into his lap.
"There's something I need to do tomorrow, and I'm not sure how you're going to take it. Well, not it, but what I need from you."
His brows furrow and a look of adorable confusion takes over his expression.
"Hear me out, okay?" I wait for his nod, the confusion taking on a hint of apprehension. I reach out and rub my finger over the tense pull of skin between his thick brows and smile when he relaxes. "I need to go to the Logan Agency."
"Fuck, no," he rushes out in a burst of anger. He looks as far from confused as he could get now.
Fury takes over him, and I rush to explain. "Stop, Kane. Please. I really need you to be able to put everything you're feeling aside and listen to me when I explain why I need to do this so badly."
He drops his head, his chin hitting his chest and I can just barely hear him softly counting. His breathing slows down slightly before looks up and gives me a brisk nod.
"I'm not sure I know the best way to explain this to you. I'm going to try the best I can, but I honestly don't know if I can put into words how important this step is for me." I shift my body so I can see him easier and rest my hands on his chest. His heart is rapidly hitting my palm and his breathing quickens slightly. Seeing how affected he is at just the thought of me going to see my stepfather and Ivy fills my heart. I've never doubted the enormity of his feelings toward me since we became official, but visibly seeing the strength of that love fills me with the confidence I need to take this last step. The final transformation into the woman I've struggled to become for too many years coming to fruition in these few moments of pounding hearts and the mingled breaths that rush together in a rapid dance between our bodies.
"The day I left Logan was one of the hardest moments I had ever experienced. Aside from losing my mom, that is. I had been floundering through a life I hated for years, until my marriage ended and I started to try to change. I went about it as unhealthy as it gets. The quest to feel worthy of myself wasn't one I realized I was on until, through your love, I was able to really see. I starved myself in every way I could. Physically, to try to fit a mold I can now happily say I will never fit. But also mentally. I let myself put up with the verbal lashings that whipped me into a fearful life with my marriage. And I let it happen with Dominic and Ivy. I put myself through that because I was, I think, trying to prove that someone was what I needed to love myself. I so desperately wanted their love and attention that I let a man I had always thought of as my father verbally slap me over and over."
"Baby," he whispers, and I give him a smile. Not one of sadness, but one of understanding.
"It's okay, Kane. I've come to terms with all of that and accepted that it was a very painful lesson I can let either drown me or gain strength from it. I choose the strength. But in order for me move on and be able to be the woman I know I'm worthy of becoming, I have to let it go. I have to show them, you, and me that no matter how hard they tried, I win. But, most importantly, I need this closure in order to finally let it all go to be that woman."
He sighs and brings me closer as his arms come up and tighten around me. Shifting in order not to twist my body in a painful way, I return his embrace. He guides my head to his shoulder as I take a deep breath to inhale his scent.
Another deep sigh comes from him before he speaks.
"You're asking me to stand by and let you be put in harm's way, Willow, and I'm not sure that's something I'm going to be able to do. I might not have seen the way you struggled for years with my own eyes, but I did see the beautiful woman trapped inside, a woman terrified to live because of the way those people had made her feel. I've watched you win, and you don't have to prove that to anyone, baby."
God, I love this man. "It's not just anyone, Kane." I sigh. "It's me. I have to prove it to me." I push off his hold and look at his face. "I need this, honey. I want to do this so I can get the closure I need and move on once and for all with no ties to the negative pain that was drowning me. I have to do this."
His features are tense with struggle as he tries to understand why I'm asking this of him. To fight against himself and his need to protect those who he loves. I know that what I'm asking of him goes against his character. To sit back and watch someone you have the basic instincts to protect willingly walk into a situation that you have the power to shield them from is unfathomable.
The painful fog that had been building, making his eyes look like the deep navy clouds of a brewing storm, ebbs slightly, and he lets out a noise of resignation.
"If you feel that you need to do this that badly, then I'll support you and this decision one hundred percent. I hate it though. I hate that you feel you have to put yourself through this, but I understand--or I'm trying to. But, Willow, you can't expect me to let you walk into hell without me. I will never be okay with not being there to hold your hand when you might need me. We're in this together."
"You have to let me do this alone. I have to do this alone." I hate that I can't find the right words, the words I need to make him see how it won't be the same if I don't do this on my own. "I'm not afraid of them." I exhale softly.
"I think it's time for you to realize you will never be alone again, Willow. Together, we go, but it's your show, and I promise you that I will let you lead. I won't take this away from you because I can tell you really believe you need it. I'm there to be silent strength if you need it. But I will not let harm come to the woman I love. I vow to you that I will only step in if I feel it's necessary for your safety. But please don't ask me to stay behind."
"Okay," I comply; leaning forward, I drop a soft, closed-mouth kiss to his lips. "Thank you. I know it isn't fair to you that I'm asking you to push aside every instinct you have to protect me, but I think a little part of me needs you to see I'm no longer afraid to actually live. I'm happy, and to be free of the fear and shame I had been trapped in, I have to be the one to fight it back."
"God, Willow. I see it every day. In every blinding smile you freely give. Present in each take-charge, confident sway of your hips. It's in every single breath you take."
His words ease the trepidation I had when I started this conversation. Not in the path that I felt I needed to take, but because I know and understand just how immeasurable it is that he's giving me something that will mentally pain him to allow. I'm ready for this, to shut the book of my past life and move on. Move on and be worthy of not just his love, but also my own.
KIRBY ARRIVED WHEN KANE AND I were enjoying a heated kiss. The kind that is just seconds away from turning into naked bodies and sweaty skin. Thank God, it wasn't Eddie. One look at Kane's naked torso and he would
have gone insane. Completely insane.
Eddie's flight was delayed, so he would be joining us later. I can't wait to see him after being away for so long. We've talked on the phone plenty, but not enough. His time difference in Europe made the chats we did have too short for my liking.
One thing he's made perfectly clear though is that he's beyond thrilled with how things have turned out. I know a lot of that has to do with the change he's heard in my voice over the last almost two months, but I think a little part of Eddie's happiness is knowing that the one man we had claimed as unattainable has stolen my heart ... just as I have his.
"Are you all packed?" Kirby asks and stuffs a handful of popcorn in her mouth.
I nod but keep my attention on the television we had been watching for almost two hours. True to form, girls' night is in full swing. The wine is flowing, nails have been painted, and our skin exfoliated. I decided to skip the mud masks that we would normally end the beauty portion of our night with because, let's face it, there is nothing sexy about being covered in drying mud as it cracks all over your skin.
Kane skipped our pampering but sat, drank, and laughed with us. Well, until we had a brilliant idea to turn on this movie. He hasn't been shy about his dislike for our feature film of the evening. I hear him grumble again, but I still don't look away. I blindly raise my wine glass to my mouth and take a hearty swig to ease the dryness in my throat.
"This acting is almost as bad as a porn," he criticizes.
Kirby laughs at Kane's complaint.
"You are not wrong, but I think it's safe to say that no one is actually watching this for the acting. I mean, look at the way Channing moves those hips," Kirby responds, making a clucking sound with her tongue. "Who is that hunk dancing with him?"
I clear my throat. Watching this scene between Channing and Twitch is making me way too hot and bothered. I imagine Kane doing the things I've been watching, and the thoughts of him spinning me around while grinding on top of me, in me--heck, all over me--is making my body heat to impossible levels.
"Twitch," I respond, my voice betraying the cool and calm I had been trying to fake.
"Who?"
Turning my eyes from the television before I attack Kane and beg him to strip for me, I look at Kirby before addressing her question.
"Twitch, I forget his real name. He was on Dancing with the Stars, no ... the other one, what was that called?"
"So You Think You Can Dance," Kane offers, and I turn to look at him. He gives me a knowing smile, and I feel my face heat. "He actually was in a few movies before that show made him better known. I don't know a lot about him, but I think he's choreographed some of those dance movies too. Last I saw, he had been doing a lot on Ellen."
"What he said," I tell Kirby and smile when Kane throws his head back and laughs, reaching out to pull me to his side.
"Well, wherever he's from, he's just as delicious as Channing."
I ignore Kirby and settle into Kane's side, turning my head to look at him. "So...?"
He laughs even harder. "Don't even think about it. I'll get naked for you, baby, but there won't be any of that stupid dancing going on."
"I'll dance for you, Willow." Kirby giggles.
I open my mouth to send a sarcastic comment her way, but the lock clicks from the front door and the door opens with enough force to slam against the wall.
"Hello, my best friends! Eddie is here, and he wants some hugs from his best girls!"
"Eddie!" Kirby and I both scream at the same time and jump from the couch to run to him. There's a lot of talking after that--excited gabble of nonsense, giggles, and even some tears--before Eddie goes silent and openly gawks over our shoulders. Oh, my God, I had completely forgotten that Kane was here.
"Holy shit," Eddie gasps.
I elbow him, and Kirby giggles.
"Eddie, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Kane. Kane, this is my other best friend, Eddie." I pull Eddie into the room and bring him to where Kane is standing, smile on his face, dimple out, and thankfully, for Eddie's sanity, fully dressed.
Kane reaches out a hand in greeting, but Eddie, for the first time I have ever witnessed, is completely star struck. I give him an elbow to the side, but he doesn't even register me.
"Seriously, Edward?" Kirby hoots. "I have never seen him like this, Kane. You should probably just ignore him. I bet he wouldn't even blink if the room fell down around him at this point. Hey, Willow?" She starts to laugh even harder now making me wonder where she's going with this.
"Yeah?"
"I bet we could snap him out of this trance. Come over here and let me give you another kiss. Bet that would shock him stupid enough to come to his senses." She's laughing so hard now that she falls down on the couch, tears leaking from her eyes.
I close my eyes and try to remember why I love her so much and why I would be sad if I killed her. Well, I would be sad tomorrow, but right now, I wouldn't be.
"Kiss again?" Eddie asks, finally turning away from Kane. "You two bitches kissed and no one told me?"
"Like you care! You just thought it was funny because it made me uncomfortable when you brought us to the club with you and someone asked if Kirby and I were a couple."
"Did you see this kiss?" Eddie questions Kane, all signs of his stupid star-struck trance gone. "Tell me someone caught this on tape. I've been waiting to have them drunk enough to get a blackmail kiss for years!"
"Sorry, man, I can't say I was around for that one," Kane responds and then lets out a loud belly laugh when I roll my eyes at him.
"Nice to meet you. Sorry about that." Eddie reaches out and I watch the two most important men in my life shake hands.
They start talking, and I look over at Kirby. "I'm going to strangle you," I tell her, unsmiling.
"Yeah, right. You told me we shouldn't tell him because he would never let it go. I didn't agree."
"Whatever. Now, he's going to try to get us to kiss again. You know he's been convinced we would have been the best lesbian couple ever."
"Well, we probably would have." Her giggles pick up speed, and I can't help but to join in.
Grabbing the wine bottle, I refill our empty glasses before picking up the one that had been waiting for Eddie and pouring him some.
We spend the next few hours talking and laughing. Having all the people who I love together in one place is one of the best feelings. I hate knowing I won't see Eddie much after tonight. Even if I weren't moving to California in a few days, I still wouldn't have moments like this often. He's living a transient lifestyle now that he is traveling full time for work. The plus side though is that he will often be on the West Coast, LA specifically, when he's on location.
"I still don't know how you two have managed to dodge reporters for this long." Eddie laughs. "I saw a few pictures of you guys together while you were down South, but none that show Willow clearly enough. Shockingly, there hasn't been any mention of Kane Masters and his new mystery woman."
"He kept her tied to the bed," Kirby jokes, pointing her finger and narrowing her eyes toward Kane. "I swear when we weren't on set I hardly ever saw her. Even when she was in the same house as I was. Those two would disappear for HOURS!"
"You didn't tell me that," Eddie whines at Kirby before turning back to where Kane and I are cuddled together on the couch. "So when you weren't locked away doing sordidly delicious things to our Willow, how exactly did you manage to keep your relationship locked tighter than the nation's secrets?"
Leave it to Eddie to throw that out there. Sure, it's something I've wondered myself, but I figured Kane had his reasons, and if I had doubted our relationship, then maybe it would bother me, but I just left it as it was.
"Just because I haven't gone out of my way to give them the pictures they want doesn't mean I'm trying to keep her or us a secret." Kane answers Eddie with a strong conviction in his voice. I smile at Eddie, hoping that is enough for him to lay off. I should have known better, though; Eddie seems to be on a mission.
"It doesn't have anything to do with all the rumors flying around about Mia Post, does it?"
Eddie's question makes me tense. I try not to, but Kane's still holding back when it comes to explaining more about Mia and his relationship--or better yet, explaining to me why he refuses to give me more when those rumors in question are thrown in my face.
I trust him, but it's hard to get upset when he just asks you to call upon that trust and drop it.
Kane shifts; the legs holding me between them flex with his movements. "No, Eddie. There isn't some nefarious reason for me to want to keep my private life out of the media. Mia and I are friends. Because of the closeness we've had through years of friendship, the media chooses to make it seem like more in order to sell their garbage."
I can tell Eddie wants to press him about Mia. Part of me wants him to, but I know if Kane won't tell me everything yet, there is no way he's going to tell Eddie. I just have to trust he will tell me when he's ready. I'm starting to think that maybe they did have a relationship at one point that was more than just friends, but it just didn't work. I could see why he wouldn't want to tell me about it; Mia is a beautiful woman, and I'm pretty sure she would intimidate anyone if they were faced with a friendship and old flame.
"I can get the whole keeping your private life to yourself, but surely, you know that it would be much easier to shut up the lies if you and Willow were seen, and the relationship brought to light, I don't know, denied the latest round of slander?"
"It's not that easy, Eddie. Not when you're dealing with people who will do whatever it takes to sell their shit. I do not intend to shield my relationship with Willow, not at all, but I also knew that building something with her was more important to me than trying to start that and have to fight off the media."
"So? Does that mean now that you two are officially a couple, oozing love every second you're around each other, and all kissy kissy, that you plan to take it public?" Eddie sighs, clearly exasperated, and waits for Kane's response.
"I haven't been keeping her or our relationship from going public. I just haven't been going out of my way to catch their attention while we were filming. I also didn't want to thrust that on her until she was ready to deal with that madness."