Chapter Twenty-Six
I tried to relax my panic stricken body. My cracked lavender rose heart pounded in my chest like it was about to explode with a pungent odor, and my muscles tensed to the point of being cemented in place. With abundant reluctance, I opened my eyes, and feverishly worked to control the flood gates that contained my tears.
I could not look at Ben yet. My emotions would give me away. I wanted to catch my breath and compose myself. If these were my last moments ever with Ben, I wanted to be level headed and enjoy them to remember for the remainder of my days.
I took a deep breath and blew air out between my lips … yet … I couldn’t make eye contact with Ben at this moment. It would be my undoing. I felt extremely fragile. Ben was a Terrean and I couldn’t hide anything from him.
I closed my eyes again. I had to. It was the only way I could deal with what I knew and with the heart break that was imminent.
I could feel him watching me as he waited. I wondered if he was concentrating to manipulate the aura around me to be peaceful and calming. I had seen them do it in Une Autre Terre.
He was a Terrean, after all.
And being so, it must have been extremely hard for him to resist the temptation to touch me. But thankfully he did. His touch was the last thing I needed right now. I needed space to breathe. I needed space to gather my thoughts and my erratic emotions.
The silence in the room deafened me.
Then, to my utter surprise, Ben left Gran’s drawing room. I heard his footsteps fade into the distance.
I sucked in a fast and loud breath and opened my eyes in fear.
This was not happening. I didn’t want to believe it was real.
But I must face the reality. What choice did I have?
Now, not only did I have to think about myself, I had to think about Gran, Poppy, Ben, and his Terrean family. I was the least important person in this journey. Yet, I was the most important as well. The lives of everyone concerned rested with me.
Whatever I decided would affect everyone...
I knew I could not possibly choose what I wanted, which was to keep Ben with me. So ultimately, my choice was actually not my choice at all. I was simply an instrument to put everything into motion.
I wandered about the house and looked for Ben. I found him outside on the swing of the Magnificent Tree.
His eyes were focused on the grass in front of him. But I knew he felt my presence—he was a Terrean.
He looked up at me and studied my face. I knew he could read through the calm mask I had practised putting over my face to conceal my true feelings.
I stopped before him and looked into his eyes. His beautiful cerulean Terrean eyes. ‘Ben,’ I whispered. But I couldn't contain the powerful emotion of fear of losing him that I held inside me anymore. The floodgates opened, spilling tears down my cheeks, and loud sobs escaped from me.
Ben promptly got off the swing and came to me. I buried my face into his shoulder, and let out long deep sobs.
He could feel the pain in my cracked lavender rose heart—I knew he could—he was a Terrean.
He held me tightly and placed his right hand onto my head. For him, it would have felt like the right thing to do. He held me for a long time, even as it started to rain.
I stopped crying, and tried to breathe in calmness again. Everything was in motion and I couldn’t stop it. I had to move with it.
Ben placed his hands on either side of my face and looked at me. His cerulean eyes glowed with brightness. ‘Cate, you mean the world to me. I want to protect you and keep you safe,’ he whispered.
And when I was with him, he could do that, and nothing else mattered.
He kissed the top of my head with a delicateness that made me feel cherished, and worked his way down over my eyes and cheekbones with tenderness. His lips found mine, gently at first, and then he kissed me with deep passion. He took my mouth like it was his, like I was his and always had been.
And I wanted. I yearned.
I could not fight my desire for him anymore, and I didn’t want to. My head spun and my lavender rose heart pounded as my knees grew weak.
I needed him. I wanted him, now.
The rain beat down harder upon us. Lightning filled the sky and thunder echoed around us, but neither of us moved.
I was lost in him, utterly and completely, totally oblivious to the danger of what was happening around us as my hunger for him was unquenchable.
My hands fumbled as I desperately tried to unbutton his shirt and his pants. He helped me and within seconds he was bare, dripping in the rain.
It was the first time I had ever seen him in all of his glory and it sent my desire into overdrive. I ran my hands over his muscular form—he was too beautiful—he was a Terrean.
He lowered his head and moved his lips onto mine, kissing me as if I was about to break. His hands moved gently as he removed my clothes with care. I heard him take in a sharp breath as he looked at me. He had never seen me naked. Our relationship had been innocent in its purest form.
He pulled me against him, and for the first time our bare skin touched. For a moment I thought I would faint as I was overloaded by my endless love for him.
He wrapped his arms around me and lowered me to the wet grass, connected in eye love.
‘Ben,’ I whispered and pulled him closer. I was more than ready to give in to my desire for him, overwhelmed by the depth of my love for him, and overwhelmed by the reality that he was about to leave me. And what was worse, that he would leave my world.
I never wanted this moment to end. I ached for him and there was nothing more I would ever want.
He looked deeply into my eyes, his cerulean eyes burning with love and desire and passion. He positioned himself ready to become one with me, and I wanted. I had been waiting for this intimacy with him for all of my life.
And then the hail began.
Pelting down on the roof.
Pelting down on the ground.
Pelting down on Ben’s back.
Protecting me with his body, Ben lifted me and carried me inside the house. We kissed again and our passion reignited. But then Ben stepped away from me, frustration radiating from him.
His voice was pained as he whispered, ‘I can’t do this with you. I promised you when we first met … remember? As deeply and as passionately as I love you, I cannot break that promise. If I do, I will consider myself a weak man and I will feel that I have failed you. I love you too much to do that to you, to us, and to our love and respect for each other. I am choosing to protect your heart. I want you for me. I want you to be mine. I can never risk losing you. Ever.’
But unknown to him, that is exactly what was about to happen…
I looked into his eyes with depth and loved him even more than I did before. I never thought it was possible to love him more, but I did.
I stepped towards him and whispered against his lips, ‘I love you, forever and a day.’ I kissed him and my cracked lavender rose heart started to break. I backed away from him, and went upstairs to the safety of the warm shower.
At first, I stood under the soothing warmness of the cascading water, strangely devoid of emotion. And then, as I leaned against the wall, my damaged lavender rose heart started to ache.
Without blinking, in a state of shock, I slid down the shower wall until I could go no further, and I sat on the shower floor with my arms crossed over my chest. I rocked back and forth with the reality hitting me that I was about to be parted from the man I loved; the beautiful man I loved. And, there was not a thing I could do about it.
My fate had been decided for me and I had no control of what would happen.
Once this stark reality set in, I stood, lifted my chin, and decided to get on with the inevitable. I might as well push forward toward the inescapable emotional pain that was destined to be in my life. I may as well as get it over and done with.
When I headed down the stairs, Ben passed me on his way up to s
hower. He did not look at me. Nor did he speak to me.
Was it me, or was it him?
It didn’t matter, I probably deserved it.
Perhaps it would be easier to part with him like this.
I went to the kitchen and made a hot cup of tea. It would help to soothe my nerves. I was not looking forward to what I had to do. In fact, I made two cups of hot tea. I was sure he would need something after he learnt of his life story—where he came from.
I headed to the sofa in the sitting room and wrapped my hands around my teacup, like it was my life raft.
An ember sparked in the burning fireplace.
I heard him descend the stairs and walk towards me and my heart raced.
I sipped my tea slowly, absent-mindedly, disconnected to the present. I did not want to look at him yet—I couldn’t. I didn’t have the emotional strength…
He sat beside me.
Without looking at him I handed him a teacup.
‘Cate, talk to me. I need to know what’s going on,’ he said. His voice was shaky. He placed the teacup on the table.
My eyes remained fixated on the flowers outside the window as the rain continued to fall. I spoke without emotion in my voice, and I dare not look at him—the man who I truly and deeply loved.
I took a deep breath. ‘The vials contain the hair of my Poppy, and the tears of my Poppy. The large key unlocks a door in the floor to a portal that leads to a parallel world, where Gran, Poppy, and your biological parents and your people are. All I can do now is to unlock the door. But you are the Messenger they are waiting for. You, and you alone must take the vials back to Une Autre Terre—the parallel world. When you arrive there, all of the questions you have had about yourself over the years will be answered.’ I turned to him.
He sat motionless, searching for words that did not come. Then he looked towards the back door as if he was going to run.
He shook his head from side to side like he refused to believe what I was saying. Then he put his head into his hands, his fingers strained. ‘What am I to do, Cate, tell me,’ he whispered, with anger in his voice. Then again he repeated the words, louder and with force. ‘What am I to do, Cate … tell me!’
I returned my gaze to the flowers outside the window. I saw him look up at me from the corner of my eyes. I couldn’t make eye contact with him—it was too painful.
He knelt in front of me and held my face in his hands. ‘Tell me. What am I to do!’ he said with a slow, stern voice.
I moved my eyes to him, keeping my face without emotion and simply said, ‘You must take the vials back to the parallel world. You don’t have a choice. If you don’t, then I have failed Gran, and I assume, your biological parents. And at the same time, I have also failed you.
You know I will never be able to live with myself if I fail you, and our love will be destroyed.’ I kept an expressionless mask over my face. But I was betrayed by a single tear that rolled down my cheek.
This, unquestionably, was the hardest thing I had ever had to do.
And I knew, very well, that by sending Ben into the portal to his people, he may never return. And then, I would have nothing, because Ben was my everything. He was my sun.
But, I also knew very well, that I must put Gran’s and Ben’s happiness before my own, for if I didn’t, I would never be happy again.
‘I must not fail. You know, you can’t stay there, I want you back. You are mine. My world is dark without you!’ My voiced cracked as I ended my words.
He looked into my eyes and kissed me. I didn’t want the kiss to end—ever. But when it did end, I trailed my thumb over his bottom lip while tears trailed down my face. Now, I think he fully understood the powerful emotions I had been feeling, and was still feeling.
It was time.