I felt someone’s hands on my shoulders and turned to see Shelly’s sympathetic eyes staring back at me. I looked away from her and up into the sky at the bright full moon that shone down upon us, before I turned back toward the recumbent stone altar.
“I’m going to take Krista down to the car now, and then I’ll come back for Vance,” I heard my dad’s voice say.
I nodded slightly in acknowledgment.
“Why don’t you all go help him?” I added woodenly to the rest of the group. “I’d like a minute here alone before we move Vance.”
No one answered me, but I saw that they slowly trickled out of the circle after Dad.
When they were all gone, I climbed back up onto the stone and knelt next to Vance’s body.
Even in death, he still looked beautiful to me. I wiped at some of the blood that was smeared across his face, but it had dried too much already for me to remove it. I gently slid my hands beneath him and lifted his head to cradle it in my lap.
I slowly ran my fingers over his eyelids, closing them over the now-empty blue eyes that stared back at me. There were no traces of the demon face I had seen earlier when he had been fighting for his life.
As I ran my fingers through his hair repeatedly, I wondered if this would be the last time I would ever be able to do this.
“I love you,” I whispered softly to him. “Wherever you are, I hope you can still hear me. I will never stop loving you. If I live to be a thousand years old, your name will still be on the first breath I take in the morning, and it will be the last thing I say at night.” I paused for a moment, tracing my fingers over his masculine features. “Please forgive me for not being able to save you,” I said and I reached down to intertwine my fingers with his, lifting his hand to my mouth to lightly kiss each one of his fingertips.
When I was done, I gently laid my cheek against the back of his hand, trying to memorize the feel of it there. I stayed that way in silence for several long moments before my dad’s voice finally interrupted me.
“Are you ready, Portia?” he asked from beside me.
“Yes,” I replied, slowly nodding my head.
I gently moved out from under Vance’s head and slid back down to the ground. I stood back while Dad reached up and pulled Vance’s limp form into his arms. I couldn’t help the little gasp that escaped my lips when his unsupported head fell backwards.
Grandma appeared next to me then, stepping up to the stone and reciting something over it. Instantly Vance’s blood that stained the rock began to disappear. She turned then and placed an arm around my shoulders.
Without a word we followed Dad together, making our way out of the circle and down the path to where the vehicles were waiting.
Dad carried Vance over to where he had parked his car just a short time earlier, the door still standing wide open the way he had left it.
“Put him in the backseat with me,” I instructed, and Dad nodded his head in agreement.
I climbed into the seat from the driver’s side and scooted over so Dad could lay the body inside. Once again I cradled Vance’s head in my lap.
Dad got in behind the wheel, and Grandma got in the front passenger seat.
“We decided to go back to the keep tonight. We’ll have more privacy there than at the hotel,” Dad explained.
“Okay,” I replied, feeling numb.
“Do you feel comfortable enough for such a long trip?” Grandma asked me with a concerned look.
“I’m fine,” I said, staring at the body lying next to me. “Let’s go.”
I was actually glad that I was going to have the extra time to just be with him. I wasn’t ready to let go just yet. I reached out to place his hand in mine, and I could feel the coolness beginning to creep into his limbs now.
He was really gone.
I let the silent tears fall.
Chapter 25
My dad had used his government contacts to procure us a private jet to fly home in the next morning.
A body bag had arrived with the car that would take us to the airport. I thought my heart was going to fall out of my chest when I watched my dad pull the zipper up over the face of my sweet husband.
I was completely numb from head to toe now, running in robotic mode, while I sat next to the wooden casket that had been waiting for us on the plane. Thankfully, my family had the coffin placed at the far end of the plane and not in the cargo area. I was able to sit there next to it, by myself, alone with my thoughts.
I had run over the events of the previous night in my mind many times. The one thing that continued to stand out to me was the fact that Vance’s demon attributes had come to the surface after he had been stabbed. We had been so sure he had been cured from that.
I brought the subject up with my Grandma later that evening, wondering why it had happened. She didn’t really have any answers for me, but she reminded me that we never really knew what had happened with him. We all just assumed that he had been completely healed somehow.
I guessed that we were stupid to have thought that would be the case. After all, he had been fed demon blood again while we were staying with Douglas and Fiona. And surely having had the strength to perform a demon kiss on his father must have meant something. Not only was he able to perform the kiss, but he also assimilated all of Damien’s powers, as well as those that Damien had stolen from other people. Maybe the reason he stopped having withdrawals after performing the kiss was just because the demon side of him was being fed something it needed from the transfer. He had complained to me on several separate occasions about the difficulty he had been having over controlling his emotions.
I sighed heavily, glancing up the aisle a few rows to where Krista was still sleeping heavily. Whatever drug Douglas and Fiona had used on her was certainly taking a long time to wear off. She hadn’t even moved a muscle, didn’t even know that her son had died trying to save her.
I was not looking forward to having to tell her about it, yet at the same time I was hoping she might hold some of the answers to my questions. Not that any of it mattered. Answers were not going to bring him back to me.
I felt a little queasy suddenly, and I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything yet today. My mind instantly went to the day when I had gotten sick and Vance was sure I was pregnant. I would give anything to be pregnant right now, just so I could have a little piece of him with me still. I knew that wasn’t the case, though, since he had been very careful to make sure it didn’t happen.
I stood up and walked down the aisle to where a tray of fruits had been set on the side board.
“Getting an appetite back?” my mom asked me casually when I reached out for an apple.
“No,” I said. “I’m just starting to feel a little bit sick right now.”
“Is there anything I can do for you?” she asked me with a concerned look crossing her features.
“No, Mom,” I said, and I took a bite. “I’ll be fine,” I added, over my mouthful of the crisp fruit, and I made my way back toward the rear of the plane, thinking I would never be fine again and that the painful ache I was feeling would always be with me.
I stopped to check on the sleeping Krista, before I made my way back to Vance’s casket. I sat down and placed my free hand on the surface that covered his mortal remains.
I must have finally fallen asleep after I finished my apple because when I awoke, it was to find we were on final descent into New York for refueling. The tears popped instantly into my eyes when I remembered the last time I had been here was on the first day of Vance’s and my honeymoon.
“Are you okay?” Shelly’s voice asked, and she slid quickly into the seat beside me, buckling her belt.
“Is it ever going to get any easier?” I asked, looking her in the eyes, the tears streaming quietly down my face.
“I honestly don’t know,” she replied reaching over to hold my hand. “I’ve never had to experience anything like this before.”
“I just keep thinking about how he tol
d me that he wanted us to be together forever, beyond this life and into the next. He told me he couldn’t believe that a just God, who could create the universe, would send us here without some type of plan for us. I can’t seem to find the justice in this, though. Look at all we’ve been through so we could have a life together, and this is how it’s supposed to end? I can’t accept this,” I said searching her eyes for answers that I knew she couldn’t possibly have.
“I don’t know why things happened this way, Portia,” she responded honestly. “But I do know one thing, and that is the fact that Vance loved you with every fiber of his being. Most people on this earth will never get to experience the kind of love that he had for you or you for him. You should treasure it as a great gift, even though it was a short one.”
“I will treasure it always. It’s the only thing I have left of him,” I replied solemnly. “He told me once, if he were to die before me, that he’d be waiting for me to join him on the other side.” I laughed in disgust at the thought. “Do you realize that could be centuries from now? I’m going to outlive all of you! I couldn’t die if I tried! I am stuck here in mortality. Not only do I have to live without the love of my life, I’ll eventually lose all of you, too. You’ll have the chance to see Vance long before I ever will.”
I could tell she didn’t know what to say to me, so she just laid her head on my shoulder.
“I really am sorry, Portia,” she said, the tears welling in her eyes. “I loved him, too.”
“I know you did,” I replied, reaching out and squeezing her hand tightly, and she turned her palm up so she could lace her fingers with mine. “We all did.”
We sat in silence, and the plane touched down and taxied off the runway. When we were at a complete stop, Dad unbuckled his belt and came back to check on us.
“You doing okay back here?” he asked, looking at both of us. “Do you want to get off the plane while we refuel and stretch your legs a bit? Some of the others are going to.”
“I’ll be fine,” I replied, not wanting to leave Vance or Krista on the plane by themselves. “You go ahead,” I said to Shelly when I looked down the aisle. “It looks like Brad is waiting for you.”
“I can stay with you,” she replied.
“No, go ahead. I’m fine,” I said, trying to reassure her.
She squeezed my hand one more time before letting go and moving past me to go meet Brad.
“Portia, why don’t you go, too?” Dad asked with concern. “I’ll stay here with Vance and Krista.”
“Dad,” I began, and my chin quivered slightly, “there are only going to be a few more moments in my life that I’m going to be able to physically be next to him. I don’t want to squander one minute of it. Please … I need to stay.”
“I understand, Pumpkin,” he said, pursing his lips together for a second before he reached out to pat my leg. “I’ll be right outside if you need me, all right?”
“Thanks, Dad,” I said, attempting to smile, though I really didn’t feel like doing such a thing at all.
Thirty minutes later, everyone was re-boarded and we were ready to take off again. After we were airborne, Brad unbuckled his belt and came back toward me, carrying something bulky under his arm.
“Here. I thought you might like this,” he said, and he glanced quickly toward the casket next to me, swallowing as though he had a large lump in his throat.
He was holding out a fluffy pillow wrapped in a blanket.
“Thank you, Brad. This looks really comfy,” I replied reaching out for them, and he placed them in my hands.
He kept standing there for a few awkward moments, his Adam’s apple bobbing hard in his throat.
I waited patiently since I could see he had something he was trying to say.
“He was ….” He clenched his jaw hard, trying to control his emotion. “He was my best friend.”
“I know.” I smiled slightly, and my lips trembled at his comment. “He felt the same about you, too.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more,” he said, pursing his lips together.
I just looked into his glassy eyes and nodded. “It was his choice, Brad. There was nothing any of us could do about it,” I reminded him.
“But I don’t know what I can do to help you,” he said, and a single tear finally made its way over the edge of his eye.
“You’re already doing it,” I said, reaching out to take his hand.
He leaned in then to give me a full bear hug. “Love you, Portia,” he said quickly before straightening and walking briskly away.
“Love you too, Brad,” I whispered quietly under my breath.
I watched him walk away, back to join Shelly before I undid my seatbelt and lay across the adjoining seats. I placed the pillow under my head while cuddling up with the blanket, and then I closed my eyes, letting sleep claim me almost instantly.
I dreamed this time. I was standing alone in my purple field of flowers, and I twirled around looking for Vance, but he wasn’t there. I sank to my knees, held my head in my hands and sobbed.
The last words I ever heard him say echoed over and over again in my mind.
“I love you, Portia. I’m sorry. I love you, Portia. I’m sorry. I love you, Portia. I’m sorry.”
“I can’t take this anymore!” I screamed at the top of my lungs in my dream. “Stop it! Stop it!”
Still the words kept coming.
“I love you, Portia. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m…Portia, help me.”
I bolted awake, straight up in my seat, staring at the casket in front of me. I hopped out of my chair and quickly knelt beside it, throwing the lid open to grab the zippered bag inside.
“What’s going on?” my dad yelled, and he raced back toward me right when I yanked the zipper of the bag downward.
“He was calling me!” I shouted, and I moved the bag away from his face with trembling hands.
I sat back when his plainly deceased face came into my view.
“He was calling me!” I said in a choked whisper, and I placed my arms around my waist in an attempt to stop the shaking.
My dad dropped to his knees and pulled me into his embrace.
“It was just a dream, Pumpkin. I’m sorry. It was just a dream.”
I buried my head into his chest and sobbed loudly, not caring who could hear me.
“I can’t do this, Daddy,” I cried, and my mom came to join us at my side. “I can’t live without him.”
Chapter 26
The hearse was there waiting for us at the airport when we landed. Dad, Brad, the pilot, and the man from the mortuary who had come onboard, carried Vance’s casket off the plane. I followed numbly behind them, and we stepped onto the tarmac, into the hot July air of Sedona, Arizona.
There was a gurney at the bottom of the steps, and Vance’s temporary casket was placed on that and then rolled over to the back of the funeral vehicle. The gurney was then collapsed, and the entire unit was slid into the back of the car.
“Thank you for your help,” my dad said, reaching out to shake the attendant’s hand.
“No problem, Mr. Mullins. We’ll take care of everything from here,” he replied.
“I do have one request,” Dad spoke up again. “We already know what the cause of death was, so we’d like to ask that you do not perform an autopsy.”
“Not a problem, sir. We already received an official fax from the coroner saying that an autopsy was not necessary,” the man replied.
“Wonderful,” my dad said. “Also because of our religious beliefs, we ask that the body not be embalmed either.”
“I’ll be sure that’s added into the notes, although it seems as if I remember that request already being on there,” he replied.
“That’s good,” Dad said. “We’ll be in touch with you over the final funeral arrangements soon.”
I stood rooted to my spot while I watched the car carry Vance away from me and out of my sight.
My dad didn’t rush me, instead waiting pat
iently beside me until I turned to go toward the waiting vehicle.
“A coroner never examined the body,” I stated while we walked toward the car together.
“I know,” he replied with a sigh. “I pulled a few strings. We don’t know if Vance’s demon DNA might have brought up unusual results in an autopsy. We figured it was best to bypass it.”
He opened the door to the waiting SUV, allowing me to climb in the front next to him. Everyone else was already inside.
“We need to have the funeral as soon as possible, Portia,” he added as he started the vehicle.
“Why?” I asked, not even wanting to think about it.
“Because we aren’t embalming the body. He will …,” he glanced apologetically at me, “decay much faster.”
I felt physically ill at the thought.
“Of course, we’ll help you with anything you need,” he offered.
“I don’t think we should plan anything until Krista wakes up,” I replied, running a hand through my hair. “He’s her only child, and he died trying to save her. She needs to be involved in this, too.”
“You’re right,” he said. “Hopefully she’ll be awake before too long.”
“Don’t rush her into this hell,” I responded softly. “Let her be blissfully unaware for as long as she possibly can be.”
We drove unspeaking through town, and my eyes couldn’t help but notice all the places that held memories of Vance for me. It became too overwhelming for me, and I finally had to close my eyes against the sight until we pulled up at our house.
When I opened my eyes again, though, it was to find the yard was covered in members of our coven, and their families, who waited to greet us. I wasn’t in the mood to meet anyone right now, but I knew they were all meaning well.
My dad got out of the car and came around to open my door. I stepped out of the vehicle and into the waiting arms of Babs who hugged me so tightly I thought I might never breathe again.