CHAPTER 14
Quinn cursed herself as she remained unyielding against him. The one thing she’d been taught all of her life was to keep control and never slip up. It was impossible to hide what she was when she was overemotional. There had been no way to pass as a human in the beginning of her life, and then no way to pass as a vampire after her life had ended.
She’d slipped up in front of him, something she hadn’t allowed to happen in years. Control and restraint, they were the cornerstones of her life. He’d knocked her off all of her foundations with his sarcastic words, tender kisses, constant meddling into her life, overwhelming presence, and his I love you to another woman.
Those words had been her complete undoing, a wound that cut deeper than any scar on her ever could have. Chris and Melissa had told her about Cassie and the way Julian felt about her, but there had been no way to prepare herself to hear him say those words to her. Then, he’d never even given her a chance to try and recover. Instead he’d continued to come at her, and torn at scabs that would never heal.
Now he was holding her within his solid embrace. The heat of his mouth warmed her and caused her skin to tingle as his lips pressed against her neck. Everything in her screamed to give him a zap he would never forget. The power swirled up within her like an avalanche, determined to take out everything in its path. She’d been ready to strike out against him; she found herself easing into his embrace instead. Her arms wrapped around his waist; her cheek pressed against his chest.
This was not supposed to happen, but as the realization blazed across her mind, she found herself melting further into the formidable man holding her. His hand slid into her hair, he cradled the back of her head as he held her closer. “I only mean to keep you safe; you have to help me do that.”
“You’re asking me to reveal things only dead people knew and to revisit things I’ve spent the past six years trying not to recall.”
His lips brushed over her face before he pressed his cheek against hers. “We’ve all done things we’d prefer not to recall. I was a monster, a vicious brutal murderer who took a lot of pleasure in destroying lives and inflicting misery upon others. No matter how different I am now, that monster is still there, just beneath the surface. I may not give into my more savage urges anymore, but I will do whatever is necessary to keep anyone I care about safe.” She closed her eyes as she absorbed those words. “You’re not a monster, Quinn.”
A shudder ran through her; her hands clenched involuntary upon the thick muscle of his back. “You don’t know what I’ve done.”
“There’s nothing you could have done that would be any worse than anything I’ve done in my extended life.” He nudged her chin up with his thumb and held her so she had to look at him. “There’s nothing you can tell me about your past that will make me turn against you.”
She so desperately wanted to believe him. No one had ever known what she’d done; she’d never planned to tell anyone about it. It was her dirty secret, her shame to live with; her nightmare to face whether asleep or awake. What would it be like to tell someone and not have them stare at her in revulsion? What if she did tell him and he stared at her as if she were lower than vomit running through sewage?
“When I was a mere three hundred years old, I helped to slaughter over thirty people on a whim with the woman I was involved with.” Her eyes widened at his words. “She had a bigger sadistic streak than I did and attacked the handful of children also present. I may have been a monster at the time, but even I had my limits. When it was over, I destroyed that woman even though she fancied herself in love with me. I’m the last man who should ever condemn another, but she enjoyed killing those children, and I decided to be her judge and executioner. I didn’t have many standards back then, I was surprised to discover killing children was one of the two things I found beneath me. I’ve slaughtered thousands of other humans and vampires. Thousands. And it’s not something I’m proud of.”
She remained unmoving as she tried to process his revelation. He’d taken so many lives… But who was she to judge anyone? She’d taken lives too, most in self-defense, but one of those lives had been worth more to her than a hundred others.
“What is the second thing you find beneath you?” she inquired.
“I’ve never raped anyone, ever.” That was a relief to know. “Are you repulsed by me now?”
The desperate look in his eyes pulled at her heart as his gaze searched hers. He’d opened himself up, and now he felt exposed as he waited for her answer. Her heart melted; she’d never expected to see such vulnerability coming from him. Her fingers slid over his back as she sought to comfort him in some way.
“No.” The word had popped out, but now that she’d said it, she realized she meant it completely. “I would never condone it, and if it was something you still did, I wouldn’t feel the same way, but…”
“We all make mistakes,” he finished for her when she stopped speaking.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Would you like to hear more of the things I’ve done? I can keep going all night with the countless torments I’ve inflicted upon others.”
She shook her head. “If you want to tell me about it, I’ll listen. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to though.”
His forehead furrowed; the line between his brows deepened. He bent and pressed his lips against her forehead. “Maybe one day,” he murmured. “But first we have to talk about you.”
Her shoulders slumped; she bowed her head. “Ok.”
Taking hold of her hand, he led her over to the table and pulled out a chair for her. Quinn sat awkwardly in the chair and clasped her hands on the table. He rested his hands on top of hers, but she couldn’t stop her foot from tapping. Her gaze slid past his to the clock on the wall behind him.
“I have to get to work soon,” she told him.
“There’s plenty of time still.”
She couldn’t put it off forever; she knew she couldn’t, but she didn’t know how to start. He remained mute, his gaze unwavering as he waited for her to speak. “I guess there’s no better place to start than the beginning.”
A smile curved the corner of his upper lip. “So I’ve been told.”
Quinn found she couldn’t do this while sitting. Rising to her feet, she paced over to the fridge and pulled out another can of soda. Popping the top, she took a swallow before walking over to her window. She stared out at the red, pink, and orange spreading across the darkening sky as the sun had already slipped beyond the horizon.
“My mother and father were Hunters.” She didn’t turn to look at him when she spoke. She thought if she looked at him she would never continue. “My father was killed by vampires when my mother was four months pregnant with me. During the attack my mother was also killed and turned.”
Wood creaked behind her; he shifted in the chair, but showed no other reaction. “The vampires who turned my mother took her back to where they were holed up. I don’t know what their intentions were for her; I doubt she ever knew what their plan was either. Maybe they meant to see what would become of her, or maybe they knew she was pregnant with me and wanted to see what I would become. Thankfully, whatever they had planned was ruined when a couple of Hunters found the vampire’s nest and destroyed them.”
Quinn turned away from the window and paced over to the kitchen sink. “My mother’s sister and her husband were the Hunters who found and rescued her. They took my mother back with them and kept her hidden, my aunt told me she was never the same though. She never attacked them, but she’d been broken by the change and never recovered from losing my father. When I was born only two months later, perfectly healthy and normal weight, she handed me over to her sister and walked out into the sun.
“My aunt and uncle raised me. Even before my strange birth, they’d decided to tell their Guardian and The Commission we’d all perished in the attack. After my birth, they put two vampire bodies into their house, lit it on fire, and fled to Alaska with me. They had no
reason not to trust their Guardian, but they knew my existence would either be completely unwelcome, or it would create more questions and a possible case study of me. They knew how Hunters were created, and they didn’t want anyone experimenting on me.”
“Wise choice,” he murmured. “Did anyone ever search for them?”
“They were declared dead in the fire so there was no reason for anyone to.”
“Besides your early, and healthy birth, did you exhibit other nonhuman signs?”
She fiddled with the tab on her can as she spoke. “I always needed blood. Nowhere near as much as a normal vampire, but I required a few drops of blood with my formula. As I got older raw meat was the way I got it. I had a heartbeat until I changed; I never had fangs, but when I got mad my eyes would start to change color.”
“Like they did earlier?”
“Sort of. Only my irises changed color before, and they looked exactly like what you just saw without the whites of my eyes turning red. I was also stronger than a normal Hunter, I grew faster, and my ability was more lethal. The sun affected me too. It hurt my eyes, and only a half an hour under its rays would burn my skin. My cousin Betsy was born six months after me, the differences between us were impossible to ignore. My other cousin, Barry, was two years younger than me. They both went to school; I was kept home.”
Her hand went to the heart locket as her thoughts turned to Betsy. For years her cousin had been her best friend, her confidante. They’d spent many nights talking until almost daybreak about dreams and boys. She’d lived vicariously through Betsy; listening to her stories about school and a world she didn’t think she’d ever get to be a part of.
“When The Slaughter occurred, we were still in Alaska, and my family fled once again. They’d been listed as dead, but they weren’t willing to take any chances with our safety. They settled in a town a couple of hours from here in California. I wasn’t able to go out as much after the move, but we blended in with the people and assumed an entirely human lifestyle. Even with all of my abnormalities and the knowledge of what I was, my aunt and uncle treated me like their own child, and they loved me.
“When I was thirteen, I’d gained control of my ability and my strength, but I was still too afraid of losing my temper to be around other people so I remained hidden away. I didn’t think I’d ever go out in the world. By the time I was sixteen, I felt confident enough of my restraint to risk going to high school. I knew I was different but my family loved me, and they encouraged me to try and live as normal of a life as I could. My happiness was the only thing they wanted for me.”
“I’ve never heard of a vampire being born before,” he murmured.
She popped the tab off her soda and dropped the can in the sink. Leaning against the counter, she turned to face him again. “Apparently I’m a rarity.” A stab of sorrow slid through her as she remembered he’d already called her that, had already compared her to Cassie.
His gaze slid over her from head to toe and back again. “You most certainly are. So they raised you as a Hunter?”
“For the most part. I was always aware of my real heritage. They never could have kept it hidden from me, and it would have been irresponsible to try. I learned the lore of the Hunters and Guardians and was taught to fight vampires, something I do well.” She wasn’t bragging it was a simple fact. “I was determined to one day take revenge on the species who had killed my parents and slaughtered countless others, but I also enjoyed my role in the human world. When I turned eighteen, I started to prepare for high school graduation, and talk of college was eagerly discussed at the dinner table. Betsy and I were going to be roommates. Two days after graduation it all came crumbling down.”
She wrapped her hand around the locket and clasped it in her grasp as memories flooded her. It had been six years, yet the screams still echoed in her head as vividly as they had that night. The nightmares still came to her at least a few times a month.
“I’m still not sure how the vampires got in the house. One minute Barry was opening the front door, and the next thing I knew they were on us. In our home.” She lifted her head to look at him. “We’d mistakenly assumed we were safe there.”
“One of them probably had the ability of mind control. It takes age to be able to use it with a lot of force, but I’ve encountered at least a dozen mind controllers over the years. The most powerful one I know is Devon. His ability can be chilling, and he can do some impressive and lethal things with it, but at seven hundred and fifty-four years old, he’s the oldest one of us now.”
“Do you think he could have been the one who did it?” she hissed.
Julian snorted and shook his head. “No, Devon most definitely was not involved in the murder of your family.”
“How can you be so certain?”
“Because until Cassie walked into his life, Devon hadn’t killed anyone or drank human blood for almost a hundred and fifty years. Cassie’s blood was the first he’d had in all those years. The only reason he would kill another is to keep those he cares for safe.”
Quinn tilted her head. “Why did he give up human blood?”
Julian folded his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair. “Devon fancied himself in love.”
“With Cassie?”
“Oh no, this was before Cassie. A pretty girl named Annabelle he became fascinated with. She was sweet and innocent and Devon was determined to destroy that in her.”
Quinn’s stomach turned. “He sounds like a monster.”
“He was, but so was I back then.” The relentless hold of his stare made her realize he was gauging her reaction. She didn’t know what he expected to see from her, but she couldn’t fail him. “We were both monsters.” The underlying current in his flippant tone made her realize this was far more important to him than he was letting on. “And we both enjoyed it.”
“I’ve seen what vampires are capable of.”
Julian sat up in the chair, folded his hands before him and rested his elbows on his knees. “You’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg, Dewdrop; I can assure you of that much. What Devon and I did all those years, together, are things you probably can’t even imagine. Then one day Devon came across Annabelle. The only problem was Annabelle loved a human, Liam. Determined to destroy their love, Devon turned her into a vampire, and everything blew up in his face.”
Despite the lethal light in his eyes, she found herself drawn into his story. “What happened?”
“Annabelle turned out to be Devon’s downfall, or at least that’s what I considered her at the time. The night Annabelle turned, instead of becoming a mindless killing machine who turned on Liam like Devon had hoped, she slaughtered a field of cows. Devon found her there. He realized that instead of destroying her, she’d retained the characteristics that had made her good as a human. She made him realize he could be better. He stopped killing and stopped drinking human blood. After a couple of years Annabelle went to Liam, told him everything, and changed him when he agreed to it.”
“What became of them?” she asked.
“Annabelle and Liam have been mated ever since he turned. Devon remained a boring do-gooder. I hated him for it.”
“Why?”
“Why would I like him? He’d been my best friend; he’d helped to mold me into the monster I’d become, and then he walked away from it all because of a girl. I became determined to break him as punishment. I bided my time and I waited; Devon may have been good, but he was still stronger than me. Then he met Cassie, and I saw my opportunity to take him down by taking her down.”
The challenge in his gaze only intensified. “I see,” she murmured.
He rose to his feet and walked with the lethal grace of a puma across the room. Quinn remained frozen as he stopped before her and rested his hands on the counter beside her again. The tantalizing scent of him engulfed her; she became mesmerized by the eyes burning into hers. “Do you really see, Quinn? Do you really understand what I was? I tried numerous times to kill Cassie, in o
rder to destroy him. I missed my friend, but even more I wanted to destroy the good in them and the love between them, because I’d been engulfed in the evil, death and blood for centuries.”
“What happened?” The bare whisper of her question probably wouldn’t have been heard by a human.
“That’s a horror story for another time.”
She grabbed hold of his arm when he went to turn away. The powerful muscles of his forearm rippled beneath her hands, the warmth of his flesh sent little tingles into the palm of her hand. She ignored the attraction blazing to life between them.
I will not look at his lips, she chanted in her head.
“If you want to know about me then you’ll tell me what happened,” she said.
He glanced pointedly at her hand. “I could already know about you.”
It was a tactic meant to unnerve her, and it did, but she refused to release his arm. It was also a challenge. He was trying to see if he could drive her away; she wasn’t going to let him. “But you don’t.”
His eyes were callous as he stared at her. “Not yet.”
“Maybe not ever.”
He leaned closer to her, the mantra in her head kicked up as his mouth hovered only inches away from hers. “Dewdrop, you’re a mystery I’m going to solve no matter what it takes.”
Were there bones still left in her legs? She didn’t think so as his words caused his lips to brush over hers before he stepped back.
“The Commission was determined to try and create new Hunters.” He walked away from her as he spoke and over to the table. He didn’t return to his seat but rested his fingertips on the table and turned to face her. “They felt the best way to do this was to use a current Hunter and an Elder, if they could get their hands on one. Cassie had no abilities when she was a Hunter, a perilous rarity amongst your kind. They were determined to capture her if they could, but they knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to take her and Devon.”
“So they went after you?”
“They took me. I never saw those bastards coming.” The flash of red in his eyes revealed more about his fury than the growl he emitted. “A Hunter with telekinesis and some members of The Commission teamed up to take me down. They drugged me with something strong enough to knock out ten elephants and took me to a hidden laboratory under a school in upstate New York. There they locked me up and they waited.”
“Waited for what?”
“For Cassie. For their fun to begin. And then they unleashed every torture they could think of upon us. They were trying to get Cassie to turn into a monster, and I was their vampire pincushion. The only one we had to talk to was each other; we helped to keep each other sane while we were in there.”
“And you fell in love with her?”
His head tilted to the side, his hair fell across his forehead. “I did,” he confirmed.
“Did she fall in love with you?”
“No. She loves me, she always will, but she never could have fallen in love with me. After being in there with her though, I finally understood why Devon had walked away from what he’d been, and allowed Annabelle to go to Liam. I understood everything about him. Including the realization I would let Cassie go.”
“Why?”
“Because she was never mine to have. She’s Devon’s mate.”
Quinn’s gaze slid to her window. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say. He’d been through hell and back; he’d been locked away like an animal, tortured, and he loved a woman who didn’t love him.
“Don’t be, I’m not. Being in there was awful, but if it hadn’t happened I may have killed her or died myself. Instead, I got my best friend back; I got more friends and a family out of it. I also realized that blood and death doesn’t have to be my life. Loving her gave me a whole new life, a better one, and I wouldn’t change anything that happened in order to bring me to this point.”
She still felt as if she should comfort him in some way, but he didn’t look upset. He was an ancient man who was extremely aware of who and what he was. A man who was perfectly accepting of the twists and turns his life had taken.
“What is this mate thing you keep talking about?” she inquired.
“It’s an intense bond between vampires. They’re soul mates and can’t be separated from each other once the bond is completed through the exchange of blood and sex. If one mate dies, so does the other.”
Quinn’s hands wrapped around the edge of the countertop. “I see.”
“And I came to see Cassie was the same thing to me as Annabelle was to Devon. She showed me how to love again.”
“And maybe one day you will find your mate.”
A snort escaped him; a smile curved his luscious mouth. “Doubtful, but I’m quite content with living the single life. I may not be a killer anymore, but I’m certainly not a saint.”
“That’s for sure,” she muttered.
He released a small laugh before dropping into the chair again. “Now Quinn, I’ve told you my secrets, it’s time to hear the rest of yours. How did you become a vampire?”
“I’m sure you have plenty more secrets.”
“You’ve only asked for some of them, and I’ve already told you that if you would like to know every horrid, juicy detail of my life I will happily reveal all to you one day, but not today. Quit stalling and tell me, or I will take the answers from you.” His eyes burned as he leaned toward her. “I am not playing a game; I won’t allow my friend’s lives to be placed in jeopardy. I gave and now so shall you, one way or another.”
Quinn bristled over his highhanded attitude, but he was right. She’d asked for him to reveal his secrets, and he’d done so. For her to not return the favor was wrong but she’d been determined to never go down this road again.
“I don’t like threats,” she told him.
“I don’t like to give them, but I know you understand.”
“I do,” she said.
“Now, I’m guessing the vampire with mind control got to your cousin before they arrived at your door that night.”
“You think they knew we were Hunters.” She’d always suspected that, but it was the first time she’d said it aloud.
“They knew what you were,” Julian confirmed. “Or at least what your family was. I highly doubt they knew what you were. You wouldn’t be standing here if they did.”
She shuddered at the idea. “How would they know what we were?”
“The vampire with mind control was older; he’d have to be to accomplish what he did, but he somehow figured out you were Hunters. For years, many vamps didn’t look for Hunters and Guardians because The Elders had told them they were all wiped out during The Slaughter. With the death of The Elders, most now know it wasn’t true. How many of vampires came into your house?”
Her gaze went beyond him, but she didn’t see the wall there, she saw an entirely different scene. “Six.”
“What happened once they were inside the house?”
She closed her eyes and shuddered. Her hand instinctively went to the scar at her temple, her fingers traced over the puckered flesh. “They killed Barry first, and then they came for us. My power wasn’t as strong then, but I managed to give one a good enough zap that I sent him through the wall. The next one came at me with a bowie knife over a foot long. He sliced me across my temple first and slammed the handle of the knife into my skull. I was still trying to get my bearings from the blow, and I’m pretty sure a fractured skull, when he cut me from my lip to under my chin.”
Her fingers slid over the faded scar there. “I don’t remember falling, but the next thing I remember is him leaning over me and that knife plunging into my flesh, pinning me to the ground.” Her hand fell upon the scar beneath her sternum; she rested her palm there as the agony of the moment slid back over her. “Then, he took my hands and pinned each one of them to the ground with nearly identical knives, like I was nothing more than a bug. I will never forget his face, those eyes, or one single detail about him. I wi
ll find him one day, when I’m stronger, and I will make him pay for what he did to my family. I will destroy him.
“I laid there and listened to the slurping sounds of him feeding on me. The screams of my loved ones filled my ears, but there was nothing I could do as my blood seeped out of me and the world faded away,” she said. “And then I don’t remember anything else until I woke again. Dead.”